The recent uptick in scrutiny of baggage — carried-on and checked — has claimed another victim: epicurean travelers who might have brought back a culinary souvenir of their travels abroad. The Wall Street Journal has a piece focused on chefs who smuggle in small quantities of cured meats, sausages, and other charcuterie for the demanding carnivore.

For the would-be meat runners: One of the tricks of the trade, revealed in the article: Hiding a meat product inside a fish, like a whole salmon (which can legally be brought in).

The chefs argue that they are bringing in samples of small-production meats from villages across Europe in order to “reverse-engineer” the products and recreate the recipes here in the US.

The US government’s view is less sanguine:

Sausages and hams “are much more dangerous than people think,” says Janice Mosher, an official at U.S. Customs and Border Protection, which seizes about 4,000 pounds of prohibited meat, plant and animal products a day. “Those items truly have the ability to spread disease.” The government is concerned that bacteria from a smuggled piece of meat will spread through the ecosystem, infecting livestock and hurting agricultural production, Ms. Mosher says.

And then there’s this kicker, the culinary equivalent of a terrorist watch list:

Ms. Mosher [...] says that if people are caught bringing food in once, it’s a good bet they’ll be subjected to extra searches in the future. She says that Customs and Border Protection doesn’t target chefs, but their exploits are known to the government.

Sometimes it seems the CBP folks is targeting travelers from an entire country: On a recent international arrival in Philadelphia, I was horrified at the long lines to exit customs. But a friendly airport worker advised me that the long line was just for the people arriving from Italy. “Not arriving from Italy? Step right to the front.” No beagle sniffing the bags, no questions asked. (Travelers from Italy carrying aged meats might wish to consider changing planes in Paris, London, or Frankfurt, before heading back to the US, to improve their odds.)

The CBP isn’t just out to protect American soil from the dangers of smoked meats. They’re also defending America from smoke — Cuban smoke.

Wine Spectator and Cigar Aficionado critic James Suckling got dressed down at the US-Mexico border by CBP guards after (correctly) citing the law governing their transport of wine into the country. Correcting a border guard on the fine points of the law? Yes, asking for trouble, but the alternative (dumping cases upon cases of wine, when the law is on your side) is hardly pleasant. But, by standing up for his rights, Suckling subjected himself to an excessively thorough search, which turned up a pair of Cuban cigars — illegal to transport into the US.

I’ve been guilty of this in the past. I’ll cop to transporting both meats and Cuban cigars (the latter purchased at duty-free, no less). But in today’s post-crotch-bomber world, with its increased scrutiny, bringing it into the US is a riskier proposition.

Italian politicians need to read their own history more. They seem to have forgotten the roles of travel and trade in shaping what has come to be known as Italian cuisine. Instead, they’re taking protectionism and closed-mindedness to a new peak with new rules and regulations designed to purge Italy of “foreign” culinary influence.

The drive to make Italians eat Italian, which was described by the Left and leading chefs as gastronomic racism, began in the town of Lucca this week, where the council banned any new ethnic food outlets from opening within the ancient city walls.

Yesterday it spread to Lombardy and its regional capital, Milan, which is also run by the centre Right. The antiimmigrant Northern League party brought in the restrictions “to protect local specialities from the growing popularity of ethnic cuisines”.

I particularly enjoy the fact that some Italian regional cuisine might be affected by this:

There is confusion, however, over what is meant by ethnic. Mr Di Grazia said that French restaurants would be allowed. He was unsure, though, about Sicilian cuisine. It is influenced by Arab cooking.

Thankfully, there are voices of reason:

Vittorio Castellani, a celebrity chef, said: “There is no dish on Earth that does not come from mixing techniques, products and tastes from cultures that have met and mingled over time.” He said that many dishes thought of as Italian were, in fact, imported. The San Marzano tomato, a staple ingredient of Italian pasta sauces, was a gift from Peru to the Kingdom of Naples in the 18th century. Even spaghetti, it is thought, was brought back from China by Marco Polo, and oranges and lemons came from the Arab world.

