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Juvenile life imitates art:

Agent: Alright. We have a blue Ford Escort for you Mr. Seinfeld. Would you like insurance?

Jerry: Yeah, you better give me the insurance, because I am gonna beat the hell out of this car.

And here’s the video proof of what some folks will do to their rental. It’s essentially “Jackass” — travel edition.

I feel sorry for the poor sucker who actually bought that Dodge Neon when it hit the end of its useful life at the rental agency…

The first minute or two is pretty much all you need, and there’s a gratuitous soundtrack, so you might want to mute the speakers in the office.

And if that’s not enough, there’s a whole array of related videos. Rental car abuse is a veritable YouTube sub-genre!

Oh, and don’t try this at home.

(Can’t see the video? Try here.)

Planning to rent a car in Mexico? Better make sure that card isn’t maxed out. Reader Paul writes in:

My wife and I have been to Mexico about a dozen times over the last 10 years, and about half of those times we have rented a car. In recent years I have seen information on various travel sites about the need for Mexican insurance when traveling in Mexico. I thought that this only applied to driving a personal car into Mexico, and not to rental cars; however, three weeks ago I came across a new twist:

Upon picking up a Hertz rental car at the Cancun airport (which, by the way, is the cleanest, friendliest, most efficient, of all Mexican car rental agency locations I have seen!) I was asked if I had insurance. I said, “Yes, I am covered by my VISA card for damage to the rented automobile.” The agent said, “Fine, but do you have Mexican insurance?”

I said, “No.”

Because I declined, the rental agency took a deposit (actually a “hold” placed against my VISA card) for $2,600 (26,000 pesos) to cover any potential damage!!

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Flight delayed? Sue!
A judge in India has ruled that passengers whose Go Air flight was canceled were due the equivalent of US$380 each because of the mental anguish they suffered. Is this a trend? Where can I sue for suffering through flight delays inside a regional jet?

Get on the bus
The American Bus Association wants you to feel green about hitting the road: They claim that buses — ahem, motorcoaches — are more environmentally friendly than passenger cars, trains, and planes. According to their numbers, a bus gets 184 passenger miles per gallon, while commuter rail comes in at 86 and planes only make 42. I’ve sat behind some black soot-spewing buses, and I find this claim hard to believe. And what about all the electric rail out there? Nonetheless, one thing is indisputable: Buses are more efficient than passenger cars.

Which airline has the healthiest snacks?
Domestically, it’s United and their $5 snackboxes according to Charles Stuart Platkin of dietdetective.com. See his post for the lowdown on the various airlines’ snacks.

Business class shootout!
Reader Gianugo has personally tested three of the all-business class airlines that cross the Atlantic. In his tests, Silverjet comes out on top, with L’Avion and Maxjet trailing. (No test of Eos Airlines, but they’re generally at a much higher price point.) The L’Avion review certainly jives with previous reports from the field (here and here). Read his detailed post for the breakdown of what makes these discounted business class airlines tick.

No more being charged extra fees for returning your car with a full tank
Consumer victory! One of the very first posts on this blog — in its first week of inception, in fact — railed against Budget Rent-a-Car’s practice of levying a $9.50 charge if the odometer registered fewer than 75 miles upon return. This is one of those “what are they thinking” fees that gives the travel industry a bad name. I’m pleased to report that the Federal Trade Commission has clamped down and told Budget to stop. (via Consumerist)

Shameless self-promotion, part one
Chris Elliott, consumer advocate, National Geographic ombudsman, and general thorn in the travel industry’s side, compiled his list of the seven “most influential” travel bloggers. You’re reading one of them. Huzzah! The others: Paul Brady at Jaunted, Arthur Frommer, Holly Hegeman at PlaneBuzz, CondeNast’s Wendy Perrin, Ben Popken at Consumerist (where I’ve been a guest blogger on several occasions), and FareCompare’s Rick Seaney. Nice company to be in, to be sure, and a good starting point for your other blog-reading needs. There are seven runners-up, too, so go read the whole thing. Consider other blogs, like the Travvies winners from earlier this year. (Or heck, the finalists!) And peruse the blogroll in the pulldown in the right sidebar for more great blogs that I read regularly.

