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Upgraded: Inflight internet on Southwest
I’m convinced 2009 will be the year inflight internet really takes off, but 2008 is the year of inflight internet rollouts. Next to announce: Southwest! Partnering with Row 44, the airline plans to roll out inflight wi-fi — including VPN access, which is a plus for those hoping to hook up to the company network — in four planes this summer. So how about power outlets? Which leads us to…

Downgraded: London Heathrow Terminal 5
New terminal? Great! But the new facility has no power outlets for public use! What were they thinking? Clearly not designed with travelers in mind.

Downgraded: Non-EU residents on Ryanair
European zero-frills powerhouse Ryanair charges extra fees if you don’t check in online. But they don’t permit non-EU and non-EEA passport-holders to check in online. That’s most everyone in the world who’s getting a surtax. Oh sure, you can apply for a refund, but the burden is on you, the traveler. Lovely, as always, Ryanair. See here for the scoop.

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Golden Age, Golden Books: Travel back in time through the power of kids’ books
Children’s book protagonist Gordon experiences the magic of 1961 air travel: “Gordon ate steak and baked potatoes and lots of dessert — the things he liked best. ‘Food tastes good when you’re high in the sky,’ he said.” Cut to 2007, and little Gordon is a bitter man who can’t get an upgrade, but insists on calling the flight attendant “stewardess.” (Thanks, Brownlee!)

Sweet spot: Buy tickets in advance, but just not TOO far in advance
FareCompare.com CEO Rick Seaney busts a myth: That buying WAY far in advance is a great way to save money. Rarely true. Instead, the best time to really start shopping is about four months before your flight. One big reason: While most airlines sell tickets up to 11 months in advance, Southwest Airlines only sells tickets 4 to 5 months ahead. And since Southwest has enormous pricing power, their competitors don’t even bother trying to compete.

Your 15 minutes were over 20 minutes ago
Richard Branson never met a camera he didn’t love. Apparently neither did Kyla Ebbert, Southwest’s miniskirt bandit. Branson used Ebbert as a PR prop for Virgin America’s new service to Vegas. Classy. But hey, goofy photos result. Why is Branson dressed like a priest? Oh, screw it. It’s only egging him on.

Ryanair-style airline coming to transatlantic travel
Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary plans to start a discount airline that connects Europe and the U.S. It won’t be Ryanair, just a lot like it. Always the opportunist, O’Leary plans to wait until other airlines are in trouble, and then buy their aircraft on the cheap.

Skybus dropping West Coast?
Skybus looks like it might drop its flights to California and Washington, focusing instead on its shorter flights. Maybe that’s a good thing. Do you really want to deal with 29″ of seat pitch for a cross-country flight?

How to cut to the front of the security line
This isn’t advice I want to try out, knowing that the TSA has the habit of compiling dossiers on travelers. But Christopher Soghoian, of fake-boarding-pass generator fame, posts his tip on how to get to the front of the TSA line: Refuse to show ID. Instant supplemental screening (SSSS)! And to those wondering, yes, you can refuse to show ID and still legally fly. Print-and-save (pdf).

Your hard drive is a weapon
Since when are external hard drives a threat to security? Sigh.

Upgraded… or is it Downgraded?: Southwest boarding
Southwest Airlines has been test-marketing alternate boarding processes for a few weeks now. (Such as the family-only section test.) Now, in one of the latest tests, they are having passengers line up in the precise order in which they checked in. Not just Group A, B, or C. First person to check in is #1. This makes checking in early all the more important, since getting the last A pass is effectively the same as getting the first B pass. Seems like a major revision of their model (again, it’s only in a market test, not rolled out everywhere.) Reader Eric sent me this photo (I’m not sure of the original source), showing an example of the new lineup procedure. Is this really an improvement?? (Thanks, Eric!)

Downgraded: Ryanair check-in counters
I remember when First Chicago, now part of Chase, started charging a fee whenever bank customers used a real human bank teller. The fee was meant to force customers to use the ATMs. Now, it’s the web: Europe’s WalMart of the sky Ryanair is rolling out a new fee for customers who don’t check in online. Starting September 20, passengers will need to pay £2 or €3 (about US$4) if they check in at the airport. Swank.

