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Downgraded: American Airlines luggage policy
American Airlines is the latest to charge an extra fee for a second checked bag. For a while, they were a holdout. This will apparently affect 4% of their passengers. I actually expected that number to be higher. Understandable move, considering the airline is losing $3.3M per day.

Downgraded: Skycap tips
Upgraded: Vindictiveness
American Airlines is being completely petty in their legal dispute with skycaps. You may recall that the skycaps won their suit, in which they argued that they were being cheated when the airline imposed a $2 fee, which most passengers believed to be paid to the skycap. (It was paid to the airline.) So now the airline strikes back by banning tips to skycaps. Vindictive, and frankly begging for another lawsuit.

Downgraded: Spirit Airlines’ baggage handling
Why just lose a passenger’s luggage, when you can burn the luggage instead?

Downgraded: Airline credit ratings, thanks to mergers. What?
Airlines keep saying how mergers will be just fab for their bottom lines. But credit rating agency Moodys’ predicts that airlines would be downgraded if mergers happen. Why? Moody’s doesn’t believe the merger partners will meet their goals, and won’t see the promised synergies happen.

Upgraded: WC signs
Better signage for public rest rooms than these? I haven’t seen them.

Upgraded: Paperless boarding passes
The TSA and Continental have teamed up to expand the use of paperless boarding passes for travelers with smartphones. I like!

Upgraded: Viagra, caffeine, and naps
For those seeking to beat jet lag, Viagra can help. (Seriously.) But for those not looking to channel their inner Bob Dole, caffeine and naps work well, too. How… intuitive.

Upgraded: Tracking your past travels
If you’ve traveled internationally between 1996 and 2006, and if you used an American credit or debit card abroad, you’re eligible for a refund of some undisclosed fees, thanks to a class action settlement. But unless you’re a supreme dork (umm, like me…) who has all your year-end summaries or stacks of credit card statements, you’ll need to estimate your spending. To make that work out for you, you need to know when you were out of the country. (For supreme dorks like me, there’s the running spreadsheet of flights and miles…) Debbie Dubrow of DeliciousBaby writes in with her credit card settlement hack to help you figure out how much time you were abroad: Look at your digital photos and check the dates. For pre-digital images, just browse the photo albums. Brilliant! But it’s not foolproof. My photos aren’t organized into albums. And on business travel, who takes photos??

Upgraded: Overreaction
Downgraded: Everyone
Turn on the news, you’ll see reports of American Airlines canceling more flights. At last count, they’ve canceled over 2500 flights, costing millions of dollars, and pissing off hundreds of thousands of customers. Their MD-80s weren’t properly repaired last week, when the FAA grounded them the first time (umm, why weren’t they properly repaired, exactly?). But really, was this mayhem necessary? The FAA previously gave the airline 18 months to fix this wiring. Sure, it should have been done, and done right. But if the FAA felt the airline could take 18 months to fix things, it can’t be that big a deal. So why ground every single MD-80 in the AA fleet? Punitive, sure, but who is punished? Hundreds of thousands of passengers, in addition to the airline itself. (At least the airline is rebooking passengers where possible, but flights are already full, so where can passengers really go?) Seems like a more orderly plan could have been developed.

Upgraded: Delta-Northwest merger odds
Delta’s pilots have agreed to a deal that could pave the way for the Delta-Northwest merger, previously on the skids. We’ll see. (Thanks to Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded: Them. Not you
Hundreds of thousands of people are stranded in airports, waiting to get out on the next flight. If you’re feeling bitter, you may not want to read about how airlines treat VIP passengers. Not elite frequent flyers. Celebrities. (Thanks to reader J!)

Upgraded: Explanations for the accidental discharge of a pilot’s pistol
Downgraded: The TSA
Still wondering how a US Airways pilot might have fired a weapon mid-flight? Here’s a plausible explanation, in video (or vlog) form. (Enjoy the guy’s amazing Chicago accent, as a bonus.) The post suggests that TSA’s policy — requiring an awkward padlock that can pull the trigger if conditions are right — is to blame. I’m still opposed to guns in the cockpit, but the argument against this particular lock system makes sense. Locks: good. This lock: maybe not. Better training of pilots would help, too, methinks. (Thanks to reader Dave!)

