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Upgraded: Onboard pizza delivery
If you’re stuck on a plane for eight hours, the pizza is free! (While supplies last.) Yes, another airline incident, again on American Airlines, with passengers trapped on board the plane for hours on end. Been there, done that. It happened on April 24th, when a Dallas-bound 757 was diverted to Midland, Texas, but it took weeks for the news to trickle out, not even making real headlines anymore. (So when is that Passengers’ Bill of Rights making its way to the Congressional floor for a vote?…) But the reporting of the story contained this nugget that demonstrates the absurdity of the event: “Pizza was delivered, but only 50 to 70 slices, along with 30 bags of chips.” People weren’t allowed off the plane, but it was okay to order takeout?! And whom do we blame for messing up the order? Were they taking requests? If I were onboard and called in an order for barbeque, could I have had that delivered as well?

Upgraded: Ryanair’s pricing
Euroskinflint Ryanair took a consumer-friendly step in the right direction this week: The airline started quoting their prices inclusive of taxes. Considering the number of mandatory fees and taxes that are added on, that’s a significant change in policy. Good for them!

Downgraded: jetBlue’s CEO and his many apologies
JetBlue founder and CEO David Neeleman, who took a beating for the way his airline kept passengers stuck on board its planes for hours on end back in February, may have won some sympathy for his incessant apologizing after the incident, but his board of directors fired him anyway. “Sorry” doesn’t pay the bills, I guess.

Upgraded: Hotel wi-fi…for hotel management, not you
Next time you check in to a hotel, your minibar may get better internet access than you. Hotel managers are rolling out new features that link their back office to your room via wi-fi, as well as creating in-house wi-fi powered walkie-talkie systems for staff members. In other words, yes, they’ll use wi-fi to keep tabs on your minibar, but they’ll continue to charge you $10.95 a day for you to access your e-mail from your room. Lovely.

Upgraded: Deodorant
If your armpits have that certain je-ne-sais-quoi after you lug your rollaboard around for a few hours, then the TSA may soon try to register you in a database of travelers’ odors. I’m not entirely kidding. Wired reports that the federal government’s Technical Support Working Group is soliciting proposals for a system designed to collect human scents and record them in a database “for future use to track a specified target.” For civil libertarians seeking to avoid detection, the solution is simple: Start dousing yourself with other people’s sweat. “Freedom sweat,” anyone?

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