Upgraded: The human touch
The counterpoint to the all-automated Ryanair way, perhaps: Scott McCartney has a nice feature on human touches that make the inflight experience more enjoyable. In this case, it’s United pilot Denny Flanagan, who hands out business cards with handwritten notes thanking customers for their business, orders takeout for passengers when there’s a diversion, and phones parents of unaccompanied minors when there’s a flight delay. Wow. Give that man a bonus. (Or maybe just his old pension back.)

Downgraded: Paper tickets
Rest in peace, muchachos. With e-tickets to become the international standard for all air travel on June 1, 2008, the International Air Transport Association placed its last giant order for paper tickets. 16.5 million of them will have to last through next May. Then they’ll be “collector’s items.” Stock up and save?

Upgraded: Onboard pizza delivery
If you’re stuck on a plane for eight hours, the pizza is free! (While supplies last.) Yes, another airline incident, again on American Airlines, with passengers trapped on board the plane for hours on end. Been there, done that. It happened on April 24th, when a Dallas-bound 757 was diverted to Midland, Texas, but it took weeks for the news to trickle out, not even making real headlines anymore. (So when is that Passengers’ Bill of Rights making its way to the Congressional floor for a vote?…) But the reporting of the story contained this nugget that demonstrates the absurdity of the event: “Pizza was delivered, but only 50 to 70 slices, along with 30 bags of chips.” People weren’t allowed off the plane, but it was okay to order takeout?! And whom do we blame for messing up the order? Were they taking requests? If I were onboard and called in an order for barbeque, could I have had that delivered as well?

Upgraded: Ryanair’s pricing
Euroskinflint Ryanair took a consumer-friendly step in the right direction this week: The airline started quoting their prices inclusive of taxes. Considering the number of mandatory fees and taxes that are added on, that’s a significant change in policy. Good for them!

Downgraded: jetBlue’s CEO and his many apologies
JetBlue founder and CEO David Neeleman, who took a beating for the way his airline kept passengers stuck on board its planes for hours on end back in February, may have won some sympathy for his incessant apologizing after the incident, but his board of directors fired him anyway. “Sorry” doesn’t pay the bills, I guess.

Upgraded: Hotel wi-fi…for hotel management, not you
Next time you check in to a hotel, your minibar may get better internet access than you. Hotel managers are rolling out new features that link their back office to your room via wi-fi, as well as creating in-house wi-fi powered walkie-talkie systems for staff members. In other words, yes, they’ll use wi-fi to keep tabs on your minibar, but they’ll continue to charge you $10.95 a day for you to access your e-mail from your room. Lovely.

Upgraded: Deodorant
If your armpits have that certain je-ne-sais-quoi after you lug your rollaboard around for a few hours, then the TSA may soon try to register you in a database of travelers’ odors. I’m not entirely kidding. Wired reports that the federal government’s Technical Support Working Group is soliciting proposals for a system designed to collect human scents and record them in a database “for future use to track a specified target.” For civil libertarians seeking to avoid detection, the solution is simple: Start dousing yourself with other people’s sweat. “Freedom sweat,” anyone?

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Upgraded: Carnival’s beverage policy
Carnival Cruise Lines has revised its recently-changed policy prohibiting passengers from bringing beverages onto the ship. “Guests may bring a small quantity of non-alcoholic beverages,” but the booze is still off-limits. Spokesman Vance Gulliksen admitted the company was “monitoring reaction to the ban” (cough, blogs, cough) and changed the policy in response to the grumbling. “Small quantity” is subjective, though, so expect some hassles if you bring multiple bottles of anything. Got an eyewitness report of Carnival’s beverage enforcement in practice? Hit the comments or drop a line.

Downgraded: The accuracy of Ryanair’s scales
Euro-ultra-discounter Ryanair is accused of improperly maintaining its baggage scales, leading to wide variations in the weight measurement of checked bags. Since Ryanair charges £3.30 (about US$6.60) for every kilogram over 15kg, the numbers could add up to real profits. One bag weighed 17kg in Girona, Spain, while only weighing 14.6kg back in the U.K.

