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Late Friday, Skybus announced on its website that it would shut down by the end of the day. If you hold tickets on the discount airline for travel today (Saturday, April 5, 2008) or later, call your credit card company immediately and try to secure a refund.

I say “try,” because you may not be able to get your money back. If you booked tickets well in advance and you’ve already paid the bill, you may run into snags with your credit card company in getting a chargeback. You generally can dispute charges when a company fails to deliver the services it promised, but if you’ve paid your bill, your bank is far less likely to work on your behalf. Banks vary; call them. Now.

If you’re already halfway into an itinerary, you can try to get your ticket honored by another airline, but as Chris Elliott has pointed out after previous airline shutdowns, there’s no law requiring them to do so. If any other airline accepts a Skybus ticket, even with a surcharge, it’s as close to an act of charity as you’ll ever see from a for-profit enterprise.

So far, no statement has appeared on any of the major airlines’ websites to woo Skybus customers. Who would want to attract a cheapskate customer who only paid a measly $10 one-way fare, I guess. In contrast, you’ll see announcements of standby policy for stranded ATA and Aloha customers on airline websites like Northwest, US Airways and United. For example, ATA customers can fly standby (on a space-available basis… good luck) on US Airways for $100 per segment. Not truly “cheap,” but better than paying a walk-up fare to, say, get back to the U.S. mainland from Honolulu.

But back to Skybus: Their failure is a surprise, but only for its timing. The third scheduled airline this week to close its doors, after the much older Aloha and ATA. (I’m sorry, I don’t count the charter airline Champion Air, which also folded this week. Bad week for the industry.) High fuel prices and bad business models combined to create this week’s carnage.

I never flew Skybus, though I had been considering trying them out on a Greensboro-Chicago/Gary flight. I flew Aloha inter-island in 1994, which was pleasant, and I flew ATA in 2003, which was less than pleasant. (I swore never to fly ATA again after a miserable experience with their front-desk staff at Chicago/Midway, who refused to issue a boarding pass, even though I was at the gate more than 45 minutes before the flight. “You’ll never make it through security in time.” “I bet I can.” “Nope, you won’t. The next flight is in 7 hours. You’re on the standby list.” I’ve never been angrier at an airline employee.)

Taking three airlines out of commission is pulling a good chunk of supply from the market, especially to Hawaii, which will allow other airlines to raise fares. For the short term, these airline failures are bad news for all flyers, not just the folks who hold tickets on the defunct carriers.

But rest assured, much like lottery tickets always find a market, capital always seems to flow to start-up airlines, though it’s not overnight. Perhaps a Charleston, West Virginia based airline might be the next big thing. Or even a Louisiana-themed discount carrier named after gumbo.

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Downgraded: Monkey life-chances
I really can’t add more than this fine opening sentence: “A small monkey stashed in a man’s hat during a flight to New York has died, but federal health authorities don’t know why.”

Upgraded: Vengeful idiots
A passenger who missed his Southwest Airlines flight from Las Vegas to Hartford decided to tell the airline that a bomb was on board. How nice. After an emergency landing in Omaha, no bomb was found on board flight 1018. If ever anyone deserved to be put on the no-fly list, it’s this guy. Class act.

Downgraded: Skybus
Many airlines cancel flights due to mechanical issues, but when you don’t have a lot of planes to begin with, the effects are multiplied. No-frills upstart Skybus canceled 18 flights over two days, when two of its planes were grounded. 1000 people were affected.

Downgraded: United
United canceled hundreds of flights, mostly out of O’Hare, this past week, blaming the weather. The only problem is that the weather wasn’t the problem. According to the pilots’ union and media reports, it’s short-staffing. Other airlines weren’t hit the same way, on similar routes, so it’s fair to question the company’s weather-related excuses. For those travelers who were affected, though, this is one of those instances where your rights vary, depending on the reason for the delay. If it was staffing, then United should have rebooked passengers on other airlines (Rule 240). But if the airline can blame the weather, then passengers are out of luck. So guess which one the company is blaming?

Bonus: 180 passengers got evacuated after a United 757 got stuck in the mud when it made a wrong turn in Kansas City.