Shameless self-promotion, part deux
Upgrade: Travel Better goes audio: You can hear a few snippets of me commenting on recent frequent flyer mile devaluations on Marketplace, which aired this morning on public radio. If you didn’t wake up to the “dulcet tones” of my voice on your clock radio this morning, you can hear the clip and read the transcript here.

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This week, Hertz rolled out a new subsidiary named SimplyWheelz, targeted at the leisure market. Let’s get one thing right out of the way: “SimplyWheelz” is an absolutely awful brand name, repulsively stupid in its gratuitous use of the Z in lieu of the plural S. Trying to be hip? Edgy? “Urban”? It didn’t work, Hertz. Marketers, just for using that “Z,” you get an “F.”

I know it’s hard to look past the awful name. And it pains me every time I type that “Z.” But let’s move on.

SimplyWheelz (ouch!) promises to be a “low cost, low rate” brand, by automating everything possible and pushing the rental transaction online wherever they can. (Alamo/National rolled the automated rental out first. See here and here.) They’ll also keep a smaller variety of cars on their lot and rent a narrower range of car classes.

Segmenting the car rental market is nothing new, and it’s common to see one brand under a corporate umbrella go for the holiday crowd while another tries for the less price-sensitive business clients. Avis focuses on corporate contracts and business travelers, while their sister firm Budget targets the leisure traveler. National is more business travel, Alamo more leisure. On the other hand, Dollar and Thrifty, which are one company, both seem to target leisure travelers. Maybe they should start a new business travel brand… “CarRentBizzz” if you want to throw some “Z’s” into your name. ::shudder::

For now, SimplyWheelz is only live at Orlando Airport. Obviously, that’s a huge leisure market, and the car rental rates are already really, really low. I priced out a reservation for a random set of dates in October, and SimplyWheelz was indeed the lowest, by $1.26 total, for a three-day rental.

Hertz has built a reputation for solid customer service, so starting a largely self-service subsidiary is a bit of a risk to the brand name. Especially since they remind users that they’re a part of Hertz on every webpage — it’s “SimplyWheelz by Hertz” everywhere you look. Automation in itself isn’t a problem (see my defense of kiosks) but there needs to be a human “net” to catch you if the automation fails. If Hertz can pull off this tightrope trick while lowering prices, then they’ll have a winner on their hands.

Now if only they learned how to spell.

Walking around Paris during the last week, I’ve seen a few Smart cars completely smothered in ads.

Finally I got up the gumption to inquire with a driver leaving a Smart car plastered with fish, advertising a plasma TV: “Do you get paid for these ads?”

“110 euros a month,” he said. “It pays for my gas!”

He elaborated that there was one pink ad a few months ago that he found particularly embarrassing but otherwise he didn’t really mind the rotating ad program.

It started me thinking: drivers get paid for ads. EasyJet and RyanAir get paid to come to certain airports. Could there ever be a synthesis in the free rental car, one covered in ads? OK, even if it weren’t free, just discounted, would you drive around in what amounted to a sedan-sized billboard?

Have your say in the comments!

Tyler Colman, Ph.D. clutters up the internet writing about wine on DrVino.com.

Downgraded: Odds of seeing pole-dancer art on London-Gatwick approach
First it was the Kentucky Fried Chicken ad featuring a Colonel Sanders image visible from space. Now, a website’s advertisement featuring a giant chalk outline of a poledancing stripper is causing controversy in the UK. The image, in a field below a common approach path for flights to London’s Gatwick Airport, is only visible from the air, but is still causing an affront. It’s likely to be removed soon. But thanks to news reports and posts like this one far more people will see it online than ever would see it from a plane. (Yes, I’m guilty of supporting their marketing machine… I know…)

Upgraded: Kayak.com introduces alliance-based search
Aggregator Kayak.com tweaked its search tools ever so slightly, allowing you to sort by alliance (Star, oneworld, Skyteam) and not just by airline. But you can only sort it that way AFTER you’ve the basic search. (You can search preferred airlines up front, so why not alliances? Meh.) Orbitz has allowed alliance search for some time, but this is the first aggregator that I’m aware of that’s doing this.

