Downgraded: Backscatter “strip search” x-ray machines
The European Union Parliament has slammed the backscatter x-ray systems first rolled out in Phoenix. Why? The grainy nudity! “The scanners ‘have a serious impact on the fundamental rights of citizens,’ the lawmakers said in a resolution adopted by 361 votes to 16, with 181 abstentions.” (That’s a whole lotta abstentions!) The machines are already in use in the Netherlands. (In the Red Light Airport District?) Who would have thought that the European Union would make a stand for less bodily exposure?

Upgraded: The death of Ted
United is slowly winding down its ill-fated Ted sub-airline. The planes will be incorporated back into the United mainline fleet, just one closet and one galley lighter. Cranky has the breakdown. More fun maps for SeatGuru to draw up…

Downgraded: Chorizo smugglers
A woman attempting to smuggle chorizo across the border from Mexico to the United States was foiled when a Customs and Border Protection officer took a closer look at the “dirty diapers” the sausage was wrapped in. The woman “was fined $300 and her chorizo was seized.” Avoid chorizo seizure when traveling, my friends. (Thanks, Robert!)