Upgraded: Malls, pretending to be airports
This past week, I visited the Natick Mall in Massachusetts, where I stopped in at the American Express Cardmembers’ Lounge. I had heard of these mall lounges before, but it was my first time seeing it live and in color. Sure enough, it’s like a medium-sized airport lounge, with free cofee drinks, snacks, magazines, internet access, and a phone charging station. But unlike airports, this lounge has free gift wrapping services. A nice complimentary perk for Amex cardholders, even those who aren’t paying annual fees. Unfortunately, the lounges close on December 31. I truly wonder what it ended costing Amex to run this thing.

Upgraded: The IRS
People apparently would rather pay their taxes than submit to airport security. The TSA ranked lower than the IRS in a satisfaction survey. (FEMA ranked even lower, after the Hurricane Katrina fiasco.)

Upgraded: The Dangers of Pie
Add another reason why the TSA isn’t winning the popularity contests. Once again, this holiday season, people transporting pies were given a hard time at airport security checkpoints. This happened before, and TSA Director Kip Hawley declared that pie was not a liquid. But apparently, it could still be a plastic explosive. I give up. (Thanks, Jess!)

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Downgraded: Hotel-room glasses
I’m always a little wary of those glasses in hotel rooms, but now we’ve got hidden-camera proof that we shouldn’t be using them — or washing them ourselves before every use. Fox Atlanta planted cameras in several hotels, including Holiday Inn, Sheraton, and the Ritz-Carlton. In each hotel, housekeepers don’t remove the glasses for cleaning in the dishwashers downstairs. At best, they simply rinse them. At worst, they spray them with poisonous household cleaners, handle them with the same gloves they wore when cleaning the toilet, or dry the rinsed glassware with the same towel you used as a bathmat that morning. Disgusting. (Thanks, James!)

Upgraded: Ways to contact Skybus
Skybus, the notoriously hard-to-reach airline that tries to tell its customers that there’s no working phone number at the airline, has been exposed. How to contact Skybus, according to Skybus? Write an e-mail. After seeing far too many boilerplate e-replies that don’t address the problem, Chris Elliott has posted the executives’ contact information, including e-mails.

Upgraded: Advertisers’ unwitting sense of irony
Skybus again: CapitalOne is shelling out the big bucks to paint pigs all over a Skybus A319. It’s a savings account ad — a piggy bank theme — plus a riff off “When pigs fly,” leaving you, the consumer, with hijinks and hilarity. But if you’re an airline, do you really want your plane looking like a pig? Skybus, the flying pig? Wallow aboard!

Upgraded: Paris wine
Where to find a good wine bar or wine retailer in Paris? Look no further. Dr. Vino hits the scene with yet another installation of his wine maps. The Paris wine map features both stores and bars.

Upgraded: Getting on the bump list
The Cranky Flier notes that United has started asking for volunteers on overbooked flights at the time of check-in. Talk about getting in front of the problem. Unfortunately, the net effect for travelers is negligible, because you can’t (yet?) be guaranteed a bump by registering for one online. You still have to drag your butt to the airport and wait at the gate. Registering online only gets you an early spot on the list, if that’s your bag.

Upgraded: Smokin’ hot suitcases
The joke luggage insert (ahem, the Citizen’s Insertable Swiftness Manifest) posted last week included several jokes about smoking luggage. Now life imitates art. Phoenix SkyHarbor Airport was actually shut down after a smoking suitcase was discovered.

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Upgraded: Hotel executives’ waste of shareholder funds
Hotel corporation annual meetings rarely reach the level of sublime self-indulgence, but InterContinental has raised the bar:

[InterContinental Hotels Group] Americas’ President Steve Porter kicked off [IHG’s national meeting] with the gusto of a rock star, directing a choir singing Queen’s “We Will Rock You.” A band, including CEO Cosslett on guitar, provided the thunderous chords while drummers drilled the song into the rafters of the Dallas Convention Center.

“Today we are at a crossroads,” Porter said. “Our relevance is at risk.”

Clearly, true. For real relevance, Porter would have conducted the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and London Symphony Orchestra in a complete performance of the Who’s “Tommy,” while discussing the prospects for expansion of the Hotel Indigo brand.

