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Business 2.0’s profile of Ryanair offers this prediction: By 2010, half its customers would fly for free.

Free? FREE??? Nothing on Ryanair is free. Break out the legalese: If, by “free,” you mean “no base airfare,” then yes, it may indeed be possible for travelers to embark on a plane without providing the airline with upfront revenue. Already, the carrier sells thousands of tickets for free, or at ridiculously low prices like 89 pence. The real cost to the traveler is much higher, once the taxes and fees are added in.

It’s enough to drive Chuck Schumer bonkers. Take a flight from London to Hamburg, April 21 to 22. First off, the flight leaves London’s Stansted Airport for Lübeck airport — not Hamburg itself. Check the map, and the taxi rates, before you buy. Plus, the ticket is not free, once fees/taxes are included. These raise the cost of the ticket from free to £27 (or US$47 at the time of this writing). Still really, really cheap. But not free.

But putting this legal mumbo jumbo aside, Ryanair will make sure your “free” ticket isn’t free with all their add-ons. Plus, they take “no frills” to the absurd. There are no windowshades. No seatback pockets. They print the safety information on the back of the seat, so there’s no card. Tighter pitch than any North American carrier. These guys make Southwest look like Singapore Airlines.

The Irish discount carrier charges money for everything. Any checked luggage? A fee. Bags weigh more than 20kg? Another fee, based on weight. Carry-ons must be below 10kg, or there’s a fee. Inflight coffee or Coca-Cola? A fee. There are no seat assignments, so they can’t charge you for that.

But my favorite forthcoming revenue stream for the airline: inflight gambling, starting in 2007. (”Ryanair: The loosest slots in the sky!”)

Ryanair chief Michael O’Leary says he wants the airline to be known as “the Wal-Mart of flying.” (Does that make Southwest the Target of flying?) Indeed, the company is wildly successful, just like Wal-Mart. But even Wal-Mart doesn’t charge for parking, plastic bags at checkout, use of shopping carts, or public toilets.

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tags: travel | air travel | Ryanair | inflight gambling