There is no cuisine on earth (excepting perhaps the culinary culture of “lost tribes” of the Amazon, which really aren’t lost), which hasn’t been affected by the exchange of knowledge, experience, goods, and services between cultures. From the Silk Road to modern globalization, national cultures and cuisines have always been affected by others.

Any attempt to purge foreign influence and attempt to restore a “golden age” of “pure” culture has failed in the long run. But even so, that doesn’t mean that complete and utter homogenization results. Quite the contrary. Cultural variety and regionalism still prevail, despite — or perhaps even because of — access to greater variety of influences and experiences.

So screw the idiots who wish to regulate cultural purity. I’m eating Tuscan chips instead. As the label says, it’s “a vacation in a bag” !

Upgraded: Job applications on Virgin Atlantic
The unnamed author of this complaint letter to Virgin Atlantic, who ranted against the food served on board his flight from Mumbai to Heathrow, has been offered a new job: food tester for Virgin. Call me biased, but I still like Robert P.’s letter to Midwest Airlines better. (“You have chunks in your beer.”) Hey Robert, get any job offers lately?

Upgraded: Air Canada’s forms and applications
Remember the requirement that overweight passengers on Canadian airlines need to get a doctor’s note in order to get a second seat at no additional fee? The form that doctors must fill out is priceless. It’s practically designed to make both doctor and patient uncomfortable and embarrassed. To wit:

Have your patient sit on a paper covered examination table. Rest a ruler or straightedge on the left side of patient at the widest point (hip or waist) as shown on diagram below.

Mark the touch point between the ruler and the paper as Point A. Rest a ruler or straightedge on the right side of patient at the widest point (hip or waist). Mark the touch point between the ruler and the paper as Point B. Measure the distance between Point A and Point B. Indicate this measurement above under d) Surface Measurement.

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Upgraded: Extended stay hotels, again
Hilton is adding a new chain to its lineup: Home2 will be a new extended-stay brand, with an intended price point around $100 a night (less than the existing Homewood Suites brand in the Hilton family). The development cost is estimated at $70-75,000 per room. Launch locations are in Alabaster, AL, Baltimore/White Marsh, Charlotte, Elko, NV, Gadsden, AL (Alabama, again!), Jacksonville, NC (not FL); New York City, and three locations in San Antonio.

Upgraded: Ease of investing in a money-losing industry
Warren Buffett once said, “…if a capitalist had been present at Kittyhawk back in the early 1900s, he should have shot Orville Wright. He would have saved his progeny money.” Well, the assume that ol’ Warren isn’t putting money into in the new exchange-traded fund that invests in airline stocks, including 30% in non-US airlines. The symbol for the Claymore/NYSE Arca Airlines ETF: FAA. How clever. But will the folks at Proshares come up with a double-short airline ETF?

Upgraded: The return of all-business class New York-London flights
Maxjet, Silverjet, and Eos may be gone, but British Airways is bringing twice-daily all-business class flights between London and New York back to the air. The twists: 1) The service is on the smallest plane yet to fly the route, an Airbus A318. Not ’19. Not ’20. Forget ’21. ’18. 2) Instead of Heathrow, Gatwick, Luton, or Stansted, this flight will use the very centrally located London City Airport, which thusfar has only been used by regional jets to short-range destinations. 3) They’ll allow wireless text messaging and e-mail on board, but not phone calls. (hat tip Jared Blank)

If you want to stretch your dining dollar while on the road, try lunch.

True, many business dining events are oriented to the evening. But that’s often on the company’s tab anyway.

On a vacation with your partner or family, splurging on lunch can have many benefits. First off: money. Many top restaurants offer lower prices for lunch than for dinner. As I blog from Paris, a quick scan of some top spots shows the spread: Taillevent has a 70 euro lunch compared with 140 or 190 euro dinner menus. At the summer dining room at the Hotel Bristol, there’s a 90 euro lunch menu as opposed to a la carte in the evening. And at Pierre Gagnaire, it’s 90 euro prix fixe lunch vs 225 for dinner.

You might have noticed that this is still dropping over $100+ on lunch–and we haven’t even gotten to the wine yet (but tax and tip are included!). But I chose these high-end restaurants because they illustrate the cost-savings that are available at many restaurants in Paris and beyond.

