Peter Sagal, the host of NPR’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me,” offers this tweet from the airport:

Another day, another Red Carpet Club, another shocking number of bananas stuffed into my bag.

Next time, perhaps some Tupperware for the celery sticks?

Personally, I’ve always taken a shine to the mini-Toblerones…

The booty at domestic lounges is pretty sparse. How about you? What’s the best thing you’ve grabbed on your way out of a lounge?

Update: And the comeback by United:

Put the bananas down and step away from the Red Carpet Club. We have been on to you for weeks. Does NPR not feed you?

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What I’m talking about is day passes to their Maple Leaf Lounge in Toronto. With a nearly six hour layover in Toronto on a trip later this year, I was checking my options for lounges or other time-wasters at the airport. My Star Alliance status, which used to get me into airport lounges on all international flights, isn’t what it used to be. My recently-demoted (and “lowly”) silver status won’t get you into a lounge on an international economy ticket.

Air Canada sells day passes to its Maple Leaf Lounge, but only during the ticket purchase process. When you book a flight in their “Tango Plus” or “Latitude” fare levels within North America, or at the fully-refundable “Latitude Plus” fare level when traveling internationally, you can add a lounge day pass to your ticket cost for $25 to 40 (CAD).

But since our flights were Star Alliance tickets booked with frequent flyer miles, I inquired about the possibility of day passes after ticket purchase. The agent informed me that this wasn’t possible: I could neither buy passes in advance over the phone or via the web, nor could I buy a day pass at the lounge. Why not? “They’re just not sold that way.”

The airline, in other words, is willing to put procedure ahead of profit.

If it were just an effort to keep up the velvet rope and limit access to the lounges, then they wouldn’t be selling the passes to rather low-fare Tango Plus North American customers. So clearly they’re willing to allow for buy-ins.

If it were a technology problem, I could understand, too. And in fact, that’s part of the issue, since our tickets weren’t bought online, so there was no opportunity to buy passes online. But that doesn’t explain why it’s impossible to buy a pass at the gate.

That’s really what I don’t understand: Why wouldn’t the lounge sell day passes at the door? That way, the lounge attendants are given discretion, and can gauge whether or not there’s space available, to prevent overcrowding. Instead, it’s an inconsistent policy that allows people on some cheap fares to buy their way in, but not others.

Instead, I’m eying a third-party lounge at Toronto Pearson Airport, the Plaza Premium lounge that opened on November 1, 2008. They’re open to all, at a cost of $35 CAD per person. I’m not hung up on sitting in a lounge for five hours, either, so if readers have any suggestions on how to pass the time at YYZ, the comments, as always, are open.

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Upgraded: L’Avion lounge
When Tyler Colman reviewed the all-business class airline L’Avion for us last year, he commented on their lack of a real lounge at Newark Liberty Airport. That deficiency has been addressed, with the opening of a real lounge in Terminal B, shared by L’Avion and Jet Airways of India.

Upgraded: Thanksgiving Status Quo
Downgraded: Math
Just like last year, 39% of Americans are expected to travel for Thanksgiving, according to a recent poll. But the conclusion that travel will “mirror” last year as a result of comparable traveler numbers? That smells of bad math. Airline capacity is down from a year ago, with fewer planes in the air. Yet the same number of travelers? Look out. As we get closer to Thanksgiving, consider revisiting these holiday travel tips and these five ways to get an edge on fellow travelers.

Downgraded: Toilet paper supplies on Qantas
Here’s a horror story: Trapped on a plane for 24 hours, passengers on board a Qantas flight (from Singapore, diverted to Canberra) had their toilet paper rationed. Four squares per person. Not a square to spare. It’s a tale of absurdity: People on the ground, but unable to deplane, at government orders. But couldn’t they restock the plane’s supplies while on the ground? Bonus points to The Age for their punny headline, “Loo paper rationed on bummer of a diversion.” (rimshot) (Thanks, Rob!)

Upgraded: Concierges on television
“A concierge is the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha.” So says Michael Scott on last week’s episode of The Office, whose plot centered on business travel. See the full episode here, where it’s available for online viewing until January 15, 2009.

The survey asks if you’re interested in having airport lounges exclusively for credit union members at major hub airports across the United States.

