Skybus 1: How to contact Skybus
I know, I know, enough already with the Skybus posts! But it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Recall that the startup airline, in its multi-pronged efforts to save money, claims it doesn’t have a customer service phone number, according to the website. But they do. Chris Elliott does Skybus passengers a public service by ferreting out that contact number — (614) 246-8800 — as well as the e-mail addresses of their customer service executives.

Skybus 2: What’s next, Amway?
Be careful if you try booking a “vacation package” on the Skybus website. It’s really a timeshare sales pitch. Classy.

Beats getting three toasters
In a smart marketing move, Northwest Airlines has started a gift registry. Friends and family can make payment toward air travel, such as for a honeymoon. Note that the registry funds can’t be applied to hotel, rental car, etc., as part of packages. Air only. But still, it’s surprising other airlines haven’t done this before.

This isn’t Singapore Airlines
Iris Peterson, the oldest flight attendant in America’s skies, has retired from United Airlines. She started flying in 1946 and is now in her 80s. Quite a bit of aviation history she’s witnessed, and a good number of job title changes, “sky girl” and “stewardess” among them. Congratulations to Iris! Though frankly I’m glad that she’s not flying anymore. Honestly, was she able to perform all safety duties? How productive would she have been during an emergency?

Red, white and drunk all over NYC
Got 36 hours to spend in New York? Does a bar crawl feel a little too college for you? How about a wine crawl? Alright then. Dr. Vino shows the way.

On top of the world, pissing down on creation
When you’re done with that wine tourism, you might need to hit the WC. For the gentlemen, why not seek out a urinal with a view?

Car rental by the hour goes mainstream
Hertz and other big rental car firms must be feeling some heat from Zipcar, Flexcar, iGo, and other regional short-term rental companies. The big guys are increasingly offering hourly rates for their cars. Unlike hotels, hourly rates are a good thing, especially for business travelers doing same-day hit-and-run visits to cities.

Here’s a thought: Skybus, the cheapskate startup airline mentioned earlier this week, features this clause in their “Rules of Flying”:

Oh, and don’t sneak food onboard unless you brought enough for the whole plane.

Cute. But what happens if you DO bring enough for the whole plane? What if your carry-on luggage were stuffed to the hilt, say, with 162 candy bars? (That’s 156 for all the passengers on the plane, plus 6 for the crew: 4 flight attendants, pilot, and co-pilot.)

Let’s assume the person with the candy-laden carry-on is being altruistic, and not a shrewd businessperson. When United eliminated pretzels on their shorter flights, commenters on this post came up with the idea of starting a business, selling snacks onboard the flight. (Is there anything in the contract of carriage forbidding inflight passenger-to-passenger sales??)

So, Skybus travelers, who will put this food policy to the test?

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European-style ultra-discount airline Skybus started selling tickets this morning, with its first flights taking off in a mere four weeks (May 22). Fares start at 10 bucks, plus taxes. But this isn’t airline business as usual for passengers in the U.S. There are some important rules you need to be aware of before you buy your tickets.

For starters, they sell tickets point-to-point, which means you need to buy two separate tickets if your flight requires a connection through their Columbus, Ohio hub. Pain-in-the-butt factor? High.

Then there are the airports. Go to the Skybus website, and it looks like they fly to Boston, Los Angeles, and Seattle. In reality, they fly to Portsmouth, NH, Burbank, and Bellingham, WA. (Burbank isn’t terrible, but the others are WAY out there.) This is somewhat deceptive. (For now, they’ll fly to Bellingham, Burbank, Fort Lauderdale, Greensboro, Kansas City, Oakland, Portsmouth, and Richmond.)

But what’s really interesting — even shocking! — is their “rules of flying” and their more complete contract of carriage, the terms and conditions of your ticket. Some of them may come as a shock to the American flying public. Let’s dig in:

Checked bag? Check, please! Luggage fees
The first two bags are $5 each. After that, it’s $50 a bag. Checked bags are the American standard — 50 lbs. — and there’s a $25 surcharge for overweight bags. After Spirit Airlines started charging for bags, this policy doesn’t come as a surprise.

No Starbucks allowed: Food and drink verboten, unless they’re selling it
Everything costs money. No word on pricing yet, but there’s a charge for anything you consume, as well as for pillows and blankets, which you get to keep a la Air Canada. But here’s the kicker: “Oh, and don’t sneak food onboard unless you brought enough for the whole plane.” Huh? Self-catered food is prohibited. The contract of carriage also contains this doozy: “In the interest of safety, passengers are prohibited from carrying hot drinks on board.” Even with a Java Jacket and a cover?? Wow. No Starbucks for you, tough guy!

Amish-style entertainment: No video
“Bring a book. We’re not big fans of fancy in-flight entertainment systems.” Say no more.

No phone number means no phone tree hell
This one had me floored: “We don’t have a phone number. Seriously. We’d love to chat, but those phone banks are expensive. And a good website like skybus.com is even more convenient.” Better make sure your cellphone has a good data plan if you’re flying Skybus.

Do you work here? Ultra-low gate staffing
“You probably won’t see any agents at the gate until boarding time.” Better hope you don’t have a question or need assistance.

Board early for $10
All seating is open, much like Southwest, but you can pay a fee to jump to the front of the line. No word on whether they’re doing seating areas or zones.

PBOR? Not really
Stuck on the tarmac? Drinks are for sale! Or rather, they’ll try to sell you drinks. “We will endeavor to… make refreshments available for purchase.”

I’m sure there’s more, but this is based on a first reading of the info on the Skybus site. The way things are going, there are probably plenty of other doozies in there.

Contrast this with Virgin America, which claims to offer low fares and better service, including inflight entertainment. Two startup airlines, both claiming to be discount, but two different worlds. I know which one sounds better to me.