Upgraded: Airport health care
Why visit a doctor — or heck, a supermarket — when you can get your flu shots at the airport? Now injecting at gate C17!

Downgraded: New England fall foliage
One year’s weather or global warming? Either way, fall foliage in the northeast U.S. isn’t looking so great.

Upgraded: Eos adds more all-business flights
Eos Airlines, which currently flies from JFK to London-Stansted is expanding. New routes will include Newark to Stansted in the spring, and JFK to Paris in the fall.

Upgraded: Skybus adds flights from Greensboro
Late last month, I posted about Skybus‘ plans to expand to a new hub — or “focus city,” if you must use the proper nomenclature. Signs were pointing toward Greensboro, NC or Portsmouth, NH. Greensboro it is. Up to 11 flights a day coming soon.

Upgraded: A380 cinema verité
Video of the interior of the new Singapore Airbus A380. It’s pure, unadulterated Singapore Airlines and Airbus PR video. But it’s actually often rather unflattering, if you ask me, at least in coach. (Legroom looks good, but those colors are drab!) For those seeking some first class airline porn, voila.

(Thanks to reader Chris!)

Ahh, Skybus. The ban on carry-on food or drink… The ultra-tight seat pitch… The out-of-the-way airports with the misleading names… (Bellingham is not Seattle, folks!) The fact that you have to pick up and re-check your bags if you connect at their Columbus, Ohio “hub”… Oh Skybus, where would travel blogs be without you?

Sure, ten tickets on each flight are $10 each way. That’s really, really cheap. About $40 total roundtrip, with taxes, if you’re keeping score. But is it worth the savings?

So quick, name the airline’s most successful route of the 14 (going on 19) cities it serves?

If you said, “Columbus to Greensboro/Winston-Salem,” you’re right, and probably stalking Skybus executives to get your information.

It’s true. Those Piedmont Triad residents just can’t get enough of Columbus, I tells ya.

The success of the route is one reason that Skybus is considering Greensboro as a second hub (or “focus city”). Portsmouth, NH is another hub contender, and has already picked up nonstop (gasp!) routes to Florida. Other unnamed cities are possibilities.

For North Carolina residents hoping to break free of the US Airways death grip on the state, this may seem like a golden opportunity. But it’s still Skybus. This isn’t Virgin America or jetBlue. This is an airline that truly treats its passengers like cattle, with no seat assignments, no phone number for customer service, and no outside food permitted. I’m wishing Greensboro good luck. But I’m not sure that’s wishing for Skybus to make them a hub.

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Separately, the Columbus Dispatch, hometown paper for the Skybus set, and an investor in the airline through a subsidiary (!), published how Skybus actually schedules as many flights as they do from only five aircraft. No wonder they don’t let you make connections. If anything goes wrong, you’re pretty much guaranteed to miss your next flight. Click the graphic below to see.

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Related:
- Is this a bus you want to ride? Zero-frills airline Skybus launches today with $10 tickets
- Smart-aleck test: What if you bring LOTS of food onto a Skybus flight?

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It’s been a tough few weeks, so the posting machine has been running a bit slow. Time to clear some of the backlog:

Survivor: Skybus edition
Jaunted’s Mark Johnson played anthropologist in the airline world last week, doing some participant-observation onboard ultra-cheap negative-frills airline Skybus. The whole saga, with videos and pictures, can be found here. Photo above is Mark’s pic of a $9/hour Skybus flight attendant selling goods (on commission). Ah, the ubiquitous Toblerone, official chocolate of 35,000 feet. But ice wine? And those crew uniforms look remarkably like the folks in those hotels.com TV ads…

Bonus: Skybus is adding three cities to their roster. “Hartford/Springfield” — which is really Westover Metropolitan (CEF), 19 miles from Bradley (BDL). “Jacksonville/Daytona Beach” — which is really St. Augustine/St. John’s County (UST), a whopping 42 air miles from Jacksonville (JAX). And San Diego. Yes, it’s really San Diego. One out of three ain’t bad.

