Boeing is testing a new form of autopilot that might make hijackings even harder by putting the plane’s controls in the hands of people on the ground.

[The system] will be activated by the pilot flicking a simple switch or by pressure sensors fitted to the cockpit door that will respond to any excessive force as terrorists try to break into the flight deck. Once triggered, no one on board will be able to deactivate the system. Currently, all autopilots are manually switched on and off at the discretion of pilots. The so-called ‘uninterruptible autopilot system’ – patented secretly by Boeing in the US last week – will connect ground controllers and security services with the aircraft using radio waves and global satellite positioning systems. After it has been activated, the aircraft will be capable of remote digital control from the ground, enabling operators to fly it like a sophisticated model plane, manoeuvring it vertically and laterally. A threatened airliner could be flown to a secure military base or a commercial airport, where it would touch down using existing landing aids known as ‘autoland function’.

Of course, you hope that the system is configured so that it doesn’t kick in every time the beverage cart bumps into the cockpit door.

And speaking of autopilot, I’m on vacation for a few days, and the odds are slim that I’ll have regular, easy internet access. So I’ve queued up a few posts for the coming days and handed the keys to the kingdom to my good friend Tyler Colman, a.k.a. Dr. Vino. We might get some guest posts out of him, but no promises, and no pressure!

The war on runway safety
Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport hasn’t worked out as everyone hoped, with cost overruns, insufficient bathrooms, and shoddy workmanship. But now, by virtue of its failure to renew its safety certificate, it’s officially unsafe. Runways have been plagued with cracks and debris. (You’ll be pleased to know that the airport is still operating as normal. Nice. Wouldn’t want to let safety get in the way of the schedule!)

The war on skycaps
Skycaps at Boston’s Logan Airport have filed a class action lawsuit against American Airlines. The suit alleges that the airline’s policy of charging $2 per bag for curbside check-in is cutting into the skycaps’ tips. Indeed, many people assume the fee goes to the skycap, but it actually goes to the airline. The fees exist at plenty of other airports and with plenty of other airlines. Will more skycaps organize and sue?

The war on horse meat
I really don’t know what to make of this. “American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said early Thursday afternoon that they had suspended transport of horse meat to overseas markets — mainly France, Belgium and Japan — where it is consumed.” Horse butchers are angry. It’s a long story.

The war on fusion cuisine
Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture will soon travel the world, inspecting Japanese restaurants and certifying their authenticity. I realize that this is as much cultural nationalism as it is a marketing device, but it’s moronic. California rolls aren’t authentic to Japan, but they’re a standard of sushi restaurants in America. Deal with it. It’s a globalized world, and the notion of a “pure” cultural product is a sham. And it’s been a sham for some time. We’ve been globalizing for hundreds of years. (The spice trade, anyone?) But if the Japanese taxpayer wants to pay for this culinary boondoggle, have at it. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

The war on broken in-flight entertainment
I get as irritated as the next guy when the audio-video system is broken on a long flight, but attacking the staff is probably not the way to go. Customers on board several Qantas aircraft that have been experiencing technical trouble with their video system “are becoming openly abusive and threatening” to flight attendants in flight. Not cool. Better bring a book.

The war for Delta
US Airways really, really, really, really, really wants to buy Delta. They’re now offering to raise their offer by another $1 billion if the creditors agree to postpone a meeting to discuss Delta’s in-house restructuring. Wake me up when this is over.

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Two updates on the airport security front. One good, one bad.

First, the no-fly list is being revised. Downward! While the actual length of the list is a secret, TSA chief “Kip” Hawley told a Congressional oversight committee that the list was to be cut in half. Considering how often you hear complaints about people being on the list by mistake, and then trying in vain to get their names removed, it’s good to hear that something at the TSA is moving in the right direction.

…And then there’s the bad news:

Hawley also came out in opposition to the bill approved by the House of Representatives which would mandate inspection of airplane cargo. As it stands now, your suitcases are screened, but other cargo isn’t.

Hawley commented: “If you spend all your resources opening boxes and not applying your resources more generally, that opens up another vulnerability,” Hawley told the Senate Aviation Subcommittee. “The adaptive terrorist will go there.”

The “thudding” sound you may hear in the background is me hitting my head against my desk. If cargo isn’t being screened at all NOW, isn’t THAT where “the adaptive terrorist” will try to stash the bad stuff? Why would the head of the TSA effectively declare that cargo is something the TSA does not intend to screen? It’s an invitation, nay, a dare, to potential terrorists seeking to actually smuggle a bomb (or even themselves) on board.

In the meantime, the TSA is thankfully searching passengers for contraband pies.

