Upgraded: Spirit Airlines
Upgraded: Passenger awareness, hopefully
Yes, Spirit is upgraded! But only because their strike is on hold for the time being. If you were a passenger during the strike, it sucked. And if, at this point, you decide that you’re willing to be a Spirit customer in the future, you know where you stand with this company. You will have only yourself to blame.

Upgraded: Discount airlines in Japan
Japan’s ANA is reportedly launching a new discount airline, with fares at express bus prices.

Upgraded: Heads fly free on Southwest!
Three suspicious boxes in the cargo hold of a Southwest flight were opened by airline employees, to reveal 45 human heads. While the airline’s internal packaging policies — and best practices in packing human body parts for cross-country shipment — were violated, no laws were broken, and the heads were actually being shipped for legitimate medical purposes. Paging Matt Groening!

Upgraded: Recycling of fake boarding passes
Reader Nick sends in this story of a boarding pass that appeared in a British Airways/London Heathrow in-house magazine. What struck my eye was the fact that I had seen this boarding pass before… I had even published a copy of that boarding pass on this very site, here. Compare the pictures: Exhibit A. Exhibit B. I particularly enjoy the irony that a controversial fake boarding pass generator rises again, to be repurposed as a phony mobile boarding pass. Who says the airline industry doesn’t recycle enough?

“Bless her heart, she bought tickets on Spirit Airlines…”

Bless all of your collective hearts, Spirit Airlines customers, as your airline of choice has been shut down from Saturday through Tuesday, thanks to a walk-off by the pilots, who are protesting low wages and work rules.

A few thoughts on this latest chapter in the Spirit saga:

• Interline? What interline?
  Spirit Airlines doesn’t have any interline agreements, which effectively means that another airline won’t offer to transport you on a Spirit ticket. If you’ve got a Spirit ticket, you can get credit for the unflown amount, plus some customer service credit. But that’s it. Spirit won’t cover the cost of buying another ticket on a separate airline, and you’re not getting a refund (at least not without paying a $100 change fee.)
• No room at the inn… or on the plane
  Other airlines haven’t made any efforts to add flights or do anything extraordinary to win over Spirit passengers. Maybe that’s because there aren’t many of them: Spirit accounts for less than 1% of all domestic airline traffic, so it’s a small blip on the overall radar. But it’s also because planes are full, and there isn’t much leeway to add flights or passengers. Spirit Airlines customers are in for a tough run, and will need to get creative with routings.
• Shocked, shocked!
  Pilots have been telegraphing this strike for some time, so it’s not exactly news — though who besides the travel-obsessed would have noticed? The threat of the strike was blogged here in May. This is the culmination of a long-simmering battle.
• Shocked, shocked! (part deux): Lousy communication
  But the airline’s communication with its customers has been rock-bottom shabby. They told customers they would fly, and would find replacement aircraft. They didn’t. Carl Unger runs it down, and he’s absolutely right on. This is lousy customer service. And that’s not a surprise.
• What did you really expect?
  Anyone who has watched this company isn’t taken aback by this. The airline has a long track record of being gimmicky to lure in customers, but doing everything to squeeze money from the customer post-purchase and being absolutely horrendous when anything goes wrong and customer service — or even politeness — is required.

So for those who were educated consumers and avoided Spirit to begin with, congratulations. Your comeuppance is at hand. Try not to gloat too much, because not everyone is as informed as you.

For those who had Spirit tickets and are stuck in the midst of a trip, good luck getting home. For those who will need to rebook a trip, good luck getting a good price. And bless your hearts.

Downgraded: Volcano scams
For those who really have had their travel plans affected by the volcano, be aware that there is a scam afoot that seeks to bilk you out of your money. Spam e-mails suggest that passengers are eligible for a substantial claim if they file an application fee with the British Civil Aviation Authority. Of course, the site is bogus, and the money goes to a scammer. Avoid.

Downgraded: Spirit Airlines
Spirit Airlines pilots are threatening to strike, and now the company is threatening to lay off up to 1583 of its 2300 employees. It’s an oddly precise number. The pilots’ union has taken their fight with management public, by purchasing billboards warning customers not to book with Spirit.

