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Downgraded: Short flights on United
Watching United and US Airways devalue their frequent flyer programs is like watching a tennis match, with the two players volleying back and forth. Every time one airline does something, the other does it a few weeks later. Lather, rinse, repeat. The latest: After US Airways did it a few weeks ago, United Airlines is eliminating the 500-mile minimum mileage earned. In an e-mail to customers, UA wrote:

Beginning July 1, 2008, for flights of less than 500 miles, passengers will earn redeemable miles equal to the actual miles flown. Elite Qualifying Miles (EQM) will also be awarded based on actual miles. Elite Qualifying Segments (EQS) are not affected. This new mileage accrual structure will apply to travel on or after July 1, 2008, regardless of when the travel was ticketed.

This affects road warriors who park their butts in seats on short flights most. It sure slows the trip on the road to elite status, or to that free ticket.

Update: The rules are now online, here. Thanks, Benet and Antonio!

Upgraded: Hassle
The agents of the Customs and Border Protection Service have 60 different reasons to deny a person entry into the United States, “at the discretion of border agents,” even if visitors have a valid ticket and don’t require a visa. “Looking at me funny” might be one of them, as an Italian visitor found out, ending up in the slammer for 10 days without charges. At what point is the appeal of travel to the United States — especially in light of the low dollar — outweighed by the government-paranoia BS factor?

Downgraded: Airspeed
Upgraded: Fuel efficiency
Think flights are moving a little slower lately? You may be right. Airlines are slowing down the engines and saving fuel in the process. Example: “Cutting the speed on a Northwest Minneapolis to Paris flight from 542 mph to 532 mph adds 8 minutes in flying time but reduces fuel consumption by 162 gallons, saving the airline around $535.”

United Airlines is raising the fee it charges if you want to change your ticket. The fee goes up from $100 to $150.

This is the fee paid whenever you want to alter anything about a non-refundable ticket. And if the new ticket you’re looking for comes in at a higher price, you still have to pay the difference on top of that.

While it’s a sizable jump, I’m not as irked by this fee as I am by other fees. It’s a “per-use” fee, affecting only those passengers who need to avail themselves of its terms. Sure, it would be nice if there were no such fees. But it would be nice to have a pony, too. (Well, maybe the pony isn’t such a hot idea, now that I think about it.)

The airlines are obviously looking for ways to pull in some revenue. With oil getting close to $120 a barrel, they have to pay for that fuel somehow. Multiple price hikes are one way, but fees for luggage, skycaps, aisle seats, and itinerary changes are several others.

The $64,000 question remains: At what point does air travel become too expensive for travelers, both business and leisure? At what point do airlines’ price and fee hikes kill demand? We’re not there yet, but I have the sense that we’re getting closer. And if demand dies, we’ll see some more bankruptcies, for sure.

(Hat tip to Benet Wilson!)

Update: It’s confirmed.

Bonus nugget in the linked article: UA is also re-introducing the Saturday-night-stay requirement for many fares, which adds restrictions to cheaper fares. Oh well. What was I just saying about demand?

The merger insider
Holly Hegeman’s red phone rang, and a trusted insider gave her this update on the United-Continental merger rumors. It’s on.

…the bulk of the existing United Airlines brand will continue to be used internationally, but Continental will take over the domestic operation for the most part. Other details we were told included the fact that there has already been a transition team put together. The deal will be announced after Delta/Northwest goes public. There will initially be a holding company set up to run both airlines. This operation will continue for three-five years. This will allow for a “smoother transition” from the two airlines into one operation.

But what happens if Delta-Northwest doesn’t go through, as it’s now hit a labor-related snag?

The “holding company” concept is one I expected when merger speculation first arose. Much like Air France and KLM operate separately under one company, it looks like the same idea is in the cards for the United-Continental merger, at least to start. But the merger looks like it’s on. Oh well.

Is that “going #3″?
Best opening paragraph in a while:

A newborn baby girl survived an ignoble birth after slipping down the toilet bowl of a moving Indian train onto the tracks when a pregnant woman unexpectedly gave birth while relieving herself on Tuesday.

Bad karma? Or a moral social stand?
Fighting the trend of tipping in American society seems like a losing battle, but the WSJ’s Eric Felten argues against the tip jar at Starbucks. It’s a good read.

