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Downgraded: Celebrities’ secrets
Celebrities! They’re just like us! Except they check into hotels under made-up pseudonyms. “Bruce and Jasmine Pilaf”? That would be Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. “Mr Donkey Ass”? Johnny Depp. “Arnold Schwarzenegger” ? The false name of George Clooney. Read the whole article to wallow in the absurdity of it all.

I once worked at a hotel that regularly had NBA players and sportscasters as guests, and the check-in list was an exercise in hilarity. My favorites: Charles Barkley, checking in as the not-necessarily-helpful pseudonym “Tiger Woods,” and Shaquille O’Neal checking in as “Leroy Lovebone.”

Upgraded: Fuel efficiency
Downgraded: Inflight toilet action satisfaction
Airlines are doing what they can to lower the weight of their aircraft, to reduce the fuel burn. That includes reducing the amount of water they carry for their toilets.

Northwest is putting 25 percent less water for bathroom faucets and toilets on its international flights, Mr. McGraw said. Most planes had been returning from long flights with their tanks half full, an unneeded expense given that water weighs 8.3 pounds a gallon and a gallon of jet fuel weighs 6.8 pounds.

“Every 25 pounds we remove, we save $440,000 a year,” Mr. McGraw said.

Better hope that flight isn’t stuck on the ground anywhere.

Downgraded: Australian Aviation
It’s not just North America that’s being downgraded with fees upon fees. Australian airlines are enacting the same nickel-and-diming strategies as their trans-Pacific brethren.

Downgraded: Expedia’s idea of a “hotel”
Expedia has been advertising that they feature hotels in New York City for $58 a night. I raised an eyebrow, but Newyorkology’s Amy Langfield went the next step and found out what was being offered at that rate. Instead, she found a rate as low as $30 a night. $30?? Well, it’s a bunk in a hostel, and not even a nice one. $58? Not in a real hotel that’s actually in New York. Even New Jersey rooms are more. See the whole post for the breakdown.

Upgraded: The hours in a day
Downgraded: Advantage Rent-a-Car
I’ve been boycotting Advantage Rent-a-Car since 2003 already, but this just reaffirms my view that this is one car rental agency you want to avoid: The Consumerist relates a story of a renter whose damaged vehicle was charged for 22 days of loss of use, even though the car was in the shop for 49 hours. Nice math.

Upgraded: Uses for inflight oxygen
Great nugget from an article about the now-indicted former chief of Broadcom. The man, ahem, sure knew how to live. “In one incident described in the indictment, Mr. Nicholas and his guests are said to have inhaled so much marijuana on a flight to Las Vegas from Orange County, Calif., that clouds of smoke and fumes drifted into the cockpit of the private plane and the pilot was required to put on an oxygen mask.” Does that mean the co-pilot was high as a kite? (Thanks, Tyler!)

Reader Michelle sends in an e-mail she received from Expedia, in which she’s encouraged to pack her bags and depart frigid New York for warmer climes. Such as:

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Chicago??!

That’s some solid marketing right there. Maybe if this were sent as a fare alert to customers in Nome, Alaska. But New York?

Let’s take a quick peek at weather.com and see where things stand in Chicago right now. Hmm…

At least it’s sunny!

Passengers miss flight because a Northwest crew wanted donuts
Since when do pilots call the shots on the ground, too? A flight crew convinced a hotel shuttle bus driver to go for donuts instead of heading to the airport, causing other van riders to miss their flight. Full story via Chris Elliott.

Wisconsin Dells loses its Wonder Spot
Ah, the Dells… The klassic kitschy Chicagoland weekend getaway. It has now lost one of its treasures, the gravity-defying Wonder Spot. While Tommy Bartlett’s Thrill Show remains, the Wonder Spot will be missed.

My bag is happy to see you
A “vibrating bag” was discovered unattended at Chicago O’Hare. (It contained a sleep apnea machine, so wipe that smirk off your face!)

I came for the transportation, I stayed for the haircut
Virgin Atlantic hires more in-flight beauty therapists.

Love at first sting
Two separate flights, two separate incidents of scorpions stinging people on a plane. Flight one: Chicago to Burlington, Vermont. Flight two, Miami to Toronto. Forget Samuel L. Jackson. Bring me Klaus Meine!