At least he didn’t threaten the flight attendants
The TSA reportedly detained director Mike Figgis for five hours at LAX, after he told security screeners that he was in town to “shoot a pilot.” What, LAX employees never heard the television-industry parlance of “pilot”? UPDATE: This never happened. Mike Figgis himself says it’s BS. But it’s a good story, I tells ya.

Arthur Frommer had better watch out
Latest competitor to Fodor’s, Frommer’s, and Lonely Planet? Borat!

Canadian citizenship for Kip Hawley?
Even though the Canadian government has created their own security lists, Canadian airlines are still using American no-fly lists. Will TSA Director Kip Hawley freedom baggies be far off?

I’d rather pay for my mortgage with miles
Gary Leff wants to pay his mortgage by credit card, so he can earn points. And it will soon be possible, via American Express and a small set of lenders, who take a $395 fee up front. Years ago, I checked out a rental apartment that let you use Visa to pay your rent. (I didn’t rent it.) The apartment sucked, but think of the miles I left on the table!

Villa livin’
Wendy Perrin has written a great guide to finding an affordable villa or vacation home. But the prices she mentions are still not ultra-cheap. I’m already a villa convert: In December 2005, my wife and I rented a small beachfront house in Anguilla. The house had its own pool, looked across the strait to the beautiful, mountainous island of St. Martin (or St. Maarten, if you prefer), and cost a little over $200 per night. It had no butler service, and, while comfortable, it wasn’t “luxury,” but it was amazing value.

Spend green to go green?
The city of Denver wants passengers to buy carbon offsets when they fly out of DEN. They’re setting up kiosks that let you buy offsets just like you might buy that Mutual of Omaha travel insurance. At the same time, Republican Congressmen are, perhaps ironically, championing a greater role for the federal government: regulating carbon offsets. Might not be a bad idea. I’m all for supporting the environment, but I’m suspicious of the offset idea. This skeptical op-ed in the Times of London doesn’t help.

Explosive curry
Explosive curry damages a Boeing 747. Say no more.

Boxers = Boeing, briefs = Airbus
Great moments in headline writing: “Hong Kong tycoon buys B787 jet after seeing passenger in underpants.”

Yes, that hamster is happy to see you
Jetlagged? Try popping a Viagra. After all, it works for hamsters!

Downgraded: Presidential security
The Secret Service is overburdened. So they’re bringing in the TSA! If presidential candidates look like they haven’t washed their hair, because their shampoo was confiscated, this will be why. God help us all.

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Skybus 1: How to contact Skybus
I know, I know, enough already with the Skybus posts! But it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Recall that the startup airline, in its multi-pronged efforts to save money, claims it doesn’t have a customer service phone number, according to the website. But they do. Chris Elliott does Skybus passengers a public service by ferreting out that contact number — (614) 246-8800 — as well as the e-mail addresses of their customer service executives.

Skybus 2: What’s next, Amway?
Be careful if you try booking a “vacation package” on the Skybus website. It’s really a timeshare sales pitch. Classy.

Beats getting three toasters
In a smart marketing move, Northwest Airlines has started a gift registry. Friends and family can make payment toward air travel, such as for a honeymoon. Note that the registry funds can’t be applied to hotel, rental car, etc., as part of packages. Air only. But still, it’s surprising other airlines haven’t done this before.

This isn’t Singapore Airlines
Iris Peterson, the oldest flight attendant in America’s skies, has retired from United Airlines. She started flying in 1946 and is now in her 80s. Quite a bit of aviation history she’s witnessed, and a good number of job title changes, “sky girl” and “stewardess” among them. Congratulations to Iris! Though frankly I’m glad that she’s not flying anymore. Honestly, was she able to perform all safety duties? How productive would she have been during an emergency?

Red, white and drunk all over NYC
Got 36 hours to spend in New York? Does a bar crawl feel a little too college for you? How about a wine crawl? Alright then. Dr. Vino shows the way.

On top of the world, pissing down on creation
When you’re done with that wine tourism, you might need to hit the WC. For the gentlemen, why not seek out a urinal with a view?

