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First it was Boeing’s failed Connexion service (R.I.P.). But in recent months, inflight internet is making a comeback. There was JetBlue’s announcement of a Yahoo/Blackberry inflight internet service. Then last week, Southwest announced that they would be rolling out wi-fi internet access onboard a limited number of their planes in coming months. Then, this week, Continental followed suit with a JetBlue style TV and limited internet service. The similarity to JetBlue’s product isn’t coincidental: They’re buying the service from a JetBlue subsidiary.

The Southwest internet announcement was more interesting, because it was real internet, and not limited to Yahoo or Blackberry. Still, I had some questions. Today, I’ve got some answers from the heart of Southwest HQ.

The biggest deal: No voice. Not even Voice-over-IP. Just try and use your Skype connection. I dare you. Double-dog dare you. Southwest has got you blocked, sucka.

Q: Will passengers know in advance which routes will have the wi-fi capability?
A: Maybe. Noncommittal. “Nothing is concrete yet.”

Q: Will voice features, e.g., the portal for Skype, be turned on, or off?
A: OFF. Southwest will be blocking VoIP. “We’ll have more than enough bandwidth to support e-mail and IM…great SILENT communication options!”

Q: Any plans to consider cellphone capability?
A: Not at this time. (Whew!)

Q: Any plans to bundle wi-fi with the “business” fares now offered?
A: No word yet on the pricing. TBA.

Related:
- JetBlue starts testing inflight internet next week
- Feed the Internet addiction: American Airlines will roll out high-speed inflight wi-fi next year
- It’s official: Boeing pulling the plug on its inflight internet service, Connexion
- “No Cellphones” light to be added to aircraft interiors

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Upgraded: Inflight internet on Southwest
I’m convinced 2009 will be the year inflight internet really takes off, but 2008 is the year of inflight internet rollouts. Next to announce: Southwest! Partnering with Row 44, the airline plans to roll out inflight wi-fi — including VPN access, which is a plus for those hoping to hook up to the company network — in four planes this summer. So how about power outlets? Which leads us to…

Downgraded: London Heathrow Terminal 5
New terminal? Great! But the new facility has no power outlets for public use! What were they thinking? Clearly not designed with travelers in mind.

Downgraded: Non-EU residents on Ryanair
European zero-frills powerhouse Ryanair charges extra fees if you don’t check in online. But they don’t permit non-EU and non-EEA passport-holders to check in online. That’s most everyone in the world who’s getting a surtax. Oh sure, you can apply for a refund, but the burden is on you, the traveler. Lovely, as always, Ryanair. See here for the scoop.

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Downgraded: Monkey life-chances
I really can’t add more than this fine opening sentence: “A small monkey stashed in a man’s hat during a flight to New York has died, but federal health authorities don’t know why.”

Upgraded: Vengeful idiots
A passenger who missed his Southwest Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Hartford decided to tell the airline that a bomb was on board. How nice. After an emergency landing in Omaha, no bomb was found on board flight 1018. If ever anyone deserved to be put on the no-fly list, it’s this guy. Class act.

Downgraded: Skybus
Many airlines cancel flights due to mechanical issues, but when you don’t have a lot of planes to begin with, the effects are multiplied. No-frills upstart Skybus canceled 18 flights over two days, when two of its planes were grounded. 1000 people were affected.

Downgraded: United
United canceled hundreds of flights, mostly out of O’Hare, this past week, blaming the weather. The only problem is that the weather wasn’t the problem. According to the pilots’ union and media reports, it’s short-staffing. Other airlines weren’t hit the same way, on similar routes, so it’s fair to question the company’s weather-related excuses. For those travelers who were affected, though, this is one of those instances where your rights vary, depending on the reason for the delay. If it was staffing, then United should have rebooked passengers on other airlines (Rule 240). But if the airline can blame the weather, then passengers are out of luck. So guess which one the company is blaming?

Bonus: 180 passengers got evacuated after a United 757 got stuck in the mud when it made a wrong turn in Kansas City.

Upgraded: Malls, pretending to be airports
This past week, I visited the Natick Mall in Massachusetts, where I stopped in at the American Express Cardmembers’ Lounge. I had heard of these mall lounges before, but it was my first time seeing it live and in color. Sure enough, it’s like a medium-sized airport lounge, with free cofee drinks, snacks, magazines, internet access, and a phone charging station. But unlike airports, this lounge has free gift wrapping services. A nice complimentary perk for Amex cardholders, even those who aren’t paying annual fees. Unfortunately, the lounges close on December 31. I truly wonder what it ended costing Amex to run this thing.