Singapore Airlines’ new business class… reviewed!
Remember Singapore Airlines’ major upgrade to its business and first class cabins on selected routes? The Global Traveller has sat in the business class seat, and offers his review. Live vicariously.

Charlie Trotter and United Airlines reunited and it feels so good
This is where the cost savings from eliminating pretzels in coach must have gone. United Airlines is jazzing up the food in business and first class. They’re bringing back uber-chef Charlie Trotter, whom they ditched after 9/11. Bet you a bag of savory snack mix that it’ll still taste like airline food… (Thanks to Mark L.!)

Oasis coming to Oakland
Oasis, the Hong Kong based discount airline, famous for it’s $128 tickets to London, is coming to the United States. They’ll start flights from Hong Kong to Oakland in June, with 4x weekly service to start, moving up to daily service in August. No word yet on the fare.

Avoid the TSA by shipping yourself in a crate?
This isn’t living the first class life, but it’s first class by shipping container standards: The Travelbox, a crate designed for shipping a person. Bonus: It has its own running water supply.

Enterprise Rent-a-Car adds hybrid SUVs in California
Enterprise will rent you one of 160 Saturn VUE Green Line SUVs in the Bay Area, LA, or Sacramento. Yes, only California. What, no other parts of the country care about fuel consumption? Hybrids: good. Hybrid CARS, and not just SUVs, would be even better… It’s a start.

American Airlines spurns Expedia
If you’re looking for American Airlines’ international fares or premium cabin fares on Expedia, you’re out of luck. The airline is apparently having a little spat with the online agency, and yanked its fares from the site. We’ll see how long that lasts…

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Reader Julie writes:

I’m looking to buy tickets from Newark to San Francisco for the holidays, and Expedia has the lowest price for tickets on United. (Even lower than united.com) Can I upgrade these tickets if I buy them from Expedia? Thanks!

You’re in luck! For travel within the United States, most every airline allows upgrades if the tickets were purchased from online agencies like Travelocity, Expedia, Orbitz, CheapTickets, etc. As long as the booking class is legally upgradable, it doesn’t matter where you buy it.

(The exception: If you bought “opaque” tickets from Hotwire or Priceline, i.e., you didn’t select the airline and/or flight times when you made your purchase, then you can’t upgrade.)

For international tickets, upgrades are generally a little more complicated. Not all booking classes are upgradable, either with miles or certificates. But again, as long as the ticket you buy conforms to the upgrade rules of the airline, then it shouldn’t matter where you buy the ticket. As long as you are buying a “published” fare, you should be fine. (And even then: I’ve upgraded a ticket purchased from a consolidator. But it’s up to each airline to set such rules.)

Buy the ticket from Expedia, Orbitz, Travelocity, or wherever it’s cheapest. And good luck getting the upgrade!

P.S. In theory, you could buy the ticket from United and invoke their low fare guarantee by pointing to the lower fare on Expedia to get $50 in credit, but it’s probably not worth the trouble…
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Both Expedia and Travelocity rolled out similar features yesterday, allowing travelers buying airline tickets to placate their guilt over the environmental effects of air travel by purchasing carbon offsets. The way it works: You pay money to pay for trees and carbon-dioxide reducing environmental projects. The price you pay depends on the distance flown.

The programs are fully voluntary, and link up with existing programs such as TerraPass, which has been pushing carbon offsets for some time.

Amusingly, both Expedia and Travelocity claimed to be the first online travel agency to offer such a service. (If it’s a battle between press releases, Travelocity’s hit the wire an hour earlier. First to the gate!)

My question: Should they charge premium cabin passengers more than they charge economy passengers? On the one hand, you take up more room on the plane, as measured by square footage. On the other hand, you’re not really adding any more weight to the equation, so your presence in the front vs. the back doesn’t change the fuel requirements. Any ethicists out there want to take this on?

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Separately, the European Union is pushing for limits on the amount of greenhouse gases which airlines legally produce each year. Treating airlines like power plants, the system would allow for “carbon trading” — companies that go over their emissions quota are required to buy “credits” for their overage from cleaner competitors. Since companies thereby have incentives to reduce emissions, both by avoiding fees, and by potentially profiting off the sale of credits, emissions trading schemes are widely viewed as successful. We’ll see how it works in aviation.

Related:
- Are open skies dirty skies?
- Buy, not fly, green

tags: travel | environmentalism | Expedia | Travelocity