My wife and I traveled yesterday, and, contrary to all the expectations, news reports, and hype, our walk through the TSA checkpoint at Charlotte Douglas Airport was the smoothest part of our trip.

The traffic to the airport? Hellish. Clogged interstates, with cops and speed traps everywhere.

Parking? The normal long term lots at CLT — and even the daily lot and deck — were full. Overflow parking, as far from the terminal as could be, was the only option.

The flight? Delayed. (Thankfully, since traffic had delayed us so badly.) We pushed off the gate late, but were towed to a parking area to wait for well over an hour for air traffic control in Newark to give the flight clearance. Hurry up and wait.

The seat? Not only was I in a middle seat in coach, but the gentleman-of-size next to me took over 30% of my personal space. I subsequently leaned into the missus, but still, playing contortionist for the flight (and ground delay) time is never fun. (Alas, no upgrades on this flight…)

But the security checkpoint? A breeze. The “advanced imaging” machine wasn’t even turned on. There was neither scanning nor groping. A short line of travelers shuffled quickly through three traditional metal detector lanes, without any junk-touching. Agents were even in a decent mood.

For all the doomsday hype, it was a real treat to walk through security so quickly and efficiently, and without any violation of fourth-amendment rights.

That’s a big deal.

Delta spokeswoman Susan Elliott said Monday that her airline is issuing refunds on a case-by-case basis for customers worried about the new screening steps. The move, however, does not constitute a new refund policy at the airline.

Their competitors haven’t bit yet. No other airlines are cutting passengers any slack. Perhaps that’s because they (and Delta, actually) aren’t actually raising a red flag yet:

The Delta and American officials said they were not seeing large numbers of cancelations related to the new security checks, but they had no specific numbers.

“I can’t say no one has canceled,” [American Airlines spokesman Tim] Smith said, adding that it’s “just not a trend.”

Hmm. Well, if it’s not a trend, then why is Delta giving anyone any refunds for this reason? …and why are they admitting it to journalists?! I suspect that Delta’s admission is a tell, and that we’ll hear more in coming weeks about how the TSA’s rules are affecting the airlines’ businesses. Not this week — planes are full for the Thanksgiving holiday — and maybe not even in December, as other holiday travel ramps up. But if public anger is still high in January (and it very well could be if changes are slow in coming) then expect to see airlines lobbying to change the TSA gropefest.

Rep. John Mica, the Republican who will soon be chairman of the House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure, is reminding airports that they have a choice.

Mica, one of the authors of the original TSA bill, has recently written to the heads of more than 150 airports nationwide suggesting they opt out of TSA screening.

Opt out of TSA screening? Great tagline, and yes, it’s possible: “The 2001 law creating the TSA gave airports the right to opt out of the TSA program in favor of private screeners after a two-year period.”

Unfortunately, it’s not quite that simple. Opting out is actually called the “Screening Partnership Program,” but you’re not rid of the TSA just by asking them to leave. Sure, they may fire the federal screeners, but airports still have to maintain the TSA’s standards, procedures, and policies, even if the actual workers doing the screenings aren’t federal employees. So, from a traveler’s perspective, it’s a complete and utter wash.

So who has opted out already?

There are seventeen airports participating in a Screening Partnership Program: San Francisco International Airport, Kansas City International Airport, Greater Rochester International Airport, Sioux Falls Regional Airport, Jackson Hole Airport, Tupelo Regional Airport, Key West International Airport, Charles M. Schultz-Sonoma County Airport, Roswell Industrial Air Center, Havre, Lewistown, Sidney-Richland (SDY), MT, Glasgow, Wolf Point, Glendive, Miles City and E. 34th Street Heliport (6N5), NY.

The biggest player is obviously San Francisco, which joined the SPP in November 2006. I’ve flown to and through SFO in that time, though admittedly not in about a year, but never noticed anything out of the ordinary at the time.

But at the end of the day, don’t let the rhetoric fool you. Yes, an opt-out provision exists for airports, but you’ll still be subject to TSA-mandated security techniques. Prepare for your groping, even at an airport that has opted out.

But the most widespread travel discussions here in the US have been over the full-body screenings by TSA officials, and the opt-out option of a full-body groping, including breasts and genitalia.

Public polling of the American electorate still shows widespread support for the heightened screenings, but that support is in the abstract. Ask again in six months, when more passengers have flown and experienced it for themselves. Ask again when limiting the sample size to actual travelers. And ask yourself, why are we doing this in the first place?

Is the scan-or-grope policy leading to increased safety, or is it an instantly-obsolete defense that will easily and immediately be defeated?

I submit that, at this point, I actually think the TSA checkpoints themselves, and not the aircraft in the secure area, may be the riskiest spots in the airport. This isn’t a commentary on the radiation, the groping, or the searches and seizures, at least not directly. But don’t let it be a surprise to you if those TSA checkpoints are going to be the real targets soon.

I fear that checkpoints will be a viable target for both al Qaeda-esque “chaos villains” who want to disrupt the flow of normal travel life, and for anti-government McVeigh-esque self-styled patriots looking to make a statement against the perceived overreach of the government agency. Either depraved act would have a chilling effect on travel, and more importantly on an already fearful society.