Upgraded: The IRS
People apparently would rather pay their taxes than submit to airport security. The TSA ranked lower than the IRS in a satisfaction survey. (FEMA ranked even lower, after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco.)

Upgraded: The Dangers of Pie
Add another reason why the TSA isn’t winning the popularity contests. Once again, this holiday season, people transporting pies were given a hard time at airport security checkpoints. This happened before, and TSA Director Kip Hawley declared that pie was not a liquid. But apparently, it could still be a plastic explosive. I give up. (Thanks, Jess!)

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Thanksgiving is almost upon us. And I’m giving thanks that I’m not traveling this holiday. But in the spirit of the season, how about an upgrade/downgrade cornucopia:

Downgraded: Hooters Style
Kyla Ebbert, the Southwest miniskirt bandit, has posed for Playboy. Glad to know she wasn’t in it for the publicity. Nah, never… What took her so long?

Upgraded: Carry-on rules for UK travel
The UK may — may — allow passengers to have more than one carry-on item again, if airports demonstrate their ability to handle the load. If they pass muster, airports will be greenlighted starting January 7, 2008.

Upgraded: Weight-based airfare proposals
An Australian doctor is proposing airfare based on your weight. Not a particularly practical policy for advance purchases, but heck, hotels have tried it, so why not.

Downgraded: American Airlines’ flight tracking
What did AA do to keep up with the list of 130 diverted flights on December 29, 2006? It kept a list on a legal-sized notepad. Way to work the high tech! (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Elitism on Greyhound
Greyhound, taking a page from the Skybus playbook, is charging $5 for early boarding on its buses. It’s not a bus with free wifi, but it’s a start, I guess.

Downgraded: Merger Mania
Yes, Delta and United are in play for a merger. Sure, Delta said the airlines weren’t talking. But their stockholders (hedge funds) were. So who the heck knows if this will actually happen. We’ve seen this thing before (United-Continental? US Airways-Delta?) and it hasn’t happened. Bottom line: airlines are making record profits, despite record fuel prices, and yet they still keep arguing for a need to cut capacity and raise fares, which is most easily effected through a merger. This makes no sense on so many levels. I remain opposed to airline mergers, like a broken record.

Southwest took another step away from its rebellious past and another step toward being just another legacy carrier today. But if you’re traveling last minute on the company dime, there may be a silver lining: Expensive fares, usually bought very close to departure, will now come with a guaranteed “A”-group boarding pass, assuring early boarding and seat selection under Southwest’s open seating model. Plus, you get a free cocktail.

Unclear from early reports is how the number in one’s boarding group is calculated for these passengers. (Southwest recently started numbering boarding passes within the A, B, and C groups, and requiring passengers to board in sequential order.)

Many Southwest fans will be outraged. The airline is gradually moving away from its democratic model, and going with a “money talks, BS walks” approach.

But at the same time, loyalty will be rewarded, too. Much like elite frequent flyers at United, Northwest, or US Airways get access to “premium” economy seats, Rapid Rewards members with 32 flights under their belt in one year are guaranteed an “A” boarding pass.

And in a marketing spin, those expensive last-minute fares would now be termed “Business Select” fares.

(Ooooh, “select”… Isn’t that a grade of beef? Select… choice… prime… The old-style “cattle call” may be gone, but the bovine metaphors live on.)

So, to recap: Expensive tickets get more perks and better seats. Frequent flyers get “upgrades.” And the marketers are spinning tales about how revolutionary and great this all is.

Sounds like a “legacy” airline. Not that there’s anything necessarily wrong with that. But the low-cost revolutionary hype is not in tune with reality any more.

They’ve grown up, perhaps. But Southwest is turning into the airlines it once mocked. Welcome to middle age!

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UPDATE December 3, 2007: Southwest issued cease-and-desist orders to both of these sites, too. Looks like the automated check-in game is over.

In June 2006, Southwest Airlines sued the owners of a small website, boardfirst.com, that gave travelers the opportunity to automatically check into their flights 24 hours before takeoff. As Southwest travelers know, the key to getting a good seat under their open seating system is checking in early — especially now that the boarding passes are numbered, and not just divided into groups A, B, and C.

