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For those who’ve sat next to the toilet on a long flight, take heart: At least you weren’t sitting ON the toilet for the flight. This story seems too good to be true, if by “good,” we mean comedy gold, reinforcing our already nasty impression of American aviation.

A New York City man is suing JetBlue Airways Corp. for more than $2 million because he says a pilot made him give up his seat to a flight attendant and sit on the toilet for more than three hours on a flight from California.

Gokhan Mutlu, of Manhattan’s Inwood section, says in court papers the pilot told him to “go ‘hang out’ in the bathroom” about 90 minutes into the San Diego to New York flight because the flight attendant complained that the “jump seat” she was assigned was uncomfortable, the lawsuit said.

Awesome. I don’t know if this is really true, but for the sake of airline-hell story one-upsmanship, I’m really hoping it is.

Mr. Mutlu was traveling on a “buddy pass,” a perk given to airline employees (in lieu of job security, salary, pension, and other accoutrements) which lets friends travel for close to free. But a low fare (which is what a buddy pass effectively is) doesn’t mean you have to sit on the toilet. Especially since that’s a safety issue:

The aircraft hit turbulence and passengers were directed to return to their seats, but “the plaintiff had no seat to return to, sitting on a toilet stool with no seat belts,” court papers say.

Some time later, a male flight attendant knocked on the restroom door and told Mutlu he could return to his original seat, court papers say.

Would it have been okay if a female flight attendant had knocked, instead?

Mutlu’s lawsuit, filed Friday in Manhattan’s state Supreme Court, says JetBlue negligently endangered him by not providing him with a seat with a safety belt or harness, in violation of federal law.

JetBlue’s courtroom strategy may resort to a counter-accusation: that Mutlu tampered with the lavatory smoke detectors while in there. And perhaps he ignored lighted signs and placards, too. Take that, safety video!

Thanks to reader J for the early heads-up!

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Philosophical wordplay or dadaist corporate speak? JetBlue claims it’s not creating a first or business class cabin on its planes. But it does plan to “offer passengers in the first few rows and emergency exit seats of its larger aircraft additional space for an added fee.”

Hmm. Additional space. Higher price. And yet: “We’re not going to a two-cabin airplane,” CEO David Barger says.

Oh, right. You’re missing the free cocktail. Fine, don’t call it first class, then. Call it premium economy.

Or maybe it’s not two “cabins,” because a carpeted bulkhead divider won’t be introduced.

Or maybe they’re not “going” to a two-cabin airplane because they’re already there, with expensive tickets already getting access to seats with more legroom.

Ooh, Barger, you cunning wordsmith, you’re good! Or is it “bad”?

Related:
- JetBlue increases legroom, creates de facto premium section
- JetBlue introduces premium economy cabin after all
- Wilkommen! Bienvenue! JetBlue to go Euro-style with a first class cabin?
- How do you search for premium economy fares?
- Demystifying premium economy

It’s been a tough week, so forgive my absence online. I’m just starting to dig through the e-mails and comments, so if you sent me a message, please bear with me while I catch up. Speaking of catch-up…

Downgraded: Channel 9
For those who have flown United Airlines, you may be familiar with Channel 9, the inflight entertainment feature that lets you hear the conversations between the pilots and air traffic control. There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who get it, and those who don’t. I’m a fan, and I have always appreciated the openness and lifting-of-the-curtain that the channel provides. Of course, I hardly ever fly United any more, so I might as well use the past tense in describing it myself. When things seem amiss (like a powerful jolt of turbulence) it’s nice to hear know what’s going on. My affection for channel 9 is probably balanced out by the naysayers who ask why the hell anyone would want to hear that stuff, or who would rather NOT know how airline pilots actually do their job. The naysayers may have their day, though, as reports are increasing that Channel 9 is turned off more and more. The Wall Street Journal’s Scott McCartney even devoted a weekly column to the subject, and his sources indicate that some pilots are intentionally keeping Channel 9 turned off as a protest against United management. Well that’s just lovely. Take one of the last (positive) things that makes UA unique, and destroy it. Another nail in United’s coffin.

Upgraded: Eos going domestic?
Eos, the swanky all-business class airline, plans to expand beyond its New York JFK to London Stansted route. First there was the addition of Newark flights to London. Then London to Dubai. And now, there’s word that Eos wants to introduce flights to “Western U.S. destinations.” But whereto?