As we harden the security perimeter, and as long as the motivations of terrorists persist, we increase the likelihood that an attack will be attempted in, say, the area prior to security, where crowds are dense and scanning hasn’t yet taken place. Or where cargo is stored (and barely checked). This is the fundamental weakness of the increased intrusiveness, spearheaded by expensive investments in equipment over intelligence. Technology and intrusive groping techniques won’t end up preventing attacks; they’ll just force the threat to move to another location, likely merely steps away.

It’s the Maginot Line of travel. After World War I, the French military built a series of fortified bunkers to protect themselves from the eventual next German invasion. The fortifications took a decade to build and cost a fortune. They were impressive, and indeed, the Germans didn’t attack the line head-on. Instead, they found a weakness and went around it, driving deep into France within five days. I see the constant escalation in airport security technology in the same way. Lots of fanfare, enormous spend, but easily circumvented by a dedicated attacker.

I don’t envy the TSA agents who do their jobs, as they face down the anger and frustration of a long stream of innocent people who are stripped of their dignity in order to be transported from point A to point B. Now it’s appropriate to worry about them becoming targets.

Upgraded: Inflight wi-fi on Southwest
Southwest is (finally) getting on the inflight wifi train (err, or plane…) and their price will be a relatively low $5 per connection, regardless of flight duration/distance or device used to connect.

Upgraded: Passion for AirTran’s first class seats
Fans of AirTran, which is being taken over by Southwest, have set up a website devoted to saving the first class seats that AirTran frequent fliers have grown accustomed to. Join the resistance at AirTranSOS.com.

Upgraded: Your cellphone as a key
The Clarion Hotel in Stockholm is the first hotel to install a cellphone-based room lock/key system. It’s a limited rollout, for starters. In theory, you’ll be able to check in by phone and walk straight to your room, bypassing the front desk, and avoiding the need for a room key. Neat, if it works.

Upgraded: Back-channel efforts to change our security theater
If existing efforts to change TSA policy have failed — and if the policy itself has continuously gotten worse for travelers — then perhaps a back-channel effort to effect change may be in order. Reader Ed sends in this open letter to the CEO of the Walt Disney Company. The letter-writer, Arthur Krolman, argues that Disney is tacitly endorsing TSA policy, and is thereby supporting the “nude photography or inspection of private parts” of children. Ouch. Will Disney take the bait ?…

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Jeffrey Goldberg gets the lowdown. And I mean low down.

In part because of the back-scatter imager’s invasiveness (a TSA employee in Miami was arrested recently after he physically assaulted a colleague who had mocked his modestly sized penis, which was fully apparent in a captured back-scatter image), the TSA is allowing passengers to opt-out of the back-scatter and choose instead a pat-down. I’ve complained about TSA pat-downs in the past, because they, too, were more security theater than anything else. They are, as I would learn, becoming more serious, as well.

“[...] starting tomorrow, we’re going to start searching your crotchal area” — this is the word he used, “crotchal” — and you’re not going to like it.”

“What am I not going to like?” I asked.

“We have to search up your thighs and between your legs until we meet resistance,” he explained.

“Resistance?” I asked.

“Your testicles,” he explained.

“That’s funny,” I said, “because ‘The Resistance’ is the actual name I’ve given to my testicles.”

Go read the whole thing. And the sequel. Then you can make a more informed decision as to whether or not to opt out of the backscatter.

“In the next two years (the ban) will end,” ICAO Secretary General Raymond Benjamin told AFP ahead of the UN organization’s 37th general assembly, which kicks off in Montreal on Tuesday.

New equipment capable of detecting explosives in water bottles, makeup kits or toothpaste tubes, for example, would be installed at most airport security checkpoints by 2012, he explained.

This timeframe is more aggressive than the timeline the European Union has set for the lifting of the ban, the very-specific date of April 29, 2013:

By 29 April 2013 at the latest, all liquids will be allowed in cabin baggage and will be screened. By that date, the current restrictions on the carriage of liquids in cabin baggage will end. The transition period until 2013 is necessary to allow for a roll-out of liquids screening equipment at all EU airports.

As a preliminary step in phasing out the restrictions on liquids, as from 29 April 2011 at the latest, duty-free liquids purchased at third country airports or on board third country airlines and carried in tamper evident bags will be allowed as cabin baggage and will be screened. Today, these liquids are only allowed in cabin baggage if they come from selected third countries (United States, Canada, Singapore and Croatia).

Unfortunately, it will apparently take a little more convincing (or lobbying) to get the DHS and TSA on board with that timetable:

[U.S. Homeland Security Secretary Janet] Napolitano told The Associated Press she’s surprised by International Civil Aviation Organization Secretary General Raymond Benjamin’s remarks that security equipment in most airports will allow for the ban to be lifted soon.

Napolitano said the technology isn’t ready.

“I think that’s premature,” Napolitano said in an interview with The Associated Press.

