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There’s a cliché in detective dramas, where there’s a battle of jurisdiction. Say, the FBI swoops in and tells the local cops, “We’ll take it from here.” Bureaucracy always trumps justice. Well, you’ll be pleased to know that there’s a similar battle within the federal government’s security apparatus.

America’s no-fly list is so extensive and full of errors, that even Federal Air Marshals are being kept off planes.

False identifications based on a terrorist no-fly list have for years prevented some federal air marshals from boarding flights they are assigned to protect, according to officials with the agency, which is finally taking steps to address the problem.

Federal Air Marshals (FAMs) familiar with the situation say the mix-ups, in which marshals are mistaken for terrorism suspects who share the same names, have gone on for years — just as they have for thousands of members of the traveling public.

Hey, at least they’re not being kept off because they’re carrying weapons.

But it’s nice to know that the people whose sole job is to protect passengers in flight are being kept off planes. Why, why, WHY can’t a Federal Air Marshal, showing federal law enforcement credentials get on the damn plane?

The no-fly list is still a disaster. How about this nugget:

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said this week that one major air carrier reports roughly 9,000 false positive hits on the watch list every day.

Let’s savor that one for a moment: One single airline has 9000 false positives. Daily.

And some of those might be Federal Air Marshals.

TSA agents apparently want more respect from the traveling public, and their white-shirted uniforms are being replaced this fall with more police-like regalia. The blue shirt, the badge… makes it a little harder to mouth off when you see that uniform, eh smart guy?

Beyond the cosmetic change, you’ll also face some changes if you’re traveling through America’s airports. As of this past weekend, you’ll need to pull “large video game consoles and DVD players” out of your carry-ons for separate screening, much as it’s been necessary to pull out your laptop for a while now.

Who travels with their Xbox? I guess some people do.

“Small electronic items, such as cellphones, MP3 players, iPods and portable video game systems do not have to be removed from passenger’s carrying cases.” …but how many frontline TSA agents will be requiring those items to be removed anyway? Who’s making book on that?

The new rules went into effect on Friday without prior warning, and some airlines sent out alerts to their customers.

How is it that the TSA can impose new restrictions with no advance warning, and yet it takes several weeks for long-standing restrictions on lighters to be rescinded? The argument that it takes a while for information to disseminate should apply to both new restrictions and rule revisions, don’t you think? I just don’t get it.

More things to pull out of your luggage generally means slower security lines. It’ll be a few days before I travel again, so in the interim, reports from the field are welcome. Is there a noticeable change on the front lines?

(image via Benet Wilson’s Towers & Tarmacs)

Downgraded: Any last smidgen of credibility for inflight radio interviews
If you’ve ever flipped through the inflight audio dial on American Airlines, you’ll know that there’s a channel (#9) devoted to “interviews.” University of Chicago economist and Freakonomics author Steve Levitt was invited to participate… for the low, low price of $3995.00. I honestly never gave those interviews advertorials much of a listen, but the participants pay-to-play? And for that much?? Wow. ZERO credibility. (Thanks, Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded, possibly: The international airport welcome wagon
The U.S. Senate has passed a bill expanding the “model airport” program to other international ports of entry.

In April, the DHS designated Houston’s Bush International Airport as the first “model” port of entry, adding multilingual signs and informational videos narrated in Spanish, French, German and English to guide arriving travelers through the customs and immigration process. Arriving visitors are also presented with a “Welcome to the U.S.” brochure.

Unclear if general tone of the arrivals halls will feel any less like a police station, what with the fingerprinting and generally gruff attitude of every employee, but here’s hoping it helps.

Downgraded: British Airways’ standing among royal Qataris
Members of Qatar’s royal family were kicked off a British Airways flight for not following safety procedures, when they refused to take their seats. Why wouldn’t they sit? “After boarding, the women complained about the seats they had been allocated because they were next to men they did not know.” Setting aside the culture clash: None of this would have happened if British Airways would actually allow advance seat assignments for passengers on fares lower than the most expensive tickets. (Given their seating concerns, I imagine the royals flew discounted business business class.)

Downgraded: Your privacy (who knew it could be downgraded more?)
Under an expanded security agreement between the US and the EU, gobs and gobs of personal data can and will be shared with governments. If asked, airlines will be required to hand over any information they collect from you. Ask for a king-size bed as part of your package? Homeland Security will know. (Via Consumerist)

Upgraded: TSA Chief Kip Hawley’s internet presence
Downgraded: Logical explanations
Security guru Bruce Schneier is running a multi-part interview with TSA Director Kip Hawley this week. The first part is here. Bruce questions the logic of the 3-ounce liquid restrictions, etc. I’m happy to see Hawley reaching out again, but some of the answers just don’t cut it. For example: “If a TSO finds you or the contents of your bag suspicious, you might get interviewed and/or have your bags more closely examined. If the TSO throws your liquids in the trash, they don’t find you a threat.” Huh? What? Read the whole thing.