Related:
- Cavalcade of security news: Fingerprints, liquids, and suspicious looking devices
- Liquids liberated, but free speech still threatened in airports

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This is a new one for me: Several airlines are refusing to fly into Bristol because they’ve lost faith in the safety of the runway. They’re afraid their planes will slip off the newly repaved surface in the lightest rain. After several days of boycott, the airport decided to close.

EasyJet was the first to cancel its flights. XL Airways was next, and British Airways followed suit shortly thereafter. Others joined in later.

Four planes have experienced “incidences on that runway in wet weather.” One aircraft skidded off the runway. The affected airlines are offering to reroute passengers through other airports, until Bristol’s runway is re-grooved.

But perhaps most interestingly: Not every airline refused to land at Bristol before the airport managers threw in the towel. For example, Continental’s Newark-Bristol flights were still on the schedule today. And European carriers like Ryanair and flyBe never stopped flying into the airport.

So why were these few airlines willing to take their chances? Why, when so many other carriers cut their schedules short?…

(For the latest status, click here for the Bristol Airport website.)

(Update 1/8/06: The airport has reopened following overnight work to add drainage grooves to the runway. How nice.)

Looking outside your window from row 24, the last thing you probably want to see is a crew of airline mechanics using tape to fix a wing flap. But that’s exactly what the video below shows.

As Patrick Smith explains in Salon, this isn’t regular duct tape as found at the Home Depot.

What you see is the perfectly safe and legal application of some heavy-duty aluminum bonding tape, called “speed tape” in the mechanic’s lexicon. Depending on what a plane’s maintenance manual stipulates — according to the dictates of the FAA — certain noncritical components can be temporarily patched with this material, embarrassing as it sometimes looks. It’s extremely strong, durable, and able to expand and contract through an extreme range of temperatures.

So tape on planes is okay. Bondo, not so much.

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Upgraded: The five-star hotel, now with seven stars!
Much like video game point inflation, star-rankings are just getting silly. Following the success of their Palazzo Versace hotel on the Australian Gold Coast, the fashion powerhouse is joining forces with Australian developer Sunland Group to create 15 “seven-star” hotels. Seven stars!?! What makes a seven-star hotel better than a five-star, or the equally absurd (but unheard-of, at least to me) six-star hotel? Apparently, live exotic fish in the pool and “specially-cooled sand.”

Downgraded, potentially: Starwood Preferred Guest points
Seven seems to be the magic number for hoteliers today. Gary Leff spreads the rumor that Starwood is planning to add a tier to their point-redemption rules: Category 7. The ultra-expensive resorts (Bora Bora, Maldives, etc.) would likely end up in this top tier, but other hotels might try to bump up their categorization, thereby costing you more points for free-night redemptions.

Downgraded: TripAdvisor’s reputation
The Times of London sends reporters to hotels and restaurants, offering to write positive reviews on TripAdvisor in return for an unspecified payment. Several properties were amenable to the scheme. More widespread, though: Owners writing their own glowing reviews. (The flipside, not mentioned: Owners tagging genuine, but negative reviews as “unhelpful.”) At least they still work on a five-point scale… My tip: I’m more likely to trust detailed reports that include both the good and the bad (no stay is perfect) and user-generated photos.

Downgraded: L.A.’s image
Who will recognize the City of Angels without its palm trees? As they die, they’re being replaced with oaks, etc. Sunset Boulevard, R.I.P.

Downgraded: Travel guides, travelers’ brains
Pimp my vacation! Where would Christina Aguilera par-tay in Avignon? Where is the best place to get rip-roaring, fall-down-the-stairs drunk as you go city-hopping with your Eurail Pass? And where in Italy will you find the “most awesome ancient ruins”? (real quote) MTV and Frommer’s have joined forces to create travel guides that will point readers “to some of the world’s hottest party scenes and outdoor adventures.” Did Beavis and/or Butthead get a travel writing gig?

Downgraded further: Common sense
If you only have a gallon-sized Ziploc bag, instead of the required quart-sized bag, but you only fill it with 2 tiny 3-ounce bottles, which would obviously have fit into the smaller bag, does TSA let you pass through security at Boston’s Logan Airport? No. Go buy a freedom-inducing 1-quart bag from the newsstand for fifty cents, terror-boy!

Downgraded: Brazil
Not much has been heard in the American news media since the horrific mid-air collision that cost 154 people their lives. The American pilots of the surviving Embraer business jet are still being held in Brazil. Joe Sharkey, the New York Times columnist who was actually on board the luckier plane, has been relentlessly following the story on his blog. While lawsuits and the Brazilian government (and media) are pre-emptively assigning blame to the pilots and their use of the radio transponder, Joe argues that Brazil is trying to cover up their own (military-controlled) air traffic control system. Apparently control of the skies is filled with coverage gaps, language trouble, and overworked employees who take time off in large groups — ostensibly for psychotherapy. Let’s just say that my faith in the safety of air travel is Brazil is minimal at best.

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