Downgraded: Cocktails as tourist marketing
Thailand’s tourist managers have concocted a mixed drink to personify the spirit of the nation, or so they claim in their heavy-handed marketing blitz. A “Siam Sunrays” cocktail “consists of a shot of vodka, coconut liqueur, a dash of chili pepper and sugar, lime juice, a few slivers of lemongrass and ginger — shaken not stirred, then strained into a glass — with ice and soda water.” Do they really think that a drink — or many, many drinks — will make us forget the hassles of days-long airport closures and monarchist rioting? Apparently so: “Successful signature drinks are one way to fast-track holiday destinations onto the world tourism map,” according to the Tourism Authority of Thailand and the Thai Hotels Association. And the “shaken, not stirred” instructions will make every tourist feel like a secret agent!

Upgraded: Your Starwood points
Every year, hotels rejigger their point redemption structure. For years, the changes have generally been bad for the customer, but not this year. Starwood has released their category changes, and many hotels are moving down a notch. It’s not because they’re now roach motels: It’s because they’ve got a lot of empty rooms. Take advantage.

Downgraded: Your job, or your seat
ESPN sports commentator Stacey Dales opted to quit her job, rather than fly in coach, as would have been required under new network rules. Hard-freakin’-core. Since Ms. Dales is a former WNBA player, I immediately assumed that her height had something to do with the matter. But Wikipedia has her at “only” 6 feet tall — about my height — and I’ve braved many an economy seat and lived to tell the tale. Good luck finding an employer who provides you with the extra legroom and hot nuts, Stacey! (That sounds dirty. Really, it’s not.) To be fair, the issue was equity: Apparently some of her colleagues were flying first, and she wasn’t. (Via, via.)

Downgraded: United flight attendant’s respect for the passengers
United flight attendants on a recent Chicago-to-Denver flight announced, in conversation with the cockpit, that it was time to serve “drinks to the idiots in coach.” Somehow, the conversation was broadcast on the inflight audio’s channel 9 (which I love), normally limited to conversations between pilots and air traffic control. When made aware of the public nature of their insult, the flight attendants didn’t apologize. Stay classy!

Upgraded: Recycling
If airlines are downsizing their fleets, then we might see more of these in the future: Airplane wing desks!

Reader Teo writes:

I keep getting e-mail from Starwood telling me about their new feature that lets you book flights with your SPG points. They’re selling it like it’s the best thing ever. You think about this stuff more than I do so what’s your take? Is this the way to avoid the airline mileage BS or just a scam?

Indeed, Teo, Starwood Preferred Guest recently added a feature to their hotel points program: the ability to book flights directly from the SPG site, instead of converting points to airline miles and booking from there. The PR e-mails that landed in my inbox called SPG Flights “groundbreaking.” It was worth mentioning when it was rolled out in early September, as others did, but is it is really a game-changer?

Let’s put one thing out there right up front: When it comes to programs that accrue points in a currency other than cold, hard cash, more redemption opportunities are always welcome. So hooray for that.

But…

The program works much like “no blackout date” credit card-specific point programs, most famously the Capital One No Hassle awards: You cash in your points for a plane ticket at the going rate for that ticket, and the market price of the ticket determines how many points you redeem. The program buys the ticket for you, as if you were paying cash, and you pay the program with your points. You’re not tied to one airline, and the only limit is price. The ticket earns miles, and is, for the most part, like any other ticket. (This is the “proprietary points” option in my breakdown of point-earning credit cards.)

What makes Starwood’s program different is that this arrangement isn’t limited to a credit card’s earnings. It’s the whole program’s earnings that can be spent this way.

But much like the Capital One style programs, the problem arises with the value proposition. The best you can get is 1.5 cents per point value. But it’s on a sliding scale based on the retail value of tickets, not the destination or distance flown.

The price-based scale will kill you if you want to use points for premium-cabin tickets, or even on flights to destinations that are priced higher — precisely the kinds of tickets you want to be using points or miles for.

Buy a first-class ticket to Australia from the U.S., for example, and it could run you 775,000 SPG points. Insane. That same ticket might be 145,000 using American AAdvantage points. Sure, the SPG program’s points pay for last-seat-availability, while the AA points are “capacity controlled,” meaning seats are limited. But is it worth more than 5 times the points?