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Getting paid to eat airline food?
Malaysia Airlines had to pay the equivalent of US$5,700 to a vegetarian who ended up eating chicken on board one of the airline’s flights. The payment covers “depression, shock, mental anguish and humiliation” that the man, an Indian Brahmin, suffered. Insert airline food joke here.

Flight attendants pan United’s “bill of rights”
United Airlines’ pathetic attempt at warding off the passengers’ bill of rights was slammed last week by its own flight attendants. No surprises there. After all, they’ll bear the brunt of the policy: Upset passengers tend to take their anger at the company out on the staff.

Resort fees revealed
One of my longtime pet peeves has been resort fees — the generally unadvertised yet mandatory surcharges on top of published hotel room rates. They’re the definition of customer-unfriendly. They’re usually unadvertised. They’re often mandatory. They’re sneaky, in that they make rates look cheaper than they actually are in online searches. And they charge you money for amenities that should either be standard to the room, or that you should be allowed to opt into. Grr… Anyway… Some destinations are more infested with the plague of resort fees than others. Hawaii is one such place. Now, via SmarterTravel.com, comes this handy list of resort fees in the 50th state. You’ll see the cost, what’s included, and whether or not it’s mandatory. Check it before you book.

Who’s on the No-Fly List?
CBS’ “60 Minutes” obtained a copy of what is allegedly the entire consolidated No-Fly List, and found numerous errors, including long-deceased revolutionaries, the 9/11 hijackers, and the president of Bolivia. The list contains 44,000 names, plus an additional 75,000 names of people who are required to undergo secondary screening. Honestly, I assumed the list would be even longer, especially when you consider that some people appear several times, with spelling variations (e.g., Usama and Osama bin Laden). (via Benet Wilson, whose blog just moved to new digs and got a new title)

Spend a day in Jamaica for $179
I get peppered with e-mails promoting all sorts of travel-related products and services, but this one struck me as sufficiently bizarre to warrant a post. Sandals Resorts is luring honeymooners by offering one-day trips to their Royal Caribbean Resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica as a “test-drive.” For $179, you fly down in the morning, get their sales pitch (with lunch and a spa treatment seemingly included), and fly back in the evening. Mileage run on Air Jamaica, anyone? Have fun explaining that one to the passport control on your return.

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It’s been a tough few weeks, so the posting machine has been running a bit slow. Time to clear some of the backlog:

Survivor: Skybus edition
Jaunted’s Mark Johnson played anthropologist in the airline world last week, doing some participant-observation onboard ultra-cheap negative-frills airline Skybus. The whole saga, with videos and pictures, can be found here. Photo above is Mark’s pic of a $9/hour Skybus flight attendant selling goods (on commission). Ah, the ubiquitous Toblerone, official chocolate of 35,000 feet. But ice wine? And those crew uniforms look remarkably like the folks in those hotels.com TV ads…

Bonus: Skybus is adding three cities to their roster. “Hartford/Springfield” — which is really Westover Metropolitan (CEF), 19 miles from Bradley (BDL). “Jacksonville/Daytona Beach” — which is really St. Augustine/St. John’s County (UST), a whopping 42 air miles from Jacksonville (JAX). And San Diego. Yes, it’s really San Diego. One out of three ain’t bad.

At least he didn’t threaten the flight attendants
The TSA reportedly detained director Mike Figgis for five hours at LAX, after he told security screeners that he was in town to “shoot a pilot.” What, LAX employees never heard the television-industry parlance of “pilot”? UPDATE: This never happened. Mike Figgis himself says it’s BS. But it’s a good story, I tells ya.

Arthur Frommer had better watch out
Latest competitor to Fodor’s, Frommer’s, and Lonely Planet? Borat!

Canadian citizenship for Kip Hawley?
Even though the Canadian government has created their own security lists, Canadian airlines are still using American no-fly lists. Will TSA Director Kip Hawley freedom baggies be far off?

I’d rather pay for my mortgage with miles
Gary Leff wants to pay his mortgage by credit card, so he can earn points. And it will soon be possible, via American Express and a small set of lenders, who take a $395 fee up front. Years ago, I checked out a rental apartment that let you use Visa to pay your rent. (I didn’t rent it.) The apartment sucked, but think of the miles I left on the table!