Upgraded: Hertz’s environmentalist credibility
Last September, Hertz rolled out its “Green Collection” of rental cars and I was thoroughly unimpressed. Buick LaCrosse? Come on. Where were the hybrids? Well, it took nine months, but Hertz finally got around to buying more genuinely eco-friendly vehicles, with a purchase of 3,400 Toyota Priuses (or is that Prii?). That’s more like it.

Upgraded: Wine in coach. Viva jetBlue!
JetBlue is serving up some slightly more interesting wines than usual the usual coach fare. Thanks to a partnership with Best Cellars, the airline is giving their all-economy class passengers a slightly better guzzle. Choosing wine for coach can be challenging, since it has to be a) cheap, b) in tiny ready-for-sale bottles, unlike in premium cabins, and c) pair-able with a wider range of foods. I hadn’t thought about that last one before: After all, the wine in business and first can presumably be paired with the menu (though that’s not always obvious). But in coach, a wine demands “versatility in pairing with a wide assortment of airport meals people bring on planes, including pan pizzas from Pizza Hut and Taco Bell burritos with chicken and mole sauce.” (Taco Bell has a mole sauce? Really?) Either way, good for jetBlue, and good for their wine-imbibing passengers. (Thanks Tyler!)

Downgraded: US Airways right to serve any wine
Unlike jetBlue… US Airways, which got into trouble for selling booze without a license in New Mexico a few months ago, and which has been serving the sauce with a temporary scrip since then, was denied an extension of its license this past week. Tough break. BYOB, anyone?

Upgraded: Marriott; Downgraded: Ian Schrager (or is it the other way around?)
Look, I happen to like Marriott hotels for what they are: Consistent, clean, competent, and overall comfortable spaces to spend the night. (4 C’s!) They usually don’t have too much bling or pizazz, though some of their big-city properties have that 1980s glitz that has an odd appeal to my mid-to-late-30s, graying-gracefully, receding-hairline self. So when I hear that they’re teaming up with Ian Schrager, king of the boutique hotel, to create a new boutique-y brand, I’m skeptical. It seems like a late-to-the-game attempt to create a “W” chain within a chain. If it adds a little funk to the Marriott decor, great. (Bye bye brass fixtures, please!) But it also smacks of desperation. And isn’t Ian Schrager past this? Seems like he’s here to cash in while the cashin’ in is good.

Upgraded: WestJet’s honesty; Downgraded: Little old ladies’ pensions
Canada’s WestJet (hearts) little old ladies. Not because they’re nice grandmas, but because they’re walking piggy banks, and the airline’s got a hammer. Consider this nugget from the airline’s president:

“There would be a little old lady coming up and she’d have a table and she’d have a chair and she’d have six or seven bags and we’d say ‘Yeah, take it on the plane. No problem.’ Now we’re actually going to charge a little bit of money for taking that table and chair and those extra bags on board. And that incremental revenue that we extract from that little old lady is very, very profitable to us. Some 85% goes to the bottom line.”

Good for him, for saying publicly what other airline executives discuss privately. So I guess the business traveler isn’t the company profit center; the rarely-traveled senior citizen is. Bank it.

Upgraded: Amputees and their TSA experience
Got a prosthetic? The TSA wants to make your security checkpoint experience kinder and gentler. Good! On the other hand…

Downgraded: Sippy cups, and TSA cinema verité
A former Secret Service agent reports that she was harassed when she accidentally carried her child’s sippy cup of water through security. Stupid enough, but it gets more absurd: The TSA actually released a silent security tape of the incident, labeled “Mythbusters,” in their own defense. Feel free to view the videos, read the incident report, review the embarrassed mother’s story, and decide for yourself.

