Short hops — Wi-fi two ways, jet lag starvation, and expletives!
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American fires up the inflight internet
American Airlines is rolling out a consumer test of Aircell’s inflight internet service. But have no fear, Skype will be blocked, so no “Guess where I am? On a plane! A plane!” conversations.
Chrysler fires up the in-car internet
Wi-fi on planes is one thing. But in your car? Yep. Chrysler is putting wireless internet access into its 2009 cars. At the same time that many states are requiring handsfree devices for cellphone conversations, Chrysler wants you to surf the web??
No Ted? No service!
Cutting flights and service is widespread, across airilnes. But now that United has killed its Ted subsidiary, they’re pulling out of Ted cities entirely. For example, Fort Lauderdale and West Palm Beach are cut.
Sipping from Galley Springs
With airlines starting to charge $2 for a bottle of water inflight, the Environmental Protection Agency is turning its attention to the tap water in the tanks. 15% of tested aircraft had coliform bacteria in the tanks. Yum! But even if testing of water is more frequent, drink it at your own risk.
Starve yourself into the proper time zone!
There are a thousand jet lag remedies. Make it 1001: Don’t eat for 16 hours to reset your circadian clock. Skip the airline meal, and then some. Anyone want to field-test this one?
But what about the female business-class passenger?
Ryanair wants to fly across the Atlantic, and they plan to introduce a business glass. And yes, it will include, ahem, complimentary male sexual gratification. What?? Cranky has the video of the announcement, with a tortured German translator incapable of repeating what Ryanair chief O’Leary is saying. Come to think of it, I’m not actually repeating it either. But I’ll help out the translator: The German verb for the act in question is “blasen.”
Speaking of expletives…
A few weeks ago, Southwest pretty much summed up their competition by publishing a “coupon” in the Wall Street Journal that read “Dont #$*!% Me Over!” That about sums it up. Now, what would Ryanair’s international business class coupon look like?…
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June 26th, 2008 at 11:54 pm |
I could try the starvation tip as I fly to South Africa Sunday, but I probably won’t. It’s an 18 hour flight from Atlanta. Of course, if I don’t get my upgrade, I may be forced to do it.
Won’t make my wife happy either, as she definitely has a business class seat. Platinum Medallion, and she’s almost qualified again for Platinum Medallion in six months time.
I’m still looking forward to the trip. Four weeks of vacation for me, four weeks of work for my poor wife. But she gets her husband all four weeks instead of the usual one out of four weeks.
June 27th, 2008 at 11:55 am |
Here’s the official press release from RyanAir about “Bed and _____”.
http://www.ryanair.com/site/EN/news.php?yr=08&month=jun&story=gen-en-200608
Ryanair’s ‘Beds and Blowjobs’ video clip Climaxes to No. 1 position
Most Viewed Video on You Tube
In response to huge media interest, Ryanair, Europe’s largest low fares airline, today (20 June) climbed high out of bed to reveal all for less than the price of their lowest €1 fare and came clean over the background to the ‘Bed and Blowjobs’ video clip which is now the No. 1 viewed video clip on You Tube.
The video clip features a 90 second excerpt from a Ryanair media conference that took place in Düsseldorf on Tuesday, 17th June, celebrating Ryanair’s 3M passenger at Düsseldorf (Weeze) airport.
A journalist’s query about the potential for a transatlantic service was answered, if such a service were to go ahead, there would be a very low cost economy class and the proposed high quality business class service, had the working title of ‘Beds and Blowjobs’. It appeared that no-one, not even the translator, at the media conference knew of a German translation for ‘Blowjobs’.
Speaking today, Ryanair’s Daniel de Carvalho said:
“We are delighted to see our Düsseldorf (Weeze) media conference being the most viewed video on You Tube’s Travel section. Ryanair confirmed at the press conference on 17th June that the proposed transatlantic service will have a very low cost economy cabin with seats priced from €10 one-way, and a very high quality business class, providing better service than BA or Virgin, and the working title for the business class service is ‘Beds and Blowjobs’.
Since then it is rumoured that the ‘Beds and Blowjobs’ debate comes up at most management meetings and everyone is cock sure, it would grow from strength to strength.
We are surprised that the translator did not find any German word for ‘Blowjobs’. Ryanair’s Linguistic Department will offer one free return flight to a destination of your choice, for travel from October to December (including taxes and charges) to the first Ryanair passenger translating ‘Blowjobs’ into German language”
June 27th, 2008 at 1:13 pm |
Who wouldn’t skip the airplane meal? That stuff looks frightening.