Qantas is running a promo for travel between the US and Australia: Around $970 all-in round trip (that’s $399 each way, including fuel surcharges, plus taxes) for flights from Los Angeles or San Francisco to major Australian hubs, and including a free stopover in New Zealand.

The free stopover is what really makes this a good deal.

Too bad the business class seats aren’t similarly discounted. ($15,260 for business class, for one person on the same dates. I don’t think so.)

Flights are only available at those rates for travel between May 1 and June 8, 2010. A narrow window of opportunity, but potentially worthwhile, especially with that free stopover thrown in.

Be careful when booking that you choose “red tail” flights, not Jetstar, their no-frill discount carrier. The flights are the same price, but the amenities are more generous on the mainline Qantas flights.

Maddening, though: Though you can tack on a domestic US flight to the fare for generally-reasonable rates (i.e., ~$220 additional for the roundtrip from Newark), the Qantas website makes it nearly impossible to book if you’re not leaving from a short list of cities. And that list is odd: Monterey is on the list, but Charlotte and Raleigh aren’t? Flagstaff is included, but Milwaukee isn’t? Seems like a webpage makeover is in order.

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Downgraded: Airborne
I’ve always found the boxes of Airborne nutritional supplements to be silly (a healthcare product that proudly proclaims it’s “created by a schoolteacher!”). But now, they’ve been forced to change their packaging. Gone are the germs, the sick people, and the claim to prevent inflight illness.

Downgraded: Airline maintenance
A frightening report on outsourced aircraft maintenance companies, where some staff can’t read the instructions. Shudder… (via Consumerist)

Downgraded: First class on Qantas
Like everyone else, Australia’s Qantas is feeling the pinch. First class has been removed from flights to San Francisco, Buenos Aires and Melbourne-Hong Kong-London routes. Not much of a loss, really, since business class is where the action is.

Upgraded: the environment
A positive side effect of the economic slowdown: Fewer flights means less pollution.

Upgraded: US Airways luggage delivery
The passengers whose flight landed in the Hudson River have gotten their luggage and belongings back, including things left behind on the seats. Nice! I just hope that getting your stuff doesn’t always require such dramatic landings…

Upgraded: Momondo
Danish airfare aggregator (reviewed here previously) just got an upgrade, by including Ryanair fares in its searches. That’s a big change for the ultra-discounter, which has kept its fares exclusively on its own website until now.

Downgraded: Exit rows on Qantas
Qantas will start charging an extra fee for the exit rows. They’re not the first, but still, annoying. (Thanks, Rob!)

Downgraded: Business sense
If a business model failed miserably for Skybus, I’m sure it’ll work just fine a year later, in a significantly worse financial climate, right? Right? JetAmerica, a new startup, is trying out the Skybus model themselves, with 9 seats for $9 on every flight. Minneapolis and Newark are the biggest destinations, but the operations are run through Toledo. Cranky has the rundown. Who wants to start the bankruptcy countdown pool?

Longtime readers know that I have an affection for odd and amusing signage, especially from planes. (Willie Wonka safety card, anyone?)

This great sign apparently comes to us from Qantas in 2007. Your Furby can bring down the plane!!!

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Downgraded: Air Marshals
In a series of sting operations, several air marshals who were supposed to be protecting passengers inflight were using their free pass in American airports to smuggle cocaine, drug money, and child pornography. Lovely. My favorite part of this story: One marshal called himself “the Man with the Golden Badge.” Racy! Paging Roger Moore to take this guy out! Heck, paging Hervé Villechaize!

Upgraded: L’Avion lounge
When Tyler Colman reviewed the all-business class airline L’Avion for us last year, he commented on their lack of a real lounge at Newark Liberty Airport. That deficiency has been addressed, with the opening of a real lounge in Terminal B, shared by L’Avion and Jet Airways of India.

Upgraded: Thanksgiving Status Quo
Downgraded: Math
Just like last year, 39% of Americans are expected to travel for Thanksgiving, according to a recent poll. But the conclusion that travel will “mirror” last year as a result of comparable traveler numbers? That smells of bad math. Airline capacity is down from a year ago, with fewer planes in the air. Yet the same number of travelers? Look out. As we get closer to Thanksgiving, consider revisiting these holiday travel tips and these five ways to get an edge on fellow travelers.

