Downgraded: Ryanair pilots and flight attendants
Downgraded: Traditional media’s fact-checking
Ryanair never shies away from publicity, even if it means floating a dumb idea that will never happen but will make it look wacky (and cheap). So it’s really no surprise that the airline’s camera-chasing CEO Michael O’Leary has declared that airlines should ditch the second pilot in the cockpit (“Why does every plane have two pilots? Really, you only need one pilot. [...] Let’s take out the second pilot. Let the bloody computer fly it.”) Instead, he proposes training a flight attendant to serve as co-pilot (“If the pilot has an emergency, he rings the bell, he calls her in. She could take over.”)

Ryanair pilots and flight attendants alike must be thrilled that their boss is rhetorically throwing them under the bus. But it’ll never happen. As Steven Frischling has pointed out, “The Joint Aviation Authorities (JAA), a multi-national organization that oversees the common safety and regulatory standards for more than 40 nations in Europe, says that Ryanair cannot operate in this manner as per JAR-OPS Subpart N, 1.940(A)(1) & 1.940(A)(2) (Page 1-N-1 of the JAA Joint Aviation Requirements JAR-OPS 1, Commercial Air Transportation Aeroplanes).”

Nicely sleuthed, Steve! And thumbs down for the traditional media that served as stenographers for the “Duke of Discomfort,” rather than checking to see if any of these off-the-wall ideas were ever possible.

Upgraded: Pilots… elsewhere
Those Ryanair pilots who are offended by the comments of their CEO might consider applying for jobs in the Middle East and Asia. There are even bidding wars for pilots who can fly the international widebody planes at the heart of the expansion.

Upgraded: Job prospects for folk heroes
Steven Slater, the now-famous JetBlue flight attendant who was pushed too far by a rude passenger, hurled invectives over the PA system, and finally grabbed two beers and escaped via the emergency slide, resigned from the airline just one week ago. (CNN reports the “separation”, but his publicist (!) says he wasn’t fired, but resigned.) I’m amazed he wasn’t “separated” from the company earlier. So… Anyone want to predict his next job? (Something tells me the fact that he has a publicist tells me he’s not looking to land in the transportation or service sector…)

Downgraded: Volcano scams
For those who really have had their travel plans affected by the volcano, be aware that there is a scam afoot that seeks to bilk you out of your money. Spam e-mails suggest that passengers are eligible for a substantial claim if they file an application fee with the British Civil Aviation Authority. Of course, the site is bogus, and the money goes to a scammer. Avoid.

Downgraded: Spirit Airlines
Spirit Airlines pilots are threatening to strike, and now the company is threatening to lay off up to 1583 of its 2300 employees. It’s an oddly precise number. The pilots’ union has taken their fight with management public, by purchasing billboards warning customers not to book with Spirit.

Upgraded: Fuel efficient aircraft design
MIT scientists are working on an aircraft design for NASA that would burn 70% less fuel than current-generation Boeing 737s, emit 75% less nitrous oxide, be quieter, and take off from shorter runways. A design is being floated:

In today’s commercial airplanes, air flows directly into the engines located on the plane’s wings. That undisturbed, high-speed air flow drags on the plane, and requires more fuel to overcome the design inefficiency.

MIT’s design changes all that. By moving the engines to the plane’s tail, they take in slower moving air present in the wake of the fuselage. Less drag means less fuel is needed to get the plane the same distance.

So here, cheer up. Have a clip of Stephen Colbert, on the subject of airline fees.

Meet your new British Airways cabin crew!

But the disruptiveness of the strike isn’t limited to customers and staff at BA. Disrupted as well: Ryanair.

British Airways passengers turning up to Gatwick on Saturday for their 8:20am flight to Edinburgh are in for a slight surprise.

The aircraft waiting for them is scheduled to be one of three that BA has leased from its no-frills Irish rival, Ryanair, to help it cope with the impact of Saturday’s strike. Ryanair flight attendants, who must famously charge for everything from a cup of coffee to a sandwich, will also notice a change to their normal routine: they will have to serve food and drink free of charge.

“It will be BA service and BA catering,” said BA, adding that Ryanair cabin crew had been tutored in what this entailed earlier this week.

“Tutored”!