Upgraded: Demolition
Let me make myself perfectly clear: I want to help destroy this hotel. I’ve never been to it, but I want to help Spanish hotel chain NH Hoteles wreck the Alcala Hotel in Madrid. The company is holding a contest to see who can take a sledgehammer to the joint. Only 30 lucky few will get to play rockstar-cum-wrecking ball. Let the spirit of Keith Moon guide you.

Want to class up that rental car? Avis launched a new service in ten cities today, letting Avis Preferred members hire a chauffeur to drive them around.

As part of the new “Chauffeur Drive” program, the drivers are provided and billed by WeDriveU, which specializes in this sort of thing, and by not Avis.

Personally, I love the idea of someone renting a little crapbox like a Kia Rio, but insisting on having a chauffeur. Somebody please do it, if just for the photos.

But more seriously, this could come in handy if time is short, and you want both an airport pickup and the freedom to drive your own butt around town. Your chauffeur can pick up your car and be there ready to pick you up at the airport, curbside. They can also do drop-offs. Thereafter, you can drive the car yourself, as normal.

Every time you use their service, it has a three-hour minimum, but you can dismiss the driver at any time. Of course, hiring the help isn’t cheap ($30/hour), and it requires 24 hours notice.

Avis has featured chauffeur service in certain cities outside the US, such as Mexico City, for some time, but the joint venture with WeDriveU will be available in Boston, Chicago, Dallas, Detroit, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Phoenix, San Francisco, and Washington, D.C.

Details here.

Skybus 1: How to contact Skybus
I know, I know, enough already with the Skybus posts! But it’s the gift that keeps on giving. Recall that the startup airline, in its multi-pronged efforts to save money, claims it doesn’t have a customer service phone number, according to the website. But they do. Chris Elliott does Skybus passengers a public service by ferreting out that contact number — (614) 246-8800 — as well as the e-mail addresses of their customer service executives.

Skybus 2: What’s next, Amway?
Be careful if you try booking a “vacation package” on the Skybus website. It’s really a timeshare sales pitch. Classy.

Beats getting three toasters
In a smart marketing move, Northwest Airlines has started a gift registry. Friends and family can make payment toward air travel, such as for a honeymoon. Note that the registry funds can’t be applied to hotel, rental car, etc., as part of packages. Air only. But still, it’s surprising other airlines haven’t done this before.

This isn’t Singapore Airlines
Iris Peterson, the oldest flight attendant in America’s skies, has retired from United Airlines. She started flying in 1946 and is now in her 80s. Quite a bit of aviation history she’s witnessed, and a good number of job title changes, “sky girl” and “stewardess” among them. Congratulations to Iris! Though frankly I’m glad that she’s not flying anymore. Honestly, was she able to perform all safety duties? How productive would she have been during an emergency?

Red, white and drunk all over NYC
Got 36 hours to spend in New York? Does a bar crawl feel a little too college for you? How about a wine crawl? Alright then. Dr. Vino shows the way.

On top of the world, pissing down on creation
When you’re done with that wine tourism, you might need to hit the WC. For the gentlemen, why not seek out a urinal with a view?

Car rental by the hour goes mainstream
Hertz and other big rental car firms must be feeling some heat from Zipcar, Flexcar, iGo, and other regional short-term rental companies. The big guys are increasingly offering hourly rates for their cars. Unlike hotels, hourly rates are a good thing, especially for business travelers doing same-day hit-and-run visits to cities.

Several great tips rolled in as responses to recent posts on car rentals. Some were posted to comments, but in case you missed them, I’m upgrading them to a post of their own:

Max out your dropoff time
Reader Jason, a former employee of one of the major rental car chains, responding to a post about disappearing grace periods for late returns, offered this advice:

Make sure the rental agent updates your pickup time if you arrive after your scheduled pick up time (i.e. scheduled to pick up at 2pm and you don’t arrive until 3pm). If you arrive early, the computers will likely set your pickup time to the actual time you pickup the car, but if you arrive late it’s up to you and/or the agent to update your pickup time. This little trick has caught a lot of renters who return at the same time they picked up the car, but still get the late fees.