Sigh. It feels like we’ve made so little progress in the world since 2006. Back in 2008, there were liquid bomb testers in Japanese airports, and we still don’t see them in the US or Europe.

However, the fact that the ICAO is publicly making statements pertaining to a timeline for phase-out is strangely encouraging. I know the ICAO has no jurisdiction over the screening of passengers at airports, but the transportation and security leaders of forty governments attended their last conference. This isn’t a bunch of crackpots, and the leaders didn’t fall off the turnip truck.

Let’s revisit this in two years, to see if we’re really any closer to lifting the ban. Until then, continue using your 3-1-1 freedom baggies.

Upgraded: Odds of chip-and-PIN in the US
A month ago, I blogged about the United Nations Federal Credit Union bringing chip-and-PIN credit cards to its American customers. That isn’t a huge customer base to be pushing a new technology. But what if a bigger player made a push for the increasingly-globalized payment technology? What if that player were Wal-Mart?…

Upgraded: Demand for parked airliners
When air travel slowed with the recession, the airlines parked a number of their planes in the desert. According to Rockwell Collins, the recent increase in demand will lead to airlines recalling those planes and putting them back into service. This may be wishful thinking by Rockwell, which services planes and spruces them back up for action, but if true, it could mean some respite from jam-packed flights, with planes flying at record loads.

Upgraded: Opportunities for speaking your mind to the TSA director
John Pistole, the recently-appointed TSA director, wants to hear from you. The TSA has a new comment/complaint form, and you’re invited to use it.

Upgraded: The male of the species
British Airways has been forced to pay restitution to a male passenger who was forced to change seats by flight attendants because he was seated next to an unaccompanied minor. BA admitted to sex discrimination against the man and paid £2,161 in costs and £750 in damages. I understand that airlines are worried about children being molested by strangers, but please: not all male travelers are child molesters. By the same token, neither are all female travelers drug-addled nymphomaniacs seeking mile-high-club entry with 14-year old male travelers… like this woman. (Thanks for that latter link to Mike Maddaloni!) Kinda puts the whole discussion of unaccompanied minor fees in some perspective…

Upgraded: First-mover disadvantage
The new Conservative-led British government has halted plans to expand Heathrow Airport, and has preemptively banned additional runway construction at Gatwick and Stansted. While I appreciate the sentiment and intent of a move by the new British government to discourage “binge flying” on environmental grounds, I fear that the net carbon footprint of the aviation industry won’t change much: Since many flights are through the UK, and not to the UK, the traffic will simply shift to Amsterdam, Paris, and Frankfurt.

Downgraded: Hotel Fees Running Wild
Bjorn Hanson of NYU predicts an increase in the size, variety, and breadth of hotel fees in the coming year. $1.7 billion worth. And if you were curious as to how you’ll be charged, here’s a list:

Examples of fees and surcharges include: resort or amenity fees, early departure fees, reservation cancellation fees, internet fees, telephone call surcharges, the costs of local calls, business center fees (i.e. cost of sending/receiving faxes and sending/receiving overnight packages), room service delivery surcharges, mini-bar restocking fees, charges for in-room safes, and automatic gratuities and surcharges. For groups, there have been increased charges for bartenders, service, and other staff at events; charges for set up and breakdown of meeting rooms; charges for meeting rooms in which meals are served (the common practice has been that there is a charge for meeting rooms but not an additional room charge for rooms in which meals are served); fees for master folio billing and baggage holding fees for guests leaving luggage with bell staff after checking out of a hotel but before departure.

Downgraded: Scanner privacy
Oh good: The full-body scanners that supposedly blur out the private parts, don’t. Thanks to The Smoking Gun, we learn of a TSA employee who walked through the scanner and was, ahem, judged by his colleagues for the size of his manhood. Eventually, the guy snapped at the mockery, which led to his arrest. And led to our awareness of just how personal the scanners can get…

Downgraded: The Tonga Room
There just aren’t enough kitsch-tastic tiki lounges left in America. And so it saddens me when I read that the San Francisco Fairmont is planning to demolish the Tonga Room, a Polynesian-themed bar that was launched in 1945. The city (and some preservationists) are protesting the planned demolition.

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After pulling her laptop out of her carry-on bag, sliding the items through the scanning machines, and walking through a detector, [Rebecca Solomon] went to collect her things.

A TSA worker was staring at her. He motioned her toward him.

Then he pulled a small, clear plastic bag from her carry-on – the sort of baggie that a pair of earrings might come in. Inside the bag was fine, white powder.

The innocent passenger understandably freaked out, realizing she had been framed. And when drugs are involved, it’s not just a missed flight that’s of concern. But wait:

Just kidding, he said. He waved the baggie. It was his.

Kidding? Kidding??? Unbelievable. Not only is this offensive, but so stupid. On what planet did this agent reside, that he thought this was even remotely okay? And what kind of power trip must he have been on, to do this in front of other passengers and fellow agents?

According to the Inquirer, the agent in question no longer works for TSA, but you have to wonder how someone with such miserable judgment was ever hired in the first place.

So, how would you have handled being framed by TSA?…