Downgraded: Toilet paper supplies on Qantas
Here’s a horror story: Trapped on a plane for 24 hours, passengers on board a Qantas flight (from Singapore, diverted to Canberra) had their toilet paper rationed. Four squares per person. Not a square to spare. It’s a tale of absurdity: People on the ground, but unable to deplane, at government orders. But couldn’t they restock the plane’s supplies while on the ground? Bonus points to The Age for their punny headline, “Loo paper rationed on bummer of a diversion.” (rimshot) (Thanks, Rob!)

Upgraded: Concierges on television
“A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha.” So says Michael Scott on last week’s episode of The Office, whose plot centered on business travel. See the full episode here, where it’s available for online viewing until January 15, 2009.

The merger insider
Holly Hegeman’s red phone rang, and a trusted insider gave her this update on the United-Continental merger rumors. It’s on.

…the bulk of the existing United Airlines brand will continue to be used internationally, but Continental will take over the domestic operation for the most part. Other details we were told included the fact that there has already been a transition team put together. The deal will be announced after Delta/Northwest goes public. There will initially be a holding company set up to run both airlines. This operation will continue for three-five years. This will allow for a “smoother transition” from the two airlines into one operation.

But what happens if Delta-Northwest doesn’t go through, as it’s now hit a labor-related snag?

The “holding company” concept is one I expected when merger speculation first arose. Much like Air France and KLM operate separately under one company, it looks like the same idea is in the cards for the United-Continental merger, at least to start. But the merger looks like it’s on. Oh well.

Is that “going #3″?
Best opening paragraph in a while:

A newborn baby girl survived an ignoble birth after slipping down the toilet bowl of a moving Indian train onto the tracks when a pregnant woman unexpectedly gave birth while relieving herself on Tuesday.

Bad karma? Or a moral social stand?
Fighting the trend of tipping in American society seems like a losing battle, but the WSJ’s Eric Felten argues against the tip jar at Starbucks. It’s a good read.

Less than 1 cent per mile? No thanks.
I was going to comment that Delta’s new policy that allows you to use SkyMiles to buy a ticket based on the cost of the ticket, rather than the origin and destination, was generally a bad deal, and that it was an other salvo in their devaluation of the mileage currency. But Gary Leff and Tim Winship have already argued this point forcefully, so I’ll let them speak for me. I’ll just nod in agreement.

Misspellings go multinational
My disdain for the name “SimplyWheelz” is not enough to stop the brand from spreading. Hertz’s low-cost car rental subsidiary is expanding beyond Orlando to Alicante and Malaga, Spain, with sales channels targeting British and German tourists.

An old favorite: Fly first class at coach prices
One of this blog’s longstanding favorite subjects, the Y-UP fare, which books into economy but seats you in first class, gets a fresh look from Rick Seaney. The usual caveat applies: Y-UP may be cheaper than walkup regular-economy fares, but they’ll rarely ever beat out a cheapo fare purchased months ago. Nonetheless, it’s always worth a search.

Unscheduled landings stink, but especially internationally
Being diverted to another airport? Never fun. Being stuck on the plane? Never fun. Being diverted, and then stuck on a plane, because you’ve just landed in a different country? Even less fun. Just ask the Qantas passengers who were stuck on the plane during an unscheduled mechanical pit stop in India. (Thanks, Rob!)

eBay auction: Fly the A380 in its commercial debut
If you want to fly on the A380’s maiden commercial voyage with Singapore Airlines, and not just admire Lego miniature models (above), then eBay might have your ticket. Coming soon, a charity auction of tickets on the inaugural flight, with proceeds going to Community Chest of Singapore and Doctors Without Borders. When can you start bidding? That depends on Airbus: “The auction will take place a few weeks before the flight. SIA said that it would announce the launch date once it had a delivery date from Airbus for the plane.”

Westjet: No paper required
Canadian airline Westjet is eliminating the need for printouts of e-tickets. A copy of your ticket on your laptop or smartphone will do the trick. Might not work on US-Canada flights — the ID checker at American airports would likely still try to scrawl their initials on your LCD screen. (via TheAirlineHub)

Drunken pilots? So 1990s. But drunken astronauts?
“At least twice, astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so drunk they posed a flight-safety risk.” Be glad Virgin Galactic hasn’t launched.

Eos opens new lounge at Stansted
All-business Eos Airlines escalates the trans-Atlantic wars with a new lounge at London-Stansted.

Qantas introduces premium economy
Wider seats (19.5″), more legroom, legrests, better menu, laptop power, noise-canceling headsets, and a separate check-in line. If flying to Australia, and if you feel like paying about twice the price of coach (but half the price of business), then Qantas premium economy may be the ticket. Coming February 2008 on their Airbus A380s and Boeing 747s.