However, never missing an opportunity to take the low road, Ryanair management took a dig at their newest client:

“Never mind the coffee – being on time will be a new experience for these passengers,” said Stephen McNamara, a Ryanair spokesman.

The lack of legroom or windowshades may be a surprise for customers, too, big guy.

British Airways has leased aircraft from 11 different providers, not just Ryanair. But the odds are still good that operating flights will be operated by BA crew on a BA plane. Nearly 60% of BA crew apparently showed up for work, despite the strike.

Strikes are scheduled for March 20, 21, and 22 and 27, 28, 29, and 30, 2010. Strap in.

Downgraded: American credit cards
For several years now, a pet-peeve of mine as an American traveling abroad has been the challenge of using a swipe-and-sign credit card in a country where chip-and-PIN is the norm. (Consider previous posts on chip-and-PIN challenges. I even wrote a piece for National Geographic Traveler on the issue.) Now the New York Times revisits the issue and finds that it’s getting worse, not better, for American cardholders. When will US card issuers catch up with the rest of the world? (Thanks, David!)

Downgraded: US Customs and Immigration
Did the gruff face of US immigration kill the city of Chicago’s bid for the Olympics? It was apparently a contributing factor, if reports from the IOC are to be believed: “Syed Shahid Ali, an I.O.C. member from Pakistan, in the question-and-answer session following Chicago’s official presentation, pointed out that entering the United States can be ‘a rather harrowing experience.’” Somehow, it’s not a shock that the guy from Pakistan had this particular critique of entering the US. But he’s hardly alone.

Downgraded: Cockpit decorum
When I draft my list of minimum requirements for pilot competence, I think “not getting into fistfights in the cockpit” goes unspoken, an assumed background condition for commercial travel. Apparently, I need to be more explicit with my expectations. An inflight cockpit brawl on Air India, anyone?

Upgraded: Hotel promo deals
Over at View from the Wing, read up on an ongoing Hyatt promotion “the best hotel promo I’ve ever seen.” The deal: 13,500 United Airlines miles and a free Hyatt night for a two one-night stays at a Hyatt property, including discounted Hyatt Place properties.

Downgraded: Brazilian justice
Three years ago, NYT columnist Joe Sharkey was onboard a plane that survived a midair collision over Brazil. He subsequently criticized Brazil’s fractured air traffic control system and came under nationalistic fire for refusing to go along with the official Brazilian line that the (American) pilots of the surviving business jet were solely at fault for the accident. Now, Sharkey is being sued for $250,000 for defaming the entire population of Brazil. The lawsuit is offensive and absurd. For more background on the case, see here.

Downgraded: Helicopter service in Manhattan
Helicopter service from downtown Manhattan to JFK, canceled? I’m shocked, shocked!

Upgraded: Electronic cigarettes on airplanes
Back in February, I posted about a report of an impending deal between an electronic cigarette manufacturer and an unnamed airline. Immediately, I thought it would be a European low-cost carrier. Sure enough, it’s the granddaddy of ‘em all: Ryanair. For €6, you can buy a pack of 10 (disposable, I assume) nicotine-vapor sticks.

Upgraded: Clear’s life chances
Clear / Verified Identity Pass, the subscription-based service that promised shorter airport security lines, before it died an abrupt and refund-less death, may be back. I was a skeptic from the get-go — frequent travelers already get shorter lines, without having to give up their personal information. I’m still a skeptic.

Upgraded: Bloggers branching out
Brett Snyder of CrankyFlier is expanding the Cranky franchise: He’s launching a new service, dubbed CrankyConcierge. For $30, he’ll help you find a low fare, track your flight status for you, look for alternatives in case of rebooking, and aid you in post-trip dispute assistance. At the same time, Gary Leff of View from the Wing is now charging $150 to help travelers book frequent flier tickets. I’m looking forward to seeing these business ideas develop. Good luck, guys!

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Downgraded: Checked bags on international American Airlines flights
British Airways was the first to do this, but American Airlines wasn’t far behind: Many AA economy-class ticket-holders will no longer have an allowance of two checked bags on international flights. For those who buy tickets to Belgium, England, France, Germany, India, Ireland, Italy, Spain, or Switzerland on or after September 14, 2009, the first bag remains free (or, perhaps more accurately, included in the cost of the ticket). However, the second bag, which used to be included free, will now cost $50, up to 50 lbs. A list of exceptions applies, including full-fare tickets, elite AAdvantage and oneworld members, military personnel and dependents, and, interestingly, those traveling on codeshare-issued tickets.