Less than 1 cent per mile? No thanks.
I was going to comment that Delta’s new policy that allows you to use SkyMiles to buy a ticket based on the cost of the ticket, rather than the origin and destination, was generally a bad deal, and that it was an other salvo in their devaluation of the mileage currency. But Gary Leff and Tim Winship have already argued this point forcefully, so I’ll let them speak for me. I’ll just nod in agreement.

Misspellings go multinational
My disdain for the name “SimplyWheelz” is not enough to stop the brand from spreading. Hertz’s low-cost car rental subsidiary is expanding beyond Orlando to Alicante and Malaga, Spain, with sales channels targeting British and German tourists.

An old favorite: Fly first class at coach prices
One of this blog’s longstanding favorite subjects, the Y-UP fare, which books into economy but seats you in first class, gets a fresh look from Rick Seaney. The usual caveat applies: Y-UP may be cheaper than walkup regular-economy fares, but they’ll rarely ever beat out a cheapo fare purchased months ago. Nonetheless, it’s always worth a search.

Unscheduled landings stink, but especially internationally
Being diverted to another airport? Never fun. Being stuck on the plane? Never fun. Being diverted, and then stuck on a plane, because you’ve just landed in a different country? Even less fun. Just ask the Qantas passengers who were stuck on the plane during an unscheduled mechanical pit stop in India. (Thanks, Rob!)

Travelers on United Airlines will now have to pay $25 if they check a second bag, unless they’re Star Alliance Silver-level elite frequent flyer members or higher. (That includes the entry-level elite status of Premier on United.) But for an airline that portrays itself as somehow “premium,” this is another in a long series of devaluations and degradations. United has been on a downward slope since it emerged from bankruptcy. This just reaffirms it.

The charge will generate more than $100 million in revenue and cost savings each year, UAL Corp. said. The change takes effect May 5 and applies to tickets purchased on or after Monday.

Soon, United will be indistinguishable from Spirit or Skybus, except with some 747s, an international schedule, and Channel 9 on their audio program.

Thanks to the commenter with the appropriately sarcastic nom-de-plume of “Friendly Skies”, to the ever-vigilant reader J, and to the lovely and talented Kim for sending in this tip.

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Downgraded: Monkey life-chances
I really can’t add more than this fine opening sentence: “A small monkey stashed in a man’s hat during a flight to New York has died, but federal health authorities don’t know why.”

Upgraded: Vengeful idiots
A passenger who missed his Southwest Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Hartford decided to tell the airline that a bomb was on board. How nice. After an emergency landing in Omaha, no bomb was found on board flight 1018. If ever anyone deserved to be put on the no-fly list, it’s this guy. Class act.

Downgraded: Skybus
Many airlines cancel flights due to mechanical issues, but when you don’t have a lot of planes to begin with, the effects are multiplied. No-frills upstart Skybus canceled 18 flights over two days, when two of its planes were grounded. 1000 people were affected.

Downgraded: United
United canceled hundreds of flights, mostly out of O’Hare, this past week, blaming the weather. The only problem is that the weather wasn’t the problem. According to the pilots’ union and media reports, it’s short-staffing. Other airlines weren’t hit the same way, on similar routes, so it’s fair to question the company’s weather-related excuses. For those travelers who were affected, though, this is one of those instances where your rights vary, depending on the reason for the delay. If it was staffing, then United should have rebooked passengers on other airlines (Rule 240). But if the airline can blame the weather, then passengers are out of luck. So guess which one the company is blaming?

Bonus: 180 passengers got evacuated after a United 757 got stuck in the mud when it made a wrong turn in Kansas City.

Upgraded: Malls, pretending to be airports
This past week, I visited the Natick Mall in Massachusetts, where I stopped in at the American Express Cardmembers’ Lounge. I had heard of these mall lounges before, but it was my first time seeing it live and in color. Sure enough, it’s like a medium-sized airport lounge, with free cofee drinks, snacks, magazines, internet access, and a phone charging station. But unlike airports, this lounge has free gift wrapping services. A nice complimentary perk for Amex cardholders, even those who aren’t paying annual fees. Unfortunately, the lounges close on December 31. I truly wonder what it ended costing Amex to run this thing.