Time-waster: Statris!
Test your USA geography and your motor reflexes with Tetris-esque geo-fun! (via BoingBoing)

Arthur G. writes in:

The Airbus 380 looks amazing. How much will tickets cost?

This is actually quite a common question received here at Upgrade: Travel Better HQ. People are clearly awed by the size of the A380 — I was awed, too, when I saw it back in March. Others are wary of getting on a plane that big, especially in case of an emergency. (See the evacuation test video for a best-case scenario.)

But your question about prices can’t be answered, Arthur. While an airline’s equipment certainly affects its cost structure (and the A380 isn’t cost-effective on every route), the price of a plane ticket isn’t solely linked to the model of aircraft.

You probably wouldn’t ask, “How much will a flight on Boeing 737 cost?” After all, you can fly a Boeing 737 on Aloha Airlines from Honolulu to Kona, or on Continental from San Francisco to Newark, or even from Houston to Zurich in an all-business class configuration on Privatair. The price could be anywhere from $39 to $8000. The model of plane isn’t determining the fare.

So if you want to fly on the Airbus A380, your fare will depend on the route, the airline, the class of service, how far in advance you buy the ticket… not to mention that old standby, supply and demand. Just like every other flight.

Singapore Airlines will receive the first four A380s to roll off the assembly line, with expected delivery date in the fall of this year. The initial route will be London-Singapore-Sydney. Qantas will bring the behemoth to American shores on flights to Australia in 2008. Lufthansa will bring the ‘bus to New York thereafter, if all goes according to plan.

But the price of those flights? That depends.

Related:
- Airbus A380 at Chicago O’Hare
- Video: Airbus A380 evacuation test

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When free drinks aren’t welcome
Why would there be an uproar over an airline giving a customer a free bottle of wine? When that customer is a celebrity who just left rehab for alcoholism. A well-meaning Qantas flight attendant gave a bottle of red to singer Keith Urban, who apparently declined. But come on: give the flight attendant a break! Unless the airline is giving CIA-style background briefings about the passengers in the cabin, you can’t be expected to know the ins and outs of every celebrity’s (or every passenger’s) personal life. In fact, I was quite content to be blissfully unaware of Mr. Urban’s specific addiction before this imbroglio. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

Group hug: Mergers and partnerships
JetBlue merging with Delta? Rumored, but unlikely. Brazil’s TAM and Germany’s Lufthansa? Not a merger, but a codesharing partnership. United is getting in on the hot codesharing action with TAM, too. Lufthansa also joined up with El Salvador’s TACA, already a United partner. Are the Star Alliance invitations far off? And keepin’ it Star, is Singapore Airlines buying China Eastern? They’re buying a piece, but how big will that piece be?…

Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?
British Airways, apparently in a response to the all-business class service from startups like Eos, Silverjet, and Maxjet, is considering rolling out all-premium service between unnamed European and American cities. Premium economy in the back, business in the front. No straight-up economy, and no first. (Thanks, Benet!)

Countdown to 7/8/07
Boeing has started assembling its first 787 Dreamliner, a plane manufactured in prefab pieces around the world and bolted together at the Everett factory. The debut is scheduled for July 8. 7/8/07… 787… har har har.

American updates website, makes it more like Southwest
American Airlines revamped their website, giving you an overview of the different fares you can book. The layout will be familiar, if you’ve ever booked on Southwest. Or Air Canada. Or Qantas. Or Ted. (Does anyone ever actually book tickets at the Ted site?)

Yapta comes alive!
Yapta, the service that tracks fares after you’ve bought, mentioned here last week, is now live.

Alaska Airlines downgrades their upgrades
If you used miles to upgrade flights on Alaska Airlines, you’ll have to buy far more expensive tickets in order to do so. Thumbs down. Gary Leff has the full scoop.

Upgraded: Your odds of seeing the Airbus A380 in New York
Want to see the Airbus A380 up close and personal? Lufthansa is bringing the über-jumbo jet to New York (as mentioned previously here), and you can enter their contest to tour the plane. It’s still a long shot, but unless you’re a VIP, this is your only way in. Better hurry: The drawing is March 13, and the plane arrives in NYC March 19.

Upgraded: The civil discourse of travel blogging
The Sydney Morning Herald’s travel blog has a lively comments section, wherein the journalists take guff from their readers, but dish it right back. Barbs such as the French word for “shower” get thrown back and forth in the comments to this post. I have a hard time imagining such an exchange on an American newspaper’s official blog. Viva Australia! (Thanks to reader — and frequent, polite commenter! — S.A. for the tip.)