I priced out a few flights to see how this would work in reality. In one case, I search for and found flights from the east coast to Hawaii. There were tickets available for 60,000 or 65,000 SPG points, depending on the airline. (I liked the fact that the search was similar to Expedia’s engine, and resulted in a list of various options on different airlines.) I then checked those airlines’ own frequent flyer programs: United and American had seats on the same flights, for 35,000 miles. Delta, Continental, and Northwest didn’t have availability on the dates I checked. US Airways told me my dates — April 7 to 14, 2009 — were more than 334 days in advance, so they couldn’t search for me. Umm, since US Airways can’t figure out that April is only 6 months away, not 11, I figured they’ve got bigger problems than competition from SPG.

Bottom line: SPG flight awards are a nice option to have, but they’re not the be-all end-all. The program offers flexibility, but it could cost you. You’ll find the redemptions for their hotel stays worth far more than this. Still: This is a nice reserve feature to have. I’m glad it’s in the hopper, but it’s nothing to go out of your way for.

Related:
- Reader mail: What kind of point-earning credit card is best?
- Reader mail: Can I use credit card miles to upgrade a ticket?

The tide continues to turn against smokers at North American hotels. Sheraton and Four Points, both part of the Starwood group, are the latest to ban smoking at all properties in the U.S., Canada, and the Caribbean, much as their corporate cousin Westin did a few years earlier.

This isn’t just about the market responding to a smaller population of smokers, or a kindly gesture designed to improve your longevity. It’s also a way for the hotel to cut costs, since cleaning a smoky room is more time-consuming and expensive than cleaning a non-smoking room. And minimizing the variation between hotel rooms, by eliminating an entire class of rooms, makes it easier to manage inventory.

Nonsmokers are celebrating. Smokers are inevitably planning their boycott.

Related:
- Nicotine jitters: Another hotel chain goes non-smoking
- Smoking prohibitions: Hurdles and tradeoffs
- Marriott hotels to eliminate smoking in all its North American brands
- The captain has turned on the smoke-’em-if-you-got-’em sign…

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Upgraded: Hotel lobbies
Luxury lockdown! “Why should they be leaving the hotel and hanging out at the nearby Starbucks?” So Starwood and others hope to tempt you to stay within the compound by creating “internet lobby lounges.”

Upgraded: Japanese wine; Downgraded?: JAL wine lists
JAL, aka Japan Air Lines, is bringing a Japanese wine to the sky. Aruga Branca Clareza 2005, made from the indigenous Japanese Koshu grape, will be available in business class. Interesting, to be sure, but has anyone ever had it? Is it any good? Reviews are pretty sparse.

Upgraded: Flying Squirrels
Paging Rocky and Bullwinkle! Stowaway squirrel causes emergency landing on an American Airlines 777 bound from Tokyo to Dallas.

Upgraded: Ease of booking a private jet
Paging Charles Dickens! It may be the worst of times for many coach travelers, but it’s never been easier to book a private jet. There have been discounted (but not cheap) private jet repositioning flights for some time, but aggregator SideStep is now offering a search function for private jets.

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Amerisuites is dead, long live Hyatt Place
After acquiring Amerisuites, the Hyatt mothership is rebranding the properties, with a new theme: “Midpriced suite hotels aimed at Generation X.” Sounds like the scene of a Douglas Coupland novel. And the name is kinda blah. “Hyatt Place” sounds like a fakey corporate address like “1 Infinite Loop” or “75 Remittance Drive.” Rooms will feature plasma TVs and free wireless internet. Room rates will be 30-50% higher than Amerisuites rates.

Aloft is alive, online
From Douglas Coupland, to William Gibson: Starwood’s new “aloft” brand (too cool for capitalization) isn’t up and running anywhere yet, but you can experience it in virtual reality. Two years before the first aloft property opens, you can tour the space in the online gaming world of Second Life. Future aloft guests, already online, are pictured above. (via HotelChatter)

Bring in the funk
TripAdvisor names the 10 Quirkiest Hotels in the World. The quirks: ice, prison, barges, fantasyland, catwalks, Bedouins, wigwams, cavemen, bullfighting, and waterfall urinals. They may not be the BEST or the most LUXURIOUS, but what’s not to love.

