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Last week, TSA Director Kip Hawley briefed a group of travel journalists, and friend-of-the-blog Benet Wilson of AviationWeek asked the Kipster about that pet peeve of mine, restrictions on transporting duty free liquor.

My long-standing take: If it’s deemed safe for purchase behind security lines in one airport, it should be considered safe for transportation to — and through — other airports.

But that’s not the way it works in reality. You might buy booze (or perfume, or anything liquid) in one airport, fly from one city to the next, and have the liquids confiscated when trying to board your next flight. Idiotic. (Though not nearly as idiotic as the limits within the same airport, a la Munich…)

If you think that there’s a solution at hand, you’re wrong.

Hawley said that everyone is looking for a private sector solution where there is an assured supply chain, one way or the other. “If they can find an appropriate supply chain bringing the duty-free goods to the airport and protecting it along the way, we’re open to it,” he said. “But as of today, there’s not a bag that is commonly agreed to that meets all of our standards.”

This is essentially a private sector opportunity to adjust their business model to meet security requirements, said Hawley. “But we won’t spend taxpayer dollars on finding ways to make it easier to buy duty-free liquids,” he warned.

Protecting the duty free goods along the way? Like a Secret Service motorcade? Or an armored car?

Something tells me that the food and drink served up at airport restaurants isn’t subjected to the same demands for protection. But the (hopefully non-explosive) sandwich you buy after security is safe to carry between airports. Double standard.

Sigh. So buyer beware. If you’re changing planes on an international itinerary, you might have trouble bringing duty free liquids into the United States.

Once again, we’re dealing with security theater, not real security. Makes me want to pour a stiff (duty-free) drink.

Related:
- Duty free liquids allowed on board, except when they’re not
- Update: Munich Airport responds to questions about its duty free policy
- Traveling with booze: Policy clarifications and changes
- Duty free liquids soon to be liberated?

Upgraded: JetBlue joining Star Alliance?
German carrier Lufthansa bought a 19% stake in JetBlue, a $300 million investment in the original luxe discount carrier. There’s no talk of merger, or even alliance. Yet. But the companies Lufthansa invests in have the tendency to join Star Alliance.

Upgraded: Star Alliance, again
So JetBlue’s membership is pure speculation. But Star Alliance *did* invite Air India into the alliance for eventual membership. And just yesterday, Air China and Shanghai Airlines officially joined the alliance.

Upgraded: Silverjet, at Maxjet’s expense
Maxjet’s woes, Silverjet’s joy? “Silverjet, which operates all-business-class flights from London to New York and Dubai, said that through Tuesday, the carrier had seen a 20 percent surge in bookings since MAXjet’s announcement.”

Upgraded: Planepooling
With a major treaty to be signed in Lisbon, some EU member states’ prime ministers are flying there together, carpool style, in an effort to reduce their carbon footprint. (Thanks, Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded: Editors’ hateful laziness
Who came up with this headline? “French rude and their hotels smell.” Top shelf editorial work, team!

Downgraded: Traveler’s IQ, and traveler’s brain cells
If you packed a one-liter bottle of vodka in your carry-on, and airport security says you can’t take it onboard, what would you do? If you said, “Open the bottle and chug the entire contents before going through the metal detector,” then you might be the now-hospitalized 64-year old resident of Dresden, Germany who proved he couldn’t hold his liquor at the Nuremberg airport. He should have just checked the booze.

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New York passes passenger bill of rights
It’s official: New York governor Eliot Spitzer signed a passengers’ bill of rights, which kicks in January 1 for flights grounded for three or more hours at New York airports. Note that the law won’t require airlines to allow people off the planes after three hours. Rather, it will require that the airline keep the toilets clean and the beverages flowing — thereby creating a roundabout requirement for airlines to link back up to the terminal. Lawsuits will fly. Pass the popcorn.