Downgraded: Checked baggage weight
In the U.S., airlines are waging a war against the second checked bag. Across the Pacific, Australian baggage handlers are threatening to refuse to move bags weighing more than 20kg (44 lbs.) Until now, 32kg (70 lbs.) were considered legal weight, and those numbers still appear in the Qantas contract. Most U.S. airlines have a 50 lb. cutoff before overweight charges kick in. But this is different: It’s not about fees, it’s about willingness to transport bags over a given weight, period. Bottom line: As always, pack light! (Thanks to reader Rob!)

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Time to short Samsonite stock?
Continental is the latest in a long line of airline to slap an additional fee on checking in a second suitcase. Yes, some exceptions apply, so OnePass elites as well as premium-cabin customers won’t have to pay the bill. But the bottom line: The 2008 flying environment dictates that the “2PC” rule is dead. One checked bag per person, or pay up.

UPDATE: Cranky points out that United has tightened up its rules on the 2nd bag. Previously, a refundable (read: expensive) ticket meant you got a waiver on the 2nd bag fee. Not anymore. How nice of them to make the policy so much more consistent, while, surely coincidentally, adding a revenue opportunity for the airline!

Another one bites the dust
Not quite the level of drama as the ATA, Aloha, and Skybus shutdowns, but Midwest Express’ commuter feeder Skyway Airlines is no longer flying. Their routes are being taken over by Skywest, a few letters apart, but a different company nonetheless. Passengers may not even notice, as the tickets were sold by Midwest and simply subcontracted to a different supplier. But the pilots and employees of Skyway will be feeling the sting.

Fuel cell-powered airlines coming someday?
It’s a small plane, without tons of passengers and cargo, but an encouraging sign nonetheless. Boeing successfully tested a small plane that ran on batteries and fuel cells. Its only emissions: Water vapor. Now if only they could create a fuel cell large enough to fly to Singapore…

How would US Customs & Immigration rate?
Jan Chipchase blogs about customer service feedback opportunities at Beijing and Frankfurt airports. I’ve flown through Frankfurt, but not Beijing, yet I’ve never been asked to give my opinion of the customs/immigration experience. Harrumph. The Beijing mechanism — an electronic device that invites you to push a button, rating your customs agent on a Likert scale — is nutty, and frankly unexpected at ANY airport, much less in China. (Jan snapped a photo of the device in the airport, which, in itself, is amusing, considering the general securitization of the customs area…) Nice idea, as long as you can rate the agent AFTER you’ve completed your business. I can only imagine how the surly agents at JFK would rate.

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Upgraded: Evidence that airlines are unwilling to break the status quo
The Air Transport Association, fresh off its successful lawsuit that overturned the Passenger Bill of Rights in New York, is threatening to sue the Department of Transportation over the proposed introduction of congestion pricing at the busiest U.S. airports. The airlines will do what they can to stop the proposal, they say. So what’s the airlines’ solution to overbooked airports? Cue the crickets…

Upgraded: Olympic condoms
With the summer games coming up, Chinese hotels are stocking up on condoms. Yes, really. “The condoms shall not be used as evidence of prostitution and whoring.” Well thank goodness! But will they be found in the minibar?

Downgraded: Commemorative British Airways newsletters
Upgraded: FedEx
Five years, and billions of capital spent, and the Terminal 5 fiasco at London Heathrow continues to be a headache for all involved. Last week’s grand opening of the posh new terminal was marred by the now well-publicized luggage handling failure. 20,000 checked bags still need to be reunited with their owners, and British Airways is calling in the cavalry: FedEx. Another reason that BA has decided to scrap a commemorative in-house newsletter celebrating the terminal opening.