For those too lazy to click through: the list, with links to TripAdvisor reviews (not in any order)…
1 ) Ice Hotel, Sainte-Catherine-de-la-Jacques-Cartier, Quebec, Canada
2 ) Malmaison Oxford Castle, Oxford, England
3 ) Imperial Boat House Hotel, Ko Samui, Thailand
4 ) Fantasyland Hotel & Resort, Edmonton, Canada
5 ) Ariau Amazon Towers Hotel, Manaus, Brazil
6 ) Al Maha Desert Resort, Dubai, United Arab Emirates
7 ) Wigwam Motel, Holbrook, Arizona
8 ) Yunak Evleri, Urgup, Turkey
9 ) Quinta Real Zacatecas, Zacatecas, Mexico
10 ) Madonna Inn, San Luis Obispo, California

Cleaner airport bathrooms
Airports vow to keep their bathrooms cleaner. Best bathrooms in the country: Fort Smith Regional Airport in Arkansas (pictured), brilliantly described as “conversation-stopping clean.”

Cleaner jets
Hate taking red-eye flights? Now feel guilty taking them, too. New reports indicate they harm the environment more than daytime flights. (Kinda hard to avoid for inter-continental trips…) Help may be on the way, as research progresses on cleaner-burning jet fuel alternatives.

Power up your ‘pod inflight
Ingenious! A company that sells a unit that lets you recharge your iPod or other small electronic device by tapping into your airplane seat’s audio jack! It won’t power your laptop, but still! (via Mobissimo)

Power up with pie
Normally I don’t like to pass along press releases or stuff that the PR firms send to me. It makes me feel dirty, and it makes me want to freshen up at the conversation-stoppingly clean airport bathroom in the Fort Smith Regional Airport. But this one was just too silly to pass up: Starting tomorrow, Four Points by Sheraton hotels will be offering pie in their hotels — free to guests celebrating their birthday, as well as to platinum members of Starwood Preferred Guest. Tomorrow, the pie is free for everyone, it seems. Guerilla marketing hits the streets tomorrow as well, with free pie in New York City. And joining the trend of hotels pumping scents into the air, the chain will start misting their public spaces with the scent of baking apple pie. Why apple pie? They did a survey, and found that it “will spur thoughts of childhood (27 percent), home (39 percent) and holidays (48 percent).” As much as I like apple pie, do you really think it’s a good idea to make road-weary business travelers think longingly of home and carefree youth?

Polls that aren’t about pie
Brown is the new black. And drunks are the new babies. Drunk passengers now eclipse screaming babies as the most hated flying companions. Congratulations, drunk flyers!

Finally, shameless self-promotion
This blog was proudly featured in the Wall Street Journal yesterday, along with Gary Leff, Ed Hasbrouck, and inflighthq. Thanks for the recognition, and a hearty welcome to the new WSJ readers!

Snide quote edition:

“Sir, your upgrade didn’t clear, but your cello is riding in first!” Yes, your cello can earn frequent flyer miles, too.

“You sure smell nice. Have you been to an airport lately?” Airport advertising sprays passers-by with perfume. (via Coudal)

“How do you mispronounce ‘Mayday‘? What is it in Italian?” Alitalia flight declares emergency, but no one understands the pilots. Safety first!

“I bet you $20 you can’t get from Honolulu to Hilo for $20 each way!” Fare war in the islands, courtesy of Go!

“THESE people could really have used a $20 interisland Hawaii ticket…” Just click. A Piper can travel from Santa Barbara to Hawaii?!?!

“Welcome to the Sheraton Chicago. I’ll need an ID, credit card, and your Blackberry.” Check your e-mail at the door. Nice gimmick.

“There must be two Manchesters.” Indeed, there are. One is in New England, one is in Old England. Be sure you know the difference before you fly.

Aromatherapy has reached hotel lobbies. Chains are concocting signature fragrances, spread throughout the lobbies or rooms, the New York Times reports:

Omni Hotels is using scent machines to send a bouquet of lemongrass and green tea wafting through its lobbies, a whiff of mochaccino or sugar cookie in its coffee shops, and coconut sunscreen smells near the pools. Langham Hotels spritzes rooms with a ginger fragrance. The scents are designed to evoke specific emotions from guests. Westin hopes a whiff of white tea will help calm guests down and diffuse stress from their trips. Sheraton’s fragrance [fig, clove, and jasmine] is supposed to make guests feel is if they belong. And soon, Starwood’s Four Points brand will use the tang of cinnamon to help guests feel comfortable. The company is also considering changing the scents to reflect each season.

Smell is of course a powerful memory trigger, and a pleasant smell sure beats the odor of cleaning fluids, smoke, or the chlorine from the pool. I just hope they don’t overdo it.

Introducing a smell is a greater risk than upgrading the beds. Cloves or white tea aren’t everyone’s cup of tea taste preference, and you risk alienating the guest with a scent that’s too overpowering.

What’s next? Will there be scented and unscented rooms?