Every so often, a rant about travel comes across so wrong-headed that it deserves to be held under the microscope for scrutiny. Charles DeLaFuente, one of the New York Times’ in-house stable of journalist-bloggers, wins that honor thanks to a recent post. It’s notable for its misguided attempt to assign blame for a travel mishap to all parties other than himself. But nonetheless, travelers, airports, and airlines can all learn from his account, both before and after his flight.

DeLaFuente and his family missed a JetBlue flight at Newark Airport. He blamed the airport’s (and airline’s) lack of sufficient signage to help him find his gate:

Jet Blue has two gates in a concourse also used by Continental, but only Continental has signs at the security area that leads to its seven gates in Terminal A, along with monitors showing the departures from them. Jet Blue has nothing there to alert passengers that its gates lie in that concourse, too.

Granted, I would have seen the Jet Blue counter and the monitors showing gates 21 and 22 if I had entered the terminal on the upper level, where anyone dropped off by private car or taxi, or with bags to check, would normally arrive.

But many passengers enter at the terminal’s ground level, where shuttle buses stop. And if, like me, they have no bags to check, they go up the escalators and emerge at the security checkpoint without ever passing the Jet Blue check-in counter. That’s where it can get confusing. There are three concourses in the terminal. Behind which one do the Jet Blue gates lie?

When I read this, I thought, “You have to be kidding me.” Newark’s terminal A is divided like a split level house. The upper level is a short, half-level escalator ride from the level where you enter security. If there were no flight monitors immediately visible (…aren’t they also at security?), then a few steps up the escalator, and voila.

This photo appears to be from the C-terminal, if I’m not mistaken, but the basic architecture is the same, and should gives you a sense of the distance involved between the top (check-in) and middle (security/gates) levels at Newark:

And when you reach the top of the escalator on the check-in level, there are monitors listing the flights (this image is from Terminal A):

So, I’m sorry, it’s really not that hard to find your flight’s gate at Newark.

But DeLaFuente’s rant gets worse:

I arrived at the terminal with my teenage son and daughter about 30 minutes before flight time, then spent about 10 minutes searching for the right concourse and maybe 10 minutes waiting in the security line.

Hold on: DeLaFuente left himself only 30 minutes from the moment of arrival to the moment of departure? At Newark? When he didn’t know where he was going?

Sure, the airlines will tell you to arrive early and to leave abundant time for your flight. And there are plenty of us who leave less time than the recommended 1 hour+ cushion, especially if we know the airport well. (The TSA’s security line wait time estimator is unfortunately down for the time being, though when it’s up, it can be of help in planning things, too.) But 30 minutes at Newark, one of America’s busiest airports, is begging for trouble. I’ve spent nearly that long in security lines there.

To his credit, DeLaFuente raises a few valid points. Jetblue could have been nice and let him standby for the next flight without charging him extra, instead of upcharging him. Their customer relations staff should have written back to him when he sent a certified letter of complaint to their CEO (which was the wrong way to escalate a complaint, but that’s another issue…). And Newark Airport and Jetblue should, yes, consider placing monitors differently, or in more places.

But I find it nearly impossible to show sympathy for someone who arrives 30 minutes before departure from Newark, isn’t capable of taking an escalator up a half flight of stairs, and won’t take any responsibility for his actions.

Upgraded: Knowing what to do when you’re traveling for the holidays
Before you head to the airport, consider this post on five ways to get an edge on other travelers during the holiday season. The TSA has also published an updated list of do’s and don’t's for bringing items through security, which includes references to the infamous issue of pies. Don’t let anyone say you weren’t warned.

Downgraded: Your health in the sky
Contracted H1N1 or another nasty contagion? Got travel plans? Unless you’ve got good travel insurance, be prepared to pay a fee if you want to change you flights if you’re sick. From several reports (see here and here), it’s clear that being contagious doesn’t make you any less desirable aboard America’s airlines. Medical waivers be damned! Give them your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to cough up a lung onto their seatmates. It guess that’s freedom.

Upgraded: Regulation of frequent flier miles?
Senator Chuck Schumer of New York is pushing for an inquiry into frequent flier programs, with particular attention to the phenomenon of expiring miles. Airlines, of course, argue that an inquiry is unnecessary by the government in the affairs of private business. Much like Congress is looking to regulate credit card fees and other business practices of the banks, this could get interesting.

Downgraded: Lufthansa intra-European economy seating
Lufthansa is shrinking the legroom in its economy cabin on shorter flights within Europe, to jam in more people. Thankfully, they’re leaving the big birds that fly across the oceans as they are, for now.