Upgraded: Single travelers in Delta coach
Downgraded: Ghetto upgraders
Delta is buying Thompson Solutions’ “Cozy Suites” for its widebody jets, to be installed in 2010. The seats are a little odd, with a staggered configuration with no two people sitting precisely next to each other. More armrest space is one perk with this approach. Good for solo travelers, bad for couples and families. But even worse for anyone hoping to get a “ghetto upgrade” — an entire row of seats to oneself, allowing you to lift the armrests and stretch across. It’s also somewhat reminiscent of the alternating forward-backward-forward seating that was floated just about a year ago. But it’s thinking differently, and I like that. (via Cranky)

No surprises here, but US Airways copied its Star Alliance brethren United and started charging a fee for a second checked bag. United announced their change earlier this month. No surprises here, but it still sucks.

As Cranky notes, this isn’t just for domestic travel, either. International flights will be hit with the charge as well.

But as I’ve argued before, the really key point in the spread of “a la carte” pricing is that it’s becoming harder and harder to compare apples to apples. Comparing base fares is increasingly going to be meaningless, as individual customers’ final prices will vary greatly.

And right now, there’s no search engine that’s equipped to help. You’ll need a magic decoder ring to know which airline charges extra for bags, for seat assignments, etc. The Travelocitys, Expedias, and Orbitzes of the world can only quote you the base fare and taxes. Not the real cost.

That’s going to put pressure on other airlines to follow suit. And it’s going to make online fare search that much harder.

(image: gratuitous use of the Staples Copy Cat)

It’s been a tough week, so forgive my absence online. I’m just starting to dig through the e-mails and comments, so if you sent me a message, please bear with me while I catch up. Speaking of catch-up…

Downgraded: Channel 9
For those who have flown United Airlines, you may be familiar with Channel 9, the inflight entertainment feature that lets you hear the conversations between the pilots and air traffic control. There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who get it, and those who don’t. I’m a fan, and I have always appreciated the openness and lifting-of-the-curtain that the channel provides. Of course, I hardly ever fly United any more, so I might as well use the past tense in describing it myself. When things seem amiss (like a powerful jolt of turbulence) it’s nice to hear know what’s going on. My affection for channel 9 is probably balanced out by the naysayers who ask why the hell anyone would want to hear that stuff, or who would rather NOT know how airline pilots actually do their job. The naysayers may have their day, though, as reports are increasing that Channel 9 is turned off more and more. The Wall Street Journal’s Scott McCartney even devoted a weekly column to the subject, and his sources indicate that some pilots are intentionally keeping Channel 9 turned off as a protest against United management. Well that’s just lovely. Take one of the last (positive) things that makes UA unique, and destroy it. Another nail in United’s coffin.

Upgraded: Eos going domestic?
Eos, the swanky all-business class airline, plans to expand beyond its New York JFK to London Stansted route. First there was the addition of Newark flights to London. Then London to Dubai. And now, there’s word that Eos wants to introduce flights to “Western U.S. destinations.” But whereto?

Upgraded: Salt Lake City security
At the Salt Lake City airport, the TSA is running a pilot program and allowing passengers to self-categorize themselves as beginners, intermediates, or experts, as pertains to security. Interestingly, the “beginner” stage includes families and special needs travelers. Different needs, sure, but “beginners”? I like the ski-slope coding scheme (black diamond = expert), but it’ll be interesting to see if passengers actually categorize themselves correctly.

Upgraded, sorta: JetBlue inflight meals
Downgraded: Your peace and quiet
JetBlue will give you a free breakfast laden with Kraft cream cheese, as part of a buzz-building campaign for a reformulated light spread. Some flights even have Kraft representatives in white tuxedos chatting up the flight, pimping the cheese. Classy. The free bagel and cream cheese? Fine. But a sales schtick you can’t escape? Two thumbs way, way down. (Marketplace, via Rick Seaney)

Downgraded: go! Airlines’ pilots’ caffeine rush
Inter-island capitalization-challenged Hawaiian airline go! treated its passengers to a little extra flight mileage on board their Canadair torture machine regional jet, when both the pilot and the co-pilot apparently fell asleep during a flight from Honolulu to Hilo. I couldn’t imagine falling asleep during such a short flight, even as a passenger. But both pilots falling asleep? Mechanical errors have been ruled out. Those pilots’ seats must be comfy. Or maybe someone slipped them a decaf instead of a triple-shot of regular?