But the fact that this is a local law, and not a federal one, is absurd. Will we now need a separate contract of carriage for every possible way station on our trips? I’m all for states taking the initiative when the federal government won’t act (think California emissions), but laws like this one or the Chicago bill just indicate how broken the system is, from top to bottom. Those “customer service plans” that the airlines have offered up as a self-regulation alternative haven’t done the job, and Congress hasn’t acted quickly enough to address the systemic problems — air traffic control as well as passenger rights. We’ll see if this lights a fire under the collective asses of our legislative branch.

How to make Amtrak fun again: Free booze!
Drunken passengers are happy passengers. So says Amtrak, which is offering $100 in free drink vouchers for long-haul sleeper car trips. Sponsored in part by “Night Train”?

Virgin America debuts tomorrow
Tomorrow is Virgin America’s first flight. Anyone out there flying them on day one? (or heck, week one?) Hit the comments and tell the tale!

Downgraded: Odds of seeing pole-dancer art on London-Gatwick approach
First it was the Kentucky Fried Chicken ad featuring a Colonel Sanders image visible from space. Now, a website’s advertisement featuring a giant chalk outline of a poledancing stripper is causing controversy in the UK. The image, in a field below a common approach path for flights to London’s Gatwick Airport, is only visible from the air, but is still causing an affront. It’s likely to be removed soon. But thanks to news reports and posts like this one far more people will see it online than ever would see it from a plane. (Yes, I’m guilty of supporting their marketing machine… I know…)

Upgraded: Kayak.com introduces alliance-based search
Aggregator Kayak.com tweaked its search tools ever so slightly, allowing you to sort by alliance (Star, oneworld, Skyteam) and not just by airline. But you can only sort it that way AFTER you’ve the basic search. (You can search preferred airlines up front, so why not alliances? Meh.) Orbitz has allowed alliance search for some time, but this is the first aggregator that I’m aware of that’s doing this.

Upgraded: Hertz’s environmentalist credibility
Last September, Hertz rolled out its “Green Collection” of rental cars and I was thoroughly unimpressed. Buick LaCrosse? Come on. Where were the hybrids? Well, it took nine months, but Hertz finally got around to buying more genuinely eco-friendly vehicles, with a purchase of 3,400 Toyota Priuses (or is that Prii?). That’s more like it.

Upgraded: Wine in coach. Viva jetBlue!
JetBlue is serving up some slightly more interesting wines than usual the usual coach fare. Thanks to a partnership with Best Cellars, the airline is giving their all-economy class passengers a slightly better guzzle. Choosing wine for coach can be challenging, since it has to be a) cheap, b) in tiny ready-for-sale bottles, unlike in premium cabins, and c) pair-able with a wider range of foods. I hadn’t thought about that last one before: After all, the wine in business and first can presumably be paired with the menu (though that’s not always obvious). But in coach, a wine demands “versatility in pairing with a wide assortment of airport meals people bring on planes, including pan pizzas from Pizza Hut and Taco Bell burritos with chicken and mole sauce.” (Taco Bell has a mole sauce? Really?) Either way, good for jetBlue, and good for their wine-imbibing passengers. (Thanks Tyler!)

Downgraded: US Airways right to serve any wine
Unlike jetBlue… US Airways, which got into trouble for selling booze without a license in New Mexico a few months ago, and which has been serving the sauce with a temporary scrip since then, was denied an extension of its license this past week. Tough break. BYOB, anyone?

Upgraded: Marriott; Downgraded: Ian Schrager (or is it the other way around?)
Look, I happen to like Marriott hotels for what they are: Consistent, clean, competent, and overall comfortable spaces to spend the night. (4 C’s!) They usually don’t have too much bling or pizazz, though some of their big-city properties have that 1980s glitz that has an odd appeal to my mid-to-late-30s, graying-gracefully, receding-hairline self. So when I hear that they’re teaming up with Ian Schrager, king of the boutique hotel, to create a new boutique-y brand, I’m skeptical. It seems like a late-to-the-game attempt to create a “W” chain within a chain. If it adds a little funk to the Marriott decor, great. (Bye bye brass fixtures, please!) But it also smacks of desperation. And isn’t Ian Schrager past this? Seems like he’s here to cash in while the cashin’ in is good.