Upgraded: Communing with animals while you travel
A man with 15 lizards strapped to his chest was caught at LAX. For those keeping score, it was two geckos, two monitor lizards (!) and 11 skinks.

(image)

Redbox, the company that sets up DVD rental machines at supermarkets, drugstores, and convenience stores, has quietly been adding their machines at airports. For the same $1 per day rental fee, travelers can pick up a movie in one airport, watch the movie on the plane, and return the disc at any Redbox, at the airport or not.

Nashville, Milwaukee, and Grand Rapids have had them already for several months. Boston and Cincinnati were just added. Some airports have them before security; some have them both before and after security.

It’s a brilliant idea. Cheap last-minute inflight entertainment for those bringing a laptop or a portable DVD player. (Of course, you’ll need a device that plays a DVD (most netbooks don’t have an optical drive anymore) and if you plan ahead you might have something else at the ready.) And make sure your batteries are fully charged.

The company is also making deals with in-airport concessions. For example, at Cincinnati’s airport, buying a popcorn and soda combo at a vendor called Buckeyes & Bluegrass yields you a free DVD rental code. Expect more tie-ins like this.

My biggest beef with Redbox (which I’ve only accessed at my supermarket, not while traveling) has been the selection. Yes, they have some recent films, but there is too much straight-to-DVD junk in their inventory. I hope their airport locations have a more desirable selection, and remain well-stocked.

Some light fare for a Friday afternoon… When I was a college student in New Jersey, a local band called the Bouncing Souls played the clubs (and even a few house parties). I’m glad to see that nearly 20 years later, they’re not only still making music, but finding inspiration for their songs in the TSA.

So without further ado, the song and video “Airport Security”:

Downgraded: The view on AirTran
While US Airways has long had ads on the tops of their tray tables, which you only see if you pull the tray down, AirTran is going a step further and pasting ads on the undersides — the side you see during takeoff and landing, when those traytables are in their “upright and locked position.” The Ryanairification of American air travel is nearly complete. Stay classy!

Downgraded: Premium seats on Qantas
Qantas is cutting the number of premium seats. No surprises there.

Upgraded: A380 first class seats
The Global Traveller has flown the A380 on Singapore, Qantas, and Emirates, and offers a comparison of all three products. Well played, sir. Well played.

Downgraded: Airbus A380, not so premium
In direct contrast to the previous item, how about an A380 equipped with 840 seats? Air Austral, which travels between La Réunion in the Indian Ocean and Paris, has ordered two single-class A380s, jam-packed with passengers.

Upgraded: Tokyo
Forget Paris, New York, San Francisco, London, Chicago… Tokyo gets the nod for the city with the most top Michelin-starred restaurants.

Downgraded: Flying into de facto lava fields
Horrible event, but a great headline: “Plane Misses Runway, Lands in Lava“… The accident occurred in Goma, Congo, where the runway was cut in half by the lava flow from a 2002 volcanic eruption. Apparently, there were a few injuries, but thankfully no deaths.

Downgraded: Amex cards’ point/mile programs
Want to earn the miles or points from an affinity credit card purchase? Be sure to pay the bill on time. American Express is withholding the points if the cardholder doesn’t pay the bill by the due date. Customers forfeit the points, unless they pay a $29 reinstatement fee, in addition to late charges and interest. This isn’t just Amex: JPMorgan Chase has a similar policy with their United Visa. Expect this to be the norm. And try to pay that bill on time.

In October, United announced that they were moving to an “unlimited” upgrade system from their electronic certificate system. But as readers chimed in, one of the biggest complaints came from top-tier 1K members. The quarterly allotment of confirmed upgrades within North America was going away, and with that, a big perk of upgrade security.

United must have gotten a lot of complaints, as they’re reinstating the so-called “regional” upgrades:

1K® members will continue to earn Regional Upgrades
Sometimes no change is good news. After our last announcement, we heard from our 1K members how much they value their Regional Upgrades. To thank them for their ongoing loyalty, we’ve decided to continue issuing Regional Upgrades to 1Ks, even after the Unlimited Domestic Upgrades program launches.

That gives top-tier elites the best of both worlds: A reserved upgrade if booked in advance (and if United releases seats for upgrade early…) and the top of the free-upgrade list if they’re sweating it out at the gate.

And entry-level elites don’t really lose anything here. The 1Ks would be ahead of them in line, anyway.

—

Separately, United and Continental announced that reciprocal “unlimited” upgrade privileges will roll out in mid-2010. No word yet on what the hierarchy will be; I assume that, in a tie, UA 1Ks will still outrank CO platinums…

And on the semi-upgrade front: Continental elites will also have free access to the Economy Plus section on United flights — a privilege which United hasn’t been extending to other Star Alliance partner travelers.