Upgraded: Pancakes
Want to hide your junk from the TSA’s nude-o-scopes? Stuff pancakes made of explosives into your underwear. What?!

Upgraded, potentially: Star Alliance in Australia
Somewhat surprisingly, Virgin Blue is rumored to be interested in joining Star Alliance. Such a deal, if real, would likely make a pan-global Virgin alliance moot. So much for that theory. But for Star Alliance fans, a Virgin Blue tie-up would really open up a wide range of Australian destinations.

Upgraded, barely: US Airways lifetime status
US Airways has joined its peers and rolled out a lifetime elite level. One-million miles flown on US Airways flights yields only lowest-tier status, with Star Silver status attached. And it’s not even for life — you have to maintain activity at least every three years to retain the status. Pfft. Other airlines offer a much better deal. (Especially AA, among the US-based airlines, which counts all earned miles, and not just flown miles, when calculating million-miler status.) For a nice rundown of the various airlines’ million-miler options, see the Global Traveller’s breakdown.

Downgraded: Venezuelan humor
Unclear if this is truth or fiction, but a flight attendant was allegedly detained by Venezuelan authorities for announcing the time at the destination as “local Chavez time.” Chavez time? “In December 2007, Venezuela created its own time zone, moving the clock back half an hour on a permanent basis, and according to the U.S. embassy report, ‘the crew member was likely trying to remind passengers of this and to suggest they turn their watches back 30 minutes.’”

US Airways is rebranding their Dividend Miles program as “GoAwards” and making the miles worth less. What a shock.

This should come as no surprise, given that US Airways’ Dividend Miles program had a more generous redemption structure than Star Alliance partner United. The US Airways release says nothing about partner awards — we await the next shoe to drop — but you should expect a similar scale. (For the time being, newbie alliance member Continental is the go-to carrier for cashing in alliance awards now.)

The biggest change is the introduction of two additional tiers of awards. Instead of the old “saver” and “standard” awards, the new program introduces “Off-peak,” “Low, “Medium,” and “High.” Delta added a third tier to their program recently; US Airways now has four. Whoo. As the names imply, the cost will vary according to the desirability of those dates.

As per the FAQs, the discounted “off peak” seats are available in a small window: “Off-peak awards are available from North America to Central America, Mexico and the Caribbean September 1 – 30; to South America May 1- 31 and October 1 – 31; and to Europe January 15 – February 28.”

So, while a saver business class award from the US to Europe now costs 80,000, it will soon cost either 60,000, 100,000, 200,000, or a whopping 350,000 miles, depending on the dates. And those 60,000 mile off-peak seats are only available for six weeks in winter. OUCH. And what are the odds that the 100,000 seats aren’t much more readily available?

The new program into effect January 6, 2010. Check the old award chart. Then compare to the new award chart. See where you stand. And if you can, book now.

Especially if you’re taking advantage of the great deal on purchased miles I posted about last week, as reader Chris notes in the comments.

Also, Preferred members of the program will not be exempted from blackout dates, of which there are several, though, oddly, they are different from the current program’s blackout dates.

This is a disappoint. Not a surprise, given United and Delta’s recent devaluations, but a disappointment nonetheless.

Periodically, US Airways runs a sale on buying their frequent flyer miles. Usually, buying miles is no bargain. But when they offer you double the miles for the same price…

Over at View from the Wing, the bottom line is clear:

With this offer you can buy 40,000 miles for $1030, get 80,000 miles in return, and fly business class from the US to Europe. Or if you and a friend each have 40,000 miles, you transfer to each other for $430 apiece, and you now both have 80,000 miles — enough for a business class Star Alliance partner award to Europe.

And don’t forget that US Airways doesn’t block Star Alliance partner flights like United does. This is a great deal, and a great way to book a complex ticket in business class at a low price.

Downgraded: Continental and US Airways add international luggage fees
Following in the steps of American Airlines and British Airways, Continental and US Airways have now also added a fee for a second checked bag on international flights. US Airways also bumped up the fee for domestic luggage fees by $5 per bag.

Upgraded: Japanese car rentals
Travelers renting a car in Japan can now reserve a wireless enabled netbook for about $10 per day. The company, Oryx, includes the cost of the wireless service.