Upgraded: WestJet’s honesty; Downgraded: Little old ladies’ pensions
Canada’s WestJet (hearts) little old ladies. Not because they’re nice grandmas, but because they’re walking piggy banks, and the airline’s got a hammer. Consider this nugget from the airline’s president:

“There would be a little old lady coming up and she’d have a table and she’d have a chair and she’d have six or seven bags and we’d say ‘Yeah, take it on the plane. No problem.’ Now we’re actually going to charge a little bit of money for taking that table and chair and those extra bags on board. And that incremental revenue that we extract from that little old lady is very, very profitable to us. Some 85% goes to the bottom line.”

Good for him, for saying publicly what other airline executives discuss privately. So I guess the business traveler isn’t the company profit center; the rarely-traveled senior citizen is. Bank it.

Upgraded: Amputees and their TSA experience
Got a prosthetic? The TSA wants to make your security checkpoint experience kinder and gentler. Good! On the other hand…

Downgraded: Sippy cups, and TSA cinema verité
A former Secret Service agent reports that she was harassed when she accidentally carried her child’s sippy cup of water through security. Stupid enough, but it gets more absurd: The TSA actually released a silent security tape of the incident, labeled “Mythbusters,” in their own defense. Feel free to view the videos, read the incident report, review the embarrassed mother’s story, and decide for yourself.

Upgraded: Demolition
Let me make myself perfectly clear: I want to help destroy this hotel. I’ve never been to it, but I want to help Spanish hotel chain NH Hoteles wreck the Alcala Hotel in Madrid. The company is holding a contest to see who can take a sledgehammer to the joint. Only 30 lucky few will get to play rockstar-cum-wrecking ball. Let the spirit of Keith Moon guide you.

For those of us in the United States, Monday, May 28 is Memorial Day, commemorating those who died in military service. For many people, it also means picnics, barbeques, and travel, so the media are once again pitching the predictable, dog-bites-man story that the roads will be busy with travelers. What a shocker! But why does Memorial Day fall on a Monday?

The backstory comes to us from Eric Felten’s always-informative spirits column in the Wall Street Journal. Leave it to a boozehound to give us a civics lesson:

Memorial Day wasn’t always on a Monday. Inaugurated shortly after the Civil War, the holiday was originally known as “Decoration Day,” and came to be observed in most states on May 30 of each year. Come the 1950s, NATO started militating for Memorial Day — and a slew of other holidays, including the Fourth of July — to be moved to Monday. This particular NATO, Frank Sullivan noted in a 1955 New York Times Magazine article, was not the defense alliance, but rather the National Association of Travel Organizations, a lobbying group that wanted to boost the number of three-day weekends.

Fantastic! So now we know to not only honor fallen soldiers, but travel agents of yesteryear as well. The three-day weekend is clearly a goal to which all Americans can raise their glass. Perhaps even in Mr. Felten’s recommended cocktail for the holiday: The Tom Collins.

1½ oz gin
Juice of ½ lemon
¼-½ oz simple syrup, or 1-2 tsp. sugar
2-3 oz soda water.
Build on the rocks in a short highball glass (what was once called, appropriately enough, a “Collins glass”). Garnish, if you like, with cherry, and orange or lemon slice.

Enjoy your picnics and barbeques, and cheers!

Thanks Dr. Vino!

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“Hey, they have chairs with wheels and here I am using my legs like a sucker!”
– Homer Simpson

Travel better? How about travel like a really lazy slob?

Increasingly, travelers to Vegas are renting scooters designed for the handicapped, even if they themselves are perfectly healthy, or even downright fit. Why?

“It was all the walking,” 27-year-old Simon Lezama said on his red Merits Pioneer 3. Lezama, a trim and fit-looking restaurant manager from Odessa, Texas, rented it on day three of his five-day vacation, “and now I can drink and drive, be responsible and save my feet.” (emphasis added)

Lazy and hooked on the sauce. Nice. Try doing THAT on a Segway!