Upgraded: The IRS
People apparently would rather pay their taxes than submit to airport security. The TSA ranked lower than the IRS in a satisfaction survey. (FEMA ranked even lower, after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco.)

Upgraded: The Dangers of Pie
Add another reason why the TSA isn’t winning the popularity contests. Once again, this holiday season, people transporting pies were given a hard time at airport security checkpoints. This happened before, and TSA Director Kip Hawley declared that pie was not a liquid. But apparently, it could still be a plastic explosive. I give up. (Thanks, Jess!)

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How to add injury to insult: Five United Airlines employees at O’Hare Airport, who were working on the Thanksgiving holiday, seemingly got food poisoning from the airline-sponsored turkey dinner.

The likely culprit? Turkey that didn’t “smell quite right.”

(The airline-food joke is just too easy. It’s just sitting there. You’re thinking it, I know.)

On the bright side, perhaps the employees will get worker’s comp as well as overtime. Whoo.

It was a well-meant gesture on the company’s part, and an effort to mend fences with a thoroughly disgruntled group of employees. Well-played.

Despite their nausea, three of the five nauseous employees returned to work. Something tells me they weren’t picking at the leftovers in the staff lounge later that day.

(Thanks to reader J!)

Thanksgiving is almost upon us. And I’m giving thanks that I’m not traveling this holiday. But in the spirit of the season, how about an upgrade/downgrade cornucopia:

Downgraded: Hooters Style
Kyla Ebbert, the Southwest miniskirt bandit, has posed for Playboy. Glad to know she wasn’t in it for the publicity. Nah, never… What took her so long?

Upgraded: Carry-on rules for UK travel
The UK may — may — allow passengers to have more than one carry-on item again, if airports demonstrate their ability to handle the load. If they pass muster, airports will be greenlighted starting January 7, 2008.

Upgraded: Weight-based airfare proposals
An Australian doctor is proposing airfare based on your weight. Not a particularly practical policy for advance purchases, but heck, hotels have tried it, so why not.

Downgraded: American Airlines’ flight tracking
What did AA do to keep up with the list of 130 diverted flights on December 29, 2006? It kept a list on a legal-sized notepad. Way to work the high tech! (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Elitism on Greyhound
Greyhound, taking a page from the Skybus playbook, is charging $5 for early boarding on its buses. It’s not a bus with free wifi, but it’s a start, I guess.

Downgraded: Merger Mania
Yes, Delta and United are in play for a merger. Sure, Delta said the airlines weren’t talking. But their stockholders (hedge funds) were. So who the heck knows if this will actually happen. We’ve seen this thing before (United-Continental? US Airways-Delta?) and it hasn’t happened. Bottom line: airlines are making record profits, despite record fuel prices, and yet they still keep arguing for a need to cut capacity and raise fares, which is most easily effected through a merger. This makes no sense on so many levels. I remain opposed to airline mergers, like a broken record.

Next thing to worry about in flight: Ozone
Like “sick building syndrome,” you can now start worrying about the plane’s air. But not because of the germs. It’s the ozone. Not holes in the ozone layer, either, but ozone levels in the cabin. Most interestingly, narrow-body flights are more prone than wide-body planes to higher ozone levels. Yet another reason to love the jumbos.

Korean Air shows off its Airbus A380 interiors
Singapore Airlines may be the first airline to fly the A380 mega-uber-hyper-super-jumbo-jet (and tickets are finally on sale for Sydney-Singapore flights, which start October 25, by the way), but you can get a photo tour of Korean Air’s A380. Lavender??! Who’s their interior designer? Yuck! (Thanks, Jeff!)

First class fare sale… if you’re traveling tomorrow
I know that airlines like to put out the e-fares and net-savers for weekend travel, but this offer from United struck me as odd. First class fares are on sale for travel on Saturday, September 15 only. Fly there in first, fly back in coach, savor the difference? Fares are less than regular paid first, but the bulk of fares are for really short flights where paying cash money for first class is bonkers.