Southwest wouldn’t have any little pipsqueak helping their customers get an early spot in line, so they sued. Well, the airline won.

Speculation is now rife that they’ll introduce their own early-check-in system for a fee someday soon.

Looking back at my post from last year, in which six boarding-pass providers were named, only one is still up and running: PlaneFast. Better yet, PlaneFast is free to use (though they welcome donations). A new entrant, Pass-a-matic, is in a beta testing phase, but with PlaneFast already up and running — and free — why mess with a beta test when you can work with an established player?

So options still exist. Just fewer of them. In any case, boo Southwest.

UPDATE December 3, 2007: Southwest issued cease-and-desist orders to both of these sites, too. Looks like the automated check-in game is over.

Related:
- Getting the best seats on Southwest just got harder
- Southwest’s revised seating policy
- Southwest tests “families-only” section on planes

Upgraded: The jurisdiction for Southwest’s Fashion Police
Good to see that the memo that Southwest doesn’t have a dress code made it to every employee. Oh wait… “Southwest Airlines said it will apologize to a passenger who was told he would be removed from a flight if he didn’t change clothes, the second time in recent months the budget carrier has been forced to do so.” The shirt read “Captain Jack Hoff: Master Baiter.” Har har har. Those t-shirt auteurs… such cunning linguists! Well, considering how Southwest “apologized” the last time, we should expect a fare sale with a saucy name soon. But what will they call it? “The ‘No shirt, no shoes, no assigned seating!’ Sale” ?? “The Happy Hands Sale” ?? Speculate in comments.

Downgraded: Urns
The Indianapolis Airport was shut down and evacuated because a funeral urn hadn’t been screened properly and the owner couldn’t be found. Talk about adding insult to injury for the family of the deceased. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened with those newfangled security systems that somehow keep hitting the media but don’t actually show up in widespread use at airports. Or maybe it would happen anyway. This is the TSA we’re talking about, after all.

Upgraded: Olympic fever!
Looking to visit the Olympics in Beijing next summer? Over on Peter Greenberg’s site, Mike Day rounds up the ways to get tickets, get a room, and get around. Don’t forget your asthma medication.

Upgraded: Erosion
A 2002 flood created a new canyon in Texas in just three days. And then it took five years to open it to the public!

Upgraded: Quieter hotels
Longtime readers know that one of my pet travel peeves is the noisy luxury hotel, often courtesy of a crappy door with a giant gap at the bottom, allowing in all the noise from the hall. I’m happy to read that soundproofing materials are selling well as hoteliers build new facilities. Better walls, yay! But no mention of better doors. Nice try, people! The Door Wars are still on!

Upgraded: Bio-air-travel
Air New Zealand, Boeing, and Rolls-Royce engines will test a biofuel-powered 747. If you smell french fries in the wind, look up to see if a jumbo jet is passing by.

Southwest’s new seating plan
The experiments are over, and the San Antonio model has won out. Starting in November, the new system will be nationwide. Each boarding pass will have a letter (A, B, or C) and a number within that boarding group. Board in the order you checked in. The airline’s promo video (Windows Media) is here. Their “boarding school” is in session here. Bottom line: You won’t need to save your place in line within the A-group by putting your carry-on luggage into the corral. I guess that’s an improvement. But you’ll need to be even quicker to check in if you want your pick of the litter. Remember, check-in opens 24 hours before the flight. Do it online. See here for a list of services that provide automated web check-in. (Their business models might be slightly in flux now.)

Virgin Atlantic adds more premium seats
Virgin Atlantic must be selling its business class and premium economy seats pretty briskly. The airline is tearing out a quarter of its coach seats on Heathrow-based 747s and replacing them with the more spacious (and higher-yielding) premium seats.

Why can’t you use a foreign credit card on US booking sites?
Chris Elliott tackles this common complaint: You might get a better fare on a particular itinerary by booking via a website or agency outside your home country, but you can’t buy it, because the seller won’t accept your home country’s credit card. Why not? The travel companies are trying to slice and dice the market, so they can have greater control of fares, while minimizing the chance of fraud. Not every country has this problem. (I’ve used a Singaporean website or two to book US travel with my US card.) If you’ve ever been flummoxed by this, go read the whole post.

