This weekend’s Observer has a fascinating article on “the dark side” of Dubai, which is precisely the sort of article the Dubai PR machine doesn’t want to see in a major media outlet. It’s a fascinating story, definitely worth a read, especially for anyone considering any longer-term projects in the region, whether for business or pleasure.

But those traveling to, from, or even through Dubai might want to take note of this small item buried within the text of the article:

Cat Le-Huy, a producer with Endemol, spent three weeks in jail without being charged, for possession of Melatonin – jetlag pills.

Yes, melatonin, which I saw on sale yesterday afternoon at my local CVS. This non-prescription dietary supplement, which some folks swear by to conquer jet lag, could get you thrown into a Dubai slammer.

I trust that Dubai’s jails are less flashy and luxurious than their resorts.

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Downgraded: Skycap tips
Upgraded: Vindictiveness
American Airlines is being completely petty in their legal dispute with skycaps. You may recall that the skycaps won their suit, in which they argued that they were being cheated when the airline imposed a $2 fee, which most passengers believed to be paid to the skycap. (It was paid to the airline.) So now the airline strikes back by banning tips to skycaps. Vindictive, and frankly begging for another lawsuit.

Downgraded: Spirit Airlines’ baggage handling
Why just lose a passenger’s luggage, when you can burn the luggage instead?

Downgraded: Airline credit ratings, thanks to mergers. What?
Airlines keep saying how mergers will be just fab for their bottom lines. But credit rating agency Moodys’ predicts that airlines would be downgraded if mergers happen. Why? Moody’s doesn’t believe the merger partners will meet their goals, and won’t see the promised synergies happen.

Upgraded: WC signs
Better signage for public rest rooms than these? I haven’t seen them.

Upgraded: Paperless boarding passes
The TSA and Continental have teamed up to expand the use of paperless boarding passes for travelers with smartphones. I like!

Upgraded: Viagra, caffeine, and naps
For those seeking to beat jet lag, Viagra can help. (Seriously.) But for those not looking to channel their inner Bob Dole, caffeine and naps work well, too. How… intuitive.

Upgraded: Tracking your past travels
If you’ve traveled internationally between 1996 and 2006, and if you used an American credit or debit card abroad, you’re eligible for a refund of some undisclosed fees, thanks to a class action settlement. But unless you’re a supreme dork (umm, like me…) who has all your year-end summaries or stacks of credit card statements, you’ll need to estimate your spending. To make that work out for you, you need to know when you were out of the country. (For supreme dorks like me, there’s the running spreadsheet of flights and miles…) Debbie Dubrow of DeliciousBaby writes in with her credit card settlement hack to help you figure out how much time you were abroad: Look at your digital photos and check the dates. For pre-digital images, just browse the photo albums. Brilliant! But it’s not foolproof. My photos aren’t organized into albums. And on business travel, who takes photos??

What if you could arrive in a distant location and yet be assured that you wouldn’t suffer from miserable jet lag?

Pipe dreaming, perhaps. But it’s encouraging that hotel chains are working to help travelers in getting on the right time zone quickly and comfortably. For example:

[Westin] has partnered with Philips and a group of sleep doctors to create a “concept room” aimed at aiding sleep deprivation and cutting jet-lag recovery time in half. This hotel-room laboratory is currently being tested at the Westin Chicago River North [...]

The concept room is equipped with Philips’ ActiViva lamps — revolutionary new blue-light lamps that provide high-quality lighting and directly affect the way people feel by supposedly making them feel more alert, awake and energized. [...]

The lights, along with other cutting-edge amenities such as a guided-meditation TV program (it actually walks you through into a sleep experience) and a room-service menu filled with calming snacks such as a banana-milk smoothie, are being tested by Westin through a series of evaluations with travelers who have recently crossed two or more time zones. Window shades are custom blackout models. Other white-noise machines are also in the room. [...]There are oscillating fans, calming tea, and [a shower with] a high-intensity light that its manufacturer claims will reset your body clock.

