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Upgraded: The jurisdiction for Southwest’s Fashion Police
Good to see that the memo that Southwest doesn’t have a dress code made it to every employee. Oh wait… “Southwest Airlines said it will apologize to a passenger who was told he would be removed from a flight if he didn’t change clothes, the second time in recent months the budget carrier has been forced to do so.” The shirt read “Captain Jack Hoff: Master Baiter.” Har har har. Those t-shirt auteurs… such cunning linguists! Well, considering how Southwest “apologized” the last time, we should expect a fare sale with a saucy name soon. But what will they call it? “The ‘No shirt, no shoes, no assigned seating!’ Sale” ?? “The Happy Hands Sale” ?? Speculate in comments.

Downgraded: Urns
The Indianapolis Airport was shut down and evacuated because a funeral urn hadn’t been screened properly and the owner couldn’t be found. Talk about adding insult to injury for the family of the deceased. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened with those newfangled security systems that somehow keep hitting the media but don’t actually show up in widespread use at airports. Or maybe it would happen anyway. This is the TSA we’re talking about, after all.

Upgraded: Olympic fever!
Looking to visit the Olympics in Beijing next summer? Over on Peter Greenberg’s site, Mike Day rounds up the ways to get tickets, get a room, and get around. Don’t forget your asthma medication.

Upgraded: Erosion
A 2002 flood created a new canyon in Texas in just three days. And then it took five years to open it to the public!

Upgraded: Quieter hotels
Longtime readers know that one of my pet travel peeves is the noisy luxury hotel, often courtesy of a crappy door with a giant gap at the bottom, allowing in all the noise from the hall. I’m happy to read that soundproofing materials are selling well as hoteliers build new facilities. Better walls, yay! But no mention of better doors. Nice try, people! The Door Wars are still on!

Upgraded: Bio-air-travel
Air New Zealand, Boeing, and Rolls-Royce engines will test a biofuel-powered 747. If you smell french fries in the wind, look up to see if a jumbo jet is passing by.

Downgraded: Alaska Airlines miles
Alaska Airlines is the latest to cut the lifespan of frequent flyer miles. “Effective April 1, 2008, accounts with no mileage activity for the previous 2 years will become inactive and the miles will be removed from the account. Any mileage earning or award redemption activity on your account will keep it active.” You’ve been warned. (Thanks, Boaz!)

Upgraded: Corporate excuses for illegal activity
Legal news: “The legal dispute between Hawaiian Airlines and Mesa Air Group took an unexpected turn this week when Mesa attorneys told a US Bankruptcy Court in Honolulu that CFO Peter Murnane mistakenly deleted files related to the case as he attempted to purge pornography from his computer.” What is this, the Homer Simpson defense?

Upgraded: The nanny state
Downgraded: Inflight entertainment for anyone over 12
Heath Shuler, Democrat of North Carolina, wants the federal government to regulate inflight movies, which he says have become too violent. I haven’t seen anything too violent on an overhead screen, so I don’t really know what he’s talking about. I have seen some saucy stuff on the in-seat TV’s. If he doesn’t like overhead movies, fly an airline that doesn’t have overhead movies. Like Southwest. But look at the upside: If this bill passes (which I don’t think it will) then the airlines might be incentivized to roll out more in-seat monitors. Maybe? Please? Fingers crossed?

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Even presidents fly coach. When they’re made of wax.

Old Abe flew on the Delta Shuttle from NY to DC to make his way to the Tussaud wax museum, naturally. Tussaud’s paid for the ticket.

But did he earn miles?

More pics here.

(Thanks, Kim!)

(Photo credit: Fair use is made here of a reduced-size crop from a larger image in MSNBC’s photoblog attributed to Stan Honda/AFP - Getty Images)

Whom or what would they kill to get an upgrade?
Nepal Airlines mechanics sacrificed two goats to appease Akash Bhairab, the Hindu sky god, after they just couldn’t quite fix the problems in their Boeing 757. How many goats does it take to get a 757 to arrive on time at LAX? Slaughtering livestock isn’t limited to Himalayan aviation: Longtime readers may recall that Turkish Airlines maintenance workers killed a camel to celebrate the disposal of a regional jet last year.