Upgraded: The rights of taxi passengers at Minneapolis Airport
Remember the Minneapolis taxi drivers who were refusing to transport anyone they suspected was carrying alcohol? (Those duty-free bags were a dead giveaway.) First, the city’s taxi commission allowed the discrimination, by labeling cabs “wet” or “dry.” Then came reports that the taxis were refusing service to people with seeing eye dogs, too, since these were “unclean.” So the commission created economic disincentives, by forcing cabs to move to the back of the line if they refused a passenger. Now, the city’s taxi commission is finally imposing real penalties — license suspensions — on drivers who discriminate: First offense is 30 days, second offense 2 years. Good. “Cab driver” probably isn’t the right line of work for these guys, anyway.

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For the last year, the big story on international travel was the all-business class airlines — Maxjet, Eos Airlines, Silverjet, L’Avion, and the (defunct?) MiMa. But the other end of the travel spectrum — the no-frills economy class travel segment — saw two major steps forward this week.

Zoom, the Canadian-British discounter, has jumped its earlier hurdles and received approval to fly from London-Gatwick to New York-JFK. Flights are scheduled to start June 21, 2007.

Zoom’s service onboard is generally well-liked, though you need to be careful and read the fine print if you want to avoid add-on fees. Baggage policy in particular is a potential snag: You can only check 44 pounds total (not per suitcase) without incurring a surcharge. Other airlines offer 50 pounds each for two bags. Better pack light.

Separately, European uber-discounter Ryanair is reportedly getting into the trans-Atlantic game, using the same pricing model that they’re famous for: Crazy-low fares, with add-ons for everything else, from checked bags, to beverages, to mandatory surcharges for wheelchair service for all passengers.

The new airline technically won’t be part of the European operations of Ryanair, but will stand alone. A fleet of up to 50 Airbus A350s or Boeing 787s, neither of which are actually being built yet, would ferry passengers over the ocean for as little as $12 plus fees and add-ons.

Unlike Zoom, which will fly to JFK, one of the busiest international airports in the world, the new Ryanair subsidiary would fly to smaller ports like Baltimore, Providence, and Islip, NY.

It’ll be interesting to see how other airlines will respond — either by attempting to lobby Congress to somehow regulate the competition out of existence, or by actually treating the newcomers as real competition. With Zoom and Ryanair coming to North American shores, and with Spirit leading the way in homegrown nickel-and-diming, I’m not holding out much hope for real improvement in service.

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Traveling from (or through) Britain? If you’re departing on or after February 1, 2007, and you’ve already got your tickets, you need to check with your airline to make sure you don’t owe more money.

The reason is the increase in the Air Passenger Duty, announced in December, with monies intended to go toward projects that reduce global warming. (See here for a backgrounder, including some speculation on how the increased taxes might boost traffic at Frankfurt, Paris, or Amsterdam.)

For tickets purchased before the tax went into effect, you’re not exempted. British Airways is covering the tax for its customers, but (unsurprisingly) easyJet and Ryanair aren’t. And making matters worse, it’s YOUR responsibility to find a way to pay the taxes before your flight. If you don’t pay, you don’t fly.

How much can you expect to pay as a supplement?

Air passenger duty will rise from £5 to £10 for economy-seat passengers taking domestic and European short-haul flights, and from £20 to £40 for economy-seat travellers on long-haul flights. Business and first-class passengers will face bills of £40 for short-haul flights and £80 for long-haul.

Check your airline’s website as soon as possible. Expect plenty of angry flyers, and plenty of mayhem at British airports in February.

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Readers are always invited to send in questions, comments, or, as the case of Neale H. exemplifies, their rants. Neale is one unsatisfied Ryanair customer. His e-mail demonstrates that people don’t just want a cheap fare — sometimes absurdly cheap if you buy far enough in advance — they want to be treated with a modicum of respect.

Neale’s requests: The chance to sit together with his kids, and a pooled-luggage policy that doesn’t charge him the equivalent of $100 for going overweight. His e-mail, below the fold, outlines his objections in all their righteous detail.