Car rental by the hour goes mainstream
Hertz and other big rental car firms must be feeling some heat from Zipcar, Flexcar, iGo, and other regional short-term rental companies. The big guys are increasingly offering hourly rates for their cars. Unlike hotels, hourly rates are a good thing, especially for business travelers doing same-day hit-and-run visits to cities.

Here’s a thought: Skybus, the cheapskate startup airline mentioned earlier this week, features this clause in their “Rules of Flying”:

Oh, and don’t sneak food onboard unless you brought enough for the whole plane.

Cute. But what happens if you DO bring enough for the whole plane? What if your carry-on luggage were stuffed to the hilt, say, with 162 candy bars? (That’s 156 for all the passengers on the plane, plus 6 for the crew: 4 flight attendants, pilot, and co-pilot.)

Let’s assume the person with the candy-laden carry-on is being altruistic, and not a shrewd businessperson. When United eliminated pretzels on their shorter flights, commenters on this post came up with the idea of starting a business, selling snacks onboard the flight. (Is there anything in the contract of carriage forbidding inflight passenger-to-passenger sales??)

So, Skybus travelers, who will put this food policy to the test?

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European-style ultra-discount airline Skybus started selling tickets this morning, with its first flights taking off in a mere four weeks (May 22). Fares start at 10 bucks, plus taxes. But this isn’t airline business as usual for passengers in the U.S. There are some important rules you need to be aware of before you buy your tickets.

For starters, they sell tickets point-to-point, which means you need to buy two separate tickets if your flight requires a connection through their Columbus, Ohio hub. Pain-in-the-butt factor? High.

Then there are the airports. Go to the Skybus website, and it looks like they fly to Boston, Los Angeles, and Seattle. In reality, they fly to Portsmouth, NH, Burbank, and Bellingham, WA. (Burbank isn’t terrible, but the others are WAY out there.) This is somewhat deceptive. (For now, they’ll fly to Bellingham, Burbank, Fort Lauderdale, Greensboro, Kansas City, Oakland, Portsmouth, and Richmond.)

But what’s really interesting — even shocking! — is their “rules of flying” and their more complete contract of carriage, the terms and conditions of your ticket. Some of them may come as a shock to the American flying public. Let’s dig in:

Checked bag? Check, please! Luggage fees
The first two bags are $5 each. After that, it’s $50 a bag. Checked bags are the American standard — 50 lbs. — and there’s a $25 surcharge for overweight bags. After Spirit Airlines started charging for bags, this policy doesn’t come as a surprise.

No Starbucks allowed: Food and drink verboten, unless they’re selling it
Everything costs money. No word on pricing yet, but there’s a charge for anything you consume, as well as for pillows and blankets, which you get to keep a la Air Canada. But here’s the kicker: “Oh, and don’t sneak food onboard unless you brought enough for the whole plane.” Huh? Self-catered food is prohibited. The contract of carriage also contains this doozy: “In the interest of safety, passengers are prohibited from carrying hot drinks on board.” Even with a Java Jacket and a cover?? Wow. No Starbucks for you, tough guy!

Amish-style entertainment: No video
“Bring a book. We’re not big fans of fancy in-flight entertainment systems.” Say no more.

No phone number means no phone tree hell
This one had me floored: “We don’t have a phone number. Seriously. We’d love to chat, but those phone banks are expensive. And a good website like skybus.com is even more convenient.” Better make sure your cellphone has a good data plan if you’re flying Skybus.

Do you work here? Ultra-low gate staffing
“You probably won’t see any agents at the gate until boarding time.” Better hope you don’t have a question or need assistance.

Board early for $10
All seating is open, much like Southwest, but you can pay a fee to jump to the front of the line. No word on whether they’re doing seating areas or zones.

PBOR? Not really
Stuck on the tarmac? Drinks are for sale! Or rather, they’ll try to sell you drinks. “We will endeavor to… make refreshments available for purchase.”

I’m sure there’s more, but this is based on a first reading of the info on the Skybus site. The way things are going, there are probably plenty of other doozies in there.

Contrast this with Virgin America, which claims to offer low fares and better service, including inflight entertainment. Two startup airlines, both claiming to be discount, but two different worlds. I know which one sounds better to me.