I appreciate the fact that hotels are thinking about this, and not just by offering customers cherry pie or offering jet lag advice like their airline counterparts. But this takes it up a notch. It’s very welcome.

And I kinda want those shower lights for home.

Staying awake until a “normal” time for the local time zone is often a struggle, so travelers need all the help they can get. These innovations are welcome, even if some of them, individually, are corny. (Talking meditation machine, anyone?) Anti-jet-lag features would especially be a great feature at airport hotels — particularly since airport hotels are rarely inspiring spaces.

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It’s been a tough few weeks, so the posting machine has been running a bit slow. Time to clear some of the backlog:

Survivor: Skybus edition
Jaunted’s Mark Johnson played anthropologist in the airline world last week, doing some participant-observation onboard ultra-cheap negative-frills airline Skybus. The whole saga, with videos and pictures, can be found here. Photo above is Mark’s pic of a $9/hour Skybus flight attendant selling goods (on commission). Ah, the ubiquitous Toblerone, official chocolate of 35,000 feet. But ice wine? And those crew uniforms look remarkably like the folks in those hotels.com TV ads…

Bonus: Skybus is adding three cities to their roster. “Hartford/Springfield” — which is really Westover Metropolitan (CEF), 19 miles from Bradley (BDL). “Jacksonville/Daytona Beach” — which is really St. Augustine/St. John’s County (UST), a whopping 42 air miles from Jacksonville (JAX). And San Diego. Yes, it’s really San Diego. One out of three ain’t bad.

At least he didn’t threaten the flight attendants
The TSA reportedly detained director Mike Figgis for five hours at LAX, after he told security screeners that he was in town to “shoot a pilot.” What, LAX employees never heard the television-industry parlance of “pilot”? UPDATE: This never happened. Mike Figgis himself says it’s BS. But it’s a good story, I tells ya.

Arthur Frommer had better watch out
Latest competitor to Fodor’s, Frommer’s, and Lonely Planet? Borat!

Canadian citizenship for Kip Hawley?
Even though the Canadian government has created their own security lists, Canadian airlines are still using American no-fly lists. Will TSA Director Kip Hawley freedom baggies be far off?

I’d rather pay for my mortgage with miles
Gary Leff wants to pay his mortgage by credit card, so he can earn points. And it will soon be possible, via American Express and a small set of lenders, who take a $395 fee up front. Years ago, I checked out a rental apartment that let you use Visa to pay your rent. (I didn’t rent it.) The apartment sucked, but think of the miles I left on the table!

Villa livin’
Wendy Perrin has written a great guide to finding an affordable villa or vacation home. But the prices she mentions are still not ultra-cheap. I’m already a villa convert: In December 2005, my wife and I rented a small beachfront house in Anguilla. The house had its own pool, looked across the strait to the beautiful, mountainous island of St. Martin (or St. Maarten, if you prefer), and cost a little over $200 per night. It had no butler service, and, while comfortable, it wasn’t “luxury,” but it was amazing value.

Spend green to go green?
The city of Denver wants passengers to buy carbon offsets when they fly out of DEN. They’re setting up kiosks that let you buy offsets just like you might buy that Mutual of Omaha travel insurance. At the same time, Republican Congressmen are, perhaps ironically, championing a greater role for the federal government: regulating carbon offsets. Might not be a bad idea. I’m all for supporting the environment, but I’m suspicious of the offset idea. This skeptical op-ed in the Times of London doesn’t help.

Explosive curry
Explosive curry damages a Boeing 747. Say no more.

Boxers = Boeing, briefs = Airbus
Great moments in headline writing: “Hong Kong tycoon buys B787 jet after seeing passenger in underpants.”

Yes, that hamster is happy to see you
Jetlagged? Try popping a Viagra. After all, it works for hamsters!

Downgraded: Presidential security
The Secret Service is overburdened. So they’re bringing in the TSA! If presidential candidates look like they haven’t washed their hair, because their shampoo was confiscated, this will be why. God help us all.