$100K isn’t a good flight value
I know it was for charity. But paying $100,000 to fly on the inaugural Airbus A380 flight on Singapore Airlines seems a bit much. Most importantly, will they earn miles?

Shocker: Motel 6 really won’t leave the light on for you
To conserve energy, the ultra-budget chain doesn’t really leave lights on. So says their folksy pitchman Tom Bodett. So you know it’s true.

Delta’s apparently not afraid of the competition
Inside baseball, maybe, but still: Looking over the blogroll at Delta’s blog, I noticed that they link to their competitors: Southwest’s blog. That’s pretty gutsy for a corporate blog!

United names dates and planes for new business class rollout
The first plane to receive the long-awaited upgrade of 180-degree lie-flat seats in the business class cabin: a Boeing 767. It’s scheduled to travel between Washington and Frankfurt on October 29, 2007. Saver awards are unavailable at press time.

US Air Force tags nuclear warheads to wrong airport
Next time your luggage heads to Ketchikan, Alaska instead of Kansas City, take heart: The Air Force does it too. A B-52 bomber mistakenly carried six nuclear warheads from Minot, North Dakota to Barksdale Air Force Base in Louisiana. Oops. Just better hope it doesn’t end up at the Unclaimed Baggage Center.

Courts: Entering an airport means you’re subject to searches
This is old news, but I admit I just got wind of it now. If you’re at an airport in the U.S., you can’t turn around and leave the premises if you want to avoid being searched. “Citing threats of terrorism, the court ruled passengers give up all rights to be free of warrantless searches once a ‘passenger places hand luggage on a conveyor belt for inspection’ or ‘passes though a magnetometer.’ […] In 1973, the circuit court ruled that airport searches were valid ‘only if they recognize the right of a person to avoid search by electing not to board the aircraft.’” Not anymore. Offer to leave all you want, they can still search you. For the law-dogs out there, the case is United States v. Aukai, 04-10226. (via Wired’s Threat Level)

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Foodie tourist traps, highbrow and low
Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed… museum campus? The Big Mac Museum is open for business. Not your speed? How about the uber-bombastic Napa Wine Castle? Sounds like the supersizing of wineries. (Thanks, Dr. Vino!)

“Secrets From the Tower”
Fox News Chicago has a short “tell-all” report featuring a former Chicago O’Hare air traffic controller. My favorite snippet: “ORD controllers still use slips of paper to control traffic.” But take heart, the controllers take delays “as personally as you do.” (Thanks, Steve!)

Delta starts a blog
Corporate blogs are actually remarkably rare in the travel business. (Of the biggies, Bill Marriott has a blog, and Southwest has their blog.) Delta Airlines now joins the fray. Welcome to the blogosphere!

The re-mystification of myths
The TSA keeps trying to play “Mythbusters,” which I’m sure has the folks at the Discovery Channel doing cartwheels of excitement, seeing their brand name attached to the TSA. The problem is, the myths aren’t really busted. Here’s their attempt to refute the ban on liquids. But as Chris Elliott busts the supposedly busted myth, you can’t just say that liquids are dangerous “because we said so.” There are plenty of others who disagree, after all, and who come back with science-based arguments. (More here, for example; or read most anything Bruce Schneier has written in the last six years.) The TSA simply has lost its credibility, and it’ll take more than a few decontextualized videos of stuff going “Boom!” to make me feel water is dangerous. Their mythbusting efforts? Busted.

Down the memory hole
A China Airlines plane recently blew up (no one was injured) but what does the airline do to manage their image? They white out their name and logo from the plane. China Airlines explosion? What China Airlines explosion? Full story and before-and-after photos here.

eBay auction: Fly the A380 in its commercial debut
If you want to fly on the A380’s maiden commercial voyage with Singapore Airlines, and not just admire Lego miniature models (above), then eBay might have your ticket. Coming soon, a charity auction of tickets on the inaugural flight, with proceeds going to Community Chest of Singapore and Doctors Without Borders. When can you start bidding? That depends on Airbus: “The auction will take place a few weeks before the flight. SIA said that it would announce the launch date once it had a delivery date from Airbus for the plane.”

