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Late for a very important date? Everyone moans about airline delays, and now the U.S. Department of Transportation is using the only language it knows will make the airlines perk up and listen: Money.

Following an investigation into consistently-late flights, the DOT has threatened to fine those airlines who are operating the worst-offending flights.

But don’t believe the hype. This is great PR for the government, making it sound like they’re really going after the delays that plague American airports. But if reports are accurate, then these “fines” are a lot of hot air: Only 26 flights meet the apparent standard for fines, by being late at least 15 minutes at least 70 percent of the time. 26. Two-six. But over 25 percent of ALL flights arrived late between January and August of 2007. 26 flights, or about 26 percent? Quite a difference.

Plus, count on the operating airlines to muck with the statistics. If flight 421 is consistently late, then they’ll change the flight number to 133 and restart the clock. Poof! Problem solved!

Fines, primetime landing fees, or other financial instruments might reduce delays, but the program as proposed isn’t going to do much for travelers.