Upgraded: Kids taking charge in aviation
When I was a kid, I loved — loved! — going up to the cockpit during the flight. I remember sitting in a Pan Am 747 cockpit somewhere over the northern Atlantic, and the captain pointed out some icebergs floating below us. I suppose Dwight Schrute and I have the Pan Am experience in common. But in today’s security environment, kids can’t get that experience… but they can direct air traffic control?!

Upgraded: Amtrak
If you’re traveling Amtrak in the Northeast Corridor, you’ll soon be able to snag a free wi-fi signal, but only in first or business class. A good start, but only available in first/business? Come on. At least offer in economy at a billable rate!

Downgraded: Full-body scanners in the UK
Two women refused to pass through the full-body scanner at Manchester Airport in the UK. One refused, on the basis of her faith; the other cited health concerns. But instead of being given a pat-down option, as is the policy in the US, they were prevented from boarding their flights. “The women were warned they were legally required to go through the scanner, after being chosen at random, or they would not be allowed to fly, an airport spokesman said.”

Upgraded: Turkish Airlines’ mysterious premium economy cabin
Turkish Airlines has pre-announced that they’ll introduce a new cabin between economy and business on widebody aircraft, but don’t call the new product premium economy. It “will exceed the premium economy standards of most other carriers and will be close to the business class of some other carriers,” according to CEO Temel Kotil. Okay, great. But why pre-announce a new product, without details, instead of just… announcing? What are they trying to get in front of?

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There are ads that heighten brand awareness, make you feel attached to a company’s products, and generally make you, the consumer, confident that this firm is for you. And then there are these ads.

Turkish Airlines appears to need some design help. And perhaps pity. See the images below.

The first is a PR image featured in a German newsmagazine’s feature on “exotic” (!) flight attendant uniforms. (“Exotica above the clouds” … really?!) But look at the plane’s amazing engineering feats: It manages to remain upright, despite missing its front landing gear!

The second is a photo snapped in a mall, with a very unfortunately-positioned banner. The other side of the escalator, pointing upward, might have been a better choice…

(image 1 via Photoshop Disasters; image 2)

I remember the feeling of relief I had when I unloaded the 1989 Ford Escort that I once drove. It was perennially in the shop, and once I got rid of it, I wanted to do a little happy-dance, just knowing that it was no longer my problem.

Airlines and their mechanics must feel the same way about some of their planes. Especially some of their regional jets, which few people cherish. But there are obviously different ways of celebrating…

Turkish Airlines took swift disciplinary action Wednesday after it emerged that members of its technical staff had sacrificed a camel to celebrate getting their job done. Maintenance workers all pitched in to buy the beast to mark the long-awaited dispatch to Britain of the last of 11 RJ100 aircraft which Turkish decided to leave out of its fleet due to a series of accidents involving the planes. The camel was sacrificed Tuesday at Istanbul’s Ataturk airport and about 1,540 pounds of meat was distributed among the staff.

I’m afraid to ask how the airline’s executives celebrated their company’s recent admission to the Star Alliance.

Post 9/11, I figured that hijackings were a thing of the past. Passengers would rise up and tackle the perps, grabbing them by the hair and engaging in a rough and tumble Boeing Brawl. The captain might emerge, heroically carrying his fire axe, duct-taping the hijackers to a seat, Jack Bauer-style, and order would be restored.

Apparently, you still CAN hijack a plane, after all. Turkish hijackers took over a Turkish Airlines flight from Tirana, Albania, to Istanbul, apparently in protest of the Pope’s upcoming visit to Turkey. The flight was diverted to Brindisi, Italy, escorted by Greek and Italian fighter jets, where the hijackers requested asylum.

Maybe no one stopped the hijackers because they were too nice: The flight attendants were allowed to serve drinks and snacks during the flight, apparently AFTER the hijacking was underway. The hijackers had no obvious weapons, and no one was hurt.

Passengers thought something was odd when they “saw a man wearing track-suit bottoms and a hat go to the cockpit door and pause there, thinking.”

Miss India, Miss Singapore, Miss Malaysia, and Miss Philippines were on the flight, returning from the Globe International 2006 beauty contest in fab-u-lous downtown Tirana.

The lesson: Never trust beauty queens to take down a hijacker. Never.

(image: Valleia)