Now, I’ve been an aficionado of credit unions, in lieu of traditional banks, for as long as I can remember. I’ve had the same credit union since I was a kid, and they’ve been amazing. Low (or no) fees or minimums. Super-responsive service. Low loan rates. Decent savings rates. Etc. And now: airport lounges?! Maybe…

The survey asks credit union members to rank their preferences for possible features like couches, cellphone/laptop charging stations, refreshments, free wi-fi, on-site credit union financial advisors (!), and other perks.

Diners Club and American Express have previously offered airport lounge access, sometimes independently, more often through partners like lounge-masters Priority Pass. (American Express even kicked it up a notch and created a lounge in a mall.)

But this is the first time I’ve heard of an entire group of customers across a range of institutions would be in contention for airport lounge access.

We’ll see if it happens. It would be a huge perk, but for it to be truly valuable, it would need to be in several cities. And getting into ANY airports is a challenge: Space is at a premium at America’s hubs, so it’s frankly hard for me to see dedicated credit union lounges happening, but you never know what magic they can work… If they can cut me a cashier’s check in 2 minutes, a thousand miles from their closest physical branch, who knows what they can manage.

Related:
- How to lounge in airports
- Don’t overpay for lounge access. Not even for the Amazing Beer Machine.
- (Video) Now this is a lounge: Lufthansa’s first-class terminal in Frankfurt

Many describe it as the best airport lounge in the world. Private baths. Sit-down dining. Dozens of complimentary single-malt scotches. Bellhop service for your bags. As a final luxury, you’re chauffeured to your flight in a Porsche Cayenne or Mercedes S-Class.

To get into the First Class Terminal, you have to be an “HON” member of Lufthansa’s Miles & More program (600,000 qualifying miles over two years) or flying on a Lufthansa first class ticket that day.

And remember: Award tickets count! Using your miles for an over-the-top experience like this is a good move, in my book. Sure, you could get from point A to point B in coach, too, with fewer miles, but for a few thousand more miles, you could be flying in real style.

I’ve mentioned it before on this blog, but thanks to Gary Leff’s recent post on the subject, we now have a video tour as well. Watch it below.

Want more lounge porn? Have another video. For those who understand German, or who just want more visuals of the first-class terminal, here’s a news report:

Still can’t get enough? Browse the photo gallery here.

Related:
- How to lounge in airports
- Don’t overpay for lounge access. Not even for the Amazing Beer Machine.

Upgraded: American Airlines’ fleet
American is boosting its delivery schedule of Boeing 737-800s, to replace the aging, gas-guzzling McDonnell Douglas MD-80s that make up half their fleet. The new planes will burn 25% less fuel.

Downgraded: Cash on Frontier Airlines
Frontier will no longer accept cash for onboard payments, beginning April 1. They join other airlines like ATA and Spirit in going cashless. Cash may be downgraded, but overall, and many will miss the choice of cash or plastic, but as an aficionado of credit cards (more miles! receipts!) this is fine with me.

Upgraded: European airline merger fever!
The open skies treaty’s passage on the European side of the Atlantic is sparking chatter of mergers and acquisitions. British Airways has expressed interest in bmi, Lufthansa is peeking around Iberia, bmi, and Alitalia, and Virgin Atlantic has supposedly been poking around the continent’s airlines as well. No trans-Atlantic mergers rumored quite yet.

Upgraded: Lufthansa lounges
Lufthansa is spending $130 million worldwide to upgrade its airport lounges, which are already pretty decent. U.S. airlines’ lounges, already a sad also-ran in the global lounge wars, will seem even more outdated and under-serviced.

Downgraded: Singapore Airlines’ frequent flyer program
It’s not just U.S.-based carriers who seem hell-bent on reducing benefits for their frequent flyers. The Global Traveller bemoans the latest changes in Singapore Airlines’ KrisFlyer program.

Upgraded: Luxury hotel brands’ geographic reach
Looking for a Ritz-Carlton or other high-end hotel? It’s getting easier. The luxe chains are spreading to second- and third-tier cities.

Upgraded: Regulation
Travel companies, from cruise ships to airlines, haven’t done a sufficiently good job of self-regulating, so here come the regulators! Beyond the PBOR, we’re seeing moves toward regulating the cruise industry as well as airlines. The pressure to re-regulate is snowballing.