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Southwest Airlines may be bringing back their honey-roasted peanuts (allergies be damned!) but longhaul carriers might consider adding cherries to the snack mix. The melatonin in dried cherries apparently makes them a good jetlag-fighting snack.

…when flying east (say from New York to London) travelers should eat a handful of dried cherries (which have even greater levels of melatonin than fresh cherries) 30 minutes before trying to sleep. Once at their destination, they should eat a handful of cherries 30 minutes before going to bed every night for the same number of nights as the time change. (For a five-hour time shift, eat cherries for five consecutive nights.) When heading west, do the same regime, only eat your cherries the night before departure.”

Just be careful if you try to bring your own cherry pie onto the plane, especially if it’s filled with particularly gooey, gelatinous filling. Some overzealous TSA agents have confiscated pies in the past, despite TSA Director Kip Hawley’s public reminder that “pie is not a liquid.”

Now, with this jet lag research, you’ve got a defense. If anyone gives you a hard time, insist that your cherry pie is for medicinal purposes. “It’s a prescription pie!”

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Rocketry!
British frequent flyer Alan Watts hoarded two million miles with Virgin Atlantic, which qualifies him for a trip into space on Virgin Galactic. (In this blog’s endless obsession with aircraft interiors and seating, below you’ll find a peek at the interior of Richard Branson’s spaceship. Full details here.)

Ecology!
Virgin’s Richard Branson, again: The gazillionaire has vowed to funnel all future profits from his airline and train businesses into research on alternative fuels that don’t contribute to global warming. Good for him! Synthetic jet fuel might be a start.

Grammar!
Someone at the Jerusalem tourist bureau needs a less existentialist copyeditor who speaks better English. Their latest brochures read: “Jerusalem: There is no such city!” Lies. All lies. (via Jaunted)

The last week was a good one, though I think I need to take a few days off of chocolate and cheese. (I won’t do a trip report unless the masses demand it, but we spent a little over a week in the Netherlands, touring cities and the blooming bulb fields.)

I’m not quite back on Central Daylight Time yet, despite my best efforts. (Though it’s too late now, I checked the British Airways jet lag advisor site to see if I’m on track to overcome jet lag quickly. Not quite. It would have been nearly impossible to follow their “avoid light from 9:00 to 11:30am” suggestion, seeing as I have a job to go to…) Someday I really need to try melatonin or some other drug. It’s all the rage, after all.

Besides sleep, I’m also catching up on what’s happened in the past week, but clearly it was an eventful time for travel related news. Buckle up.

- Northwest reversed the $15 “choice” seating fee for its elites. Good for them!

- United raised the price in miles for *selected* routes and classes, plus added short-term ticketing fees. (boo!) I’ll post more on this soon, for sure, once I adequately digest the changes.

- The Wall Street Journal (via Tim Leffel) reported that 27% of Americans now have a passport, up from 22% last year. Quite a jump! (Leffel’s theory: since Canada and the Caribbean used to NOT require a passport for US citizens, but will soon require one, we’re seeing a surge of new applications for North American travel needs. It’s a theory. Got any other ideas?)

- Following Star Alliance’s addition of Swiss and South African Airways, the SkyTeam alliance added Russia’s Aeroflot to its roster. How does the European Union welcome them? With an anti-trust investigation of the alliance. (slap!) Well, it’s probably unrelated to Aeroflot’s entry, but still.

- Delta isn’t striking. Pilots agreed to a 14% pay cut.

- America West used to serve Pepsi. US Airways served Coke. Then they merged. The winner: Coke. (Serious question: Does Virgin Atlantic serve Virgin Cola?)

- The Maxjet news you know you crave: The discount all-business carrier reported in a press release that they’re actually filling planes — 50 to 70%. More impressive: their customer satisfaction percentages are in the 90s for those surveyed (how large was their survey sample size??…)

- Finally, pieces of defunct Independence Air went up for auction. The flight simulator went for $3750. Chairs went for $5 each. Both will look great in someone’s home, I’m sure. Maybe even this home.