Upgraded: Biofuel at airports
It’s not quite biofuel in the jets, but it’s a great start: Eight airlines will start using biofuels to power their ground equipment at LAX.

Downgraded: All-you-can-fly fares
JetBlue, which rolled out a $599 all-you-can-fly ticket two weeks ago, ended sales early. “While supplies last” meant they didn’t last.

Downgraded: United Breaks Guitars, episode 2
The original “United Breaks Guitars” video was a delight, a catchy tune that lambasted the airline for treating a customer poorly. The sequel, while cute, lacks the magic. It does, however, feature tubas.

Upgraded, I guess: Squeezing a couple bucks out of Hotwire
Hotwire has settled a class action lawsuit that charged that the company didn’t properly notify consumers of the fees and taxes charged for hotel reservations. If you made a hotel reservation on Hotwire between January 10, 2001 and May 2, 2005, you are likely entitled to either cash refunds or Hotwire credits. The Hotwire credit is significantly more lucrative, if you’re a Hotwire user anyway. See here for details, if you didn’t get an e-mail from the plaintiff’s attorneys (if you’re wondering, they got customer e-mail addresses from Hotwire…)

Downgraded, as if it was possible: Ryanair
Just when you think the airline couldn’t go any lower, Ryanair charges a fee to collect your lost-and-found. Even if you’re a nine-year old girl who lost her purse. It’s comical really: Ryanair will take candy from a baby, literally.

Until earlier this year, Ryanair passengers with non-EU passports were unable to check-in online at all. Since Ryanair charges a higher fee for checking in at an airport, this meant a higher expense for citizens of non-European nations (and some European nations). So when Ryanair “upgraded” their systems to permit, say, Americans to check in online and print their boarding passes, most people were pleased. But there was fine print. Fine print which several travelers haven’t taken seriously until it’s too late.

The boarding pass, when printed, included text that read: “Important for all non EU/EEA passengers this boarding pass must be checked and stamped at the document/visa check desk before going through security or travel will be refused.” And that’s what happened to David. (Read his whole post for the full story.)

Here’s a shot of his boarding pass. (Click through to see the whole document.)

This boilerplate language is replicated if you read the details of the Ryanair terms and conditions.

What’s a visa check? It’s Ryanair’s requirement that the non-EU passenger check in — again — at a staffed desk to have their passport (and visa, where applicable) reviewed. So, if you’ve checked in on line to avoid standing in line at the airport, you get to do it again, anyway.

Yes, airlines need to make sure that passengers flying internationally are actually permitted to enter the destination country. The airline would be on the hook for the return airfare if the passenger were denied entry. But why does Ryanair have to manage it this way, unlike any other carrier?

As an aside: How Ryanair will square this with their upcoming policy of not having check-in desks at all, I don’t know.

There are going to be people who argue that the customer needs to read the contractual language and take responsibility for what they purchased. Yes, yes, yes. But there are two problems here: 1) The language isn’t clear that this is a Ryanair visa check, rather than an official, governmental security/passport check. 2) No other airline that I’m aware of requires a secondary check if they permit the printing of web boarding passes.

Take, for example, fellow Irish airline Aer Lingus:

Aer Lingus says it does not have such a requirement. “For those passengers who check in online, passports are checked either at the bag-tag desk or bag-drop machine or at the boarding gate,” a spokeswoman said.

Or at the gate. How much… simpler. But no, Ryanair can’t be bothered to run a “visa check” at the gate. It’s almost as if they’re just trying to collect fares from people without actually transporting them.

I think we have our explanation.

The bottom line: If you’re not an EU citizen, and you opt for Ryanair, despite everything you’ve been told, you’ll still need to show up early at the airport, stand in line, and have your passport checked before going through security.

Upgraded: Republic Airlines
Downgraded, eventually: Midwest Signature Service
Republic, best known for providing regional jet services to a range of carriers, has bought Midwest and Frontier Airlines. In the case of Midwest, they’re getting rid of the Boeing 717s and replacing them with Embraer 190s. That’s a narrower tube. Translation: Expect cuts or elimination of Signature Service seats at the front of the plane.