Upgraded: Surreptitious beverage transportation for ladies
You may recall the Beer Belly, the under-your-clothes beverage bladder that upgrades six-pack abs to a full case. It’s essentially a CamelBak undergarment, most certainly a violation of the TSA’s 3-ounce cutoff for liquids and gels, and your fast-track ticket to a cavity search. But until recently, it the liquid smuggling business was a man’s world. Now, in a celebration of gender equality, there’s a similar product for women, with the beverage storage slightly higher on the torso: The Wine Rack. (via Thrillist; thanks Dr. Vino!)

Downgraded: Blackjack in Vegas
Your odds of coming out ahead when playing the tables in Las Vegas have dropped. Several casinos are reducing the payouts on blackjack from 3:2 to 6:5. You need to check the fine print on the signs at each table. If you want to play single-deck blackjack with 3:2 payouts, you’ll have to head to the El Cortez or Four Queens hotels, though both of these less-than-desirable properties only feature two such tables each. (via Tim Leffel)

Upgraded: Qantas first and business qlass
The Global Traveller points to Qantas’ PR for their soon-to-be-revamped first and business class products. Highlights: pajamas in business class, and the claim that their lounges will be the best in the world.

Downgraded: Daylight savings time
The Wall Street Journal warns that the impending shift to daylight savings time will put international connections out of whack for the coming weeks, as some countries will adjust their clocks but others won’t. But frankly, this has almost always been the case. Europe and the United States always had a week or two’s discrepancy on both the autumn and spring sides. Yes, there will certainly be some connections that are out of whack with the normal schedule for the next few weeks, so if you fly a given route regularly, your typical connections may not be possible for the next few weeks. But the airlines’ timetables should reflect the reality of the new times when you buy the ticket, so just double-check your itineraries. I’ll still take my daylight savings time, thanks.

Upgraded: The number 13
Hotels are no longer enumerating their buildings’ floors incorrectly for the sake of superstition. The 13th floor is making a comeback. The statistics are tinged with irony: “A recent USA TODAY/Gallup Poll suggests a large majority of Americans — 87% — would be comfortable with a 13th floor room assignment. But 13% say they’d be bothered by a 13th floor room assignment.”

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The war on runway safety
Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport hasn’t worked out as everyone hoped, with cost overruns, insufficient bathrooms, and shoddy workmanship. But now, by virtue of its failure to renew its safety certificate, it’s officially unsafe. Runways have been plagued with cracks and debris. (You’ll be pleased to know that the airport is still operating as normal. Nice. Wouldn’t want to let safety get in the way of the schedule!)

The war on skycaps
Skycaps at Boston’s Logan Airport have filed a class action lawsuit against American Airlines. The suit alleges that the airline’s policy of charging $2 per bag for curbside check-in is cutting into the skycaps’ tips. Indeed, many people assume the fee goes to the skycap, but it actually goes to the airline. The fees exist at plenty of other airports and with plenty of other airlines. Will more skycaps organize and sue?

The war on horse meat
I really don’t know what to make of this. “American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said early Thursday afternoon that they had suspended transport of horse meat to overseas markets — mainly France, Belgium and Japan — where it is consumed.” Horse butchers are angry. It’s a long story.

The war on fusion cuisine
Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture will soon travel the world, inspecting Japanese restaurants and certifying their authenticity. I realize that this is as much cultural nationalism as it is a marketing device, but it’s moronic. California rolls aren’t authentic to Japan, but they’re a standard of sushi restaurants in America. Deal with it. It’s a globalized world, and the notion of a “pure” cultural product is a sham. And it’s been a sham for some time. We’ve been globalizing for hundreds of years. (The spice trade, anyone?) But if the Japanese taxpayer wants to pay for this culinary boondoggle, have at it. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

The war on broken in-flight entertainment
I get as irritated as the next guy when the audio-video system is broken on a long flight, but attacking the staff is probably not the way to go. Customers on board several Qantas aircraft that have been experiencing technical trouble with their video system “are becoming openly abusive and threatening” to flight attendants in flight. Not cool. Better bring a book.

The war for Delta
US Airways really, really, really, really, really wants to buy Delta. They’re now offering to raise their offer by another $1 billion if the creditors agree to postpone a meeting to discuss Delta’s in-house restructuring. Wake me up when this is over.

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