So United and Continental got an unconditional green light from the European Union to merge their operations. This was hardly a surprise — the antitrust review by the U.S. government is far more relevant, given the greater domestic competition between the currently-separate carriers.

It’s not clear if it’s coincidence or providence, but United is “celebrating” by offering a free alcoholic beverage to each passenger in Economy Plus from August 6 to 16.

But don’t let the free drinks distract you. The real issue is the merger going forward, and what that means for customers. And while there are no concrete changes being announced, there are telegraphed changes through the shifts in the management lineup.

While the Continental CEO will be at the helm of the combined firm, the frequent flier program will be managed by a United executive. United execs also take the COO and CIO position. (I just hope that the CIO adopts more of continental.com than united.com…)

So, in all likelihood, the mileage program will look more like MileagePlus than OnePass. Gary Leff has speculated some on the direction that the program will take under the merged airline, and I agree fully with his assessments. Most importantly, during a transition period immediately following merger, the two programs will likely feature the best of both worlds.

Check out Gary’s comments for a glimpse into what will likely happen on the mileage front.

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Downgraded: The mile-high club
That’s what airlines need in order to survive the economic downturn: Hookers! “Federal prosecutors in Pennsylvania say [Roger] Sedlak used a non-existent airline, dubbed CQ Air, to arrange sex-for-cash trysts in hotels across state lines.” The thing is, the airline wasn’t entirely non-existent: “According to a grant application for federal funding, CQ Air sought $100,000, which included $75,000 from the Federal Aviation Authorities AA and $12,500 each from two counties. There was no sign it ever started and the federal government is calling it a bogus operation.”

Upgraded: Mile-high club, part deux
Downgraded: Marketing!
Free flights for taking off your clothes? Yes, a cheesy marketing gimmick is giving away 999 pairs of intra-European tickets for those who show up near-naked somewhere in central London. Oddly, for an unnamed airline. I’m sure some marketing agency thinks they’re being “edgy” or “buzzworthy” with this schtick. And yeah, I’m writing about it, so you could argue that I’m feeding into it. But since I can’t even write about their client who’s sponsoring the semi-nudity, it sure seems like a failure to me.

Upgraded: Midwest Airlines miles
Midwest Airlines passengers have long been able to use their miles on Northwest, and vice versa. Now that Northwest is part of Delta, that partnership is applicable to Delta flights as well.

Downgraded: International flights
Cash cow no more… United and Delta are cutting back further the number of international flights on their schedule. The planes that had previously been full of premium-cabin travelers are now flying empty up front. With i-bankers relegated to coach, the flights aren’t profitable any longer.

United must have a lot of empty seats on its transatlantic flights this spring. Via an e-mail to Mileage Plus members, the airline is announcing that frequent flyer tickets between the US and Europe are being discounted by 15,000 miles for travel through May 14, 2009.

Blackout dates: April 6, 2009 – April 15, 2009, both directions of travel. Tickets must be booked online at united.com (so no Star Alliance partner routings, or connections to smaller cities served by United’s partners.)

This is a great deal. The full list of European cities served: Amsterdam (AMS), Brussels (BRU), Frankfurt (FRA), Geneva (GVA), London (LHR), Moscow (DME), Munich (MUC), Paris (CDG), Rome (FCO), and Zurich (ZRH). Full terms and conditions are here.

Downgraded: United unplugs customer complaint phone line
The Indian call center that took United Airlines passenger compliments or complaints is being shut down, in favor of going entirely e-mail. “United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski said the airline is able to respond better to customers who write, since they often include more detail, making it possible to provide a more specific response.” Not to mention that sending a form letter response is faster than having a real conversation. And I’m positive every disgruntled passenger appreciates the convenience of requiring them to take the time to write, rather than make a quick call from the road… Sure.

Upgraded: Transatlantic deals on Virgin Atlantic
Virgin Atlantic has a great sale going on right now over the pond, with economy fares as low as $453 round trip including taxes, and premium economy for as low as $675. Best part: No advance purchase. Buy today, leave today! But fares aren’t just last-minute fares, either. But no summer fares. You’ll find the cheapest prices from Feb 11, 2009 – Mar 22, 2009 or Oct 22, 2009 – Nov 30, 2009.

Downgraded: $0 airfares
I’ve always felt that companies should honor the prices they publish. And in an era of airlines that pay you to fly them, why wouldn’t a passenger think that a $0 airfare (plus taxes) was legit? Alas, tickets booked on Northwest at that last Wednesday fare aren’t being honored, unless the passengers are already mid-trip.