US Airways increases the cost of upgrades, but makes more fares upgradeable
Mileage upgrades on US Airways are more expensive, with each Lower-48/Canada/Alaska upgrade costing 15,000 instead of 10,000 miles as of October 3. On the flip side, they’re opening up ALL their domestic fares for upgradeability, so it’s no longer just the most expensive tickets that are eligible. That’s a plus. Similarly, on international flights, you’ll be able to use miles to upgrade any flight that cost you $600 or more each way. By my reading of the new rules, that $600 number includes taxes and fees. (via WebFlyer)

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Granted, this isn’t a Spirit Airlines style non-apology. But when I read press reports proclaiming that Southwest had apologized to Kyla Ebbert, the publicity-seeking, ultra-short skirt-wearing Hooters waitress they harassed a few weeks ago, I stopped, read the company’s actual text, and thought, “No, they didn’t apologize at all!”

Sure, they say they’re sorry, but only after belittling the issue and making references to hot flashes and great legs. Cute folksiness? I think they’re winking at everyone saying, “We’re apologizing, but we don’t really mean it.”

Read the actual text of their apology:

From a Company who really loves PR, touche to you Kyla! Some have said we’ve gone from wearing our famous hot pants to having hot flashes at Southwest, but nothing could be further from the truth. As we both know, this story has great legs, but the true issue here is that you are a valued Customer, and you did not get an adequate apology. Kyla, we could have handled this better, and on behalf of Southwest Airlines, I am truly sorry. We hope you continue to fly Southwest Airlines. Our Company is based on freedom even if our actions may have not appeared that way. It was never our intention to treat you unfairly and again, we apologize.

Then they go on to declare a “Mini-Skirt Sale.”

Now, Kyla of the short skirts is really milking this thing to the hilt, and I have lost just about every smidgen of sympathy for her. But I still feel that airlines shouldn’t be in the fashion police business unless there’s truly a Sharon Stone “Basic Instinct” moment at hand (update: my wife tells me that Sharon Stone references are too dated… will you accept a panty-less Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears reference instead?) In which case, just hand her a blanket.

So the company finally caved to the pressure to apologize, and this is the best they could do. But they’re not sorry they hassled her. They’re sorry they got called on it.

And for those who need a reminder of Southwest’s own less-than-prude heritage, or who just want a little slice of airline cheesecake, enjoy these photos of Southwest’s flight attendants, back in the 1970s. Would those uniforms pass muster today?

Upgraded: Your luggage in 25 minutes or less or your pizza is free
United’s revised customer commitment (the “promise” which airlines keep revising to try to head off a passenger’s bill of rights) has been changed, with the airline pledging to get customers their checked bags within 25 minutes of arriving at the gate. Of course, there are no consequences for missing that deadline, but still, glad to hear that they’re setting a benchmark. Beats American Airlines’ technique of simply tacking 7 minutes onto every scheduled flight time, to make flights look more “on-time.” Classy!

Separately: One thing I’m happy to see survive the revision at United: the 24-hour penalty-free cancellation policy.

Upgraded: Passengers’ bravado
Speaking of luggage, a Tacoma, Washington, couple has sued British Airways for losing its luggage. And that suit could gain class action status, representing “American British Air [sic] travelers who flew internationally between Sept. 5, 2005, and Wednesday [September 5, 2007].” (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Helicopter fares to the airport
Downgraded: Helicopter business plans
U.S. Helicopter isn’t making the fat bank that they were hoping for. Their SEC filings include the warning that they may not be able to continue as a “going concern.” So what do they do? Fare sale! New Yorkers rejoice: $99 to JFK or Newark. Faster than a cab, for (nearly) the same price.

Upgraded: Memories of Hooters Air
Remember Hooters Air, the airline that featured flight attendants AND Hooters Girls onboard? If you think I’m kidding, you’re wrong. It existed. Seriously. 23-year old student and Hooters waitress Kyla Ebbert got kicked off a Southwest plane for wearing a skirt that was too short for the flight attendant. A bit overzealous? And now she’s milking the notoriety: She was on the freakin’ Today Show. Slow news day. So she showed a bit of leg (and maybe a little more). Note that Southwest flight attendants often wear shorts, and that’s usually more leg than I want to see from my front-line airline staff. (Thanks to reader J!)

Downgraded: The letter V
CondeNast writer Sarah Kerr offers her “awards” for the best travel related movies. And she calls her awards the “Travies.” Not to be confused with the “Travvies,” the travel blog awards. One letter V makes all the difference. I hereby insist that the film awards be pronounced “TRAY-vees.” See you in court, Sarah! (I kid, I kid.)