Upgraded: Salt Lake City security
At the Salt Lake City airport, the TSA is running a pilot program and allowing passengers to self-categorize themselves as beginners, intermediates, or experts, as pertains to security. Interestingly, the “beginner” stage includes families and special needs travelers. Different needs, sure, but “beginners”? I like the ski-slope coding scheme (black diamond = expert), but it’ll be interesting to see if passengers actually categorize themselves correctly.

Upgraded, sorta: JetBlue inflight meals
Downgraded: Your peace and quiet
JetBlue will give you a free breakfast laden with Kraft cream cheese, as part of a buzz-building campaign for a reformulated light spread. Some flights even have Kraft representatives in white tuxedos chatting up the flight, pimping the cheese. Classy. The free bagel and cream cheese? Fine. But a sales schtick you can’t escape? Two thumbs way, way down. (Marketplace, via Rick Seaney)

Downgraded: go! Airlines’ pilots’ caffeine rush
Inter-island capitalization-challenged Hawaiian airline go! treated its passengers to a little extra flight mileage on board their Canadair torture machine regional jet, when both the pilot and the co-pilot apparently fell asleep during a flight from Honolulu to Hilo. I couldn’t imagine falling asleep during such a short flight, even as a passenger. But both pilots falling asleep? Mechanical errors have been ruled out. Those pilots’ seats must be comfy. Or maybe someone slipped them a decaf instead of a triple-shot of regular?

Downgraded: London Heathrow
British Airways economy and premium economy passengers at Heathrow’s terminal 4 were told they could only fly on February 20 if they had no checked baggage. What? Again: Passenger wishing to check bags were prohibited from flying. Why? Because the airport’s luggage handling system had failed. And note that this is the terminal where BA’s long-haul flights tend to begin, so you’re not just hitting the folks who are daytripping on business. Great work, team. (Thanks, Hamish!)

Upgraded: Your chance to vent at the TSA
Homeland Security first got a blog, but now the TSA has one too. And it’s not just staffed by the man at the top. They asked for your honest opinions. Give ‘em hell. Just keep it civil. (Thanks, Stephen!)

Upgraded: Nude Aviation
Who could forget Naked Air, the chartered “airline” that transported “naturists” to sunny destinations. Now, a German travel agency will make naked flights a regular option. But for those longing for a long overnight trip in the buff, you’ll have to keep waiting. It’s just a short trip within Germany. (Seriously, why bother?)

Upgraded: Business travel blogging
Hirsute frequent flyer kingpin Randy Petersen has gathered a number of blogs related to business travel into one place — BoardingArea.com — and you’ll find Upgrade: Travel Better syndicated there, too. You’ll find some familiar names there as well, plus some spunky newcomers. The site’s launch was featured in the New York Times, too, including a photo of the hirsute proprietor. Check it out.

Upgraded: Hotel thieves
If you’ve ever stolen stuff from a hotel room, you can return those towels, glasses, bathrobes, and … punch bowls? In any case, if you’ve been a pilferer from the Renaissance Mayflower Hotel, your day of amnesty is here. Bring back the contraband, no questions asked. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded: JetBlue’s alliance prospects
Perhaps you remember my prediction from February 6 last year, that jetBlue and Aer Lingus would try to sync up in an alliance? Looks like the prediction was right, according to WSJ reports. But Aer Lingus might find some competition from jetBlue shareholder Lufthansa, who is also looking into an alliance of sorts with the ‘blue.

Upgraded: Short runways, long flights, 2-year old sarcasm
British Airways has announced another luxury initiative, aimed squarely at its all-business class competitors. The new all-business class service will fly from London’s City airport — a tiny airport with a short runway — to an as-yet unnamed New York area airport. The flight will feature only 36 seats on an Airbus A318. Not A319. Not A320. A318. The shortest in the family, and the biggest plane legally permitted to depart from London-City. The Cranky Flier has a nice post on the logistics of the proposed service. But jeez, it looks like my sarcastic comments from April 2006 were taken seriously: “What’s next?: Will someone determine that London City airport needs nonstop business class service to White Plains or Islip?” I guess life imitates snark?

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Upgraded: JetBlue joining Star Alliance?
German carrier Lufthansa bought a 19% stake in JetBlue, a $300 million investment in the original luxe discount carrier. There’s no talk of merger, or even alliance. Yet. But the companies Lufthansa invests in have the tendency to join Star Alliance.

