Of course, everyone wants something for free, or something worth more than what you paid for it. Yet somehow, urban legends of the free airline upgrade are more widespread than, say, stories of paying for a Kia Rio and driving off with a Porsche Cayenne instead… or buying a bottle of Yellow Tail and drinking Chateau Petrus instead… or… you get the point.

This past weekend proved it’s still okay to perpetuate the myth that anyone, including the person who buys rock bottom coach fares and travels once a year, has the chance — nay, the right! — to a free upgrade to business or first class. We have the BBC to thank for perpetuating the myth.

Granted, it also throws in some pretty funny ideas (that didn’t work) for how to get that free upgrade:

Attempts include baking check-in staff a cake and wearing a plaster cast to fake a broken leg, according to one travel survey.

Staff at Virgin Atlantic even reportedly had one man turn up wearing a fake beard and claiming to be the brother of the airline’s chairman, Richard Branson.

Cute. The cake is a nice touch. (Would you eat a stranger’s cake?) And the beard and cast are classy. Some might even call that fraud.

To be fair, the article suggests you’re unlikely to get that upgrade, but they don’t make it seem as unlikely as it really is, and they don’t take the time to explain how most upgraders actually do it: by spending miles, elite upgrade certificates, or (increasingly commonly) cash.

The only time passengers who aren’t elite-level members of the airline’s frequent flyer program are even remotely likely to get a free upgrade is when flights are oversold. If the airline has more economy class passengers waiting to fly than they have economy class seats, then it’s cheaper for them to either bribe a few people into taking a later flight (with vouchers for future travel or cash, depending on the route) or upgrading a lucky handful. This is known as an “operational upgrade” or “op-up.”

So how do you get an op-up? Don’t count on one. Ever. If you get one, you’re really, really lucky. The airlines generally know in advance that they’re oversold, so they’ll upgrade their highest elites even before check-in.

Of course, it can’t hurt to ask, and if you do, ask nicely. Volunteering to be bumped (for compensation, naturally) might be the next best thing.

I’d leave the fake beard at home, though.