Westjet: No paper required
Canadian airline Westjet is eliminating the need for printouts of e-tickets. A copy of your ticket on your laptop or smartphone will do the trick. Might not work on US-Canada flights — the ID checker at American airports would likely still try to scrawl their initials on your LCD screen. (via TheAirlineHub)

Drunken pilots? So 1990s. But drunken astronauts?
“At least twice, astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so drunk they posed a flight-safety risk.” Be glad Virgin Galactic hasn’t launched.

Eos opens new lounge at Stansted
All-business Eos Airlines escalates the trans-Atlantic wars with a new lounge at London-Stansted.

Qantas introduces premium economy
Wider seats (19.5″), more legroom, legrests, better menu, laptop power, noise-canceling headsets, and a separate check-in line. If flying to Australia, and if you feel like paying about twice the price of coach (but half the price of business), then Qantas premium economy may be the ticket. Coming February 2008 on their Airbus A380s and Boeing 747s.

Time-waster: Statris!
Test your USA geography and your motor reflexes with Tetris-esque geo-fun! (via BoingBoing)

Virgin America’s website crashes (Mechanical delay?)
Virgin America finally opened its virtual doors for business, and within minutes, their site crashed. As Cranky noted, this might be the sort of thing they prepared for a little better. Maybe they should have upgraded from that $6.95/month Blue Host web hosting plan. Flights start August 8. If you want to buy tickets on Virgin America, and they’ve got some good promotional fares going, you can call them at 1.877.FLY.VIRGIN.

As I write this, a quick search shows that their flights don’t yet seem to be loaded on all the major online booking sites. Too bad: I was about to suggest booking online with Hotwire or Priceline, since both are waiving booking fees for all airfare on all airlines for the rest of the summer. But VirginAmerica’s fares aren’t available yet on those sites. No luck on Expedia or Travelocity, either. So far, I’ve only found the fares on Orbitz. If it’s any consolation, some airlines, such as jetBlue, are matching some sale fares. (aff)

Update 11pm: Virgin America’s site is back up. Huzzah.

Simpsons marketing goes airborne
Remember the saucy chalk-outline advertisements targeting air travelers flying into London-Gatwick? The same tactic has been put to use as part of the marketing hullabaloo for the upcoming Simpsons movie, to some controversy, because the drawing of Homer is mocking the, erm, virile outline that was left in a British field centuries ago by pagans. As far as Simpsons marketing goes, I prefer the conversion of 7-Elevens to Kwik-E-Marts anyway.

Travel to avoid… if you can
Joe Brancatelli has a great set of tips in a recent Portfolio column. He offers a list of airports and airlines to avoid if you can, and the special circumstances for each. For example, avoid flying Northwest Airlines in the last ten days of each month. They don’t have enough crew members, and they run short at the end of every month, leading to cancellations. Other tips are equally astute. (What, no swipe at Chicago O’Hare? Too easy?) Go read the whole thing.

Short-haul awards are back on American Airlines
Good news: Tim Winship reports that American Airlines is bringing back its 15,000-mile economy roundtrip short-hop award for nonstop flights less than 750 miles (each way). That’s a 10,000 mile savings per ticket. Dates of eligible travel will be September 1, 2007 through February 29, 2008. See here for full details. Historically, this means that United will announce a similar deal within a week or so. Start your stopwatches, the countdown is on!

Remember last week’s post on the Chicago suburb of Berwyn, Illinois, that was planning to tear down this amazing piece of parking lot art, to replace it with yet another Walgreens? I’m pleased to report that the movement to Save the Spindle is underway!

The site, savethespindle.com, is just getting started, but they promise to fight the removal of the car-ka-bob and prevent its replacement with yet another Walgreens drug store. More power to ‘em!

What’s in the cards for the Spindle-Savers? A petition drive to stop the demolition? An effort to move the sculpture to another location? A Walgreens boycott in favor of CVS? Non-stop “Wayne’s World” screenings? Tune in to find out…

As a longtime aficionado of roadside kitsch and a longtime (and now former) resident of Chicago, it is with great sadness that I read that the Spindle, a sculpture consisting of cars stacked on top of each other like a shish-ka-bob, will be torn down, to be replaced by a Walgreens.