Upgraded: Your stinky wardrobe
Brilliant! A charcoal garment bag that deodorizes your stinky clothes. (Via Dethroner)

Upgraded: Airport bathrooms
Coming soon to Raleigh-Durham Airport: Better bathrooms! Wider/longer stalls let you keep your stuff in sight. But this has me scratching my head: “Tilted mirrors will be placed above the urinals so men can keep an eye on computer cases even as they’re going about their business.” Won’t these mirrors provide others with a great show, too? I’ll settle for cleaner bathrooms, as a start.

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Upgraded, eventually: Plane cleanliness on Delta
Investigative journalism at its finest: The NYT reports that planes aren’t cleaned as often as they used to be. What a surprise! Delta was letting as long as 18 months pass — instead of the traditional 30 days — between deep cleanings of its planes. Thankfully, Delta is going back to monthly cleanings. Hooray for the status quo.

Upgraded: Cheap fares between London and Hong Kong
Startup Oasis International Airlines, previously mentioned here, is officially starting service between London and Hong Kong at deep, deep discounts. $130 each way in coach, $850 in business, taxes extra. Great fare.

Upgraded, barely: United.com
United.com, long overdue for an update, is live beta-testing its new site. The changes are incremental, and nothing new for other airlines’ customers, but still mostly positive. Welcome to 1999! Positive changes: award search is better, with a full-month award availability chart, and you can change seats for booked flights. Negatives: You can seemingly only buy UA-coded flights, and the award booking engine still doesn’t cover partner airlines. Yawn.

Downgraded: Lounges at LAX
The couches and cocktail tables have given way for the wrecking ball. Lounges in the Tom Bradley international terminal at LAX were demolished, and all airlines’ customers are being herded into temporary mega-lounges (one for first, one for business). Moo.

Upgraded: Airline snack resources
Looking for more information about the minimal snacks on board flights these days? You’re in luck. CheapFlights has collected the price of ham sandwiches and gin-and-tonics on European airlines. Compare and save. And if you prefer the free bags of peanuts, pretzels, or snack mix, then you’re in luck. Someone has a review site devoted to these little freebies. Viva the internets.
(via Road Gladiator)

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Upgraded: Economy Snacks on American Airlines, at a Price
American Airlines will start testing a new program this week — and ONLY this week — to sell snacks in flight. Flights between Dallas and LAX, Dallas and Miami, and JFK and San Francisco are included in the test. Klondike Movie Bites ice cream, Otis Spunkmeyer Chocolate Chunk Cookies, Lay’s Stax Crisps or Twix ‘4 To Go’ candy bars will run you $3. Dannon bottled water (how many ounces??) will be $2 per bottle. Cookies, etc., fine. I wonder if the $2 bottle of water was devised before the latest airport security rules were relaxed. Not sure how many people will bite. Can’t you just get a cup or two poured for you for free?

Downgraded even more: The Ryanair Experience
Sensory overload! Ryanair is adding advertisements on the underside of the tray tables, so you’ll be staring at the ad for the duration of the flight. Yay. It just keeps getting classier. (via The Cranky Flier)

Upgraded: Continental’s Reputation
Boston’s Logan Airport wanted to make a buck by providing wi-fi access and charging everyone for it. Problem was, Continental’s clubs already provided wi-fi for free. The airport tried to shut down the free connection, but Continental resisted, took it to the FCC, and won. Hats off to Continental for defending the interests of their customers. (And if you want free wi-fi, hang out near the Continental Presidents Club and try to pick up a signal…)

Buying a one-day pass is just one of five ways to lounge in airports. But for one-day passes, this is relatively cheap. A nice feature is that it’s valid for the whole day, at all club locations, and not just for one entry.

Related:
- Promo codes: 10% off US Airways first class; 5% off economy
- Don’t overpay for lounge access. Not even for the Amazing Beer Machine.
- How to lounge in airports

(image: gratuitous image of a US Airways pilot’s retirement cake, via Penny’s Cakes)

First, this item caught my attention:

Travis Mason-Bushman, a 22-year-old journalism student at California’s Contra Costa College, plunked down his own money to belong to the United Airlines and US Airways clubs to make life easier for his weekend public relations job with a sports car racing team. [...] “My memberships [$500 for Red Carpet and $375 for US Airways] are a small price to pay, considering all the time I spend in airline terminals. I cross the country about 15 times a year.”