Downgraded: London Heathrow
British Airways economy and premium economy passengers at Heathrow’s terminal 4 were told they could only fly on February 20 if they had no checked baggage. What? Again: Passenger wishing to check bags were prohibited from flying. Why? Because the airport’s luggage handling system had failed. And note that this is the terminal where BA’s long-haul flights tend to begin, so you’re not just hitting the folks who are daytripping on business. Great work, team. (Thanks, Hamish!)

Travelers on United Airlines will now have to pay $25 if they check a second bag, unless they’re Star Alliance Silver-level elite frequent flyer members or higher. (That includes the entry-level elite status of Premier on United.) But for an airline that portrays itself as somehow “premium,” this is another in a long series of devaluations and degradations. United has been on a downward slope since it emerged from bankruptcy. This just reaffirms it.

The charge will generate more than $100 million in revenue and cost savings each year, UAL Corp. said. The change takes effect May 5 and applies to tickets purchased on or after Monday.

Soon, United will be indistinguishable from Spirit or Skybus, except with some 747s, an international schedule, and Channel 9 on their audio program.

Thanks to the commenter with the appropriately sarcastic nom-de-plume of “Friendly Skies”, to the ever-vigilant reader J, and to the lovely and talented Kim for sending in this tip.

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Downgraded: Boeing’s onboard computers
The Boeing 787, which has yet to actually fly, has been declared susceptible to hacking by passengers, because the planned inflight internet computers are “also connected to the plane’s control, navigation and communication systems.” Great. Boeing promises to fix the security gaps before the plane actually alights.

Upgraded, mostly: British carry-on luggage rules
After the alleged liquid bombing plot, British authorities limited carry-on luggage severely. Now, things are starting to get back to normal. Most — but not all — British airports allow two carry-on bags again. If flying to London, Heathrow and Stansted all two bags. Gatwick and Luton allow one. The BBC has the list.

Upgraded: The Evil Eye
Better not look too shifty and suspicious at airport security. The increased use of behaviorial profiling, known as SPOT (Screening Passengers by Observation Technique), hopes to capture more genuine baddies and let the innocents pass through security unharmed. The problem, of course, is that you might just set off someone’s hackles unintentionally. Is it working? “Since January 2006, behavior-detection officers have referred about 70,000 people for secondary screening, Maccario said. Of those, about 600 to 700 were arrested on a variety of charges, including possession of drugs, weapons violations and outstanding warrants.” That’s 1% accuracy, folks. Nothing to be too proud of, yet. But it beats frisking nuns.

Downgraded: The Concorde
Upgraded: Tort law
Allstate Insurance has to pay out nearly a million dollars to a homeowner whose home was damaged five years ago by a low-flying Air France Concorde.

Downgraded: Airline blankets
Mmm… airline blankets… Reader J opines on his new blog about the fact that United doesn’t clean their blankets between flights. Yuck, indeed. Not to be an overly jaded buzzkiller, but that’s nothing new. Ditto for the pillows. Look for the plastic-wrapped blankets for maximum freshness. The pillows? Good luck.

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Thanksgiving is almost upon us. And I’m giving thanks that I’m not traveling this holiday. But in the spirit of the season, how about an upgrade/downgrade cornucopia:

Downgraded: Hooters Style
Kyla Ebbert, the Southwest miniskirt bandit, has posed for Playboy. Glad to know she wasn’t in it for the publicity. Nah, never… What took her so long?

Upgraded: Carry-on rules for UK travel
The UK may — may — allow passengers to have more than one carry-on item again, if airports demonstrate their ability to handle the load. If they pass muster, airports will be greenlighted starting January 7, 2008.

Upgraded: Weight-based airfare proposals
An Australian doctor is proposing airfare based on your weight. Not a particularly practical policy for advance purchases, but heck, hotels have tried it, so why not.

Downgraded: American Airlines’ flight tracking
What did AA do to keep up with the list of 130 diverted flights on December 29, 2006? It kept a list on a legal-sized notepad. Way to work the high tech! (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Elitism on Greyhound
Greyhound, taking a page from the Skybus playbook, is charging $5 for early boarding on its buses. It’s not a bus with free wifi, but it’s a start, I guess.