Upgraded: Fuel efficient aircraft design
MIT scientists are working on an aircraft design for NASA that would burn 70% less fuel than current-generation Boeing 737s, emit 75% less nitrous oxide, be quieter, and take off from shorter runways. A design is being floated:

In today’s commercial airplanes, air flows directly into the engines located on the plane’s wings. That undisturbed, high-speed air flow drags on the plane, and requires more fuel to overcome the design inefficiency.

MIT’s design changes all that. By moving the engines to the plane’s tail, they take in slower moving air present in the wake of the fuselage. Less drag means less fuel is needed to get the plane the same distance.

Downgraded: Hotel Fees Running Wild
Bjorn Hanson of NYU predicts an increase in the size, variety, and breadth of hotel fees in the coming year. $1.7 billion worth. And if you were curious as to how you’ll be charged, here’s a list:

Examples of fees and surcharges include: resort or amenity fees, early departure fees, reservation cancellation fees, internet fees, telephone call surcharges, the costs of local calls, business center fees (i.e. cost of sending/receiving faxes and sending/receiving overnight packages), room service delivery surcharges, mini-bar restocking fees, charges for in-room safes, and automatic gratuities and surcharges. For groups, there have been increased charges for bartenders, service, and other staff at events; charges for set up and breakdown of meeting rooms; charges for meeting rooms in which meals are served (the common practice has been that there is a charge for meeting rooms but not an additional room charge for rooms in which meals are served); fees for master folio billing and baggage holding fees for guests leaving luggage with bell staff after checking out of a hotel but before departure.

Downgraded: Scanner privacy
Oh good: The full-body scanners that supposedly blur out the private parts, don’t. Thanks to The Smoking Gun, we learn of a TSA employee who walked through the scanner and was, ahem, judged by his colleagues for the size of his manhood. Eventually, the guy snapped at the mockery, which led to his arrest. And led to our awareness of just how personal the scanners can get…

Downgraded: The Tonga Room
There just aren’t enough kitsch-tastic tiki lounges left in America. And so it saddens me when I read that the San Francisco Fairmont is planning to demolish the Tonga Room, a Polynesian-themed bar that was launched in 1945. The city (and some preservationists) are protesting the planned demolition.

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Upgraded: The Widespread Status Quo of Not Charging for Carry-On Bags
Five airlines have pledged not to start charging for carry-on bags: American, Delta, JetBlue Airways, United Airlines, and US Airways. Yay, status quo!

Downgraded: Recline on Spirit
Upgraded: Marketing spin!
Spirit Airlines, which never skips an opportunity to be passenger-unfriendly, is downgrading its seats, preventing you from reclining. The best part, calling them “pre-reclined.” Nice work, Spirit marketing team!

Upgraded and Downgraded: Fees on Alaska Airlines
Alaska Airlines is increasing the checked-bag fee for the first bag, by $5. But then they’re reducing the fee for the second bag, also by $5. The third bag’s fee drops by $30. And the fourth bag drops by $50. The new baggage fees apply to travel starting June 16 for tickets bought beginning May 1. At the same time, Alaska no longer lets you hold a reservation for 24 hours. Alas.

Upgraded, eventually: Ryanair Reimbursement
If you were stranded by the volcano and Ryanair was your airline of choice, you were likely cursing their name. They weren’t much in the way of reimbursing costs for stranded passengers: They covered the equivalent of the base cost of the ticket, which, given Ryanair’s revenue model, isn’t much. But it may have been illegal: “The European Union, which enforces consumer laws that hold airlines responsible for stranded passengers’ ‘reasonable costs,’ warned Ryanair it could face fines ranging from euro5,000 to euro150,000 ($6,750 to $202,500) per complaint.” Subsequently (and nearly a week late), Ryanair has agreed to cover the lodging and meal expenses of stranded passengers, as the EU law requires. But the company is challenging the law — and the airlines’ responsibility in situations like the recent volcano — with an appeal to the European Commission and the European Parliament.

