I’m not sure what my favorite part of this (profanity-laden, so not safe for work) video is… the fact that he’s weeping about his private jet’s fuel bill costing him $250,000 a month, the fact that he’s videotaping himself at an American Airlines gate, that he wants Saudi Arabia to send him oil for his jet, or that he says he’s flying coach and then proceeds to park his butt in the first-class cabin. (In case you haven’t seen it, coach is the cabin a few steps further back, Diddy.)

(Thanks, Tyler!)

This week saw the launch of a company that just might make private jet travel affordable.

The public-relations master himself, Richard Branson, announced his latest venture, Virgin Charter. But unlike Virgin Atlantic, Virgin Blue, Virgin Nigeria, and the soon-to-launch Virgin America, Virgin Charter isn’t an airline. Rather, it’s an online service that matches private jet operators with passengers, in an auction-format like Priceline: Make an offer for a flight, and the operating company accepts or declines.

The key to the market is empty planes and a fractured company landscape. (Unlike the handful of major airlines, there are 2500 companies operating chartered jets in the United States alone.) Empty planes arise when a flight takes someone from city A to city B, but then has to pick someone else up in city C to take them back to city A (or D…). That flight from city B to city C has no passengers, in what is called an “empty leg” or “repositioning flight.” Filling those flights with people, and thereby increasing marginal revenues, helps the operator and the broker.

Selling those repositioning flights isn’t new, and heck, I’ve even blogged about it before. What’s new is the bidding system, and the greater price transparency. Other companies like ElleJet, OneSky, PrivateJetSpecialist, and CharterX have been brokering empty legs for some time, but the pricing rests with the broker, not the passenger. In fact, PrivateJetSpecialist is one of very few brokers that gives you the fare up front online. But Virgin Charter lets the passenger bid for the trip, and that’s a customer-friendly move.

How good can the deals get? Hard to predict. Here’s a best-case scenario from the company’s recent media blitz, this time in BusinessWeek:

[CEO] Duffy gives an example of a recent trip he made from Las Vegas to his home city, Los Angeles, with six friends. To test his theory he called charter operators and found one plane that was returning empty that usually rented out for $5,000 for the one-hour jaunt. He offered $1,000 and the charter operator accepted.

Seven people for $1000 is certainly cheap for that kind of travel, even if it’s just an hour-long trip. Your mileage may vary.

So how does this fit in with Sir Richard’s eco-friendlier modus operandi? He talks a green talk, with a push toward bio fuels, a commitment to plowing company profits into alternative fuels research, and a lobbying effort to encourage airport operators to demand that planes be towed to the runway rather than powering there on jet power.

But private jets burn quite a bit of carbon per passenger as they zip around the skies. So how does Branson justify it? The argument: The plane is going to fly anyway, and the carbon will be burned anyway, so you might as well actually get someone where they’re going. Okay, but I’m still not sure that warrants the “green jets” label that Virgin Media is using to justify the venture.

Feel free to debate the green credentials. But one thing is for sure: Virgin’s entry into the space gives the repositioning business exposure and credibility, and it has the potential to push down the costs of private jet charters. It’s still not quite living the first class life at coach prices, but maybe at discounted first prices…

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Of the big three — air, hotel, and car rental — air travel within the U.S. is the most tax-standardized (which isn’t saying much). Hotel occupancy taxes vary by municipality, and car rental taxes range wildly depending on how badly the state or local government wants to stick it to out-of-towners.

Air taxes, on the other hand, are more readily summarized. But when you learn about how some of those taxes are spent, you may not be happy.

Bob Porterfield of the Associated Press does the heavy lifting for us and tallies them up — 7.5% federal taxes, $3.40 segment taxes for each leg of the flight, $2.50 security fees per segment, and the airport-imposed passenger facility charges of up to $4.50 per landing.

But the real kicker is where some of those monies — in particular the 7.5% federal taxes on all scheduled air tickets — are going:

The federal government has taken billions of dollars from the taxes and fees paid by airline passengers every time they fly and awarded it to small airports used mainly by private pilots and globe-trotting corporate executives.