Villa livin’
Wendy Perrin has written a great guide to finding an affordable villa or vacation home. But the prices she mentions are still not ultra-cheap. I’m already a villa convert: In December 2005, my wife and I rented a small beachfront house in Anguilla. The house had its own pool, looked across the strait to the beautiful, mountainous island of St. Martin (or St. Maarten, if you prefer), and cost a little over $200 per night. It had no butler service, and, while comfortable, it wasn’t “luxury,” but it was amazing value.

Spend green to go green?
The city of Denver wants passengers to buy carbon offsets when they fly out of DEN. They’re setting up kiosks that let you buy offsets just like you might buy that Mutual of Omaha travel insurance. At the same time, Republican Congressmen are, perhaps ironically, championing a greater role for the federal government: regulating carbon offsets. Might not be a bad idea. I’m all for supporting the environment, but I’m suspicious of the offset idea. This skeptical op-ed in the Times of London doesn’t help.

Explosive curry
Explosive curry damages a Boeing 747. Say no more.

Boxers = Boeing, briefs = Airbus
Great moments in headline writing: “Hong Kong tycoon buys B787 jet after seeing passenger in underpants.”

Yes, that hamster is happy to see you
Jetlagged? Try popping a Viagra. After all, it works for hamsters!

Downgraded: Presidential security
The Secret Service is overburdened. So they’re bringing in the TSA! If presidential candidates look like they haven’t washed their hair, because their shampoo was confiscated, this will be why. God help us all.

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Was there passport control at the Sea of Tranquility?
Annoyed you have to fill out customs declarations during international travel? Of course, it’s not personal. Even the Apollo 11 astronauts had to do it and had to declare the rocks they collected. It’s like leaving the Petrified Forest National Park. “Mr. Armstrong, did you take any rocks?”

500 free miles
Gary Leff, always on the lookout for a free mileage bonus, tracks down thanksagain.com, which offers 500 United, Continental, or Delta miles for signing up. The gist: Register a credit card and earn miles by shopping at local stores. In my area, it’s all dry cleaners for some reason, but none that I frequent. Is the free 500 miles worth the junkmail bombardment you’re bound to receive? You make the call.

TSA: A day in the life
Aviation Week’s Benet Wilson shadowed a TSA agent for a full day. I’m sure you’re jealous. It’s a worthwhile read.

The lowdown on watchlists
Wired has the backstory on where passenger watch lists (and no-fly lists) came from, how they’re maintained, and more. Well worth a read. A series, in three parts. Part one, part two, and part three.

Inflight cellphone use moves ahead
Air France has announced that their six-month trial of inflight cellphone use begins in July… on a single plane. This isn’t exactly a major rollout. I guess this is a baby step. The baby steps of a screaming, colicky child.

At the other end of the earth, Qantas will run a similar three-month test, but won’t allow voice calls, just SMS and e-mail. Passengers won’t know if their flight is cellphone-enabled until they board. Sounds like a variation on the Australian “mystery flight.”

All lounges, all the time
Seems like everyone is writing about ways of getting into airport lounges lately. There’s Joe Brancatelli’s debut column in the new business glossy Portfolio. The New York Times’ coverage of lounges brushes across the same issue. I’ll join you. Allow me to pimp a “vintage” post of mine which lays out the five ways to get into lounges: How to lounge in airports.

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Boeing is testing a new form of autopilot that might make hijackings even harder by putting the plane’s controls in the hands of people on the ground.

[The system] will be activated by the pilot flicking a simple switch or by pressure sensors fitted to the cockpit door that will respond to any excessive force as terrorists try to break into the flight deck. Once triggered, no one on board will be able to deactivate the system. Currently, all autopilots are manually switched on and off at the discretion of pilots. The so-called ‘uninterruptible autopilot system’ - patented secretly by Boeing in the US last week - will connect ground controllers and security services with the aircraft using radio waves and global satellite positioning systems. After it has been activated, the aircraft will be capable of remote digital control from the ground, enabling operators to fly it like a sophisticated model plane, manoeuvring it vertically and laterally. A threatened airliner could be flown to a secure military base or a commercial airport, where it would touch down using existing landing aids known as ‘autoland function’.

Of course, you hope that the system is configured so that it doesn’t kick in every time the beverage cart bumps into the cockpit door.

And speaking of autopilot, I’m on vacation for a few days, and the odds are slim that I’ll have regular, easy internet access. So I’ve queued up a few posts for the coming days and handed the keys to the kingdom to my good friend Tyler Colman, a.k.a. Dr. Vino. We might get some guest posts out of him, but no promises, and no pressure!

Two updates on the airport security front. One good, one bad.