Business class fare sales to Europe
All-business class L’Avion is flying Newark to Paris for $1398 roundtrip, pre-tax. Maxjet is doing London to New York or DC for $998, also roundtrip, also pre-tax. Both are through the end of 2007, but not every date may be available. (Thanks, Michelle!)

More dangerous shirts
I don’t know what to make of this. “Your liver is evil. It must be punished.” Har har har. But Continental Airlines wasn’t laughing when they kept Edna and Frank Taylor from getting onboard, because of that shirt. What’s with this “What Not to Wear” airline trend?

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Upgraded: Your luggage in 25 minutes or less or your pizza is free
United’s revised customer commitment (the “promise” which airlines keep revising to try to head off a passenger’s bill of rights) has been changed, with the airline pledging to get customers their checked bags within 25 minutes of arriving at the gate. Of course, there are no consequences for missing that deadline, but still, glad to hear that they’re setting a benchmark. Beats American Airlines’ technique of simply tacking 7 minutes onto every scheduled flight time, to make flights look more “on-time.” Classy!

Separately: One thing I’m happy to see survive the revision at United: the 24-hour penalty-free cancellation policy.

Upgraded: Passengers’ bravado
Speaking of luggage, a Tacoma, Washington, couple has sued British Airways for losing its luggage. And that suit could gain class action status, representing “American British Air [sic] travelers who flew internationally between Sept. 5, 2005, and Wednesday [September 5, 2007].” (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Helicopter fares to the airport
Downgraded: Helicopter business plans
U.S. Helicopter isn’t making the fat bank that they were hoping for. Their SEC filings include the warning that they may not be able to continue as a “going concern.” So what do they do? Fare sale! New Yorkers rejoice: $99 to JFK or Newark. Faster than a cab, for (nearly) the same price.

Upgraded: Memories of Hooters Air
Remember Hooters Air, the airline that featured flight attendants AND Hooters Girls onboard? If you think I’m kidding, you’re wrong. It existed. Seriously. 23-year old student and Hooters waitress Kyla Ebbert got kicked off a Southwest plane for wearing a skirt that was too short for the flight attendant. A bit overzealous? And now she’s milking the notoriety: She was on the freakin’ Today Show. Slow news day. So she showed a bit of leg (and maybe a little more). Note that Southwest flight attendants often wear shorts, and that’s usually more leg than I want to see from my front-line airline staff. (Thanks to reader J!)

Downgraded: The letter V
CondeNast writer Sarah Kerr offers her “awards” for the best travel related movies. And she calls her awards the “Travies.” Not to be confused with the “Travvies,” the travel blog awards. One letter V makes all the difference. I hereby insist that the film awards be pronounced “TRAY-vees.” See you in court, Sarah! (I kid, I kid.)

Upgraded (or Downgraded?): Silverjet wants to fly to Heathrow
Silverjet, the all-business class airline (a la Maxjet or L’Avion) already flies Newark to London-Luton. Now they want to fly to Heathrow. But to do that, they’ll need to merge or partner with another airline. This could be interesting: It would be the first of the all-business class airlines to merge with another party — presumably a legacy airline. Might be a way for a down-on-their-luck American carrier to pick up some sassy trans-Atlantic action?

Upgraded: FlightStats
FlightStats.com, which offers the most comprehensive suite of real-time flight information on the web, has added live-updating Google maps. Now, I still think that FlightAware’s maps are a little sexier for those looking to track a flight graphically. But FlightStats’ gate-arrival information is more relevant to travelers. I’ll still keep both sites in the toolkit.

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I’ve been encountering US Airways a bit lately, and it hasn’t always been fun. A function of my recent move to North Carolina, perhaps. Hard to avoid US Airways in these parts. But having previously observed that United-US Airways codesharing and cooperation aren’t living up to their hype, I’m still convinced that these two Star Alliance partners aren’t working well together, and need to shape up their cooperation.

The breakdown of cooperation starts with the little things, right at the time of purchase: Why can’t the US Airways website allow me to enter my United frequent flyer number in the reservation? They’re both in Star Alliance, and other Star Alliance carriers let you choose from a range of different frequent flyer options.

Update: The option to add other airlines’ frequent flyer numbers is back on the US Airways site. Not sure what was missing when I booked, but it’s there now. Yay!