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So here, cheer up. Have a clip of Stephen Colbert, on the subject of airline fees.

Spirit Airlines will charge as much as $45 each way for a carry-on bag, adding a fee that bigger airlines have yet to try.

The charge will apply to bags in the overhead bin. Personal items that fit under the seat will still be free. Spirit said it will add measuring devices at the gates to determine which carry-ons are free and which ones will incur the charge.

The new charge is $45 if paid at the gate, and $30 if paid in advance, and begins Aug. 1. Spirit said today that it reduced its lowest fares by $40 on average, so most customers won’t really pay more to fly.

Spirit also charges to check luggage.

Nice spin re: reducing fares by $40 on average. This coming from an airline that often pitches $9 base fares with cutesy sale names.

Airfare comparison just got harder again. A fare on Spirit may now look cheaper than a fare on, say, JetBlue, despite the JetBlue fare including carry-ons and one checked bag. A “deal” may not be a deal once you add in all the fees.

As I’ve argued time and time again, there will be people upset with Spirit for doing this, but until people wise up and start voting with their feet (and wallets), this will continue.

(Thanks, Irv!)

Related:
- Spirit’s latest indignity: Middle seats for a $5 fee
- Spirit Airlines keeps it classy with their M.I.L.F. sale
- Spirit Airlines’ CEO flips his customers the bird
- Consumer victory: Spirit reverses its “web convenience fee”
- Is Spirit Airlines’ new club worth joining?

Col. Buck Elton, who was given the mission to open up airfield and assist with airlifts, says they have controlled 600+ takeoffs and landings in an airstrip that normally sees three takeoffs and landings a day.

Because the air traffic control tower has collapsed, all of this is being done by radio, on the ground – in a place that only has one runway/taxiway for planes, set directly in the middle of the airport and thus making it difficult for other planes to take off and arrive.

Col. Buck talked about how they have to “stack the aircraft until we have space for someone else to come in. ” The maximum number of aircraft that can fit on the ground: one wide-body, five narrow-body planes. and three smaller aircrafts that can taxi in on the ground, filling that spot as necessary. (It sounds like a game of Tetris.)

“The volume is similar to running a major airport without computers, radar or other equipment,” he said.

That’s great work in a bad situation. Here’s hoping that they can squeeze a few more relief flights in and out.

Downgraded: JAL
Japan’s JAL officially declared bankruptcy and defaulted on its bonds. The bidding war for the airline reached an impasse, but will resume now that bankruptcy is definitive.

Upgraded: Your debit card’s PIN
For some time, debit cards have been accepted as a form of payment on airline websites, but in the US, the cards have been processed much like a credit card, through the Visa or MasterCard number to which they’re linked. Now, Spirit Airlines is serving up a way to use your debit card to pay for airline tickets, using the same PIN you use at the ATM. PIN-enabled transactions at retail locations have gained acceptance (and are far cheaper for the retailer than swipe-and-sign transactions), but entering your PIN into a website? That may be a tough sell to the American consumer.

Upgraded: Really big new threats to air safety
Downgraded: Reality
On a lighter note, forget airport patdowns. Worry about giant sharks that are larger than super-jumbo jets and can attack aircraft from deep in the sea. There’s so much to enjoy in just this short clip from the B-movie horror spectacle “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.” The wooden acting, the awful computer animation, the absurd physics. Aviation geeks will enjoy the near-slanderous depiction of a “Condor Airlines” (alert the German airline of that name of this abuse!) Boeing 747-8 — a plane that hasn’t even been built yet — bouncing through the clouds, before it … just watch below. Words get in the way.

The problem with Spirit is not that it is cheap. It’s not even that it takes a hard line with its policies (sure, a little compassion would be nice… but it’s fine to be consistent). It’s also not even a problem when the airline says its only obligation is to get you from point A to point B safely.

There are three problems with Spirit.

First, the company has been using deceptive practices to get consumers to buy their stuff. There’s the fare club that customers automatically (and often unwittingly) signed up for. Another example:

[C]ustomers have unprintable things to say about the way Spirit charges for seat assignments and checked bags. To wit: your credit card is charged for your ticket, and only then are you asked if you’d like to spend more to pick a seat and check a bag. If yes, your card is charged again.