You’re paying twice for the same thing, Travis. United and US Airways have a reciprocal lounge agreement, which allows members of one club to use the other for free. United’s Red Carpet Club members automatically get US Airways club access; US Airways Club members can upgrade their base membership for $120 to include United club access. I just saved you $375, Travis.

…and come to think of it, why is Travis paying $500 for the Red Carpet Club anyway? If he’s flying that many miles, he’s got to be getting an elite-member discount.

Second, a lot of airport lounges really aren’t all that great. Nicer than the terminal, maybe. But there can be tradeoffs. Like a “no outside food inside the club” rule. Or big variations in the facilities: there are four Red Carpet Clubs at Chicago O’Hare, but one of them (near gate B18) doesn’t even have a bathroom. (Somehow, it feels a lot less exclusive when you have to leave the lounge to pee.) Anyone buying a $50 day pass to use that facility is out of their mind.

It’s really when you leave the U.S. that lounges become a real treat. Nice spreads of prepared food, and not just carrot sticks and crackers. Not as many TVs running everywhere. A better selection of newspapers and magazines. Complimentary beverages of all kinds, and not just soft drinks. (Tokyo-Narita’s Red Carpet Club even has the Amazing Beer Machine!) No drink coupon silliness for elites or premium cabin travelers. (To my knowledge, of the US carriers, only Continental still has complimentary bar service in their domestic clubs. — Update: According to Tucano in comments, drinks are free in Delta’s clubs, too.)

If you’re flying to an airport and you have several lounge options, check LoungeGuide.net first. It’s an airport lounge review wiki, so it’s based on user reviews. (So the amount of detail and the quality of the reviews varies.) The site currently lists 322 lounges around the world. That’s far from complete, but it’s a start.

Update: Click below to see a video of the Tokyo-Narita beer machine in action!

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But how do you get into these areas behind the smoky glass and the “members only” sign out front?

There are basically five ways in:

1) Buy a membership.
I know, I know, it’s just too obvious. Anyone willing to pony up cash can join an airlines’ club, with membership usually lasting a year. Cost varies by airline, and some have reciprocal agreements with other airlines’ clubs, often in the same alliance. Fees top out around $500 per your, with discounts for frequent flyers. (You may be able to pay with miles.)

2) Fly a lot, or on expensive tickets.
Being a really frequent flyer is one way in. Some airlines, such as Delta, have given top elite frequent flyers a one-year complimentary membership in their clubs, accessible worldwide. (This perk is being phased out, but other airlines have similar deals.) Other airlines, like those in the Star Alliance, offer their Gold-level elites and one guest free admission to the club on days when they’re traveling internationally. Some smaller airports (e.g., Harrisburg, Pennsylvania) have small lounges that welcome elite members of any airline. Finally, first class and business class passengers generally have admission to the clubs on the day of their flight.

3) Buy a single-use pass
If space is available, walk in the front door of the club and request a day pass. It’s not cheap — $25 or $50, usually — but it’s a convenient pay-as-you-go option. Beware that they likely won’t sell these passes on days you need it most, such as when an airport closes for hours on end due to bad weather, to avoid overcrowding. If you’re traveling to or within the UK, Holiday Extras or ACP will happily sell you a day pass online. Alternatively, LoungePass is a third-party site that pre-arranges single-use passes for a (limited) range of international airports. The prices vary, but they’re comparable to the airlines’ own pricing. (LoungePass uses GBP as a standard currency.) Compare before you buy.

4) Join a program that offers entry across various airlines.
There are membership programs out there that aren’t tied to specific airline, which allow entry into lounges worldwide. The biggest one is Priority Pass, which offers 450 lounges in its network. They offer three tiers of membership, with the highest tier allowing unlimited access to eligible lounges for $399. If you travel with one airline, you may be better off joining that airline’s club. Also, note that not all lounges are necessarily conveniently located for your flight. If you’re flying on American from Chicago O’Hare, the Delta and Continental lounges which are in the PriorityPass network are a distant walk from your gates. Nonetheless, it’s a long list of lounges.

5) Check with your credit card.
DinersClub and American Express Platinum and Centurion cardholders may be able to get into lounges by flashing their plastic. Amex gives their top US-based cardholders free access to clubs run by SkyTeam members Continental, Delta, or Northwest. Some international cardholders instead get access to the aforementioned PriorityPass network. Check with your local Amex office. DinersClub, now a part of Citibank, runs or subcontracts their own clubs. US locations are limited, but some international options exist.