Upgraded: Star Alliance, again
So JetBlue’s membership is pure speculation. But Star Alliance *did* invite Air India into the alliance for eventual membership. And just yesterday, Air China and Shanghai Airlines officially joined the alliance.

Upgraded: Silverjet, at Maxjet’s expense
Maxjet’s woes, Silverjet’s joy? “Silverjet, which operates all-business-class flights from London to New York and Dubai, said that through Tuesday, the carrier had seen a 20 percent surge in bookings since MAXjet’s announcement.”

Upgraded: Planepooling
With a major treaty to be signed in Lisbon, some EU member states’ prime ministers are flying there together, carpool style, in an effort to reduce their carbon footprint. (Thanks, Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded: Editors’ hateful laziness
Who came up with this headline? “French rude and their hotels smell.” Top shelf editorial work, team!

Downgraded: Traveler’s IQ, and traveler’s brain cells
If you packed a one-liter bottle of vodka in your carry-on, and airport security says you can’t take it onboard, what would you do? If you said, “Open the bottle and chug the entire contents before going through the metal detector,” then you might be the now-hospitalized 64-year old resident of Dresden, Germany who proved he couldn’t hold his liquor at the Nuremberg airport. He should have just checked the booze.

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Hotspots at 39,000 feet? They’re back!

On Tuesday, JetBlue Airways will begin offering a free e-mail and instant messaging service on one aircraft, while American Airlines, Virgin America and Alaska Airlines plan to offer a broader Web experience in the coming months, probably priced at about $10 a flight.

“I think 2008 is the year when we will finally start to see in-flight Internet access become available, but I suspect the rollout domestically will take place in a very measured way,” said Henry Harteveldt, an analyst with Forrester Research. But “in a few years time, if you get on a flight that doesn’t have Internet access, it will be like walking into a hotel room that doesn’t have TV.”

Granted, it’s just one aircraft for starters, but you gotta start somewhere.

But… it’s not going to be a full-fledged internet quite yet.:

Live TV, the JetBlue unit that operates the system, is rolling it out in partnership with Yahoo and Blackberry maker Research In Motion. Users can send and receive e-mail from any type of account on two models of Blackberry, 8820 and 8320. Laptop users are limited to using only Yahoo e-mail and Yahoo’s instant messaging application. The companies haven’t signed exclusive deals, and JetBlue may opt to include other popular web-based e-mail accounts in the future, such as Hotmail or Gmail.

$10 for e-mail and IM’ing only? No web access? No VPN? Well, that’s a little less appealing for me and my laptop. Good for the Blackberry users, but no inflight live-blogging action, then. Until it’s real web access, I’ll probably let it go.

Related:
- Feed the Internet addiction: American Airlines will roll out high-speed inflight wi-fi next year
- It’s official: Boeing pulling the plug on its inflight internet service, Connexion
- “No Cellphones” light to be added to aircraft interiors

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Last summer, Raed Jarrar was harassed by jetBlue employees for wearing a shirt with Arabic lettering on the front. In his ACLU-led legal team’s words, here’s what happened:

JetBlue and a Transportation Security Administration (TSA) official, identified as “Inspector Harris,” would not let Raed Jarrar board his flight at John F. Kennedy Airport until he agreed to cover his t-shirt, which read “We Will Not Be Silent” in English and Arabic script. Harris told Jarrar that it is impermissible to wear an Arabic shirt to an airport and equated it to a “person wearing a t-shirt at a bank stating, ‘I am a robber.’”

Lovely metaphor. Added bonus: Jarrar says that, after he relented and donned an additional shirt, jetBlue tore up his boarding pass, which had him seated near the front, and gave him a new boarding pass to sit at the very back of the plane. How nice of them — and how symbolic.

Jarrar threatened to bring a lawsuit. Consider it brought.

A discrimination lawsuit charges federal officials and JetBlue Airways with racial profiling for refusing to let an Iraqi man board an August 2006 flight at Kennedy International Airport because he wore a T-shirt inscribed with an Arabic phrase.

The incident is part of a discriminatory pattern at U.S. airports since the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, with officials targeting people perceived to be of Arab descent — particularly those displaying their ethnic background or religious faith, two civil liberties groups said Thursday in filing the lawsuit.

I say go get ‘em, Raed. It’s important to push back against fearmongering hysteria that erodes our civil liberties. He’s doing us all a favor, and representing what the country really stands for, by standing up to this sort of small-minded censorship.