So not only are these folks lazy, they’re tying one on and then tooling around the sidewalks and casino carpets. Watch for traffic next time you’re in Sin City.

Truly, the bar has been raised. And these people are limbo-ing below it at 5 mph.

Go read the whole thing.

Reader Barbara writes:

I purchased some Bailey’s on a Southwest flight. I got it without a cap in a small bottle. I asked for the cap so I wouldn’t spill it during the flight. The flight attendant grudgingly gave it to me. After I was done, I wanted to take the EMPTY bottle home with me. I showed her it was empty. She required/demanded that I throw it away. No explanation. Is this an FAA regulation, or is Southwest just overly obsessive about alcohol and containers?

Perhaps she really cared about recycling?

I think you’ve got an overzealous flight attendant interpreting “open container” laws in an overly strict fashion. I’m pretty sure there’s no FAA, TSA, ATF, FTC, IMF, or CIA rule banning empty mini-bottles on airplanes. I sure hope not.

Heck, next time, you could always bring your own under-3 ounce mini bottle on board (loaded in a one-quart plastic bag, of course, for security screening). You’re not technically allowed to drink your own alcohol on board a flight in the U.S., but you can argue that the bottle was yours, and you’re keeping it.

But hopefully that was the worst thing to happen on that flight, and you weren’t hitting the sauce to take your mind off the rest of your in-flight experience…

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Upgraded: Carnival’s beverage policy
Carnival Cruise Lines has revised its recently-changed policy prohibiting passengers from bringing beverages onto the ship. “Guests may bring a small quantity of non-alcoholic beverages,” but the booze is still off-limits. Spokesman Vance Gulliksen admitted the company was “monitoring reaction to the ban” (cough, blogs, cough) and changed the policy in response to the grumbling. “Small quantity” is subjective, though, so expect some hassles if you bring multiple bottles of anything. Got an eyewitness report of Carnival’s beverage enforcement in practice? Hit the comments or drop a line.

Downgraded: The accuracy of Ryanair’s scales
Euro-ultra-discounter Ryanair is accused of improperly maintaining its baggage scales, leading to wide variations in the weight measurement of checked bags. Since Ryanair charges £3.30 (about US$6.60) for every kilogram over 15kg, the numbers could add up to real profits. One bag weighed 17kg in Girona, Spain, while only weighing 14.6kg back in the U.K.

Upgraded: The rights of taxi passengers at Minneapolis Airport
Remember the Minneapolis taxi drivers who were refusing to transport anyone they suspected was carrying alcohol? (Those duty-free bags were a dead giveaway.) First, the city’s taxi commission allowed the discrimination, by labeling cabs “wet” or “dry.” Then came reports that the taxis were refusing service to people with seeing eye dogs, too, since these were “unclean.” So the commission created economic disincentives, by forcing cabs to move to the back of the line if they refused a passenger. Now, the city’s taxi commission is finally imposing real penalties — license suspensions — on drivers who discriminate: First offense is 30 days, second offense 2 years. Good. “Cab driver” probably isn’t the right line of work for these guys, anyway.

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Downgraded: Lavender
Update: The controversial and lame American Airlines website for women got a minor redesign, as Meg at the Consumerist noticed. See the before-and-after screenshots above. The criticism must have gotten to them. Gone is the lavender flight search box, though it’s still a dumbed-down version with fewer options than the main search page. Is this progress?

Upgraded: US Airways, Downgraded: Southwestern temperance
The booze is back in the Land of Enchantment! US Airways is once again serving alcoholic drinks on flights to and from New Mexico. Recall that they got busted for serving liquor without a license. Tipple with impunity.