Having your finest meal of the day at midday also provides the advantage of being to walk off the meal during the afternoon. Viewing art at museums burns calories, you know.

And if you have your little ones in tow, lunch may be your best shot at breaking out of a string of pizza joints. Fellow diners might be more accommodating at lunch. And many outdoor spaces such as terraces might be only available at the noon hour, providing some additional space.

And perhaps the best thing about having a nice lunch while you’re on vacation is that there’s no rule saying you can’t have a nice dinner too.

Tyler Colman, Ph.D. writes about value vino on DrVino.com.

The war on runway safety
Bangkok’s new Suvarnabhumi Airport hasn’t worked out as everyone hoped, with cost overruns, insufficient bathrooms, and shoddy workmanship. But now, by virtue of its failure to renew its safety certificate, it’s officially unsafe. Runways have been plagued with cracks and debris. (You’ll be pleased to know that the airport is still operating as normal. Nice. Wouldn’t want to let safety get in the way of the schedule!)

The war on skycaps
Skycaps at Boston’s Logan Airport have filed a class action lawsuit against American Airlines. The suit alleges that the airline’s policy of charging $2 per bag for curbside check-in is cutting into the skycaps’ tips. Indeed, many people assume the fee goes to the skycap, but it actually goes to the airline. The fees exist at plenty of other airports and with plenty of other airlines. Will more skycaps organize and sue?

The war on horse meat
I really don’t know what to make of this. “American Airlines and Delta Air Lines said early Thursday afternoon that they had suspended transport of horse meat to overseas markets — mainly France, Belgium and Japan — where it is consumed.” Horse butchers are angry. It’s a long story.

The war on fusion cuisine
Japan’s Ministry of Agriculture will soon travel the world, inspecting Japanese restaurants and certifying their authenticity. I realize that this is as much cultural nationalism as it is a marketing device, but it’s moronic. California rolls aren’t authentic to Japan, but they’re a standard of sushi restaurants in America. Deal with it. It’s a globalized world, and the notion of a “pure” cultural product is a sham. And it’s been a sham for some time. We’ve been globalizing for hundreds of years. (The spice trade, anyone?) But if the Japanese taxpayer wants to pay for this culinary boondoggle, have at it. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

The war on broken in-flight entertainment
I get as irritated as the next guy when the audio-video system is broken on a long flight, but attacking the staff is probably not the way to go. Customers on board several Qantas aircraft that have been experiencing technical trouble with their video system “are becoming openly abusive and threatening” to flight attendants in flight. Not cool. Better bring a book.

The war for Delta
US Airways really, really, really, really, really wants to buy Delta. They’re now offering to raise their offer by another $1 billion if the creditors agree to postpone a meeting to discuss Delta’s in-house restructuring. Wake me up when this is over.

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Tim Winship recommends Restaurant.com dining certificates as a good way to cash in your United Airlines Mileage Plus account. I respectfully disagree.

Redeem 1,000 Mileage Plus miles for a $25 dining certificate through Restaurant.com to squeeze a solid 2.5¢ in value from every mile. Or get 5¢ per mile by cashing in 2,000 miles for four $25 certificates.

Why would I object to these rates? After all, I’ve said before that anything over 1.7 cents/mile is solid value.

The problem: Tim is ignoring the actual market price of Restaurant.com gift certificates, and focusing on their face value.

No one pays face value for these certs, so you shouldn’t use that price as a reference point.

Restaurant.com’s standard deal lets you buy $25 certificates for $10. Often it’s less, as little as $5 if you have a promo code (they have them regularly). Even taking the higher price of $10 for a certificate, 1000 miles gets you 1 cent per dollar. If you’re using a promo code, that rate only goes down.

In fact, while we’re at it, here’s a promo code: take 50% Off with code 73515, through December 10, 2006.

Using 1000 miles for something worth only $5 isn’t good value. Unless of course you’ve got so many miles you don’t know what to do with them.

Related:

- Restaurant.com – $25 gift certificates for $10 or less (affiliate)
- The value of frequent flyer miles