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The English-language edition of Der Spiegel has a brilliant series on surviving Germany as a non-German. The Germany Survival Bible is required reading for anyone traveling there. After many, many trips to Germany, I can verify that it’s all true.

Particularly essential: Never apologize (or expect an apology) for any bodily contact while walking. Do not expect people to stand in line properly, and be prepared to fight for your turn. I would add that you should expect your Achilles heel to be bruised after any trip to the supermarket. The person behind you is bound to shove their cart into you, with nary an apology, unless you lay into them. (And don’t forget that you have to bag your groceries yourself, and you’d better keep up with the cashier’s rapid-fire pace!)

But perhaps most importantly: Prepare yourself mentally for the uniquely German toilet, and its dreaded shelf.

Its origins are mysterious. One legend I’ve heard about the shelf is that it was designed to make it easier for people with a tapeworm to, erm, inspect the goods.

I can’t vouch for that one. But the guide to Germany’s quirks is good. If only every country’s national magazine had one.

tags: travel | culture shock | Germany | Sitzpinkel