Downgraded: Late night arrivals at Detroit; Upgraded: Odds of a PBOR
It happened again. Passengers were stuck on a plane for hours, bathrooms had no water, etc. A late-arriving Spirit Airlines flight from Cancun couldn’t be processed after landing (at 11 p.m.), because Homeland Security’s Customs/Immigration agents had gone home for the night. It took until 4 a.m. the next day for passengers to be let out. Update: Or the plane landed early! And Customs’ computers were down. And passengers left the plane at 12:30 a.m., if you believe Customs. Or later, depending on who’s telling the story.

Upgraded: Lufthansa first class seating
No preview images yet, but Lufthansa is upgrading their first class cabins, beginning with winter 2008. The new seats were meant to debut with the A380, but given the delivery delays, they’re just rolling them out anyway.

Upgraded, potentially: Baggage screening
Assuming the bill survives a veto threat from President Bush, airports across America could receive new equipment that supposedly screens baggage faster and more accurately than previous versions. Why the veto threat? The bill also contains a provision permitting TSA agents to unionize.

Downgraded: Flights from LAX
United Airlines and Los Angeles World Airports are having a spat about the rent. United says the rent hike is a violation of the lease agreement, but until the dust settles, they’re charging passengers who board a flight at LAX an extra $10 to cover the difference, even though the actual costs to the airline are allegedly a lot less. Now Delta and US Airways have followed suit and raised fares out of LAX by the same $10. Lovely.

Upgraded: Baltimore!
Layover at BWI? Grab a glass of wine at the newest branch of Vino Volo, the chain of in-airport wine bars. Other locations include Washington Dulles, Sacramento, and Seattle. (Via Jaunted)

See update below

Those crazy spring breakers, bringing their cases of mineral water and Coca-Cola on board the cruise ships! They’ve simply gone too far! …huh?

Carnival Cruise Lines is clamping down on passengers who bring beverages on board. Their new policy prohibits passengers from bringing beverages onto the ship. That means alcoholic AND non-alcoholic beverages.

Is it because of the seemingly monthly reports of passengers who fall off a ship in an apparently drunken stupor? No.

Is it terrorism fears, the 3-ounce bottle-makers’ lobby, and the TSA-ification of the seas? Nope.

The reason is economics, pure and simple. The cruise ships weren’t selling as many drinks on board as they wanted.

Carnival spokesman Vance Gulliksen said guests had been bringing on too many nonalcoholic beverages. “There had been some abuse of the previous policy which is why the new policy is more restrictive,” he said.

Nonalcoholic beverages? I’m sure people are bringing in cases and cases of Evian.

Maybe they’re trying to play down the fact that their margins on umbrella drinks are astronomical. And by banning non-alcoholic beverages, they can be sure to milk some more money from alcohol-free cruises too, like the Christian cruises they book wholesale.

Rum runners will undoubtedly be upset: Duty free purchases of liquor from dockside shops will be taken and held by the cruise line until you leave the ship. Other beverages brought on board “will be confiscated and discarded without compensation.”

One sole exception remains: “guests (21 years and older only) may bring one bottle of wine or champagne per person on board only during embarkation at the beginning of the cruise. A $10 corkage fee per bottle will be charged should you wish to consume this wine in the dining room or a $14 corkage fee per bottle in the Supper Club.” How generous.

Extortion, thy name is Carnival!

Update: After taking heat, Carnival has backed off their non-alcoholic beverage ban, but the ban on alcohol stays. Here’s the revised policy on beverages:

Guests are prohibited from bringing alcoholic beverages onboard. However, guests (21 years and older only) may bring one bottle of wine or champagne per person on board only during embarkation at the beginning of the cruise. A $10 corkage fee per bottle will be charged should you wish to consume this wine in the dining room or a $14 corkage fee per bottle in the Supper Club. Guests may bring a small quantity of non-alcoholic beverages.

All alcohol, additional quantities of wine/champagne or excessive quantities of non-alcoholic beverages will be confiscated and discarded without compensation. Guests may purchase a variety of beverages on board the ship. Alcoholic beverages will not be sold or served to anyone under the age of 21. We reserve the right to refuse the sale of alcoholic beverages to anyone. Alcoholic beverages purchased in the ship’s gift shops or in ports of call will be retained by Carnival until the end of the voyage.