Downgraded: Merger Mania
Yes, Delta and United are in play for a merger. Sure, Delta said the airlines weren’t talking. But their stockholders (hedge funds) were. So who the heck knows if this will actually happen. We’ve seen this thing before (United-Continental? US Airways-Delta?) and it hasn’t happened. Bottom line: airlines are making record profits, despite record fuel prices, and yet they still keep arguing for a need to cut capacity and raise fares, which is most easily effected through a merger. This makes no sense on so many levels. I remain opposed to airline mergers, like a broken record.

Downgraded: Hotel-room glasses
I’m always a little wary of those glasses in hotel rooms, but now we’ve got hidden-camera proof that we shouldn’t be using them — or washing them ourselves before every use. Fox Atlanta planted cameras in several hotels, including Holiday Inn, Sheraton, and the Ritz-Carlton. In each hotel, housekeepers don’t remove the glasses for cleaning in the dishwashers downstairs. At best, they simply rinse them. At worst, they spray them with poisonous household cleaners, handle them with the same gloves they wore when cleaning the toilet, or dry the rinsed glassware with the same towel you used as a bathmat that morning. Disgusting. (Thanks, James!)

Upgraded: Ways to contact Skybus
Skybus, the notoriously hard-to-reach airline that tries to tell its customers that there’s no working phone number at the airline, has been exposed. How to contact Skybus, according to Skybus? Write an e-mail. After seeing far too many boilerplate e-replies that don’t address the problem, Chris Elliott has posted the executives’ contact information, including e-mails.

Upgraded: Advertisers’ unwitting sense of irony
Skybus again: CapitalOne is shelling out the big bucks to paint pigs all over a Skybus A319. It’s a savings account ad — a piggy bank theme — plus a riff off “When pigs fly,” leaving you, the consumer, with hijinks and hilarity. But if you’re an airline, do you really want your plane looking like a pig? Skybus, the flying pig? Wallow aboard!

Upgraded: Paris wine
Where to find a good wine bar or wine retailer in Paris? Look no further. Dr. Vino hits the scene with yet another installation of his wine maps. The Paris wine map features both stores and bars.

Upgraded: Getting on the bump list
The Cranky Flier notes that United has started asking for volunteers on overbooked flights at the time of check-in. Talk about getting in front of the problem. Unfortunately, the net effect for travelers is negligible, because you can’t (yet?) be guaranteed a bump by registering for one online. You still have to drag your butt to the airport and wait at the gate. Registering online only gets you an early spot on the list, if that’s your bag.

Upgraded: Smokin’ hot suitcases
The joke luggage insert (ahem, the Citizen’s Insertable Swiftness Manifest) posted last week included several jokes about smoking luggage. Now life imitates art. Phoenix SkyHarbor Airport was actually shut down after a smoking suitcase was discovered.

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Upgraded: Your luggage in 25 minutes or less or your pizza is free
United’s revised customer commitment (the “promise” which airlines keep revising to try to head off a passenger’s bill of rights) has been changed, with the airline pledging to get customers their checked bags within 25 minutes of arriving at the gate. Of course, there are no consequences for missing that deadline, but still, glad to hear that they’re setting a benchmark. Beats American Airlines’ technique of simply tacking 7 minutes onto every scheduled flight time, to make flights look more “on-time.” Classy!

Separately: One thing I’m happy to see survive the revision at United: the 24-hour penalty-free cancellation policy.

Upgraded: Passengers’ bravado
Speaking of luggage, a Tacoma, Washington, couple has sued British Airways for losing its luggage. And that suit could gain class action status, representing “American British Air [sic] travelers who flew internationally between Sept. 5, 2005, and Wednesday [September 5, 2007].” (via Consumerist)

Upgraded: Helicopter fares to the airport
Downgraded: Helicopter business plans
U.S. Helicopter isn’t making the fat bank that they were hoping for. Their SEC filings include the warning that they may not be able to continue as a “going concern.” So what do they do? Fare sale! New Yorkers rejoice: $99 to JFK or Newark. Faster than a cab, for (nearly) the same price.