Related:
- Would an anti-Tony Blair shirt get me in trouble in the U.S.?
- Short hops - August 23, 2006 - JetBlue rewards one flyer a free t-shirt (in exchange for his civil liberties)

Downgraded: Odds of seeing pole-dancer art on London-Gatwick approach
First it was the Kentucky Fried Chicken ad featuring a Colonel Sanders image visible from space. Now, a website’s advertisement featuring a giant chalk outline of a poledancing stripper is causing controversy in the UK. The image, in a field below a common approach path for flights to London’s Gatwick Airport, is only visible from the air, but is still causing an affront. It’s likely to be removed soon. But thanks to news reports and posts like this one far more people will see it online than ever would see it from a plane. (Yes, I’m guilty of supporting their marketing machine… I know…)

Upgraded: Kayak.com introduces alliance-based search
Aggregator Kayak.com tweaked its search tools ever so slightly, allowing you to sort by alliance (Star, oneworld, Skyteam) and not just by airline. But you can only sort it that way AFTER you’ve the basic search. (You can search preferred airlines up front, so why not alliances? Meh.) Orbitz has allowed alliance search for some time, but this is the first aggregator that I’m aware of that’s doing this.

Upgraded: Hertz’s environmentalist credibility
Last September, Hertz rolled out its “Green Collection” of rental cars and I was thoroughly unimpressed. Buick LaCrosse? Come on. Where were the hybrids? Well, it took nine months, but Hertz finally got around to buying more genuinely eco-friendly vehicles, with a purchase of 3,400 Toyota Priuses (or is that Prii?). That’s more like it.

Upgraded: Wine in coach. Viva jetBlue!
JetBlue is serving up some slightly more interesting wines than usual the usual coach fare. Thanks to a partnership with Best Cellars, the airline is giving their all-economy class passengers a slightly better guzzle. Choosing wine for coach can be challenging, since it has to be a) cheap, b) in tiny ready-for-sale bottles, unlike in premium cabins, and c) pair-able with a wider range of foods. I hadn’t thought about that last one before: After all, the wine in business and first can presumably be paired with the menu (though that’s not always obvious). But in coach, a wine demands “versatility in pairing with a wide assortment of airport meals people bring on planes, including pan pizzas from Pizza Hut and Taco Bell burritos with chicken and mole sauce.” (Taco Bell has a mole sauce? Really?) Either way, good for jetBlue, and good for their wine-imbibing passengers. (Thanks Tyler!)

Downgraded: US Airways right to serve any wine
Unlike jetBlue… US Airways, which got into trouble for selling booze without a license in New Mexico a few months ago, and which has been serving the sauce with a temporary scrip since then, was denied an extension of its license this past week. Tough break. BYOB, anyone?

Upgraded: Marriott; Downgraded: Ian Schrager (or is it the other way around?)
Look, I happen to like Marriott hotels for what they are: Consistent, clean, competent, and overall comfortable spaces to spend the night. (4 C’s!) They usually don’t have too much bling or pizazz, though some of their big-city properties have that 1980s glitz that has an odd appeal to my mid-to-late-30s, graying-gracefully, receding-hairline self. So when I hear that they’re teaming up with Ian Schrager, king of the boutique hotel, to create a new boutique-y brand, I’m skeptical. It seems like a late-to-the-game attempt to create a “W” chain within a chain. If it adds a little funk to the Marriott decor, great. (Bye bye brass fixtures, please!) But it also smacks of desperation. And isn’t Ian Schrager past this? Seems like he’s here to cash in while the cashin’ in is good.

Upgraded: WestJet’s honesty; Downgraded: Little old ladies’ pensions
Canada’s WestJet (hearts) little old ladies. Not because they’re nice grandmas, but because they’re walking piggy banks, and the airline’s got a hammer. Consider this nugget from the airline’s president:

“There would be a little old lady coming up and she’d have a table and she’d have a chair and she’d have six or seven bags and we’d say ‘Yeah, take it on the plane. No problem.’ Now we’re actually going to charge a little bit of money for taking that table and chair and those extra bags on board. And that incremental revenue that we extract from that little old lady is very, very profitable to us. Some 85% goes to the bottom line.”

Good for him, for saying publicly what other airline executives discuss privately. So I guess the business traveler isn’t the company profit center; the rarely-traveled senior citizen is. Bank it.