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Upgraded: Poolside chairs
Honestly, this isn’t something I’ve ever struggled with, but at some resorts, pool chairs are at a premium. The result: Squatters. People actually get up crazy early to lay claim to their chairs. Now, hotels are fighting back against the “chair hogs.” Some have a waiting list. At others, you sacrifice your seat if you’re out of your seat for an hour. At the Peninsula Hotel in Bangkok, you only have a measly 15 minutes. That seems a bit aggressive. Better not actually swim!

Downgraded: Booze
This just breaks my heart: From October to January, the TSA at Miami Airport confiscated NINE TONS of liquids in containers exceeding 3 ounces. Primarily liquor and perfume. And that’s just at Miami Airport. So much booze, much of it purchased at duty free shops in the Caribbean, sitting in a storage locker, with no one to drink it. This is a national tragedy. I weep. Folks: If you’re arriving in the US and connecting to a domestic flight, you have to put your duty free liquor in the checked luggage. Or simply not buy it. Stupid, stupid, stupid, I know.

Upgraded: No frills hotels
If no-frills flying is your cup of tea, then why not bring the discount airline vibe to your lodging? From the folks who brought you EasyJet and EasyCruise, the EasyHotel concept is expanding. Perhaps we’ll see it go the other direction someday. Motel 6 Airlines, anyone? (Or would that be Air 6?)

Upgraded: Movies on planes
It wasn’t just my impression: Airlines really are putting more unedited movies into the rotation. But it’s not just on the individually-controlled in-seat TVs, it’s hitting the old-school projectors, too. The key snippet, with a quote from United: “Since September, United has loosened its restrictions on what types of movies can be shown on jets equipped with overhead screens, which all passengers can see. When the airline played ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ in the fall, an R movie with some ear-curling rants by Alan Arkin, ‘We got a tremendous amount of positive feedback,’ Kovick said.”

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Maybe US Airways does have a liquor problem…
Maybe New Mexico’s recent restrictions on US Airways’ serving liquor on flights to and from the state had something to do with company CEO Doug Parker. The executive has apparently been busted for driving under the influence, perhaps after downing one too many mini-bottles from the drink cart. Maybe he should have had a cup of the God-awful “Ma Parker’s roast” coffee that his airline served instead. (Then again, that swill will drive anyone to drink.)

Delta looks the other way
What does Delta owe you if you PROVE that one of their baggage handlers stole a camera out of your suitcase? Nothing! The Consumerist has the story of a sleuthing passenger who tracked down his stolen camera on eBay, got the seller (a Delta employee) arrested (and fired!), and even got his camera back. But he didn’t get an apology voucher from Delta. The airline argues that they’re even. He got his camera back, and they got him from point A to point B, and so he’s due nothing. No mention of the fact that their own staff ripped him off, causing him countless hours of hassle and endless frustration. Jeez, throw the guy a bone! Apologize and give him a coupon!

Oh sure, blame the volcano
Flashback to 1982: A British Airways 747 loses power in all four of its engines, and starts going down. Miraculously, it doesn’t crash and everyone survives. The culprit: volcano ash. It’s a fascinating tale, and a good way to start the weekend. (via David Rowell)

Pilots packing heat: Captain Bernard Goetz wishes you a pleasant flight
The U.S. State Department and Homeland Security are trying to get more countries to allow American pilots to carry guns when they fly internationally. ( “Who’s Bernard Goetz?” See here.)

Reminder: Travvies Nominations close Monday morning, bright and early
Just a short reminder that nominations for the Travvies — the awards for the best travel blogs — end Monday. Then the nominations will be sent off to the judges, who will pick the finalists. Public voting starts just over a week later. Thanks to everyone for all the great nominations so far! Click here for the nomination start page, or click on the award categories in the sidebar.