First, the no-fly list is being revised. Downward! While the actual length of the list is a secret, TSA chief “Kip” Hawley told a Congressional oversight committee that the list was to be cut in half. Considering how often you hear complaints about people being on the list by mistake, and then trying in vain to get their names removed, it’s good to hear that something at the TSA is moving in the right direction.

…And then there’s the bad news:

Hawley also came out in opposition to the bill approved by the House of Representatives which would mandate inspection of airplane cargo. As it stands now, your suitcases are screened, but other cargo isn’t.

Hawley commented: “If you spend all your resources opening boxes and not applying your resources more generally, that opens up another vulnerability,” Hawley told the Senate Aviation Subcommittee. “The adaptive terrorist will go there.”

The “thudding” sound you may hear in the background is me hitting my head against my desk. If cargo isn’t being screened at all NOW, isn’t THAT where “the adaptive terrorist” will try to stash the bad stuff? Why would the head of the TSA effectively declare that cargo is something the TSA does not intend to screen? It’s an invitation, nay, a dare, to potential terrorists seeking to actually smuggle a bomb (or even themselves) on board.

In the meantime, the TSA is thankfully searching passengers for contraband pies.

Related:
- Cavalcade of security news: Fingerprints, liquids, and suspicious looking devices
- Liquids liberated, but free speech still threatened in airports

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So many posts that “got away” in the last week of limited posting… Here goes, taking a crack at the backlog!

U.S. exports miserable regional jet experience to China
This won’t bring balance to the trade deficit, but American regional jet powerhouse Mesa Airlines is starting an airline in China. (Mesa must be feeling confident, after starting up the all-Canadair “go!” inter-island airline in Hawaii.) Like its American operations as a contractor to the major airlines, the Chinese subsidiary will feed larger airlines with traffic from smaller cities, using 50-seat regional jets. Maybe they’ll have better on-time arrivals and baggage handling than they do in the U.S. Mesa’s performance (not to mention in-flight non-comfort) stinks, so the bar isn’t set very high.

Early start: British Airways’ summer business class fare sale
It’s only January, and British Airways is already discounting summer airfares between the U.S. and Europe… in business class. The roundtrip fare is okay, not great (starting at around $2500 roundtrip, including taxes). Travel between July 1 and September 2, 2007. See here.

Free taxi rides in New York City
But don’t get your hopes up. There are a grand total of five free cabs in New York. They’re easily identifiable, though: They’re decorated in (fake) cowhide to promote a bull-riding event. Good luck wrangling one.

New life for Connexion inflight internet?
Connexion by Boeing, the short-lived but generally well-liked global inflight internet service, might get a second lease on life. Lufthansa leads a consortium of airlines and tech companies trying to bring the service back up. Here’s hoping they get it going!

Hammertime! Blunt instruments defend your personal information
New U.S. passports will include RFID chips that contains your personal information, in addition to the printed/scannable inside page. The problem: The RFID chip can potentially be read by identity thieves using a scanner. So what’s the best way to disable the RFID without otherwise mangling your passport? A hammer.

Spell-check is your friend
If you’re traveling across two oceans to visit your girlfriend in Sydney, Australia, be sure you spell “Sydney” correctly. You don’t want to end up on a flight to Sidney, Montana.

“He had a bad night last night.” His morning won’t be any better.
Passenger gets drunk and unruly, and slaps a fellow passenger. Turns out the recipient of the slap is a federal air marshal. Jackpot!

Trip insurance, eBay style
If you got dumped right before a trip — a trip you planned as a romantic setting during which you would propose to your love — but you had already prepaid the travel, what would you do? If you’re Adam Croot, you go on the trip, but you auction off your ex’s share of the trip on eBay, in hopes of finding a new traveling companion.

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Thought you could avoid TSA security checks by riding the rails? Think again.

The TSA has started searching random passengers at Buffalo, New York train stations, wanding people for explosives. If you refuse, you’re banned from the station, and from traveling on Amtrak.

Searches aren’t random, but “risk-based.” For now, it’s only an experiment through the end of November, but other rail stations across the country should expect similar spot-checks over the coming months. How long before the first incident of ethnic profiling?

To channel Mr. T: My prediction… is pain.

(via USA Today)

Post 9/11, I figured that hijackings were a thing of the past. Passengers would rise up and tackle the perps, grabbing them by the hair and engaging in a rough and tumble Boeing Brawl. The captain might emerge, heroically carrying his fire axe, duct-taping the hijackers to a seat, Jack Bauer-style, and order would be restored.