Upgraded: Amputees and their TSA experience
Got a prosthetic? The TSA wants to make your security checkpoint experience kinder and gentler. Good! On the other hand…

Downgraded: Sippy cups, and TSA cinema verité
A former Secret Service agent reports that she was harassed when she accidentally carried her child’s sippy cup of water through security. Stupid enough, but it gets more absurd: The TSA actually released a silent security tape of the incident, labeled “Mythbusters,” in their own defense. Feel free to view the videos, read the incident report, review the embarrassed mother’s story, and decide for yourself.

Upgraded: Demolition
Let me make myself perfectly clear: I want to help destroy this hotel. I’ve never been to it, but I want to help Spanish hotel chain NH Hoteles wreck the Alcala Hotel in Madrid. The company is holding a contest to see who can take a sledgehammer to the joint. Only 30 lucky few will get to play rockstar-cum-wrecking ball. Let the spirit of Keith Moon guide you.

When free drinks aren’t welcome
Why would there be an uproar over an airline giving a customer a free bottle of wine? When that customer is a celebrity who just left rehab for alcoholism. A well-meaning Qantas flight attendant gave a bottle of red to singer Keith Urban, who apparently declined. But come on: give the flight attendant a break! Unless the airline is giving CIA-style background briefings about the passengers in the cabin, you can’t be expected to know the ins and outs of every celebrity’s (or every passenger’s) personal life. In fact, I was quite content to be blissfully unaware of Mr. Urban’s specific addiction before this imbroglio. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

Group hug: Mergers and partnerships
JetBlue merging with Delta? Rumored, but unlikely. Brazil’s TAM and Germany’s Lufthansa? Not a merger, but a codesharing partnership. United is getting in on the hot codesharing action with TAM, too. Lufthansa also joined up with El Salvador’s TACA, already a United partner. Are the Star Alliance invitations far off? And keepin’ it Star, is Singapore Airlines buying China Eastern? They’re buying a piece, but how big will that piece be?…

Can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em?
British Airways, apparently in a response to the all-business class service from startups like Eos, Silverjet, and Maxjet, is considering rolling out all-premium service between unnamed European and American cities. Premium economy in the back, business in the front. No straight-up economy, and no first. (Thanks, Benet!)

Countdown to 7/8/07
Boeing has started assembling its first 787 Dreamliner, a plane manufactured in prefab pieces around the world and bolted together at the Everett factory. The debut is scheduled for July 8. 7/8/07… 787… har har har.

American updates website, makes it more like Southwest
American Airlines revamped their website, giving you an overview of the different fares you can book. The layout will be familiar, if you’ve ever booked on Southwest. Or Air Canada. Or Qantas. Or Ted. (Does anyone ever actually book tickets at the Ted site?)

Yapta comes alive!
Yapta, the service that tracks fares after you’ve bought, mentioned here last week, is now live.

Alaska Airlines downgrades their upgrades
If you used miles to upgrade flights on Alaska Airlines, you’ll have to buy far more expensive tickets in order to do so. Thumbs down. Gary Leff has the full scoop.

JetBlue goes Euro! Not to Europe, but the airline is considering a European-style premium cabin. It’s buried in an article about jetBlue’s pending introduction of refundable fares — another big change for the company. (Though it’s something which most other airlines have had for years, to appeal to business travelers, jetBlue has consciously avoided refundable fares until now.) So what will a jetBlue first class cabin look like?

[CEO] Neeleman today also said JetBlue is “experimenting with the idea” of a “virtual first class,” which would give higher-yielding travelers access to window and aisle seats between empty middle seats, particularly on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays–when business travelers take to the skies and load factors are historically lower.

All that’s missing is the adjustable armrests that you find at the front of intra-European “business class.” (I use quotation marks, because airlines like Lufthansa and Air France really just give you the same damn seat, with a slightly better snack, wider armrests, and an empty middle seat, when you buy business class. Americans may complain about their domestic “first class” travel experience, but the seat is still a heckuvalot nicer than anything you’ll find within Europe.

Transatlantic rift? Pfft. Sounds like the US and Europe are moving closer together after all. Creating a premium cabin is in line with what I predicted for jetBlue a while back. Their de facto premium economy section was a first step.