Upgraded: Holding TSA accountable
Remember the traveler who was harassed by the TSA for carrying $4700 in cash? He refused to answer questions until the TSA agents explicitly told him he was required to respond, and caught it all on tape. Now he’s suing the TSA, with help from the ACLU.

Upgraded: Continental miles
Well, not upgraded much, but here’s a quick way to earn 100 miles for “learning about” Continental-branded credit cards.

Downgraded: Boeing
Not only is the Boeing 787 Dreamliner delayed again, but some significant redesigning is necessary in order to get it airworthy. That’s bad news for the company’s management (or shareholders), or the airlines that have to wait even longer to receive their orders. As a passenger, I’d rather have a safe plane start flying late than an unsafe plane on time. Nonetheless, some are accusing Boeing of a coverup.

Downgraded: SkyEurope
SkyEurope, the Bratislava-based discount airline perhaps most famous for paying you to fly them, has declared bankruptcy. They’re still flying while they restructure.

Upgraded: Flight tracking
Visually cool, though not completely practical: Lufthansa has commissioned a neat representation of their flight traffic. Watch a fancy demo below. Be warned, the sound has some crazy-high-pitched sounds, which detract from the experience.

(Update: The designers deleted the video. No idea why. I’ll leave the embed up in case they bring it back. In the interim, have a still/screenshot instead.)

(via Dvice)

Let no one ever accuse Ryanair of tasteful restraint. The Euro-discounter who refuses to rule out anything in the quest for cost savings and revenue streams has now declared that customers wishing to get a boarding pass for their flight will need to pay for it. No matter what you paid for your ticket, you’ll still have to pay more to actually use it.

Ryanair passengers face a £5 charge per flight to print out their tickets at home as part of moves to abolish check-in desks and increase revenues. The policy replaces Ryanair’s practice of offering free online ticketing and charging anyone who opted for face-to-face check-in £10.

In future, anyone who arrives at the airport without a pre-printed check-in card will have to pay a £40 “boarding card re-issue fee”. In-built restrictions to the online ticketing system mean many customers will be unable to print their tickets when they book, raising the chances for penalty charges from customers who think they have completed the process.

Ryanair says its system won’t allow customers booking more than 15 days before their flight, or within four hours of one, to check in at that time. So those who book farther in advance will have to revisit the website nearer the time of their trip to check in.

Wow.

It’s hard enough when you’re traveling and don’t have a printer nearby. (Yes, many business hotels offer boarding pass printers, but what if you’re on vacation and staying at a rental villa? Not every traveler is printer-equipped.) But now you’ll be charged a fee to do the check-in yourself, even if you have access to a printer? Amazing.

It’s actually laughable, but I’m honestly impressed at the nerve of this. They’ve taken a cost-saving measure and turned it into a source of revenue. They’re ditching check-in counters already, so the revenue from this fee comes on top of personnel and infrastructure savings. Shameless.

I think it’s high time for customers to start charging fees themselves, and submitting invoices to the airlines that nickel-and-dime their customers. Send past-due notices with late fees, while you’re at it. Could be fun. How about an ink and paper fee of fifty cents per page? Send the airline a bill! An online networking fee for the time spent on their site? Send a bill! An airline selection fee, to account for the opportunity cost of not booking with a different carrier? Send a bill!

…But good luck collecting.

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Ryanair, Europe’s largest low fares airline, today (12th Mar) invited passengers to suggest the airline’s next ancillary revenue idea after Chief Executive, Michael O’Leary, confirmed that the company is examining the possibility of passengers paying to use the on board toilets in a drive to keep costs down and lower Ryanair’s guaranteed lowest fares even further.

This Europe wide competition invites passengers to submit their most ingenious, wacky and creative ideas to Ryanair via the www.ryanair.com website to be in with a chance of winning a €1,000 cash prize.

Win €1,000, cost your fellow passengers millions! Awesome.

Given the airline’s “all press is good press” attitude, and the fact that it’s not that hard to conceive of further things to sell or charge for, it’s almost certainly a stunt.

My own flippant suggestion for them: A subdued website fee, perhaps for €1. Instead of suffering through the Tokyo-at-night garishness of the regular Ryanair website, you could buy your ticket in the relative calm of a more tastefully-designed site. The online equivalent of an airport lounge.

Where’s my prize?

Thanks to reader Christoph for the tip!