Upgraded: Memories of Hooters Air
Remember Hooters Air, the airline that featured flight attendants AND Hooters Girls onboard? If you think I’m kidding, you’re wrong. It existed. Seriously. 23-year old student and Hooters waitress Kyla Ebbert got kicked off a Southwest plane for wearing a skirt that was too short for the flight attendant. A bit overzealous? And now she’s milking the notoriety: She was on the freakin’ Today Show. Slow news day. So she showed a bit of leg (and maybe a little more). Note that Southwest flight attendants often wear shorts, and that’s usually more leg than I want to see from my front-line airline staff. (Thanks to reader J!)

Downgraded: The letter V
CondeNast writer Sarah Kerr offers her “awards” for the best travel related movies. And she calls her awards the “Travies.” Not to be confused with the “Travvies,” the travel blog awards. One letter V makes all the difference. I hereby insist that the film awards be pronounced “TRAY-vees.” See you in court, Sarah! (I kid, I kid.)

Upgraded (or Downgraded?): Silverjet wants to fly to Heathrow
Silverjet, the all-business class airline (a la Maxjet or L’Avion) already flies Newark to London-Luton. Now they want to fly to Heathrow. But to do that, they’ll need to merge or partner with another airline. This could be interesting: It would be the first of the all-business class airlines to merge with another party — presumably a legacy airline. Might be a way for a down-on-their-luck American carrier to pick up some sassy trans-Atlantic action?

Upgraded: FlightStats
FlightStats.com, which offers the most comprehensive suite of real-time flight information on the web, has added live-updating Google maps. Now, I still think that FlightAware’s maps are a little sexier for those looking to track a flight graphically. But FlightStats’ gate-arrival information is more relevant to travelers. I’ll still keep both sites in the toolkit.

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Whom or what would they kill to get an upgrade?
Nepal Airlines mechanics sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, after they just couldn’t quite fix the problems in their Boeing 757. How many goats does it take to get a 757 to arrive on time at LAX? Slaughtering livestock isn’t limited to Himalayan aviation: Longtime readers may recall that Turkish Airlines maintenance workers killed a camel to celebrate the disposal of a regional jet last year.

$100K isn’t a good flight value
I know it was for charity. But paying $100,000 to fly on the inaugural Airbus A380 flight on Singapore Airlines seems a bit much. Most importantly, will they earn miles?

Shocker: Motel 6 really won’t leave the light on for you
To conserve energy, the ultra-budget chain doesn’t really leave lights on. So says their folksy pitchman Tom Bodett. So you know it’s true.

Delta’s apparently not afraid of the competition
Inside baseball, maybe, but still: Looking over the blogroll at Delta’s blog, I noticed that they link to their competitors: Southwest’s blog. That’s pretty gutsy for a corporate blog!

United names dates and planes for new business class rollout
The first plane to receive the long-awaited upgrade of 180-degree lie-flat seats in the business class cabin: a Boeing 767. It’s scheduled to travel between Washington and Frankfurt on October 29, 2007. Saver awards are unavailable at press time.

US Air Force tags nuclear warheads to wrong airport
Next time your luggage heads to Ketchikan, Alaska instead of Kansas City, take heart: The Air Force does it too. A B-52 bomber mistakenly carried six nuclear warheads from Minot, North Dakota to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana. Oops. Just better hope it doesn’t end up at the Unclaimed Baggage Center.

Courts: Entering an airport means you’re subject to searches
This is old news, but I admit I just got wind of it now. If you’re at an airport in the U.S., you can’t turn around and leave the premises if you want to avoid being searched. “Citing threats of terrorism, the court ruled passengers give up all rights to be free of warrantless searches once a ‘passenger places hand luggage on a conveyor belt for inspection’ or ‘passes though a magnetometer.’ […] In 1973, the circuit court ruled that airport searches were valid ‘only if they recognize the right of a person to avoid search by electing not to board the aircraft.’” Not anymore. Offer to leave all you want, they can still search you. For the law-dogs out there, the case is United States v. Aukai, 04-10226. (via Wired’s Threat Level)

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