Upgrades and Downgrades: Pizza delivery to your plane, wi-fi minibars, why airport security wants to sniff your armpits, and more

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Upgraded: Onboard pizza delivery
If you’re stuck on a plane for eight hours, the pizza is free! (While supplies last.) Yes, another airline incident, again on American Airlines, with passengers trapped on board the plane for hours on end. Been there, done that. It happened on April 24th, when a Dallas-bound 757 was diverted to Midland, Texas, but it took weeks for the news to trickle out, not even making real headlines anymore. (So when is that Passengers’ Bill of Rights making its way to the Congressional floor for a vote?…) But the reporting of the story contained this nugget that demonstrates the absurdity of the event: “Pizza was delivered, but only 50 to 70 slices, along with 30 bags of chips.” People weren’t allowed off the plane, but it was okay to order takeout?! And whom do we blame for messing up the order? Were they taking requests? If I were onboard and called in an order for barbeque, could I have had that delivered as well?

Upgraded: Ryanair’s pricing
Euroskinflint Ryanair took a consumer-friendly step in the right direction this week: The airline started quoting their prices inclusive of taxes. Considering the number of mandatory fees and taxes that are added on, that’s a significant change in policy. Good for them!

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Downgraded: jetBlue’s CEO and his many apologies
JetBlue founder and CEO David Neeleman, who took a beating for the way his airline kept passengers stuck on board its planes for hours on end back in February, may have won some sympathy for his incessant apologizing after the incident, but his board of directors fired him anyway. “Sorry” doesn’t pay the bills, I guess.

Upgraded: Hotel wi-fi…for hotel management, not you
Next time you check in to a hotel, your minibar may get better internet access than you. Hotel managers are rolling out new features that link their back office to your room via wi-fi, as well as creating in-house wi-fi powered walkie-talkie systems for staff members. In other words, yes, they’ll use wi-fi to keep tabs on your minibar, but they’ll continue to charge you $10.95 a day for you to access your e-mail from your room. Lovely.

Upgraded: Deodorant
If your armpits have that certain je-ne-sais-quoi after you lug your rollaboard around for a few hours, then the TSA may soon try to register you in a database of travelers’ odors. I’m not entirely kidding. Wired reports that the federal government’s Technical Support Working Group is soliciting proposals for a system designed to collect human scents and record them in a database “for future use to track a specified target.” For civil libertarians seeking to avoid detection, the solution is simple: Start dousing yourself with other people’s sweat. “Freedom sweat,” anyone?

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6 Responses to “Upgrades and Downgrades: Pizza delivery to your plane, wi-fi minibars, why airport security wants to sniff your armpits, and more”

  1. Benet Wilson says:

    On the pizza item, I just have a pile of questions — bear with me, I am the airports and security editor for a reason!

    1. How did they get the pizzas past security?
    2. if they can deliver pizzas onboard an aircraft, why not use that same mode to offload people to the terminal to at least make them more comfortable?
    3. Why piss people off further by not even ordering enough for everyone onboard?

    It’s stuff like this that just gives momentum to a Passenger Bill of Rights that I fail to see how things would really improve.

  2. James says:

    Maybe the pizza ovens in Midland, Texas couldn’t crank out the large pies quickly enough?

    Re: #1, pizza isn’t a liquid, is it? (Though I have had some pretty greasy pizza in my day…) I assume each pie was dutifully scanned for explosive pepperoni.

  3. Mark Ashley says:

    Benet and James: Indeed. Just when you think there can’t be any more absurdity, they find a way to ratchet it up a notch.

  4. Vagabondish | This Week in Offbeat Travel - May 19, 2007 says:

    […] USA Today has announced that RyanAir will now be quoting their pricing inclusive of taxes and mandatory fees. Truth in advertising? It can’t be! (Hat tip: Upgrade: Travel Better) […]

  5. Jay says:

    Pizza Hut has airport locations, probably just called it in, Flight Attendants went to pick it up.

    No problem with security there, only if on tarmac so they must have been at gate. And since airlines “push back” from gate from on-time departure, it doesn’t mean they will arrive on time.

  6. Be careful not to touch anything at the Wynn Las Vegas » Upgrade: Travel Better says:

    […] Related: - The hotel minibar is dead! Long live the hotel minibar! - Upgrades and Downgrades: Pizza delivery to your plane, wi-fi minibars, why airport security wants to… […]

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