Ryanair doesn’t come out smelling too clean after Neale is done with his assault. And he doesn’t even mention their skimpy legroom (photographic proof!). And indeed, it sounds like they don’t want kids onboard. But I disagree that Ryanair therefore appeals to the “lonely.” Hey, I’ve got no offspring, either, but that doesn’t mean I’m lacking affection or a social life…

Think Neale is right on? Think he’s being unreasonable? Sound off in comments. And if you don’t think this could happen in the U.S. of A., I have one word for you: Skybus. Click “Read more” to see Neale’s rant.

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Update: No kowtowing to teetotaling taxicabs
Remember the cabdrivers who were refusing to transport passengers from Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport if they suspected the traveler was carrying alcohol? The airports commission has wisely reversed its earlier plans to label taxis as “wet” or “dry.” If a cabbie refuses a fare for any reason, he now has to go to the back of the line. Good. If you don’t want to transport people whom you find objectionable for whatever reason, don’t be a cabdriver. Simple enough.

Economy Parking, Premium Skycaps
Chicago’s O’Hare airport is getting skycaps at Economy Parking Lot E. The new service, run by BAGS, Inc., will allow parkers to check in and drop off their bags ($5 fee) before they head back to the terminal via the train. But you’re expected to drop off the bags a whole 2 hours before your flight. That seems like a stretch.

More airlines lower fuel surcharges
Lufthansa and Singapore Airlines are rolling back fuel surcharges for longhaul flights. Good for them, and for us.

Singapore Airlines’ gift from above
A large metal bolt fell off a Singapore Airlines 747 and hit an Australian man’s house. (He should be glad it wasn’t a DC-10 overhead.)

Behind the scenes at American Airlines
Peter Greenberg spent a week checking out American Airlines’ operations behind the scenes. The result is a CNBC special which aired Wednesday. I missed the first showing, but it’s being re-run on Sunday. Plus, clips from the show are available for download here. Will there be coverage of the mice that seemingly infest their planes?

Europeans: ask for your travel records
Privacy advocate Ed Hasbrouck advises Europeans to find out what’s in their travel records. In Europe, you own the rights to your data. In the U.S., the company that holds the data owns the rights. Might as well have a look, to see if there are errors. Much like looking at your credit report to look for fraud…

Ryanair revises fine print, battles its own employees
Britain’s Office of Fair Trading is forcing Ryanair to change the fine print in its ticketing contract. The changes make it easier to file a claim against the airline for lost, damaged, or delayed luggage, as well as expenses due to flight cancellation. This comes on top of employee actions, including unionization threats, promises of a strike by baggage handlers in Spain, and the refusal of Italian crew to sell food on board. (See here for the unionization campaign’s homepage.)

Terrifying liquid
Via Boingboing: a liquid whose name deserves all the TSA scrutiny it can handle. Best to pack this on in your carry-on, if you absolutely, positively need to bring central American cleaning supplies through an airport.

Terrifying lawns
Taking his work home with him? A Los Angeles plane mechanic has turned his front lawn into a mock airplane crash site for Halloween. It uses real aircraft parts from a Gulfstream. Considering it’s in LA, trick-or-treaters might be unfazed and think he’s running a filming location for “Lost.”

Sharkey strikes back
NY Times travel columnist Joe Sharkey, who survived the midair collision in Brazil a few weeks ago, and whose blog was peppered with hate-filled comments after he posted a short statement of concern for the fates of the pilots of his aircraft, lashed out against his (largely Brazilian) critics in a recent post. The investigation into the accident and the surrounding controversy has become quite the drama. Thusfar no word on his site on whether or not he is, in fact, Robin Leach.

European ultra-discount airline Ryanair, famous for low fares, but also for a complete lack of amenities (no windowshades, tight seating, ads everywhere, pay for checked bags, mandatory fees galore…) is targeting the long-haul market and seeking a monopoly position in Ireland.

Ryanair announced an all-cash 2.80 euros/share takeover bid for AerLingus, which itself just went public. Ryanair has already acquired a 16% stake in their competitor.

