Downgraded: Any last smidgen of credibility for inflight radio interviews
If you’ve ever flipped through the inflight audio dial on American Airlines, you’ll know that there’s a channel (#9) devoted to “interviews.” University of Chicago economist and Freakonomics author Steve Levitt was invited to participate… for the low, low price of $3995.00. I honestly never gave those interviews advertorials much of a listen, but the participants pay-to-play? And for that much?? Wow. ZERO credibility. (Thanks, Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded, possibly: The international airport welcome wagon
The U.S. Senate has passed a bill expanding the “model airport” program to other international ports of entry.

In April, the DHS designated Houston’s Bush International Airport as the first “model” port of entry, adding multilingual signs and informational videos narrated in Spanish, French, German and English to guide arriving travelers through the customs and immigration process. Arriving visitors are also presented with a “Welcome to the U.S.” brochure.

Unclear if general tone of the arrivals halls will feel any less like a police station, what with the fingerprinting and generally gruff attitude of every employee, but here’s hoping it helps.

Downgraded: British Airways’ standing among royal Qataris
Members of Qatar’s royal family were kicked off a British Airways flight for not following safety procedures, when they refused to take their seats. Why wouldn’t they sit? “After boarding, the women complained about the seats they had been allocated because they were next to men they did not know.” Setting aside the culture clash: None of this would have happened if British Airways would actually allow advance seat assignments for passengers on fares lower than the most expensive tickets. (Given their seating concerns, I imagine the royals flew discounted business business class.)

Downgraded: Your privacy (who knew it could be downgraded more?)
Under an expanded security agreement between the US and the EU, gobs and gobs of personal data can and will be shared with governments. If asked, airlines will be required to hand over any information they collect from you. Ask for a king-size bed as part of your package? Homeland Security will know. (Via Consumerist)

Upgraded: TSA Chief Kip Hawley’s internet presence
Downgraded: Logical explanations
Security guru Bruce Schneier is running a multi-part interview with TSA Director Kip Hawley this week. The first part is here. Bruce questions the logic of the 3-ounce liquid restrictions, etc. I’m happy to see Hawley reaching out again, but some of the answers just don’t cut it. For example: “If a TSO finds you or the contents of your bag suspicious, you might get interviewed and/or have your bags more closely examined. If the TSO throws your liquids in the trash, they don’t find you a threat.” Huh? What? Read the whole thing.

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Airlines have long edited films for consumption aboard their aircraft (though they’re starting to show more movies uncut). But British Airways takes the cake in their latest editorial slice-and-dice of a movie: They’ve taken the latest James Bond film, Casino Royale, and edited it. Not to cut down the violence, but to delete a cameo by Richard Branson.

Why? Because Branson runs Virgin Atlantic, their competitor.

That’s amazingly petty. Poor sportsmanship. And just plain pathetic.

Branson does a brief cameo as a passenger who’s given the once-over by airport security. (A still from the film is above.) He requested the walk-on after providing the filmmakers a plane to use as a prop. In lieu of monetary compensation for the aircraft rental, he got to be in the picture. It’s good to be the king.

So if you’re flying on British Airways, and you’d like the full version of the (excellent) Casino Royale, you’ll have to buy the DVD(aff) and bring along the electronics.

(Separately, if you’ve never seen the original version(aff) of Casino Royale, which stars Peter Sellers, David Niven, and Woody Allen, you should. Each actor stars as James Bond — though technically Woody Allen’s character goes by “Jimmy Bond.” It’s a bizarre, trippy 1967 spoof of the spy movie franchise. Plus, the Henry Mancini soundtrack is fab.)

(Thanks to reader R.Y.!)

Upgraded: Poolside chairs
Honestly, this isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with, but at some resorts, pool chairs are at a premium. The result: Squatters. People actually get up crazy early to lay claim to their chairs. Now, hotels are fighting back against the “chair hogs.” Some have a waiting list. At others, you sacrifice your seat if you’re out of your seat for an hour. At the Peninsula Hotel in Bangkok, you only have a measly 15 minutes. That seems a bit aggressive. Better not actually swim!

Downgraded: Booze
This just breaks my heart: From October to January, the TSA at Miami Airport confiscated NINE TONS of liquids in containers exceeding 3 ounces. Primarily liquor and perfume. And that’s just at Miami Airport. So much booze, much of it purchased at duty free shops in the Caribbean, sitting in a storage locker, with no one to drink it. This is a national tragedy. I weep. Folks: If you’re arriving in the US and connecting to a domestic flight, you have to put your duty free liquor in the checked luggage. Or simply not buy it. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know.