Upgraded (or Downgraded?): Silverjet wants to fly to Heathrow
Silverjet, the all-business class airline (a la Maxjet or L’Avion) already flies Newark to London-Luton. Now they want to fly to Heathrow. But to do that, they’ll need to merge or partner with another airline. This could be interesting: It would be the first of the all-business class airlines to merge with another party — presumably a legacy airline. Might be a way for a down-on-their-luck American carrier to pick up some sassy trans-Atlantic action?

Upgraded: FlightStats
FlightStats.com, which offers the most comprehensive suite of real-time flight information on the web, has added live-updating Google maps. Now, I still think that FlightAware’s maps are a little sexier for those looking to track a flight graphically. But FlightStats’ gate-arrival information is more relevant to travelers. I’ll still keep both sites in the toolkit.

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Upgraded… or is it Downgraded?: Southwest boarding
Southwest Airlines has been test-marketing alternate boarding processes for a few weeks now. (Such as the family-only section test.) Now, in one of the latest tests, they are having passengers line up in the precise order in which they checked in. Not just Group A, B, or C. First person to check in is #1. This makes checking in early all the more important, since getting the last A pass is effectively the same as getting the first B pass. Seems like a major revision of their model (again, it’s only in a market test, not rolled out everywhere.) Reader Eric sent me this photo (I’m not sure of the original source), showing an example of the new lineup procedure. Is this really an improvement?? (Thanks, Eric!)

Downgraded: Ryanair check-in counters
I remember when First Chicago, now part of Chase, started charging a fee whenever bank customers used a real human bank teller. The fee was meant to force customers to use the ATMs. Now, it’s the web: Europe’s WalMart of the sky Ryanair is rolling out a new fee for customers who don’t check in online. Starting September 20, passengers will need to pay £2 or €3 (about US$4) if they check in at the airport. Swank.

Upgraded: The human touch
The counterpoint to the all-automated Ryanair way, perhaps: Scott McCartney has a nice feature on human touches that make the inflight experience more enjoyable. In this case, it’s United pilot Denny Flanagan, who hands out business cards with handwritten notes thanking customers for their business, orders takeout for passengers when there’s a diversion, and phones parents of unaccompanied minors when there’s a flight delay. Wow. Give that man a bonus. (Or maybe just his old pension back.)

Downgraded: Paper tickets
Rest in peace, muchachos. With e-tickets to become the international standard for all air travel on June 1, 2008, the International Air Transport Association placed its last giant order for paper tickets. 16.5 million of them will have to last through next May. Then they’ll be “collector’s items.” Stock up and save?

For the past two weeks, Southwest Airlines has been experimenting with family-section seating for its flights departing from San Antonio.

For those that haven’t flown Southwest: The airline uses an “open seating” model, which means that there are no seat assignments on boarding passes. You get assigned to boarding group A, B, or C, depending on how early your check in. The A’s get to board first and choose their seats from the pick of the litter. (If you want to ensure that you get that “A” boarding pass, see here.)

There have been a few different family-boarding variants: For example, one version has the gate attendants calling up boarding group A to board first, as usual. Thereafter, families are asked to board.

In another model, one section of rows on board is “reserved” for families to sit together. (Perhaps they should call this “Mullet Seating” — business in the front, party in the rear.)

Other experimental boarding models are still pending.

The concept isn’t just designed to appeal to families traveling together. That’s a side effect. The reality is that it’s in the airline’s economic self-interest, and helps them turn planes around faster:

“The goal here is to speed up the boarding process,” [spokeswoman Brandy King] said. […] Families that board with the last groups often are unable find adjacent seats. So flight attendants have to move some passengers around so that families can sit together. It’s a time-consuming process, King said, but it’s necessary.

But individual travelers who played by the rules to get an early-boarding pass might be ticked off that a family of six could trump their seat choice.

So the question is put to you: Is family seating a good idea or not? Should other airlines try something similar, or avoid this like the plague? Vote in the poll below, and hit the comments!

Related:
- Getting the best seats on Southwest just got harder
- Confirmed: Southwest Airlines to test assigned seating; Northwest abandons boarding by rows
- Southwest to maintain unassigned seating (for now)
- Seat selection, highbrow and low: Eos, Maxjet, Southwest
- EasyJet starts charging for early boarding

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