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Upgraded: The five-star hotel, now with seven stars!
Much like video game point inflation, star-rankings are just getting silly. Following the success of their Palazzo Versace hotel on the Australian Gold Coast, the fashion powerhouse is joining forces with Australian developer Sunland Group to create 15 “seven-star” hotels. Seven stars!?! What makes a seven-star hotel better than a five-star, or the equally absurd (but unheard-of, at least to me) six-star hotel? Apparently, live exotic fish in the pool and “specially-cooled sand.”

Downgraded, potentially: Starwood Preferred Guest points
Seven seems to be the magic number for hoteliers today. Gary Leff spreads the rumor that Starwood is planning to add a tier to their point-redemption rules: Category 7. The ultra-expensive resorts (Bora Bora, Maldives, etc.) would likely end up in this top tier, but other hotels might try to bump up their categorization, thereby costing you more points for free-night redemptions.

Downgraded: TripAdvisor’s reputation
The Times of London sends reporters to hotels and restaurants, offering to write positive reviews on TripAdvisor in return for an unspecified payment. Several properties were amenable to the scheme. More widespread, though: Owners writing their own glowing reviews. (The flipside, not mentioned: Owners tagging genuine, but negative reviews as “unhelpful.”) At least they still work on a five-point scale… My tip: I’m more likely to trust detailed reports that include both the good and the bad (no stay is perfect) and user-generated photos.

Downgraded: L.A.’s image
Who will recognize the City of Angels without its palm trees? As they die, they’re being replaced with oaks, etc. Sunset Boulevard, R.I.P.

Downgraded: Travel guides, travelers’ brains
Pimp my vacation! Where would Christina Aguilera par-tay in Avignon? Where is the best place to get rip-roaring, fall-down-the-stairs drunk as you go city-hopping with your Eurail Pass? And where in Italy will you find the “most awesome ancient ruins”? (real quote) MTV and Frommer’s have joined forces to create travel guides that will point readers “to some of the world’s hottest party scenes and outdoor adventures.” Did Beavis and/or Butthead get a travel writing gig?

Downgraded further: Common sense
If you only have a gallon-sized Ziploc bag, instead of the required quart-sized bag, but you only fill it with 2 tiny 3-ounce bottles, which would obviously have fit into the smaller bag, does TSA let you pass through security at Boston’s Logan Airport? No. Go buy a freedom-inducing 1-quart bag from the newsstand for fifty cents, terror-boy!

Downgraded: Brazil
Not much has been heard in the American news media since the horrific mid-air collision that cost 154 people their lives. The American pilots of the surviving Embraer business jet are still being held in Brazil. Joe Sharkey, the New York Times columnist who was actually on board the luckier plane, has been relentlessly following the story on his blog. While lawsuits and the Brazilian government (and media) are pre-emptively assigning blame to the pilots and their use of the radio transponder, Joe argues that Brazil is trying to cover up their own (military-controlled) air traffic control system. Apparently control of the skies is filled with coverage gaps, language trouble, and overworked employees who take time off in large groups — ostensibly for psychotherapy. Let’s just say that my faith in the safety of air travel is Brazil is minimal at best.

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What happens on Maxjet, stays on Maxjet
All-business class Maxjet now flies from London to Vegas. And this promo photo makes me wish there were a law requiring pilots flying to Vegas to dress like Elvis. Thankyouverymuch.

LAX gets serious about security
LAX isn’t just re-evaluating their security, it’s Israelifying it. Benet Wilson reports that the airport has contracted the Israeli equivalent of the CIA as security consultants. No word if the airport will require El Al-style customer interrogations in order to get on a plane. (Please, no.)

Hotels full of lying, thieving crooks… and that’s the guests
Chris Elliott digs through the raw data in the latest TripAdvisor poll. And whaddaya know, people really do steal towels. 37% of guests under 35 admitted they stole something, while only 15% of the over-50 crowd admitted to it. Note: The numbers only reflect the respondents who admitted it. I’d love to see the numbers of actual items absconded, or the percentage of rooms with missing goods. But who really WANTS that stuff, anyway, five-finger discount or not?

Northwest Airlines mechanics end strike, still don’t work for Northwest
The death of brinksmanship: After 15 long months of striking, Northwest’s mechanics, represented by the AMFA union, called off their pickets. But they’ve long been replaced by scabs. Why call off a strike if their jobs are gone? The airline will give them a severance package now that the strike is over.

Amerisuites is dead, long live Hyatt Place
After acquiring Amerisuites, the Hyatt mothership is rebranding the properties, with a new theme: “Midpriced suite hotels aimed at Generation X.” Sounds like the scene of a Douglas Coupland novel. And the name is kinda blah. “Hyatt Place” sounds like a fakey corporate address like “1 Infinite Loop” or “75 Remittance Drive.” Rooms will feature plasma TVs and free wireless internet. Room rates will be 30-50% higher than Amerisuites rates.

Aloft is alive, online
From Douglas Coupland, to William Gibson: Starwood’s new “aloft” brand (too cool for capitalization) isn’t up and running anywhere yet, but you can experience it in virtual reality. Two years before the first aloft property opens, you can tour the space in the online gaming world of Second Life. Future aloft guests, already online, are pictured above. (via HotelChatter)

Bring in the funk
TripAdvisor names the 10 Quirkiest Hotels in the World. The quirks: ice, prison, barges, fantasyland, catwalks, Bedouins, wigwams, cavemen, bullfighting, and waterfall urinals. They may not be the BEST or the most LUXURIOUS, but what’s not to love.

For those too lazy to click through: the list, with links to TripAdvisor reviews (not in any order)…
1 ) Ice Hotel, Sainte-Catherine-de-la-Jacques-Cartier, Quebec, Canada
2 ) Malmaison Oxford Castle, Oxford, England
3 ) Imperial Boat House Hotel, Ko Samui, Thailand
4 ) Fantasyland Hotel & Resort, Edmonton, Canada
5 ) Ariau Amazon Towers Hotel, Manaus, Brazil
6 ) Al Maha Desert Resort, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
7 ) Wigwam Motel, Holbrook, Arizona
8 ) Yunak Evleri, Urgup, Turkey
9 ) Quinta Real Zacatecas, Zacatecas, Mexico
10 ) Madonna Inn, San Luis Obispo, California