International rentals: Test-drive local booking sites
Reader NPM, author of the Porto City Guide (or Oporto, if you prefer) offers this tip:

Internationally, renting online through local branches can be cheaper than using US major car rental companies’ websites — even for the same company. For instance, in Portugal www.budgetportugal.com tends to be much cheaper than budget.com.

Warehouse discounts for underage renters
Reader Brent offered this tip on saving money if you’re under the age of 25:

Get an Executive membership at Costco. The cost is 100$ but you get the membership right away and it’s worth it. Then rent a car from Budget Car Rentals. The executive Costco membership waives the 21-24 underage driver fee (savings of 25$/day), allows you a free upgrade in car category, so basically if you’re going to get a full size vehicle, you only pay for what a mid-size would cost - and finally they also waive 10% for being a Costco executive member.

After four days, you’ve broken even! And the Costco executive membership is yours to keep…

Know the upsell speech
Finally, over at the Consumerist, they got their hands on Enterprise Rent-a-Car’s script which their associates use to try to convince you to buy their loss/collision coverage. Read it and ignore the temptation to spend your money unnecessarily.

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A reminder: Reader tips are always welcome! Just use the “contact” link at the top right of every page, or leave a comment.

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Related:
- Reader mail: If you’re under 25, how do you rent a car without huge surcharges?
- Reader mail: What happened to car rental late-return grace periods?
- Rental car agent blows smoke up my backside, redux
- Loss of use? Get lost.

Reader Kristin writes:

My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Alaska this summer and realized we’d save a lot of money in our travels by renting a car once we get there (the Alaska railroad is *expensive*). The only problem is that we will both be under the age of 25 when we’re there (he’ll be 24, I’ll be 23) and every rental car agency I can find would charge us a huge daily fee. We both have impeccable driving records (not even so much as a parking ticket between us), good car insurance, and AAA. Is there anything we could do to get around this fee, or any company out there that trusts us under 25s?

This is a tough one. For the most part, rental car companies aren’t very flexible with the surcharges for under-25 renters, unless you’re renting your car as a government employee. You can be the greatest driver in the world, but that’s not going to matter here. Your age means higher rates. Sorry.

There are some minor exceptions, so it’s important to shop around. But don’t get your hopes up.

Check the local rules. Most national chains, perhaps with a whiff of irony, will charge $25 per day for an under-25 renter. But those policies are national guidelines, not hard-and-fast rules. Many local outlets of major chains will charge less than the maximum. Others, such as those in New York, will charge more. For example, a quick search shows me that National Car Rental charges only $10 per day surcharge at its Anchorage Airport location. It’s still a fee, but it’s less than they could charge, and less than their peers are charging.

Try mom-and-pop shops. Another option is to call (instead of surfing the web) to contact smaller, local providers. Find them in the yellow pages (or an online directory) and then work the phones. These shops might not rent the newest or nicest vehicles — ten years ago, I rented a crappy little Ford Fiesta for a few days from a no-name local rental company on Kodiak Island. But these local companies may be more forgiving with the under-25 requirement. This may take some legwork, but it could save you a bundle. Mentioning your clean driving record might have more influence on a family-owned one-shop rental joint than on a global corporation’s local representative or franchisee.

Work your memberships. Finally, if you’re a member of any organization that has a group discount code with a car rental company, see if you can use that affiliation to waive the surcharge. It depends on the terms of the umbrella agreement that the association negotiated. Again, you might need to use the phone to get the straight story. I get little cards for car rental discounts from my insurance company (USAA), my credit union, my alumni association, professional associations, and even my gas bill. Check your member benefits, and see if something works. You may need to show a member card when you show up at the rental counter.

If you reserve via the web, print copies of everything, including the general rental policies. Many rental chains won’t give you the under-25 surcharge up front, but will bury it in their FAQs. Look carefully, and print a record of it.

