Downgraded: Expectations
Five-star hotel not living up to its standards? How about a zero-star hotel instead? The lodging — a converted windowless bunker in Switzerland — is also an art project. Zero-star is a cute idea, and it’s certainly fun. (Spin the Wheel of Fate!) And cheap: $9. I like their motto: “The only star is you.” Nonetheless, I believe the correct term for this facility is “hostel” (or “backpackers” for the Aussies/Kiwis in the house). See a video of the ho(s)tel below. Actually, come to think of it, it’s actually nicer than some hostels I stayed in during college.

Upgraded: British Airways
Downgraded: “cheaper” airlines
A (non-scientific) study by the Times of London found that fares were lower on British Airways than on Ryanair. And that was before they took things like luggage fees and check-in fees into account. This just reinforces the importance of price comparison (which Ryanair and its ilk tend to make difficult by keeping their fares out of the global distribution systems). As I’ve always argued, don’t assume that a “low-cost” airline is automatically lower than others. (Thanks to reader J!)

Upgraded: Skycaps
A court has affirmed that American Airlines harmed Boston skycaps’ tip income when it imposed a $2 curbside check-in fee — which went to the airline, not the skycaps. (The $2 fee was dropped in May 2008, when American started charging a fee for all checked bags.)

Upgraded: Inflight wi-fi
In the last few weeks, Virgin America reduced the cost of its inflight wifi. Lufthansa hinted at relaunching global satellite-based wifi using Panasonic’s technology (essentially duplicating the service it once offered via Connexion by Boeing). And another satellite provider, Row 44, which has tested service on Southwest and Alaska Airlines, received approval from the FCC to offer its services.

Downgraded: Continental Express
Another “trapped passengers” story… Continental Express flight gets diverted, keeps passengers on board for NINE HOURS. I mean, really, nine hours? On a regional jet?? There is no excuse for that duration of delay without allowing passengers to disembark. None. I don’t believe that this is the number one problem facing passengers today, but stories like this make it clear that some time limits to passenger trappings do need to be part of any passenger rights bill.

Downgraded: Some of the best premium seats in the sky
Cathay Pacific, which offers one of the best premium class products in the air, is cutting back the number of first and business class seats.

Skycaps have been getting screwed for the past few year. They used to offer their curbside check-in service for tips alone, but then the airlines got into the act, charging a mandatory $2/bag. But many (or most?) customers didn’t notice the change, and didn’t realize that the $2 they paid now went to the airline, not the skycap. So they didn’t tip. They thought they were tipping.

Skycaps were understandably pissed off. Nine of them sued American Airlines for the change, and yesterday a jury awarded them $325,000. Hey, airline executives: prepare for more lawsuits. It could be made a class action, too, covering skycaps at 60 airports across the United States.

Good for the skycaps. They were being screwed, and they fought back. Huzzah.

At least they didn’t take it out on the passengers. I’m hoping that these skycaps aren’t included in the award.

It’ll be interesting to see how airlines adapt to the lawsuit. Will they reduce the fee? Or will they create better signage, indicating that the $2 goes to the airline, not the employee? Or will they just eliminate skycaps entirely?

The war on runway safety
Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport hasn’t worked out as everyone hoped, with cost overruns, insufficient bathrooms, and shoddy workmanship. But now, by virtue of its failure to renew its safety certificate, it’s officially unsafe. Runways have been plagued with cracks and debris. (You’ll be pleased to know that the airport is still operating as normal. Nice. Wouldn’t want to let safety get in the way of the schedule!)

The war on skycaps
Skycaps at Boston’s Logan Airport have filed a class action lawsuit against American Airlines. The suit alleges that the airline’s policy of charging $2 per bag for curbside check-in is cutting into the skycaps’ tips. Indeed, many people assume the fee goes to the skycap, but it actually goes to the airline. The fees exist at plenty of other airports and with plenty of other airlines. Will more skycaps organize and sue?