Creating a sub-cabin like this, in combination with refundable fares, would make jetBlue very appealing for many business travelers. Though the live TV could be distracting…

Related:
- JetBlue increases legroom, creates de facto premium section
- JetBlue introduces premium economy cabin after all

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Upgraded: Onboard pizza delivery
If you’re stuck on a plane for eight hours, the pizza is free! (While supplies last.) Yes, another airline incident, again on American Airlines, with passengers trapped on board the plane for hours on end. Been there, done that. It happened on April 24th, when a Dallas-bound 757 was diverted to Midland, Texas, but it took weeks for the news to trickle out, not even making real headlines anymore. (So when is that Passengers’ Bill of Rights making its way to the Congressional floor for a vote?…) But the reporting of the story contained this nugget that demonstrates the absurdity of the event: “Pizza was delivered, but only 50 to 70 slices, along with 30 bags of chips.” People weren’t allowed off the plane, but it was okay to order takeout?! And whom do we blame for messing up the order? Were they taking requests? If I were onboard and called in an order for barbeque, could I have had that delivered as well?

Upgraded: Ryanair’s pricing
Euroskinflint Ryanair took a consumer-friendly step in the right direction this week: The airline started quoting their prices inclusive of taxes. Considering the number of mandatory fees and taxes that are added on, that’s a significant change in policy. Good for them!

Downgraded: jetBlue’s CEO and his many apologies
JetBlue founder and CEO David Neeleman, who took a beating for the way his airline kept passengers stuck on board its planes for hours on end back in February, may have won some sympathy for his incessant apologizing after the incident, but his board of directors fired him anyway. “Sorry” doesn’t pay the bills, I guess.

Upgraded: Hotel wi-fi…for hotel management, not you
Next time you check in to a hotel, your minibar may get better internet access than you. Hotel managers are rolling out new features that link their back office to your room via wi-fi, as well as creating in-house wi-fi powered walkie-talkie systems for staff members. In other words, yes, they’ll use wi-fi to keep tabs on your minibar, but they’ll continue to charge you $10.95 a day for you to access your e-mail from your room. Lovely.

Upgraded: Deodorant
If your armpits have that certain je-ne-sais-quoi after you lug your rollaboard around for a few hours, then the TSA may soon try to register you in a database of travelers’ odors. I’m not entirely kidding. Wired reports that the federal government’s Technical Support Working Group is soliciting proposals for a system designed to collect human scents and record them in a database “for future use to track a specified target.” For civil libertarians seeking to avoid detection, the solution is simple: Start dousing yourself with other people’s sweat. “Freedom sweat,” anyone?

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The folks at the Flight Wisdom blog sent us a note, pointing out their post on jetBlue’s revision of the contract of carriage (pdf) to incorporate the previously promised “bill of rights.” (The last three pages of the contract contain the “bill of rights” provisions.)

Hats off to jetBlue for making good codifying their promises of vouchers for delays into the legal document that governs all tickets. That’s a good step.

But…

There’s still the matter of the “controllable irregularity.” As you may recall from my previous critique of the jetBlue apologies, the airline built in a huge loophole with the term “controllable irregularity.” If problems could be blamed — even in part — on anything uncontrollable, such as the weather, they wouldn’t owe you ANYTHING. That has now been codified:

Controllable Irregularity as used in Section 36, means a delay, cancellation or diversion that is not caused by a Force Majeure Event. For the sake of clarity, if in a chain of multiple events, the original irregularity is due to a Force Majeure Event, the cause of the subsequent event(s) reasonably related to the original irregularity shall be deemed an Uncontrollable Irregularity.

So by my reading of this, the passengers who were stuck on the taxiways at JFK for hours last month would have been eligible to receive… NOTHING. (corrected below) The weather started the problems, after all. Subsequent human decisions to keep the aircraft waiting and waiting would not have been necessary, had the weather been fine, so we can trace the “original irregularity” back to the weather.

So I’m back to being underwhelmed. Expect the media to celebrate this new jetBlue contract as a glorious event in the history of corporate apologia. But in reality, your rights haven’t improved much.

(Update/Correction: Re-reading the contract, I stand corrected. I read the first part without reading the second part carefully enough. I see that the controllable/uncontrollable distinction is overruled by the time spent on the taxiway, so yes, the February stranded passengers would have gotten vouchers for their trouble. The controlled/uncontrolled distinction really comes into play when passengers are delayed but the plane hasn’t left the gate. Once the decision to leave the gate is taken, then the “ground delay” rules kick in. Sorry for the mixup. Mea culpa. As Cranky says below, I’ve now gone from underwhelmed, to just plain “whelmed.”)