Downgraded: TSA’s notion of a background check
You really can’t make this up: An applicant for a TSA job who had been convicted of robbery when he was 18 (and who omitted it from his job application) was denied a secure-access badge to the Richmond Airport in Virginia. But the TSA wanted him hired, and demanded that the airport overrule its existing security protocol to issue this man a badge. Words fail me.

Downgraded: Airline seats
Speaking of recalls, Air Canada, ANA, Continental, JAL, KLM, SAS, Singapore, and Virgin Atlantic have seats on their planes that are subject to a recall. The manufacturer, Koito, was found to have fabricated flammability tests. And when I say “fabricated,” I’m not kidding: They “manipulated computers so normal figures would appear on monitors when officials from the ministry observed the testing procedures.” But take comfort: As long as the seats aren’t set on fire, you’re fine! (Bonus: Toyota owns 20% of Koito.)

Downgraded: Sleepytime on American Airlines
American Airlines will start charging $8 to buy a pillow and blanket. Yes, yes, it’s another fee, another downgrade. But whatever. I’ll wear a sweater.

Upgraded: oneworld
Downgraded: SkyTeam
Sure enough, American Airlines and the other members of the oneworld alliance pulled it out, keeping JAL in the alliance. At first, it really looked like Delta and their SkyTeam brethren were the ones to convert the ailing Japanese carrier to their side. But no. I called this one wrong. Delta has expressed its regrets, and plans to invest in its own brand instead of other companies. Frankly, that’s probably a smart move.

Col. Buck Elton, who was given the mission to open up airfield and assist with airlifts, says they have controlled 600+ takeoffs and landings in an airstrip that normally sees three takeoffs and landings a day.

Because the air traffic control tower has collapsed, all of this is being done by radio, on the ground – in a place that only has one runway/taxiway for planes, set directly in the middle of the airport and thus making it difficult for other planes to take off and arrive.

Col. Buck talked about how they have to “stack the aircraft until we have space for someone else to come in. ” The maximum number of aircraft that can fit on the ground: one wide-body, five narrow-body planes. and three smaller aircrafts that can taxi in on the ground, filling that spot as necessary. (It sounds like a game of Tetris.)

“The volume is similar to running a major airport without computers, radar or other equipment,” he said.

That’s great work in a bad situation. Here’s hoping that they can squeeze a few more relief flights in and out.

Downgraded: JAL
Japan’s JAL officially declared bankruptcy and defaulted on its bonds. The bidding war for the airline reached an impasse, but will resume now that bankruptcy is definitive.

Upgraded: Your debit card’s PIN
For some time, debit cards have been accepted as a form of payment on airline websites, but in the US, the cards have been processed much like a credit card, through the Visa or MasterCard number to which they’re linked. Now, Spirit Airlines is serving up a way to use your debit card to pay for airline tickets, using the same PIN you use at the ATM. PIN-enabled transactions at retail locations have gained acceptance (and are far cheaper for the retailer than swipe-and-sign transactions), but entering your PIN into a website? That may be a tough sell to the American consumer.

Upgraded: Really big new threats to air safety
Downgraded: Reality
On a lighter note, forget airport patdowns. Worry about giant sharks that are larger than super-jumbo jets and can attack aircraft from deep in the sea. There’s so much to enjoy in just this short clip from the B-movie horror spectacle “Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.” The wooden acting, the awful computer animation, the absurd physics. Aviation geeks will enjoy the near-slanderous depiction of a “Condor Airlines” (alert the German airline of that name of this abuse!) Boeing 747-8 — a plane that hasn’t even been built yet — bouncing through the clouds, before it … just watch below. Words get in the way.

Delta and its SkyTeam partners didn’t just win this on their good looks and winning personality. They are offering a bailout package of nearly $1 billion. (American and Texas Pacific Group offered to invest $1.1B; I’m not familiar with the details of the deals, and that’s not my concern here. And nothing is signed yet — AA says they’re still negotiating.)

The combination of JAL and Delta would be a formidable force, if traffic remains at current levels. One report estimates the JAL-enhanced Skyteam market share at 62% of traffic between the US and Japan. Star Alliance (United, ANA, and Singapore) hold 31%, leaving a mere 9% in oneworld (entirely AA).

But JAL has signaled that it would drop 30 (or even all) of its international routes, ceding that traffic to alliance partners and codesharing instead. And Japan’s other major airline, ANA, is looking to snap up routes and landing rights which JAL gives up. So those market share percentages are far from set in stone.

In the long run, the decrease in competition is bound to exert upward pressure on trans-Pacific fares. The deal will need to undergo antitrust scrutiny, of course.

Intermediate-term losers here are American Airlines’ loyal customers who use their miles to fly to Asia. A major mileage redemption opportunity for AAdvantage mileage holders is about to disappear, either through JAL’s switch to SkyTeam, or their erosion/implosion. If you’ve got American miles, your currency is about to lose value, as you’re about to lose some redemption opportunities.

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Upgraded: Biofuels
Air New Zealand tested the use of biofuels last week. This week, it’s Continental’s turn to burn a mix of jet fuel, algae, and jatropha weed extract. (Perhaps it should be renamed jetropha weed, har har har.) Anyway, Japan Air Lines is next in line. Flights testing these experimental fuels are unmanned, so don’t worry about what’s in the tanks on your next flight.

Downgraded: Sitting near the restroom
I would not have wanted to be a passenger (or a flight attendant… or a cleaning person…) on this flight to Houston. The headline: “Man Covered In Feces Attacks Flight Attendant.”

Upgraded: Airport welcomes
Improv Everywhere went to JFK to welcome a random person whom they didn’t know back. What a lovely — if somewhat disconcerting — way to arrive! Thanks to FD and Victor for sending this along!

Upgraded: Hotel lobbies
Luxury lockdown! “Why should they be leaving the hotel and hanging out at the nearby Starbucks?” So Starwood and others hope to tempt you to stay within the compound by creating “internet lobby lounges.”

Upgraded: Japanese wine; Downgraded?: JAL wine lists
JAL, aka Japan Air Lines, is bringing a Japanese wine to the sky. Aruga Branca Clareza 2005, made from the indigenous Japanese Koshu grape, will be available in business class. Interesting, to be sure, but has anyone ever had it? Is it any good? Reviews are pretty sparse.

Upgraded: Flying Squirrels
Paging Rocky and Bullwinkle! Stowaway squirrel causes emergency landing on an American Airlines 777 bound from Tokyo to Dallas.

Upgraded: Ease of booking a private jet
Paging Charles Dickens! It may be the worst of times for many coach travelers, but it’s never been easier to book a private jet. There have been discounted (but not cheap) private jet repositioning flights for some time, but aggregator SideStep is now offering a search function for private jets.

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