Apparently, you still CAN hijack a plane, after all. Turkish hijackers took over a Turkish Airlines flight from Tirana, Albania, to Istanbul, apparently in protest of the Pope’s upcoming visit to Turkey. The flight was diverted to Brindisi, Italy, escorted by Greek and Italian fighter jets, where the hijackers requested asylum.

Maybe no one stopped the hijackers because they were too nice: The flight attendants were allowed to serve drinks and snacks during the flight, apparently AFTER the hijacking was underway. The hijackers had no obvious weapons, and no one was hurt.

Passengers thought something was odd when they “saw a man wearing track-suit bottoms and a hat go to the cockpit door and pause there, thinking.”

Miss India, Miss Singapore, Miss Malaysia, and Miss Philippines were on the flight, returning from the Globe International 2006 beauty contest in fab-u-lous downtown Tirana.

The lesson: Never trust beauty queens to take down a hijacker. Never.

(image: Valleia)

The Atlantic Rift
Flying from Europe to the United States? Starting today, it involves an element of risk. The United States requires international carriers to transmit 34 pieces of information about each traveler to the Department of Homeland Security no later than 15 minutes after takeoff. A European Union court ruled that this transfer of information is a violation of EU privacy laws, and gave until September 30 for the EU and US to work out a deal regarding a legal transfer of information. US and EU negotiators were unable to reach a consensus. The US has publicly stated that it would not grant landing clearance to those airlines who hadn’t sent the passenger information, but the airlines could be fined by the EU for sending the info overseas. Rock and a hard place.

It’s unclear how or when this will be resolved. Since stopping terrorism is an international problem, perhaps an international organization could be the intermediary for this sort of thing everywhere, and not just over the Atlantic. Interpol? The UN? I don’t know, but somehow a balance needs to be struck.

Fingerprinting
Meanwhile, the United States has decided that it plans to expand its fingerprinting policy for foreign nationals entering the US. One finger scan wasn’t enough. Now they want all 10 fingers. US citizens remain exempt, but if the point of this is to trawl for terrorists, then shouldn’t Americans be fingerprinted, too? Much like the bombers in the London subway included British citizens, all Americans aren’t angels. Plenty of people will feel insulted by this, and it’s going to build a lot of ill will. The double standard for Americans doesn’t help. Print everyone, or no one.

Euro-Carry-on Policy
The EU is standardizing its carry-on luggage policy across all 25 member countries. Three major rules to keep in mind:

1. The measures will limit the individual quantities of liquids allowed to be carried by passengers to 100 ml. per container, require that the number of containers fit in one transparent resealable plastic bag of a maximum size of 1 liter and state that passengers must present the plastic bag at security checkpoints.
2. The committee also agreed to limit the size of carry-on luggage from EU airports to a maximum of 56 cm. by 45 cm. by 25 cm. (approximately 22 in. by 18 in. by 10 in.) with the possibility of some exemptions, such as for musical instruments. The standard roll-on bag is 22 in. by 14 in. by 9 in.
3. It further decided to make obligatory certain procedures that already are mandatory at US airports, such as putting all jackets and coats through x-ray machines and requiring that laptop computers be put through separately.

Standing up for your rights
The TSA explicitly permits corkscrews in your carry-on. Except when it doesn’t.

Dr. Vino, ever the peripatetic lush, had his corkscrew confiscated by the TSA, because it had a foil cutting “blade” attachment. But, Doc, do you really need to travel with a corkscrew wherever you go??

Standing up for your rights, redux
Pablo Gutierrez Vega is a more understanding man than I could ever be. The Spanish law professor was harassed by three German passengers on board his Air Berlin flight from Seville to Dortmund (by way of Mallorca, a.k.a. Deutschland in the Mediterranean). The passengers pretended to be undercover policemen and demanded to inspect his luggage on board the plane, all because Vega “looked Muslim.” The pilot, looking to split the difference, offered to hold his luggage in the cockpit, and offered to kick the three police impersonators off the flight at Vega’s option. Vega let the idiots stay, but agreed to leave his luggage with the pilot. Such a compromise is only “happy” when there’s an impending threat of mob action. Sad.

Shortest Path to a Secondary Screening
If you have a hankering for a security pat-down, or really want to join the no-fly list, and you think that writing messages insulting TSA director Kip Hawley on plastic bags isn’t going far enough, consider bringing a Suspicious Looking Deviceâ„¢ through security. The bright orange box features a timer, knobs, and switches, and it has absolutely no purpose other than looking suspicious. Best part: Touching the device causes it to sound a nasty alarm and scoot away from you on motorized wheels. Click here for a video of the device in action. Buy one for all your friends.

(images: paulcalypse, Junkfunnel)