Upgraded: Inflight wi-fi live on Southwest
If you’re flying Southwest today (Wednesday, Feb. 11), check to see if you’re flying on aircraft #901. It’s the first plane equipped with inflight wi-fi. The plane is routed OAK-ONT-PHX-SAN-OAK-SNA-PHX-OAK-PHX. And while the service is being tested, the wi-fi is free.

Downgraded: Reading, Geography, Responsibility
A Thomas Cook travel agent mistakenly booked a passenger to San Juan, Puerto Rico, instead of San Jose, Costa Rica. SJU instead of SJO. Bad mistake. But didn’t the traveler bear any responsibility to check the tickets — or heck, figure this out at the departure airport?? I love her quote, though: “I looked around the airport, saw posters of Puerto Rico everywhere, and thought: ‘What am I going to do? Where is Puerto Rico? Where am I?’” Yes, “where is Puerto Rico.”

Downgraded: Surprise
Headline: “Surprising number of companies cut travel spending.” Umm, “surprising”? Have USA Today’s editors been so insulated from the economic crisis that they’re shocked that travel spending is cut back?

Upgraded: Refunds on Spirit Airlines
Spirit Airlines, perhaps America’s most hated airline, gives refunds to its passengers after all! But only under special circumstances… like being rebooked onto a flight that ditches into the Hudson River. Actually, no, that wasn’t enough:

Rob and Jeff Kolodjay were scheduled to fly on Spirit Airlines to a golf vacation with four other friends on Thursday out of LaGuardia in New York City. Their flight got cancelled, and they were rebooked onto US Airways flight 1549. When they tried to cancel the return tickets on Spirit they could not use because they never made it to Myrtle Beach, the company representative insisted on charging them a [$90] cancellation fee.

Wait, Spirit rebooks passengers onto other airlines? Who knew? Amazing!

But as for the cancellation fee, the airline eventually reversed itself. Only after the passengers got the local news reporters involved. Stay classy, Spirit! (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Promises and threats of Ryanair in the USA
Ultra-cheapo Ryanair has been threatening to fly trans-Atlantic again. This time, from Ireland to … Niagara Falls! Ryanair promises/threatens a route over the Atlantic on a six-month cycle, it seems. And it never materializes. Let me know when they start actually flying this one…

Upgraded: Wi-fi on United, unless you’re a Chicagoan, apparently
I’m amused by this take-down of the introduction of inflight wi-fi on selected United Airlines flights by Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism website. United is putting the $12.95 service on its JFK-SFO and JFK-LAX “p.s.” service. Notably not included: Chicago flights. The article’s negative angle toward the service may betray some sour grapes…

Downgraded: Luxury
It’s barely open for six months, but the Arctic Club Hotel in Seattle has “decided to no longer be a luxury hotel, and said that downscaling will help it attract more customers.” Their new target is the AAA 3-diamond level, and they’re hoping to partner with a major chain. Welcome to the new austerity.

Upgraded: Hassles for the obese Canadian traveler
Canada’s Supreme Court ruled recently that obese passengers could not be forced to buy a second seat. The court reaffirmed the Department of Transport’s “one person, one seat” directive. Air Canada and WestJet, Canada’s top airlines, in turn decided that passengers would need a doctor’s note declaring the passenger “disabled as a result of their obesity,” and not simply too large to feel comfortable in an airline seat, if they wanted the exemption from paying a second fare. Now Canadian doctors are complaining that the airlines are overburdening the medical system with the requirement for notes. I smell a lawsuit brewing.

Downgraded: Parking lot firepower
Not so smart: Driving to LAX with a trunk full of guns and ammunition. 16 firearms, 1000 rounds. Including one assault rifle. To the driver’s credit, the weapons were locked in separate containers from the ammunition, and he claims he was licensed for everything, but what kind of genius brings that kind of firepower to the airport?

Upgraded: Florida deals for DC residents who dislike inaugurations
Barack Obama is being sworn in as president on Tuesday, January 20, and Washington, DC will be mayhemic. Plus, hotels in the area are gouging their customers booked with record rates. (2-star hotels fifty miles away from the district for $550/night? Get real.) But rooms are marked down in Amelia Island, Florida, where hotels are trying to attract residents of the DC area who either want to avoid the congestion — or who just don’t like the new president.

Downgraded: United elite status duration
United has shaved a month off the validity of their frequent flyer elite status. Reader Craig writes in:

I opened up my new [United Airlines Mileage Plus] premier exec card yesterday and noticed that instead of expiring at the end of February 2010, it expires at the end of January. Also looking at the brochure that accompanies the card they have eliminated the Elite Choice reward at 40k miles. These are minor things, but still.

Indeed. Status used to last 14 months — January 1 through the next year’s February. Now, it’s 13 months. Lucky, lucky 13.