Fan-freakin’-tastic. Not only do these folks get to opt out of the mass-market security hassles, they get subsidized by the general public till to do it.

You may be asking if private aviation pays a different set of charges to cover its use of America’s overstretched aviation systems. Yes, and no. Mostly no.

Passenger taxes are collected in noncommercial aviation only in instances involving the fractional ownership of private jets, air charter operations and small commuter flights. Instead, it contributes to America’s air transit infrastructure in the form of a fuel tax that covers just a fraction of the services it uses.

For the most part, private jets don’t pay taxes, and certainly not nearly the percentage of taxes to which commercial travelers have gotten accustomed.

So are private jets paying enough? Nope.

A study released in February by the FAA said it cost $2.4 billion just to provide air traffic control for private and corporate planes in 2005. The industry contributed just $516 million in fuel taxes that year.

So how do you fix the disparity? Uniform, distance-based taxation? Fuel taxes? Landing fees? I don’t know, but I’d love to hear your ideas.

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Upgraded: Hotel lobbies
Luxury lockdown! “Why should they be leaving the hotel and hanging out at the nearby Starbucks?” So Starwood and others hope to tempt you to stay within the compound by creating “internet lobby lounges.”

Upgraded: Japanese wine; Downgraded?: JAL wine lists
JAL, aka Japan Air Lines, is bringing a Japanese wine to the sky. Aruga Branca Clareza 2005, made from the indigenous Japanese Koshu grape, will be available in business class. Interesting, to be sure, but has anyone ever had it? Is it any good? Reviews are pretty sparse.

Upgraded: Flying Squirrels
Paging Rocky and Bullwinkle! Stowaway squirrel causes emergency landing on an American Airlines 777 bound from Tokyo to Dallas.

Upgraded: Ease of booking a private jet
Paging Charles Dickens! It may be the worst of times for many coach travelers, but it’s never been easier to book a private jet. There have been discounted (but not cheap) private jet repositioning flights for some time, but aggregator SideStep is now offering a search function for private jets.

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Be productive, or be a tourist, in airports
Passing several hours at the airport? Not entering a lounge? Here’s a short guide to time-killing diversions at the busiest airports in the world. (If this had been in European media, I’d wager they’d be listing the Beate Uhse shop at Frankfurt Airport, and providing a list of smoking areas.) What I’d like to see more of at airports: Napping stations like they have in Vancouver.

Private travel gets faster
Lockheed Martin is developing a supersonic private jet that should be able to cross the United States in two hours, without the loud sonic booms that gave the Concorde a bad name. Though the QSST (quiet supersonic transport) will be fast, sales will probably lag microjets, which are rapidly gaining popularity (despite some models lacking a bathroom).

What happens onboard Maxjet stays onboard Maxjet
All-business-class discounter Maxjet is starting a new route: Las Vegas to London-Stansted. But will they offer inflight gambling, as Ryanair has proposed? Who will claim The Loosest Slots in the Sky??

Door Wars: The New York Times’ Joe Sharkey heeds the call
Welcome to the revolution, Joe. Like many travelers, Joe often can’t get enough sleep in hotels. Noise, especially hallway noise, is the enemy. I sympathize. But I’m glad to see that AmericInn is promoting quieter rooms. I’ve never stayed in one of their hotels, but this certainly sounds appealing.

Entry is automatic for air or air+hotel purchases. “No purchase necessary” — mail in a card. See here for the full rules.

The private jet services are offered through OneSky, which is notable for offering discounted private jet travel for repositioning flights. Let’s say someone books a plane to fly from New York to Miami, and someone else books the same plane to fly from Washington to Chicago. The aircraft has to get from Miami to Washington, but it has no one to carry. Enter OneSky, which purports to offer access to such flights at a discount to normal private jet rates. Still not cheap, to be sure, but cheaper than retail.