Admittedly, other sites have similar issues, especially third party booking sites — Orbitz, I’m looking at you. I bought a ticket on Orbitz recently when no one else would sell me that particular itinerary at a lower price. Again, no option to enter a partner airline’s frequent flyer account. I could enter a US Airways account number, or nothing at all. This limitation isn’t isolated to Star Alliance, either. If you, say, book a British Airways ticket, you can only enter a British Airways frequent flyer number, and not an American Airlines number. (Expedia is much more flexible with frequent flyer accounts.) Alliances and partnerships aren’t new, people! Give us the option!

The cooperation breakdown continues at check-in: My wife bought a United-coded ticket for an all-US Airways flight on United.com (the UA-coded ticket was cheaper) but when she got to the airport to check in, she was told that the ticket wasn’t paid for. Apparently, United hadn’t transmitted the funds to US Airways, and the ticket was still listed as reserved, not issued. Her United receipt (and credit card statement) showed that it was indeed paid, but until the ticket number was manually entered into the computer record, she wasn’t getting a boarding pass.

This is stupid. I know there are incredible complexities that arise when large organizations attempt to integrate or link their data systems, but if the increasing frequency of these kinks is any indication, the problems are getting worse with time, not better.

Related:
- Star Alliance out of alignment: Are United and US Airways fighting codeshare wars?
- Update: US Airways and United codeshare conundrums
- Confused by codeshares? Sue!

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Reader Joanna writes:

Is it worth paying an extra $20 to get an extra 1000 miles? United has a deal where you pay the fee and get bonus miles. My husband and I are hoping to fly to France next year, and we could use the extra miles. What do you think?

$20 for 1000 miles means two cents per mile… that’s about what miles should be worth. That’s my minimum-value target for cashing in miles, though I try for higher. Most folks get a lot less per mile than that, if they cash in their miles at all.

(See here for a breakdown of how miles are valued.)

United’s offer is a discount to their normal “miles-for-sale” offer, so it’s an upgrade from that. But it’s not really a steal.

A year ago, Northwest Airlines started an identical offer. (They called it “supersizing.”)

My advice: Only pay up for this offer if you KNOW you are about to cash in miles for something, and you’re just shy of the “free” ticket. And use it only — only! — as a last ditch effort to bump up the account. Don’t use it to hoard. It’s not always easy to cash in your points, so you don’t want to just pay money willy-nilly to an airline. And if you’re effectively pre-paying for that “free” ticket. For most people, the offer isn’t worth it.

(gratuitous image of Three Mile Island lamp… Three MILE… get it… har har har…)

Like trying to determine the bottom in a sliding stock market, trying to figure out precisely when an airline’s in-flight service has hit rock-bottom is difficult, if not impossible, especially when you’re in the middle of the turmoil. Months or years later, you can look back and wisely nod, “Yes, that’s the precise moment when they could go no lower.” But when you’re in the moment? Much, much trickier. But I think I’ve found the indicator that signals the bottom:

Shampooing the carpets.

Hear me out.

Every so often, an airline announces that it has found religion, so to speak, and that it will start cleaning its planes more often. With minor fanfare, airlines announce that they are ramping up their “deep cleaning” schedule. It’s only worth mentioning when things have gotten so bad that passengers start to revolt. It’s sad that it comes to that point, where budget cuts make these cleanings so rare that the space between the seats looks like a miniature landfill.

Delta made such an announcement last October, and that was around the time that things started improving. Sure enough: Improvements to in-flight service started being announced, new premium cabins, etc.

Now, just days after it’s United’s turn, smaller Biscoff packages notwithstanding. It’s buried in this short blurb — which also points to an improvement, actually — about the airline’s video entertainment:

United Airlines plans to put digital entertainment systems on some planes and clean its aircraft more often to attract customers on U.S. flights. e carrier will replace the video systems on 269 planes used in the United States with digital servers by the second quarter of 2009, Tom Abraham, director of in-line maintenance, told employees Friday. United also will increase “deep-clean” services like shampooing carpets by 20 percent, he said.

So I’m calling a bottom here. Not in the stock — I’m not making any stock picks here, ever! — but in the service. It’s not going to go up overnight, and like the stock market, there will be volatility, but the trajectory at United customer service is looking back up.

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