Upgraded: No frills hotels
If no-frills flying is your cup of tea, then why not bring the discount airline vibe to your lodging? From the folks who brought you EasyJet and EasyCruise, the EasyHotel concept is expanding. Perhaps we’ll see it go the other direction someday. Motel 6 Airlines, anyone? (Or would that be Air 6?)

Upgraded: Movies on planes
It wasn’t just my impression: Airlines really are putting more unedited movies into the rotation. But it’s not just on the individually-controlled in-seat TVs, it’s hitting the old-school projectors, too. The key snippet, with a quote from United: “Since September, United has loosened its restrictions on what types of movies can be shown on jets equipped with overhead screens, which all passengers can see. When the airline played ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ in the fall, an R movie with some ear-curling rants by Alan Arkin, ‘We got a tremendous amount of positive feedback,’ Kovick said.”

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Rent an iPod inflight, catch up on Sabado Gigante
Here’s an airline that’s thinking outside the box: For about $5, Mexican discount airline Volaris will rent you an iPod loaded with Mexican TV shows and popular music. (American sitcoms y musica gringa coming soon.)

If Seinfeld ran an airport
Airport food is notoriously overpriced, but at least there’s food available, which is more than you can say for the departing planes. The latest entrant into the in-terminal dining segment: Cereality, the restaurant chain devoted entirely to cereal. Benet Wilson reports that a mini-version of the chain with limited selection opened at Newark Airport. A full-fledged restaurant, with 40 cereals and 40 toppings, opens at Chicago O’Hare (terminal 1, concourse B) soon. The idea is brilliant: Near-universally-liked food, HUGE profit margins.

Very superstitious, writing on the tail
Brussels Airlines’ logo consists of 13 dots that create a “B.” Superstitious passengers refuse to fly with the airline because of that number. Airline adding a 14th dot. Oy.

View the Opryland Glacier from your riverboat cruise ship?
Much like Nepal tourist advertising recently pictured photos that were actually in Peru, Tennessee’s promo materials were discovered to feature photos of mountain bikers in Alaska. Maybe Elvis is alive and well and living in Kodiak.

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The war on runway safety
Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport hasn’t worked out as everyone hoped, with cost overruns, insufficient bathrooms, and shoddy workmanship. But now, by virtue of its failure to renew its safety certificate, it’s officially unsafe. Runways have been plagued with cracks and debris. (You’ll be pleased to know that the airport is still operating as normal. Nice. Wouldn’t want to let safety get in the way of the schedule!)

The war on skycaps
Skycaps at Boston’s Logan Airport have filed a class action lawsuit against American Airlines. The suit alleges that the airline’s policy of charging $2 per bag for curbside check-in is cutting into the skycaps’ tips. Indeed, many people assume the fee goes to the skycap, but it actually goes to the airline. The fees exist at plenty of other airports and with plenty of other airlines. Will more skycaps organize and sue?

The war on horse meat
I really don’t know what to make of this. “American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said early Thursday afternoon that they had suspended transport of horse meat to overseas markets — mainly France, Belgium and Japan — where it is consumed.” Horse butchers are angry. It’s a long story.

The war on fusion cuisine
Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture will soon travel the world, inspecting Japanese restaurants and certifying their authenticity. I realize that this is as much cultural nationalism as it is a marketing device, but it’s moronic. California rolls aren’t authentic to Japan, but they’re a standard of sushi restaurants in America. Deal with it. It’s a globalized world, and the notion of a “pure” cultural product is a sham. And it’s been a sham for some time. We’ve been globalizing for hundreds of years. (The spice trade, anyone?) But if the Japanese taxpayer wants to pay for this culinary boondoggle, have at it. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

The war on broken in-flight entertainment
I get as irritated as the next guy when the audio-video system is broken on a long flight, but attacking the staff is probably not the way to go. Customers on board several Qantas aircraft that have been experiencing technical trouble with their video system “are becoming openly abusive and threatening” to flight attendants in flight. Not cool. Better bring a book.

The war for Delta
US Airways really, really, really, really, really wants to buy Delta. They’re now offering to raise their offer by another $1 billion if the creditors agree to postpone a meeting to discuss Delta’s in-house restructuring. Wake me up when this is over.

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Looking to boost revenue, jetBlue is planning to roll out a new set of items for sale in the cabin. While you’ll still get a free blanket and pillow, if you want a nicer one, you can pay $5.

Same plan for headsets. The basic model is free, while the nicer version will cost $1 more. I’m sure it’s not a Bose, Shure, or Sennheiser, but still.

The danger, of course, is that the quality of the free, basic models will gradually go down, in an effort to make the sale for the upgraded version. But at the end of the day, the airline is still offering these basics for free, unlike the low-cost carriers in Europe. (And heck, headsets cost money on most US carriers these days…)