Second, the airline leaves you hanging when it cancels a flight. If the next available flight isn’t for another few days, that’s your tough luck. That’s not adequately clear when you go to buy a ticket from the airline.

Finally, a problem with the airline is that its ideas have caught on among its competitors. That’s not their fault, or even their own exclusive province — Ryanair, anyone? But Spirit’s competitors have been taking pages from their playbook and making their fees and practices commonplace.

Each of the (many) complaints I hear about Spirit Airlines mirrors one of these issues. But when it comes to their CEO, the complaints obviously fall on deaf ears.

Baldanza, a board game enthusiast with a whopping 1700 games in his collection, seems to think that every fee and every bilking of the customer is just part of a game. He even posted a list of board games that approximate the talents and skills of running your own airline.

Games, I can appreciate. But not when the rules aren’t fair. If Ben Baldanza wants to spend an evening playing Settlers of Catan, Power Grid, or Agricola, while discussing the ethics of his airline’s “gotcha” sales methods, he should consider himself invited to come on over to U:TB headquarters. I won’t even charge him for a beverage.

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“Sir, your pants are cooing.”

Downgraded: Priorities
A new film being made with George Clooney in the lead role is apparently based on the premise of a man seeking to collect 1 million frequent flyer miles. I would rather see a film devoted a person seeking to spend 1 million frequent flyer miles…

Downgraded: “Good luck” cards for illegal immigrants
Staying on the customs-and-immigration theme… A Mexican man attempting to enter the UK, with the intention of overstaying his visa, was flagged as a probable immigrant, rather than a tourist, when a card was found in his luggage containing the sentiment, “Good luck in your new life in the UK!” The UK Border Agency trumpeted that they were sending him “back.” But the man flew to Manchester from Los Angeles… I wonder what his return ticket read.

Upgraded: Advantage Rent-a-Car revived, in death
Bankrupt Advantage Rent-a-Car’s assets are being bought by competitor Enterprise, assuming the courts approve. But with the ongoing slump in the rental market, I’m surprised Enterprise would even want more cars or offices!

Upgraded: Northwest and Delta mileage accounts
I realize I’ve been negligent in not mentioning this before: You can merge Northwest WorldPerks miles into an existing Delta SkyMiles account and receive a 500-mile bonus for doing so, if you do it by April 15, 2009. The miles will instantly transfer over, but the bonus will take a few weeks to post.

Downgraded: Spirit Airlines charging fees again for buying tickets on their own website
I have to say, part of me loves the gall that Spirit Airlines has. Last year, they instituted a “passenger usage fee” of $4.90 for buying tickets on their own website. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it is: The airline tried this last summer, but retracted it within a few days. In the WSJ, Scott McCartney has this summary:

Spirit tried charging a $7.90 passenger usage fee last year, along with a $2.50 “natural occurrence interruption fee” (to cover storm-related costs) and an $8.50 “international service recovery fee” to pay for some taxes and fees the airline pays to foreign governments. But the DOT stepped in and ordered the airline to stop; federal rules require airlines to include airline-imposed charges that all customers must pay in advertised fares.

Spirit was fined $40,000 but remained undeterred. Since then, the airline has been negotiating with the DOT to find an acceptable way under department rules to charge the passenger booking fee. “We will be reintroducing it in a way the DOT is comfortable with,” Mr. Baldanza says.

Offended? Complain. Here and here.

Downgraded: Missing a flight
Downgraded as well: Airline staff who film passengers
A passenger who flipped out when she missed her flight to Hong Kong, and was caught on cameraphone throwing a huge tantrum, has received an apology from the airline that kept her off the plane. Not because she didn’t board, but because the embarrassing video was made by a Cathay Pacific employee. (Notably, they claim the employee wasn’t the one to have uploaded the video to YouTube, but that’s hardly a vital distinction at this point.) I didn’t post the original video when it started making the rounds, because it seemed to be everywhere at the time, but I’ll include it here for context.