A Walgreens? Anyone who’s been to Chicago knows that you can’t spit without hitting a Walgreens. They make Starbucks seem scarce and far-between… and that’s an accomplishment.

The 1989 sculpture was perhaps most prominently featured in the movie “Wayne’s World.” It’s in a shopping center at the corner of Cermak Road and Harlem Ave. in the suburb of Berwyn, if you’re keeping score or want to pay your final respects. It’s a shopping center that incidentally is chock full of late 1980s art. It’s an odd place in its own right. But the Spindle really makes the mall special. (As special as a strip mall can ever be.)

The fact that the sculpture, which features at least three models of car that my family owned at one point or another, will be removed, and likely destroyed, is bad enough. That it will be replaced with a Walgreens is unconscionable.

Save the Berwyn Spindle!

(image: Matthew Kulcsar, via Google Earth)

Downgraded: Odds of seeing pole-dancer art on London-Gatwick approach
First it was the Kentucky Fried Chicken ad featuring a Colonel Sanders image visible from space. Now, a website’s advertisement featuring a giant chalk outline of a poledancing stripper is causing controversy in the UK. The image, in a field below a common approach path for flights to London’s Gatwick Airport, is only visible from the air, but is still causing an affront. It’s likely to be removed soon. But thanks to news reports and posts like this one far more people will see it online than ever would see it from a plane. (Yes, I’m guilty of supporting their marketing machine… I know…)

Upgraded: Kayak.com introduces alliance-based search
Aggregator Kayak.com tweaked its search tools ever so slightly, allowing you to sort by alliance (Star, oneworld, Skyteam) and not just by airline. But you can only sort it that way AFTER you’ve the basic search. (You can search preferred airlines up front, so why not alliances? Meh.) Orbitz has allowed alliance search for some time, but this is the first aggregator that I’m aware of that’s doing this.

Upgraded: Hertz’s environmentalist credibility
Last September, Hertz rolled out its “Green Collection” of rental cars and I was thoroughly unimpressed. Buick LaCrosse? Come on. Where were the hybrids? Well, it took nine months, but Hertz finally got around to buying more genuinely eco-friendly vehicles, with a purchase of 3,400 Toyota Priuses (or is that Prii?). That’s more like it.

Upgraded: Wine in coach. Viva jetBlue!
JetBlue is serving up some slightly more interesting wines than usual the usual coach fare. Thanks to a partnership with Best Cellars, the airline is giving their all-economy class passengers a slightly better guzzle. Choosing wine for coach can be challenging, since it has to be a) cheap, b) in tiny ready-for-sale bottles, unlike in premium cabins, and c) pair-able with a wider range of foods. I hadn’t thought about that last one before: After all, the wine in business and first can presumably be paired with the menu (though that’s not always obvious). But in coach, a wine demands “versatility in pairing with a wide assortment of airport meals people bring on planes, including pan pizzas from Pizza Hut and Taco Bell burritos with chicken and mole sauce.” (Taco Bell has a mole sauce? Really?) Either way, good for jetBlue, and good for their wine-imbibing passengers. (Thanks Tyler!)

Downgraded: US Airways right to serve any wine
Unlike jetBlue… US Airways, which got into trouble for selling booze without a license in New Mexico a few months ago, and which has been serving the sauce with a temporary scrip since then, was denied an extension of its license this past week. Tough break. BYOB, anyone?

Upgraded: Marriott; Downgraded: Ian Schrager (or is it the other way around?)
Look, I happen to like Marriott hotels for what they are: Consistent, clean, competent, and overall comfortable spaces to spend the night. (4 C’s!) They usually don’t have too much bling or pizazz, though some of their big-city properties have that 1980s glitz that has an odd appeal to my mid-to-late-30s, graying-gracefully, receding-hairline self. So when I hear that they’re teaming up with Ian Schrager, king of the boutique hotel, to create a new boutique-y brand, I’m skeptical. It seems like a late-to-the-game attempt to create a “W” chain within a chain. If it adds a little funk to the Marriott decor, great. (Bye bye brass fixtures, please!) But it also smacks of desperation. And isn’t Ian Schrager past this? Seems like he’s here to cash in while the cashin’ in is good.