Downgraded: Blaming the victim
A Stamford, Connecticut franchisee operating under the Marriott name stupidly and offensively blamed one of its customers, saying she “‘failed to exercise due care’ before she was raped at gunpoint in front of her children in a hotel parking garage.” Stay classy, Stamford Marriott! Now, the Marriott mothership is distancing itself from the words (and legal strategy) of its franchisee.

Upgraded: JetBlue-Lufthansa partnership
It took a while — I blogged about the possibility of an alliance partnership back in December 2007 — but JetBlue and Lufthansa are finally talking about codesharing. The consequences will be interesting. I’m particularly interested to see if Lufthansa will be selling JetBlue segments on tickets to destinations served as well by Star Alliance members United and US Airways.

Downgraded: SkyEurope
SkyEurope, a European (duh) discount airline, has ceased all operations. This was the airline that at one point offered to pay its customers to fly with them. R.I.P.

Downgraded: Enterprise Rent-a-Car
Rental cars typically don’t have a great reputation, and this doesn’t help: Enterprise saved money on its rental fleet by requesting that GM delete safety features — features that were otherwise standard. The savings per vehicle: $175. 66,000 Chevrolet Impalas without side curtain airbags were rented out, and then subsequently sold as used vehicles.

Normally I don’t advocate buying frequent flier miles, as they’re overpriced and not always redeemable. But sometimes, a deal is just too good to pass up. And now there’s a sale.

Gary Leff does the math. US Airways is offering a short-term 50% discount on purchased frequent flier miles, which means you pay 1.25 cents per mile plus a $30 processing fee. If you pay for 50,000 miles, you get 100,000 miles credited to your account. (Alas, you can’t get more than a 50k bonus.)

That means a business-class ticket to Europe from North America — including a stopover, or an open-jaw — costs only $1030. (It costs 80,000 miles for the ticket, but you buy 40,000 miles, plus bonus, for that price.) That’s a great deal, especially if you have a better airline in the mix (Singapore Airlines, for example…) I wouldn’t get too excited if my only options were for redemptions on US Airways themselves.

Before you do anything like that, check to see the availability of award tickets on US Airways’ Star Alliance partners. Japan’s ANA, a Star Alliance member, shows award inventory on their website across all their partners. That’s a very, very useful feature.

If you’re not a member of their program, Mileage Club, join; it’s free, and you’ll be able to search award availability, even if you don’t have any miles banked with ANA.

Gather your data, then buy your miles, then call US Airways to book. The bonus ends August 15, 2009.

Hats off to Gary for the find.

Downgraded: Airborne
I’ve always found the boxes of Airborne nutritional supplements to be silly (a healthcare product that proudly proclaims it’s “created by a schoolteacher!”). But now, they’ve been forced to change their packaging. Gone are the germs, the sick people, and the claim to prevent inflight illness.

Downgraded: Airline maintenance
A frightening report on outsourced aircraft maintenance companies, where some staff can’t read the instructions. Shudder… (via Consumerist)

Downgraded: First class on Qantas
Like everyone else, Australia’s Qantas is feeling the pinch. First class has been removed from flights to San Francisco, Buenos Aires and Melbourne-Hong Kong-London routes. Not much of a loss, really, since business class is where the action is.

Upgraded: the environment
A positive side effect of the economic slowdown: Fewer flights means less pollution.

Upgraded: US Airways luggage delivery
The passengers whose flight landed in the Hudson River have gotten their luggage and belongings back, including things left behind on the seats. Nice! I just hope that getting your stuff doesn’t always require such dramatic landings…

Upgraded: Momondo
Danish airfare aggregator (reviewed here previously) just got an upgrade, by including Ryanair fares in its searches. That’s a big change for the ultra-discounter, which has kept its fares exclusively on its own website until now.

Downgraded: Exit rows on Qantas
Qantas will start charging an extra fee for the exit rows. They’re not the first, but still, annoying. (Thanks, Rob!)

Downgraded: Business sense
If a business model failed miserably for Skybus, I’m sure it’ll work just fine a year later, in a significantly worse financial climate, right? Right? JetAmerica, a new startup, is trying out the Skybus model themselves, with 9 seats for $9 on every flight. Minneapolis and Newark are the biggest destinations, but the operations are run through Toledo. Cranky has the rundown. Who wants to start the bankruptcy countdown pool?