Also, print a copy of your personal auto insurance policy and take it with you when you travel. Having proof of insurance could assuage a nervous rental agent.

Bottom line: When it comes to car rentals, being under 25 stinks. You’ll need to work harder to get a deal, if you get one at all. But if it’s any consolation, you still have your youth.

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Two readers wrote in regarding late returns and grace periods when renting a car. Reader Francine writes:

When I rented a car from National recently, there was no grace period for late returns. None! Is this the latest way they get you?

And reader Peter offers this story, and advice, from his recent rental with Budget Rent-a-Car in Montreal:

I was late getting out of Vermont and late getting the car back to the airport. When I arrived I discovered that I had signed a contract that stipulated $33.xx CAD/hour for being late on a $55/day rental. Further, since I was 2hrs 15 minutes late they claimed I was 3 hours late (the grace period disappeared) and they charged me for another DAY, stating it would cost me less than 3 hours of the late charge.

I haven’t had any luck getting Budget to discuss this with me. If you rent from anyone be clear at pickup 1) what constitutes late and 2) what it costs when you are.

Indeed, grace periods are no longer a given when it comes to late returns. Hertz cut their grace period in half a year ago, and others soon followed suit. Nowadays, you really need to know what you’re signing (and initialing).

In Peter’s case, I see only one possible “violation” here on the part of the company: The forfeit of the grace period. But even then, if he returned the car two hours late (instead of three), he’s better off paying a full day extra, rather than two hours’ overtime. It sucks, but those are the terms.

With contracts like this, if you signed for it, you’re on the hook. These hourly rates are one of the items you’re often asked to initial.

Not all companies are the same, though: Late-return policies vary by chain, with some chains offering no grace periods whatsoever.

Perhaps even more importantly, some companies reserve the right to retroactively change your rate to a higher level — for the duration of the entire rental — if you return the car late. If anything, Peter was lucky they didn’t change his rate for the earlier days as well!

The policies of each major U.S. chain, with key points highlighted, after the jump:
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Your newspaper smells delicious, did you stay at an Omni?
Hotels’ “scent programs” and aromatherapy trends may have just jumped the shark. In a cross-promotional marketers’ fantasy come true, Omni Hotels have started slapping berry-scented stickers advertising Starbucks muffins on copies of USA Today. And the Wall Street Journal is considering adding scents to their advertising pages. Hopefully these odors won’t interfere with the whiff of lemongrass and green tea that’s being pumped into lobby spaces at the chain. What’s next, pay-per-view Smellovision?

Predict the next threat? A TSA-inspired contest
Bruce Schneier is running a contest to conceive of an absurd, fictional terrorist plot that would cause the TSA to start banning yet another product from airports. The more ludicrous the product, yet oddly plausible the threat, the better. Why? “The purpose of this contest is absurd humor, but I hope it also makes a point. Terrorism is a real threat, but we’re not any safer through security measures that require us to correctly guess what the terrorists are going to do next.” Partially-digested food, tooth-fillings, and zippers are front-runners in my book.

Enterprise Rent-a-Car buys Alamo and National
Enterprise is buying Vanguard Car Rental, the parent company of Alamo and National. The combined company would have over a million cars on its lots. Will rentals at Enterprise become more automated, like at Alamo/National? Will Alamo/National start doing the long walkarounds, hard-sells on CDWs, and secretly-negotiable rates?

Wi-fly
After the shutdown of Boeing’s Connexion satellite-based inflight internet service, other companies have been slow to start up service, which was promised nearly a year ago. Scott McCartney checks in with possible providers, and we’re still not there. But it’s coming “early next year.” And rest assured, Skype calls won’t go through. They’ll be blocked, so your fears of cellphone conversations can be kept at bay. Onboard wi-fi — which is already approved for service by both the FCC and FAA — will cost around $10 per day, and packages that link with existing services like T-Mobile HotSpot, Boingo, and iPass will be available. No word on which airlines will be the first to bite.

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