The war on horse meat
I really don’t know what to make of this. “American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said early Thursday afternoon that they had suspended transport of horse meat to overseas markets — mainly France, Belgium and Japan — where it is consumed.” Horse butchers are angry. It’s a long story.

The war on fusion cuisine
Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture will soon travel the world, inspecting Japanese restaurants and certifying their authenticity. I realize that this is as much cultural nationalism as it is a marketing device, but it’s moronic. California rolls aren’t authentic to Japan, but they’re a standard of sushi restaurants in America. Deal with it. It’s a globalized world, and the notion of a “pure” cultural product is a sham. And it’s been a sham for some time. We’ve been globalizing for hundreds of years. (The spice trade, anyone?) But if the Japanese taxpayer wants to pay for this culinary boondoggle, have at it. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

The war on broken in-flight entertainment
I get as irritated as the next guy when the audio-video system is broken on a long flight, but attacking the staff is probably not the way to go. Customers on board several Qantas aircraft that have been experiencing technical trouble with their video system “are becoming openly abusive and threatening” to flight attendants in flight. Not cool. Better bring a book.

The war for Delta
US Airways really, really, really, really, really wants to buy Delta. They’re now offering to raise their offer by another $1 billion if the creditors agree to postpone a meeting to discuss Delta’s in-house restructuring. Wake me up when this is over.

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With air travelers increasingly checking bags, skycaps at airports have been doing better business. But Bags to Go and BAGS, Inc. (an acronym for Baggage Airline Guest Services) take the skycap business to the next level, by letting passengers check bags and get their boarding pass offsite — at locations such as hotels, convention centers, or cruise ship terminals.

It’s a great idea, and it’s bound to get a boost in coming months. Depending on the location, you can check your bag as early as 24 hours in advance, or as late as 2 hours before the flight. They take your bag to the airport, where it’s screened, etc. Since they also issue you a boarding pass at the remote site, you just get in line for security when you get to the airport.

San Francisco’s Moscone Convention Center, Chicago’s McCormick Place, and Orlando’s Orange County Convention Center already have agreements with BAGS, while Bags to Go is limited to Las Vegas — the convention center, and the Venetian. Bags to Go charges $20 per person (not per piece) for the service, while BAGS rates vary by location.

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Save the world’s first motel
San Luis Obispo’s Mo-Tel Inn, out of business for over a decade, is a dilapidated heap today. It’s the first motor-hotel in the world, built in 1925. But there are talks to make the building a shrine to roadside lodging. Bring it on. (A short history of motels is here.)

Save Antarctica from over-tourism
(Is “over-tourism” a word? It is now!) 26,000 people visited the continent last year, and plans are afoot to better manage their environmental impact.

Save the children
A 12 year old boy who ran away from a “care home” got onboard a Monarch Airlines flight from London-Gatwick to Lisbon without a passport or boarding pass. How’s that for tightened security?

Save me from overreaction
United flight 923 from London to Washington was diverted to Boston due to a claustrophobic passenger who started freaking out. Early reports of screwdriver-wielding passengers bearing al Qaeda literature and Vaseline — all were hyperventilating bunk, like a game of “telephone” with real-world effects. Will every flight diversion, due to medical or other non-terrorist reason, be bold-faced breaking news on every news site now? Probably for the next few weeks. Sigh.

Save time, but not money
Unsurprising news: Private jet services that charge by the hour are doing brisk business since last week.

Save your bag check receipts
Over 20,000 checked bags have been lost at London’s Heathrow Airport in the past week. Most will turn up eventually, but still… 20,000 !!?

Save the music
Losers in the security ruckus: Orchestras. Musicians are nervous, since they tend to carry-on their instruments, or in the case of cellos, buy the instrument its own (miles-earning) seat. Hopefully the recently-relaxed rules will make orchestras’ travel possible again.

Saved! Skycaps
Winners in the luggage carnival, as predicted: Skycaps.

(image: beachcalifornia.com)