Upgraded: WestJet’s honesty; Downgraded: Little old ladies’ pensions
Canada’s WestJet (hearts) little old ladies. Not because they’re nice grandmas, but because they’re walking piggy banks, and the airline’s got a hammer. Consider this nugget from the airline’s president:

“There would be a little old lady coming up and she’d have a table and she’d have a chair and she’d have six or seven bags and we’d say ‘Yeah, take it on the plane. No problem.’ Now we’re actually going to charge a little bit of money for taking that table and chair and those extra bags on board. And that incremental revenue that we extract from that little old lady is very, very profitable to us. Some 85% goes to the bottom line.”

Good for him, for saying publicly what other airline executives discuss privately. So I guess the business traveler isn’t the company profit center; the rarely-traveled senior citizen is. Bank it.

Upgraded: Amputees and their TSA experience
Got a prosthetic? The TSA wants to make your security checkpoint experience kinder and gentler. Good! On the other hand…

Downgraded: Sippy cups, and TSA cinema verité
A former Secret Service agent reports that she was harassed when she accidentally carried her child’s sippy cup of water through security. Stupid enough, but it gets more absurd: The TSA actually released a silent security tape of the incident, labeled “Mythbusters,” in their own defense. Feel free to view the videos, read the incident report, review the embarrassed mother’s story, and decide for yourself.

Upgraded: Demolition
Let me make myself perfectly clear: I want to help destroy this hotel. I’ve never been to it, but I want to help Spanish hotel chain NH Hoteles wreck the Alcala Hotel in Madrid. The company is holding a contest to see who can take a sledgehammer to the joint. Only 30 lucky few will get to play rockstar-cum-wrecking ball. Let the spirit of Keith Moon guide you.

These posters are fantastic. They’re pitching the Star Wars weekends at Disney/MGM in Orlando, taking place this month, but for whatever reason, the Star Wars characters are moving through airports, instead of cavorting in the Magic Kingdom. (FYI, this weekend is your chance to meet the diminutive Kenny Baker, who actually controlled R2-D2 from inside the “robot.”)

Regardless of the reason for their origin, these posters are great. The image above is my personal favorite. Darth Vader may have the power to choke a man from afar, and his Death Star could obliterate Princess Leia’s home planet of Alderaan, but when he’s flying coach, he suffers the same security indignities that we all share.

(Something tells me the metal detector is still going to go off.)

Tip o’ the hat to AviationWeek’s Benet Wilson for finding these.

More pictures from the series after the jump.
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Upgraded: Airport food
A positive trend: The resurgence of local restaurants, snacks, and food gifts at airports across America. Ironically, these local brands are often being brought in by the national mega-vendors like HMS Host, who sense that people are tiring of finding the same five food options in every airport. (Thanks Dr. Vino!)

Upgraded: Irony
The passenger who recently flew internationally despite being diagnosed with tuberculosis and warned not to travel? His father-in-law is a microbiologist at the Center for Disease Control in (wait for it…) the Division of Tuberculosis Elimination. What are the odds?

Downgraded: US Airways tray tables, again
They just keep classin’ the joint up, don’t they? First it was tray table advertising in coach. Then they added ads to the tray tables in first class. Apparently people were able to ignore the ads sufficiently, though, so they’re adding editorial content from BusinessWeek magazine. Why? “Research showed that passengers remembered the ads better when they were accompanied by editorial content.” Other blogs are already deriding this (see here and here for two examples) and I’m all too happy to pile on. May I suggest that the following recent BusinessWeek articles be considered for lamination onto US Airways’ tray tables:

• “The Worst Airline Meltdowns: US Airways, Philadelphia, December 2004“
• “S&P Cuts UAL, AMR, US Airways, and Continental“
• “Airlines Brace for a Bumpy Ride“

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