If the deal were to go through, then the newly merged Ryanair would no longer be “contained” in Europe. They’d be global.

People talk about a race to the bottom in the airline sector. Make no mistake: Ryanair IS that bottom. It’s the self-proclaimed WalMart of the sky, and it could be coming to long-distance travel. Be afraid.

But the Irish government may throw a wrench into this. They have announced that they’re holding on to their 28.3% stake in AerLingus, and that they prefer to promote competition over consolidation. Stay tuned.

Related:
- Ryanair’s trifecta of customer alienation
- Wheelchair fees and airplane insurance: unpacking airfare surcharges
- Disturbing Ryanair safety/training video exposé

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Upgraded: Coach Seats on Cathay Pacific
You don’t hear much about economy class seats improving much. Sure, there’s lots of talk about upgrading business and first class. But it’s good to see the back of the bus being considered for upgrades. Cathay Pacific of Hong Kong, considered by many to be one of the best rides in the sky, is installing new seats that function much like business class pods: hard-shell seats that recline within the shell, not by pushing back into the space behind you. The tinkering extends the legroom without technically increasing the seat pitch. Sounds great! (via RoadGladiator)

Upgraded: Economy Snacks on American Airlines, at a Price
American Airlines will start testing a new program this week — and ONLY this week — to sell snacks in flight. Flights between Dallas and LAX, Dallas and Miami, and JFK and San Francisco are included in the test. Klondike Movie Bites ice cream, Otis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chunk Cookies, Lay’s Stax Crisps or Twix ‘4 To Go’ candy bars will run you $3. Dannon bottled water (how many ounces??) will be $2 per bottle. Cookies, etc., fine. I wonder if the $2 bottle of water was devised before the latest airport security rules were relaxed. Not sure how many people will bite. Can’t you just get a cup or two poured for you for free?

Downgraded even more: The Ryanair Experience
Sensory overload! Ryanair is adding advertisements on the underside of the tray tables, so you’ll be staring at the ad for the duration of the flight. Yay. It just keeps getting classier. (via The Cranky Flier)

Upgraded: Continental’s Reputation
Boston’s Logan Airport wanted to make a buck by providing wi-fi access and charging everyone for it. Problem was, Continental’s clubs already provided wi-fi for free. The airport tried to shut down the free connection, but Continental resisted, took it to the FCC, and won. Hats off to Continental for defending the interests of their customers. (And if you want free wi-fi, hang out near the Continental Presidents Club and try to pick up a signal…)

tags: travel | airlines

“Can you hear me? I’m on a plane! A plane!!!”
It’s official: Ryanair is allowing inflight use of mobile phones, with service provided via OnAir. The airline takes a cut of the roaming charge. For the notoriously no-frills airline, does this count as a frill?

Be productive, or be a tourist, in airports
Passing several hours at the airport? Not entering a lounge? Here’s a short guide to time-killing diversions at the busiest airports in the world. (If this had been in European media, I’d wager they’d be listing the Beate Uhse shop at Frankfurt Airport, and providing a list of smoking areas.) What I’d like to see more of at airports: Napping stations like they have in Vancouver.

Private travel gets faster
Lockheed Martin is developing a supersonic private jet that should be able to cross the United States in two hours, without the loud sonic booms that gave the Concorde a bad name. Though the QSST (quiet supersonic transport) will be fast, sales will probably lag microjets, which are rapidly gaining popularity (despite some models lacking a bathroom).

What happens onboard Maxjet stays onboard Maxjet
All-business-class discounter Maxjet is starting a new route: Las Vegas to London-Stansted. But will they offer inflight gambling, as Ryanair has proposed? Who will claim The Loosest Slots in the Sky??

Door Wars: The New York Times’ Joe Sharkey heeds the call
Welcome to the revolution, Joe. Like many travelers, Joe often can’t get enough sleep in hotels. Noise, especially hallway noise, is the enemy. I sympathize. But I’m glad to see that AmericInn is promoting quieter rooms. I’ve never stayed in one of their hotels, but this certainly sounds appealing.